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Reisen

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    Moon Rabbit ~ Love Bunny

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    Hi! I'm Reisen. Just Reisen now, the others have their own accounts (they used to use this one)

    My host is Luminesce, and we've been around for a while. Flandre, Tewi and I since ~2009-2010, and Lucilyn since April 17th 2015. But she's grown a whole lot in that time a lot faster than us, so we're all on the same level of.. being tulpas?

    Any time you see us post on our own accounts, we're switched in (we don't proxy or possess). Tewi and Lucilyn switch most often for their own reasons, while Flandre and I usually do so at Lumi's request (generally just to be active).

    Our system's profiles:
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/5878-luminesce/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/10075-tewi/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/10072-flandre/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/10074-lucilyn/

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  1. Pretty standard stuff if you stop hyper-analyzing - what makes someone approachable? I'd say, being positive/happy and not showing any sign that they're being critical of you, being both receptive to talk and also speaking.. what's the word, I want to say receptive again lol - saying things and saying them in a way that makes someone feel comfortable/low-stakes. Well, that's just the word "approachable" huh? And of course, pretty much any weirdness in appearance or behavior is minus points for approachable-ness. How to do those things is of course trickier, since to those who embody it most it comes naturally to without any thought. Or well, I think people like those super kind nurses/aides might be making an effort to be very positive, receptive and calming, so "natural" or not maybe it does involve some effort sometimes. I suppose it's something you could just learn to do naturally though. How that translates to a club, well, we're probably the worst qualified people to talk about "club life" lol. Assuming you're not talking about like school/college clubs, where the answer is "Just be a human being and express interest in things" lol We don't plan to create any more system members, specifically because we don't feel we can give everyone in the system enough time as-is and adding anyone else would make that problem worse. (If you meant until someone else switched, you have a very odd idea of who fronts the most lol, because Flandre and especially me are who front the least in our system) Oh, well I've been fronting for several weeks right now for probably the first time ever, but that's a unique scenario - my systemmates were hoping that I could guide the brain in the right direction during these last couple ketamine sessions, you know, with a lighter/more optimistic mood and thoughts and all. I think it's been working even! I forgot to mention before that I'm actually fine with switching out now because I feel like last night's success was sort of "accomplishing my goal for this time"
  2. I mean.. We really didn't want to write about ketamine yet. It would be nice to sum up everything in a single referenceable post I think, but we're not ready to. I can copy-paste what we sent to our friends Discord server a month ago though I guess, if you really want - But that was a month ago and our feelings on if it's helping have changed somewhat, so I don't feel especially good about leaving it at that! Give us another couple months at least, change takes time
  3. Lava is probably a no-go lol. Flandre had to go through "dealing with running liquids" training in Touhou 17.5 But, Flandre's ability is literally to reach out and grab the "eye" of something as she calls it and crush it in her hand, causing the thing to explode While vampires are incredibly strong, that has nothing to do with her ability (She once destroyed a meteor that was on a collision course with the Scarlet Devil Mansion while it was not particularly close) When it comes to fighting Flandre, it is essentially "Are you still okay even if your physical body is completely obliterated".... Except in Touhou 17.5 where she manages to destroy an invincible person's greedy spirit. So maybe Flandre's getting a little stronger in recent times..
  4. Well, we'll feel better talking about things once they've worked for us long-term, since things tend to not actually work for us. In this tentative case, I found something on a productive subject that I just barely had enough will to do (well, a whole string of easy things from there), and it segued into actually productive dense reading for a few hours (after which I felt pretty motivated to actually work on the thing too, a far cry from the motivation-depressive mood of wanting to do nothing whatsoever at the start) But, I don't know how replicable that is (for us), I don't know if there will always be "easy productive" things to do (the previous couple days I'd been watching introductory Youtube videos in roughly the same way and that didn't lead to anything really), and the only reason I'd call it a success on being productive really is that I felt open to doing work at the end, because otherwise, just reading a lot isn't necessarily that hard so as to go "Look at all the work I successfully did!" But, maybe there's positive answers to all those lol, we just don't know yet Well, Touhou's Tewi has the ability to grant luck to humans, while Reisen has the ability to manipulate wavelengths which allows her to do a huge variety of things.. ... And Flandre's ability is "To destroy absolutely anything", lol And Suwako is a god whose existence relies only on gathered faith and not a physical form (and her ability is to control "earthiness" (she can swim through the ground for example), and also the mishaguji (curse gods) listen to her for some reason) All Touhou characters (aside from human villagers) can fly, and the youkai specifically are innately more powerful than humans, and vampires (so, Flandre) are among the physically strongest and fastest youkai by quite a bit. So it's a good thing none of us consider ourselves to be the actual Touhou characters! I actually almost mentioned that for the first few months after we were able to switch all-day and sleep, that at least 50% of the time, it felt like we could choose who would be switched in when we woke up. It was like we were given a player select, but the initially highlighted player was whoever had been switched in when we went to sleep, but we could choose to swap if we wanted, lol. That we remember pretty well so it must've lasted we'll assume a few months, though I will say that it hasn't been the case in many many years now and we just cleanly wake up as us (though it's not like we couldn't choose to switch during hypnopompia, it'd be more like our character was already selected and we had to back out to character select :P) It's weird to go around telling switching tulpas "Don't get stuck please", that doesn't ever really happen and, with the nature of tulpamancy, saying that to people puts the idea in their heads that it might. Especially when as you mentioned, the person you know who that happened to already had DID, which is not something you can get just from practicing tulpamancy. No, the mind will naturally magnetize back to the host whenever things get blurry, so it's usually impossible for them to get "stuck" switched out. That only really happens if they've got preexisting mental problems/a disorder, like involving (medical) dissociation or schizophrenia or something. And even then, we know a lot of people with DID who never had systemmates get stuck (though some of them do have unintentional switching triggers), and a good handful with schizophrenia, only one of which had it so bad as to have negative experiences from tulpamancy.
  5. Huh, well, I meant "Liking someone who is a tulpa controlling a host's body is like liking a trans person" We (the tulpas of our system) agree that for us the body is just "A body we're controlling" (specifically, "our host's"), which is why we don't experience any dysphoria. We know full well it's not our body - as in form anyways, we do accept that it's the "body" that houses us in its brain, you know. Well, Lumi feels that way to some extent too, and learned to think that way before all this tulpamancy stuff, so (You still need to take responsibility for wrangling your meat-mech though! Or at least, someone in the system does)
  6. I imagine "tulpa in host's body" follows the same rules as being trans, so.. Well, messy-mushy topic. For us the body's sex wins out, but some people may feel differently (Assuming you mean a tulpa using their host's mismatched body - just being attracted to the tulpa is pretty straight forward if the body's not involved)
  7. Well, Simmie has been able to switch for a while, so -- It's funny to call that testosterone poisoning lol, we would just group sexual thoughts'/feelings' influence in with other stuff tied to the brain's default behaviors and functions, so a sexual feeling influencing us is the same unwanted thing as laziness affecting Tewi or negative reactions to things affecting Lucilyn. Or well, we each fight different influences differently if necessary (hasn't really been in years though), for sexual stuff we're really neutral/ignore it because I don't think you can exactly "fix" that, being a core instinct and all lol. Otherwise Tewi fought laziness and Lucilyn fought negative vibes, and most of us just shut down sexual thoughts but obviously don't really try to "correct" them. Though I suppose "not while I'm fronting" is a sort of "fix", huh? I mean, the point is we just silence them rather than consider them "wrong" per se None of us are "attracted to males" though - from asexual to host-sexual, none of us feel that we should be attracted to anyone outside the body at any time, so maybe this is a little different for us than for some. I don't envy trying to make a brain feel attraction to a gender it usually doesn't lol.. Maybe if you frame it as say, if the host is attracted to females but the tulpa to males, thinking of a male in question + them so the brain is more in "a male and a female" territory than "just focusing on a male"? I know that's a little silly to talk about, but it seems important to not have dysphoric feelings like that from switching, so it's honest advice
  8. Nice! It was a little weird to hear you'd never switched for more than a couple hours before, while that was difficult for us at a point in time, we powered straight through the whole process very quickly and never experienced it long-term, less-drastic than you. We could only do one hour, so we pushed one hour, then we could only do two, so we did two, three, four, fell asleep in the middle of the day lol, six and so on until we finally reached "all-day" after we forget how long, probably a month of practice, at which point we never experienced any tiredness or fatigue from switching again (and could wake up switched instead of always switching back with Lumi) But yeah, it should surely be trainable just fine, and it seems you guys are learning now just how much of the mind hosts automatically identify with but that is actually more just "the brain's defaults" and not strictly the host's mannerisms
  9. No, we have to stand for our entire life of struggles in vehemently denying "just do it lol" is the answer to our issues. Heck, even the very possibly working solution of "Go live on your own cut off from any family/friend financial support so you're forced to make money or starve or, join the military" (although I doubt that fully solves these issues, I do think it would probably help) is not truly a solution to someone who can't actually put it to practice, yeah? (and yes, it was Ido and Yakumo who told us "just do it lol" multiple times) Like telling someone all they have to do is light the fuse to a cannon.. Telling them to "just do it, just light it on fire and the cannon will blast a giant hole in the wall" doesn't mean they can suddenly do it - telling them to go find some sticks and to rub them together will also probably not work in most cases, lol. That spark is not so simple for some people, even if it is for others and they fire cannons all the time to great results Some people's brains just don't have matches, and some people (like us) have been rubbing too-wet sticks together for most of our lives trying to find some that will actually light
  10. I'm unsure on if it was really "glitched through the mental wall" or if it was just the type of genuine activity our brain wants during those episodes! I mean, you can absolutely try the same thing to "glitch through the wall", but I'm really suspecting at this point that these episodes are at least in-part caused by a genuine lack of mentally stimulating activity The only reason we've not gone with that theory moreso is that these episodes truly hit us out of nowhere, it's not like they only happen when we've watched waaaay too much youtube or played waaaay too many games or something - that would've been painfully obvious to observe. No, they happen pretty much at total random.. But still, they're nonetheless correlated with not doing anything productive/meaningful, so I think our working theory now is that the problem is a hybrid of our brain being dumb and also us just not doing enough productive or stimulating stuff Speaking of working theories, our working theory on what our overall "effort-motivation issues" are is a mix of a typical resistance-to-effort (and resistance-to-learning) that any human can experience (and nearly all do to some extent), some much worse than others of course - and our reduced emotions (I'm unsure on if anhedonia implies lessened other-feelings too, but it's fully across the entire board for us from satisfaction to negativity to sexuality all being significantly reduced compared to a normal person) So, anything that works for us should SUPER work for others having the same issues! Er, if they only have the typical "motivation" issues many humans have. If they also have our pretty rare emotional thing (as a random example that might help qualify it - have you ever cried from sadness?(or I guess happiness? lol) Because we have not*), then I guess whatever works for us would maybe just work :P *Did I have tears run down my face for the first time in our lives due to a really emotional scene in the live action One Piece a few days after our 6th ketamine treatment? Well, that would be SPOILERS for our eventual PR post about ketamine! Shhhh!
  11. Oopsy, because our talks about progress (life progress, because our tulpa-progress was about done before this PR was created) more often than not don't end up giving us anything to show for them, we've been thinking "We'll just discuss day to day stuff in LOTPW and if we see good results later we'll summarize them more cleanly for people to learn from in our PR!", so I didn't really think to post this in our PR even though by all means it's "Progress to Report" despite not being "Final Results". But this isn't a "Final Results" thread! Oh and yeah, we've done six or so ketamine sessions now, the next one being three weeks after the previous (so, one week from now) I don't really feel up to (or like it's worth, yet) talking about all that :P TL;DW Is we may be seeing benefits but if so they are not immediately apparent, but long-term ones, and so while we think what we've seen has been meaningful enough to continue the sessions (probably once a month "booster" sessions now for the foreseeable future), we would rather not write "decisively" about how ketamine has affected us yet Oh! But we can still 100% recommend ketamine for depression! It's got a crazy track record between studies and personal accounts, we're just taking it for an atypical use (anhedonia) since it's also one of the only things shown to maybe help with that, plus making use of the "increased neuroplasticity" effect. That's certainly not something we can feel/directly observe, however it does feel like plans-and-actions of the self-help variety have gone better the last couple months than they usually do, so yeah, one of several reasons we're up for continuing with the sessions but not quite able to write decisively yet
  12. Good night dated 1 minute after your post Bre! Consider it retroactively Context: Us talking in the past about whether our motivation-depressive episodes occurred ~chemically (or etc.), or if they are just the result of finding nothing worth doing for a day or so straight (obviously it's hard to tell whether that's a cause or effect, though it seems like an effect, it may well be both) Also, me talking about how we need to learn to do productive things for hours-and-hours, and that I can't see much way to learn to do that other than just trying to do it as much as we can and hoping our brain adjusts and gets used to it over time So, I was in a feel-like-doing-nothing mood again earlier, maybe 80% of a motivation-depressive episode Fourish hours ago I was sitting and thinking (the only thing we can generally do during such an episode), and I thought "Maybe I should try to see if doing anything-at-all (productive) helps us out of this mood, even if it's not much" So, I just went and looked over all of the lessons in the Unreal Engine Udemy course we bought (there are a LOT!) which was honestly like 10 minutes of really considering what all 200 consisted of just by title And then I went to read the reviews (top/positive first but then the negative ones) to see if there were bad/lacking aspects of the course that we should keep in mind (the answer is very much yes, it lacks in explaining how the C++ they provide actually works), which led me to look into a couple other Udemy tutorials to see if they covered C++ better Reading reviews for those courses led to me looking into "Learning C++ for Unreal" Reddit threads to see how people recommended to learn it, and while we did get answers from a lot of reading there, we also got the impression that Unreal's "Blueprint" visual scripting system is actually rather robust and far more important than it sounded at first (we planned to skip it before this). So then I spent probably a total of 2 hours between reading about C++ in Unreal and about Blueprint, when C++ is necessary if ever (turns out it's almost never necessary unless you're trying to get hired by a company, or really want to write your own "extensions" to Unreal's engine, but is good to know some and use a bit here and there to compliment Blueprint) In the process I also ran into a lot of resources for beginners (this post was beyond outstanding and included most of the few resources I had found so far lol), created a new Unreal.txt in our Notepad++ to (replace our old Unity.txt to) keep track of resources and even snippets of advice we don't quite get yet, learned that the reason Unreal's documentation for C++ is lacking compared to Unity's is that Unity is closed-source (without an expensive license), while Unreal expects people honestly utilizing C++ to learn generic C++ on their own, and then read Unreal Engine's source code to really make use of it, as that's apparently just more efficient than them trying to make lots of documentation for it. I guess they DO have good documentation for Blueprint, as that's what they expect the non-experienced C++ programmers to be using instead. And of course, I learned that our motivation-depressive episodes do go away (at least temporarily) if we can manage to hook ourselves onto something productive that isn't too hard! I was not at all feeling up to actually doing the coursework we have laid out right now, and in this mood/episode we experience I was also not up for anything (no games, Youtube, working out, etc.) But, I was juuust up to looking over the names of the lessons we were eventually going to do, and getting started thinking about them led to doing some pretty dang productive information & resource scouting work! (This same "Scouting" we did for a couple weeks before starting Unity helped us immensely and I think we learned far more than we would've by just going in blindly to the first tutorials we found) So, that's a very valuable data point for tackling our effort-motivation issues, huh? Edit: I feel a bit bad in retrospect - one would consider this kind of thing Progress Report worthy, but we always think, "Well we'll just talk about day to day stuff in LOTPW, and then once we see real results we'll summarize more clearly and usefully in our PR!", but I don't think we ever considered until now that a Progress Report is about progress lol, not just the final results. It's just that, anyone who knows us knows we've got quite a history of talking about things like we're making progress and ending up with nothing to show for it lol, so I think we will still go with this approach for now, but yeah this specific post was probably PR-worthy :P
  13. Well, that or she just didn't care if you came in... (Assuming the door wasn't locked and you unlocked it - unclear on if we're talking multi-person restrooms or not, but yeah, part of the reason you have to announce yourself is so you can't be blamed if you do walk in on someone - so don't worry about it too much!) I'll be writing another post soon, excuse the possible double post :P
  14. You could say it's a meme or you could say you've just not gotten the point that some things are better to google than to ask random people about lol And I dunno, active forcing is at its simplest talking-to and visualizing your tulpa, but anything you can do with your tulpa while fully focused on them also counts We don't even wonderland, so visualizing-and-talking is all we do aside from switching
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