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paracosmic

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  1. 16/01/17 | Day 001: In The Beginning Just wrapped up my first session. It only lasted a half an hour, really not as long as I would've liked, but I had a busy day and had to start later than planned. I pictured myself in a room that I've been working on for the past couple of days. It started out pretty basic but gradually became more detailed. The room is small, just a simple square shape, with peeling paint and old creaking floor boards, although every inch of the floor was covered with an a bunch of blankets. On top was a twin-size mattress, which I was sitting on. I tried hard to focus on myself, what it'd actually be like, sitting there. I even pictured my clothes, down to my purple socks, although most of these details got a lot fuzzier as I got further into the session. Since I don't really want to commit to a form yet, I decided to place them on the other side of the door and we spoke like that. Has anyone else done something like that? Is it a good idea? Anyway. Truth be told, I felt really self-conscious once I began. But I spoke up, said hello and introduced myself. I got a response, if a rather lacklustre one. I asked their name, didn't get a response. I told them a few things about myself and I went on for a bit, eventually I started listing my favourite colours. Pretty daft, but it got me my first response of substance: "You like to talk, huh?" Talking got easier after that, although they were still not offering up much. So I started talking about intent, why I was there and what I was trying to do. I was upfront, I said I wanted to create a companion. Maybe this is my own negativity seeping in and parroting, but it seemed a lot like they were trying to talk me out of doing it. Anyone have any thoughts on that? Either way, they didn't seem very enthusiastic about it. So I shared some of the things that I like about existing that I'd like to share with them. We started making progress here, but I don't think I convinced them entirely. The last thing I tried before I left was sharing some music from an album I've been listening to. I ran a song in my head for us both to hear and then we sang it, doing a line each. It was fun for me, but I'm not sure what they thought. Maybe not their genre. One thing I should say that I'd like some input on: when I was reading guides on personality, one idea I came across a lot was that you should have some idea on who you want your tulpa to be going in. It's something I was kinda averse to, I felt like I just wanted them to develop naturally, another reason I didn't want to give them a form right away. I'll admit to being frustrated with one answer responses, but it wouldn't really be a problem if I knew it'd have results later. Is this a counter productive way to go about it? Should I actually try and come up with ideas for personality? But despite all that, I really enjoyed my first session. It felt very relaxing, therapeutic and fun, although I felt a bit like I was talking to a brick wall times. One thing I'm anxious to try is narration, which will probably be the bulk of tomorrow's forcing as I'll be on public transport for some time. More than happy to hear any comments and thanks to anyone who can help with my questions.
  2. I know, right? It's something I've thought about before. I think the difference is that visualisation is a conscious, deliberate effort that takes concentration whereas maladaptive daydreaming (when I do it anyway) is instantaneous and works best when I'm moving around or doing some menial task. I've tried making the images clearer when daydreaming before and it completely killed the momentum and took the fun out of it. I just really hope this doesn't effect my ability to force.
  3. [align=left]15/02/2017 | Day 000: Preamble Hey everybody. Just a quick introduction and some background information, since I’m going to be setting up shop here. My name is James and I don’t have a tulpa to introduce yet, although hopefully that’s going to change soon. As a child I always wanted an imaginary friend but I could just never make it work. Then in my early adolescence I started becoming unhealthily immersed in daydreams, something I still haven’t entirely shaken off. But the big difference there is that the daydreams operated like little films, they never involved me and I never tried to include myself or interact with the characters. I first found out about tulpas and joined the forums last December, although I’m just now returning after a month-long crisis of bad faith. Unfortunately a defeatist attitude and needless worrying, over some reasonable but mostly silly things, got the better of me (all the horror stories out there about tulpas gone wrong didn’t help) and I decided to put the idea on hold until I could come back to it with optimistic eyes again. I guess that’s where I am now because I’ve been looking into it again for about the past week and the usual creeping uncertainty isn’t there. I just feel excited, like I did when I first found out about tulpas. So I just decided to run with it. One thing I was still thinking about once I decided not to proceed with making a tulpa was the concept of wonderlands. My head started spinning when I found out about these, because one of my favourite things is imagining settings and coming up with the people who live there. So I started coming up with all these big elaborate ideas for my wonderland but I hit a bit of brick wall when I realized I have really bad visualization skills and that I probably couldn’t do something on that scale yet. So in the meantime I’ve been practicing with a single room, and I’ll branch out once my skills have improved. I have a lot more things to say but I'll save it for now. The plan is to begin forcing tomorrow, to do it every day for at least half an hour and to keep a log of my experiences, because I can’t even try a new brand of toothpaste without keeping a record of it somewhere. If anyone has any questions or something to share, please go on ahead. Can't wait to get started![/align]
  4. (My apologies if something along these lines has already been asked, I searched and couldn't find anything.) First things first, I do not have a tulpa right now as I still feel like I’ve got some research left to do before making one, but am hoping to start trying very soon. I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder but it has never caused any kind of psychosis and I am medicated for it. Around the age of nine or ten my mental health started taking a sharp turn down and began daydreaming excessively. I had this world and these characters in my head and I would imagine their interactions in my head while pacing around my room for hours at a time. I never inserted myself into these stories and I knew very well they weren’t real; I was just more interested in watching them than being in the real world. I know this might not sound that big a deal but when it was at its worst (which was most of the time) I couldn’t get any work done, interact with anyone or stand still and think about something else for longer than ten, fifteen minutes. After I got my diagnosis and was medicated around the age of seventeen, I started getting it under control and while I still do it regularly, it’s much healthier, in smaller doses and even kinda productive. But like with a lot of mental health problems, there’s still that feeling that I’m just on an upswing and things will start getting worse any minute now. Anyway. I found out about tulpas from a friend at the beginning of the month and have wanted to make one ever since. But when I followed up with the friend who introduced me, he said he decided not to make one himself because he thought he was too mentally fragile and that with my own history, there’s no way in hell I should make one either. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it as a negative until he said that. He said that he’s just worried that it’ll consume my life the way my daydreaming used to and now I’m worried too. So what I think I’m asking here is: has anyone here created a tulpa while living with a mental disorder and did it go well, what precautions would you recommend I take and do you think it might be dangerous for someone who’s struggled with excessive daydreaming specifically?
  5. Hey all, the name's James, new user dropping in to say hello. I'm nineteen, a Scot and a student with a strong interest in creating things within the imagination. I mostly express this through writing (not really storytelling, I tend to write my ideas up like a Wiki page) and I actually have pretty poor visualization skills. I found out about tulpas from a friend earlier this month and was immediately intrigued. I tried making one right off the bat without having done much research and, thankfully, I didn't get very far. I'm excited to start but I want to be prepared and have a good understanding of what I'm trying to do. So, right now I'm just here to take my time and learn everything I can. I look forward to getting to know everyone.
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