It has been ages, since I've made an update... Perhaps it's time we see something from my perspective. Oh, and have a picture of me, for shits and giggles.
The system is doing extremely well! I'll admit it hasn't been perfect, we were sick, there were quite a few emotional low points, and Leroy has had a difficult time especially, lately. We love him, dearly- but he has this... tendency to put himself in this bubble of cynicism, which he calls "realism," but we feel it is more a fear of being hopeful. After all, if you aren't looking forward to things, you can't be hurt.
That said, I myself have also been forced to look at myself- the walls I put up, how I seem to fear people viewing me as less than initial impressions. It's been... very difficult for me. However, I feel I'm starting to finally let go. I still love this system, I still take care of it, but I am human. A human who makes mistakes, who will be angry sometimes, and will be selfish sometimes- and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. That doesn't mean I've failed my job.
We also finally combated out fear of solid, lore-filled wonderlands finally. At least- a little bit, anyhow. We now have a wonderland which is more of an island-like continent, a mix of futuristic and fantasy with more rural and more bustling areas. This works very well for us and allows almost everyone to find their preferred area of it. We, for ages, worried that having it would be damaging to us, enabling people to hide in there... but something we've realized, is it was our fear of indulging in wonderland too much for fear of it being roleplay or escapism which truly limited our system, not allowing any attention to be put on someone unless they were up front. This is a good step to giving everyone the best life possible.
Speaking of, we've hit quite the odd part of our journey- Saylin having memories of spending time in wonderland, whenever she's come to front. These aren't exactly fabricated on, they're clearly also snipits that whoever was in front noticed while in front- but it's something.
[Raymond] While budding in at this out kinda pisses me off since it's like I'm condoning progress reports at godforsaketh in the AM, the whole switching talk reminded me of a thing I wanted to talk about- how switching really feels. So many people expect switching to be this magical thing where BAM, you're this entirely different person, wow everything is so new and grand and-!
It's not. Honestly, the more you settle into actually switching, I mean- sure, it's you. I can't deny it's you, but it also begins to feel so natural you might as well be your host, fronting in that same spot. Outside of what you do that'll make things different, it really won't feel different- at least for us- and I finally understand why.
It's because what happens when you switch in isn't a magic trick- you're still a part of the same brain, the same body- you're basically adding a new flavor to the milk. Sure, Strawberry Milk is definitely different from Chocolate, but it's not going to suddenly taste like say... water, or beer. It'll still be milk- likewise, you are different from your host, but there's always going to be some limitation on that because the base is still the same.
This is not to invalidate switching, or the individuality of us. If anything, we need to have a switching schedule, for reasons Saylin will discuss below- but it's important to keep your expectations realistic.
[saylin] So as Chel mentioned, the body was sick. And for that because a lot of the system kind of noped out on that (and my own stubbornness really), I fronted and took the brunt of it. We learned something important, and it's that we really, really need our system.
I did okay for a bit there, but over time I became exhausted emotionally and physically, and things just went into decline. I could barely take care of the body properly. Kai and Linus have been our main people with such responsibilities, with Kai focused more on the body's self care, and Linus focused on organizing say, our room. This often is a lose-lose situation for me- if I stay in front I'll beat myself up for not having the energy to do these things, but if Linus or Kai take over, I'll feel ashamed that I couldn't do it myself.
I'll admit, it makes me feel sad at times, but the system insists I'm a bit too hard on myself in that regard and do better as a primary front than I think.
I'll see that perhaps in time, though for now I'll be honest- it doesn't feel like it.