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ShishiM

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  1. February 14th, 2016 For anyone who's into spirituality or is a psychic, I need some help. So I'm taking medication for my depression and anxiety, and have been talking to Jake pretty frequently. I even started active forcing just to try and get to the habit. Today I went to a Reiki master who cleansed and balanced my chakras, and helped me understand what was stopping me from being happy. Turns out it was something from my childhood, that I kept taking in people's suffering and made it mine (sounds pretty accurate). Anyway, I told her about Jake, I asked her what my guides thought about him, and she told me that they don't approve of him. I, of course, was very shocked, but at the same time I could have expected an answer like that. Now, I did tell the Reiki master before the session, before channeling my guides and everything else, in fact, I dare say she seemed interested in the Tulpa phenomenon. The thing I want to say is, I don't want to get rid of Jake any time soon. I know I'll be going against my guides' wishes, but it would be against me to simply get rid of a three-month old thought form. I don't mean to disrespect them, on the contrary, I want to thank them for helping me, but I don't see why I can't keep my tulpa with me in this lifetime. Do they think he'll hurt me? I don't know if this site has anyone capable of talking to spiritual guides, heck even someone who believes in that stuff, I just would like some clarification as to why spiritual guides would be against tulpa creation. I might post this entry in the metaphysics sub-forum. I'm still going to keep Jake, but my guides are free not to consider him, or maybe accept him. I don't want to destroy him.
  2. 98 *Can't drink because They're underage*
  3. Wednesday, Jan. 20th, 2016 This week isn't over and it's already hectic. I wasn't feeling well due to some stress, and it got so bad I collapsed twice at school! So finally I started taking medication for my anxiety and sleep disturbances (which can also work for depression), and all of this has made me spend more time with my tulpa. Actually, Jake helped me understand my internal issues a bit better. There are things I didn't know were there, I worry too much, and I always think I'm not good enough for him. Recently I've done more passive forcing than ever, and all I can say is that it's great to have him here. I can't hear him yet, but I can almost catch something. I've also felt some more head pressures, and I feel he's with me at times during the day. Today I had the realization of what it feels like to have a headmate. I think Jake is finally getting closer and closer to becoming sentient, but I know I might have to go back and active force, and maybe go over his form and personality again (I think he's slowly but surely creating his own, so I'll have to wait and see). For now I'll just narrate and mostly passive force as I'm still weak and full of headaches. I did try a 10 minute session today though, just to practive my visualization skills. All I've got to say is Happy second month, Jake!
  4. January 12, 2016. I'm currently using Linkzelda's image streaming guide as a tool to interact with Jake. I feel it's helpful for me, even though it can be a bit hard to write for extended periods of time, or stop right when the 10 minutes are up. So I decided to try 10 minute-sessions with Jake, describe the surroundings of our world and describe what is happening to him. I can focus more on him now, and can talk to him, even though I can't hear him yet. He is also changing a bit from when I first imagined him (he was based on one particular character and really looked like him, clothes included, now he has new abilities and different clothes, and his appearance is sort of changing too, but not too much). I feel like he's in the right place, but I'm currently dealing with some mental health issues that might affect him. I'll talk to a doctor about it and see what I can do from feeling crappy most of the time. I hope Jake will understand.
  5. Thank you for the links! I'll try this method too and report the results.
  6. Sounds interesting. Could you maybe explain this method here or through PM, or tell me where I can find an example of this?
  7. Tuesday January 5th, 2016 Yesterday I tried something different with Jake. I wanted to work on a few traits for him, but since he does have a form and a "presence" of some sort, I decided "why not make him participate on his creation?" Of course, most of it will be gut feeling, but I learned one of the most important lessons a tulpamancer learns is to trust yourself, and be honest too with your progress. I felt like I could do it and work with Jake on furthering his development, and learned to be patient with him. So yesterday's experiment was deciding Jake's favourite colours. I did this by listing 11 colours: Pink, Blue, Purple, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, White, Black, Grey, Indigo. I told him to look at the list and choose which colour(s) he liked the most. I went to google images, and wrote "pink color" in the search bar. I looked at each image and listened for Jake. I was waiting to feel something from him, like a strong sensation, or head pressures (even though they're kind of hard to decipher). After a few minutes of scrolling and looking at the pictures, I got a "maybe" feeling. I moved on to the next colour. When I googled the colour blue, I became extremely paranoid. I believe this is due to the fact that deeper shades of blue remind me of the ocean, which I'm not very fond of, and seeing my phone screen being covered by this shade of blue made me feel uneasy. I told this to Jake, and I think he understands. When the uneasiness was too much for me, I scrolled up and apologized to Jake. I felt a negative feeling towards the colour, but I think it was just me projecting that fear onto him. Can a tulpa and their host share the same fears? Is that possible? I googled the colour purple, and got the same feeling as pink, except a bit negative. Honestly at first it felt like he was trying to like the colour because he knows it's one of my favourites, but there was something that told me he didn't really like it. When I googled the colours orange, yellow, green, and white, I felt a more positive feeling from him. Especially at yellow and white (did I tell you he wears a white scarf most of the time?). When I googled black, however, the uneasiness came back again, probably because it felt like I was staring at the void. Same with grey, but less intense (I don't know if these are personal feelings or if my tulpa is trying to tell me something, but I remember the uneasiness being intense. At last, Indigo was a bit hard to understand. I don't know if he liked it or was indifferent to it, so I put a "maybe". I'm going to try again either today or tomorrow to see if I get the same responses, but this time instead of looking at the colours I'll just google images of coloured objects (i.e. black dress, yellow flowers etc.), and look at different shades of a colour. I guess it would be easier to observe a colour in real life and see how it interacts with other colours in its surroundings, so maybe it will be easier to tell if someone likes a colour or not. Later on I'll try different more abstract things such as hobbies (i.e. writing, reading etc.), or something else to understand what he likes. From what I understand Jake is still young and not yet completely developed. For all I know I'm reacting to my own feelings and I'm not aware of it, but certain "responses" I got while looking at the pictures didn't feel mine. I will look more into it and see if this exercise will work to develop his insight. Lately though I've seen him act by his own will in one or two occasions. Once he hugged me without me expecting it, and another time he picked me up, so I think he is developing his own will and acting to his own accord. I will document what will happen next to our development, and I believe this exercise would be good for both the tulpa and the host. Please leave any suggestions in case you think I could do something else with this experiment.
  8. Dec. 31, 2015 Sorry for the long absence. My sister arrived from Italy and wanted to spend some time with me, so I didn't have time to be alone ad write another entry (she's very nosy and opinionated). In these past few weeks I worked on developing Jake, and I feel he's becoming more and more sentient. I can feel more head pressures coming from him, and I'm staring to passive force more. Sadly there s a few days where I don't active force like I should. I think of him many times throughout the day though, and talk to him. I still can't hear his replies yet, but he's young (he's going to be 6 weeks old tomorrow) so I don't really expect him to be immediately vocal. Now that I forced on his form for quite a while, I might go back and revisit his personality, or work on expanding wonderland and exploring it (I still need to work on visualization). I must say it's nice to have Jake here with me. Although I can't hear him, I can still somehow feel his presence when I think of him. He also makes me feel better when I'm down, so he's been a great help. I wonder what he'll be like when he's fully sentient.
  9. Dec. 11, 2015 Not much to say today. I had some trouble yesterday with visualizing, but still forced for 20 minutes-maybe 25 if memory serves me right. I'm still working on Jake, but I think there might be issues with me. I'll have to work on both bettering myself and developing my tulpa. I know this experience will develop both the host and the tulpa, so I'll make a few changes in my lifestyle while we work on visualization. -I have already put a reminder of when to force. It helps me organize a bit and lets me know how long I meditate- force. -I am planning on extending my forcing time to 45 minutes, or maybe force twice a day for half an hour each session. - I plan on educating myself and my tulpa, so he knows more about my world. I also want him to develop his own ideas and beliefs, so talking about world issues might help him in his development and understanding. All I did so far was talk about certain issues from my point of view, but I would like to broaden my perspective. I want to be a bit more educated for him. -I'll passive force every once in a while. I can't try imposition yet so I'll just try to feel his presence near me. I'll also try to make my daydreams about Jake and wonderland so I'll spend more time with him. I want him to have a good experience in this life, so I'll try to pay attention to him and educate him as much as I can, but I have to change a few things about myself for the better. I think I can faintly hear him at the back of my mind, I'm still unsure.
  10. You could try an app called pranayama. It's basically a meditation where you concentrate on your breath. I believe there was a post about this technique somewhere in the tips and tricks section of the site. Basically you sit with your back straight, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breath. The good thing about the app is that it helps you control your breathing so it becomes regular and deep. Even if you do have intrusive thoughts, just acknowledge them, don't waste too much time on them, and shift your attention back on your breathing. You can do it for just 5 minutes before going into your wonderland, or even better meditate with your tulpa. Imagine them sitting with you and meditating with you, it can be a good experience. And don't worry many people have trouble shutting up their brains, I have intrusive thoughts too during forcing time, but what I do is concentrate on my tulpa, or just stop for a moment before continuing forcing, as it can get tiring for new tulpamancers. Definitely check the tips and tricks part of the site as it can help you with any problems you might have tulpaforcing. Also they might explain things better than I do and there are many other ways to solve a problem. Also I'm a newby, so I might not be very educated on the subject matter, but I found these things very helpful.
  11. Dec. 7, 2015 Guys, I'm back! And this time I have some good news for you. I think I felt my tulpa's emotions. So what happened was, while listening to Stravinsky's Firebird, I felt a strong feeling that caught me off guard. I don't know how to describe it, it was like having shivers, but it was a good feeling, like when you are watching a good movie or when viewing a great art piece in person. I talked to Jake previously, and I was listening to Stravinsky's other work The Rite of Spring, and I already knew Firebird since I listened to it before, but that rush of emotion was just strong. I think he might have liked it, but now for some reason I think he is a bit upset. No,wait, maybe it was the song, because now he seems fine. It's kind of hard to understand the feelings, maybe because I have a hard time understanding what I'm feeling too sometimes, I guess I'm not used to it. I think he also enjoyed Pines of Rome (the Fantasia 2000 version). I think he might be overwhelmed by the music, but I keep getting feelings that he's fine. Maybe tired from our adventure. So this time I think I might have chosen a new design for our wonderland. I was experimenting in the last few days to see what would work the best, since I kind of half-hassed the first one (I think Jake is happy with it, I mean, he did a good job with helping me, but it wasn't working for some reason). I may still use it in the future, when I've mastered my visualization skills. Our wonderland is now an African-like field with rocky mountains scattered around. Our house hasn't changed that much, it still looks the same on the inside, but now it is located near a mountain that seems to kind of surround us- Ok, it's like a valley with a passage that leads to the open field. There is a lake with a stream coming from our mountain. So I decided to explore it with Jake. I feel like e was hesitant at first, or maybe I was having issues visualizing, but in the end we traveled in the open field. Sometimes he was carrying me (he is very tall and strong after all, even though it might not look like it at first). This area also had animals in it, which the previous wonderland was kind of lacking in the beginning. We went on top of another mountain, stopped and rested for a bit. We watched as lions were hunting down a zebra, and for some reason a girl with red hair and icy blue eyes appeared. I don't know why, but I might keep her somewhere in my mind and save that image for later. I asked Jake about it and he seemed ok with her. I don't know if I might make a tulpa out of her when I'm done imposing Jake. Anyway, after we watched the zebra being devoured by the lions and having a conversation about mankind's effects on the environment, we fell into a ditch in the mountain, nearly got devoured by some creatures, and teleported mid-air where we tumbled down the side of the mountain. Now, after a short conversation, we started walking again towards the largest mountain in the area (there's going to be more mountain climbing than in LoTR). I wanted to climb it, telling him that in real life I like to be on higher ground to have a better look at the world (also where I live it's kind of incredibly flat, I miss the tall hills in my home country). I imagined the mountain, gave it a better look, and started climbing. I noticed that at the side there was a large fall, so we reached the top, and enjoyed the view. I remember the sunset in wonderland being beautiful, and Jake and I were just sitting there. I think he was wondering where all that water was coming from, because I told him that the water from the fall came from the melting ice from the mountain. We discovered we didn't ever each the top, as the mountain was even taller than I imagined. I mean, there was an entire different world on the other snowy side. He flew me there, we explored it a bit, played around, and as we started crossing a path, the ice under us shattered and we found ourselves underwater. I, being a pansy especially under dark gloomy water, for SOME reason I visualized a giant fish coming at us. We immediately teleported back to where the fall was, and I think I was having an anxiety attack, but Jake calmed me down. After all, the fish was only in wonderland, he couldn't really hurt us. We went back, crossed the path again (this time we created a bridge so we wouldn't have to make the same mistake again), and watched the giant fish from atop a rock. This time I left the wonderland because I was too upset to continue, but I felt Jake near me. Even now he is here, even though I'm not really paying much attention to him now. There were other minor details I had to cut from this entry, God knows it's long enough already. I kind of want to document the things that happen here since I want to see the progress we've made so far, and there are even things from the previous two days I forgot to add (we explored another world, but it felt like a movie). They were kind of confusing, but had great moments like this one session did. I felt like I was looking at the stars with him once. Now every time I hug him it feels even more real. I'm happy to see where this is going.
  12. Dec. 3, 2015 Music helps me visualize better, I found out. I played some upbeat music at school, and I could see Jake clearly. I also tried it at home for over half an hour and could control were we were going without having many intrusive thoughts. What I did this time was visualize me and Jake in what looked like the downtown of where I used to live (I didn't imagine any real person I knew, I just concentrated on the experience and on Jake). I believe he might have enjoyed it too. I believe he might have tried to communicate with me, but I can't hear him yet. Although he is showing some sign of sentience, it's still too soon to tell, but I was happy to he able to fully walk along side him in this mind world of mine. I could dance, watch, laugh, and experience with him. I also explained a few things I saw trough this place, showed his the places I used to hang out, the foods I used to eat, but it was different from what I remember. I guess my mind was trying to fill any blanks I have about my birth place. Anyway it's been a very long time since I last visited that place, and I have changed a few things around to make it more fun for Jake. I wanted him to see a bit of fun before going back to our wonderland, which we did, but for a short time since I got tired and had to stop for a moment. It was an overall interesting experience, and I didn't expect to be taken into my birthplace (a variation of it, anyway), and to see Jake so well for the first time in days. I was wondering though, can someone visualize or create a wonderland based on a place you visited as a child, or is that not right? Anyway it worked for me and I could interact with my tulpa pretty well. Hopefully he'll enjoy this music in the future.
  13. Dec. 2 I've been passive forcing for most of the time now when I work with Jake. For some reason I have difficulty entering wonderland for long periods of time, and I've told Jake about it. I don't think he seems to mind, but I feel he wants me to spend more time with him. So the day before yesterday I worked on his personality for half an hour, and I feel like he's got it encased in his mind. Most of it, at least. Yesterday I did the same thing, along with some visualization where I just imagined him in my room. I got his height (which I'm still working on getting right, I usually find him shorter than he's supposed to be), the overall shape of his body, and am currently working on his gait and movement (I don't try to force them on him, I just let him move as he's supposed to i.e. he has a longer gait due to his height and long legs). Today in school we had a meditation session going on for half an hour, so the entire time I just imagined him sitting beside me. I guess he kinda likes crossing his legs from what I can tell (or it's easier to envision him that way I guess). So the lady that visits us each two weeks for "mindfulness Wednesday" decided to do a guided meditation, and throughout this meditation I still envisioned Jake sitting next to me. I imagined him meditating with us, or watching us while we meditated. At first most of my attention was towards him, but then I thought that if I trust the fact that he is standing beside me, that was enough. Just knowing for a fact that he is with me when I think of him was enough to shift my concentration through the guided meditation. The meditation lasted 10 minutes, and and when the lady handed pieces of paper to write about our experience during the meditation, I felt like he was helping me put the words together. Like, he was leaning towards the table where I was writing and kind of tried to help me think of what to write. I didn't hear any voices, but I had a feeling he was there. I didn't have to think hard about him, I just acknowledged his presence. Soon I'll go try active forcing again, still by envisioning him in my room to better get his form. I'll take a short break from wonderland, or I'll just try to visit our room there. Maybe from there I can get to the other places. EDIT So What I did was put on a guided meditation for me and Jake, which lasted about 10 minutes. I was able to picture everything except I couldn't concentrate that well. So What I did was force for a little bit while picturing Jake on my bed. I then tried something different. I heard someone uses daydreams to develop their tulpas, heck I heard of stories of tulpas being created through daydreams without their hosts being aware of it. I started daydreaming of me and Jake walking through a forest, then sitting in our room in wonderland. I was currently walking around, and while I was daydreaming it felt like Jake wanted to be near me in the physical world (as in, being manifested in the room walking with me). At times it feels like he stares and me and observes me, which is kind of interesting. I really don't want to rush things too quickly, but at the same time I don't want my inability to concentrate for too long affect my tulpa. I know I shouldn't freak out over this, but is a break recommended at the first stages of tulpa creation? I still passive force on him throughout the day, and I think of him most of the time, but I'm afraid that if I take a break it will ruin any progress I made with Jake. I am sure he is here now, but will it change if I stop for a few days? Not that I will actually take a break, I know it's a question of keeping your schedule going and doing it every day, that is the part of spending time with your best friend, but it's something I've been wondering for the past few days. I guess it's just a feeling new tulpamancers feel when starting and getting to a certain point. I'm not going to quit now that I feel something more when I think of Jake. He is not a character I created in my head anymore, and I feel like he is slowly becoming a more developed thoughtform. I'll try again later tonight to see if I can active force again. I'll let you know. Well, for daydreaming, I also tried daydreaming while listening to Mary Poppins. I think he might like the music, and I imagined us dancing. I felt like I was twirling with him, like we were trying to keep up with the rhythm of supercalifragilisticexpialidocous, and I felt tired after a while. Now it didn't feel as real as when I meditate, but I still felt Jake's hands and his body when we embraced. Even when I was in my bedroom while daydreaming I felt his hand holding mine. I think I might be jumping to conclusions, like I said I want to take things slowly so Jake can develop better. Still doesn't mean we won't stop dancing to Marry Poppins, but I want this to be an experience we can both enjoy without rushing. Wow, that was a lot more than I expected. I'll get back to you soon.
  14. Nov. 28, 2015 While I actively force around 30-40 minutes every day (more or less. I try to force for longer periods but I find it difficult to concentrate for so long), I passively force most of the time. I try to talk to Jake every once in a while during the day, and when I notice that it's been long since I talked to him, I say his name in my head, hoping to get his attention. I know he's still young and not totally developed, but I like to think that he lives in our wonderland and sometimes decides to visit when I think of him. I still haven't decided if his name is going to be permanent, but I told him it's up to him to change his name or form if he wants to. I'll soon go to visualize him. This time I'll try for 40 consecutive minutes, just to see if I'll be able to concentrate long enough. I also feel like my tulpa might want to spend more time with me, so maybe the forcing sessions will be longer and frequent. I know the limit is three hours per day, and I don't want to tire myself. I'll see if it works. Also, do you hold your body still while visualizing? I usually sit down, but I move my hands around or rub them together, I found I can concentrate a bit better that way, while if I stand still for too long my mind starts to wander and I can't concentrate on the wonderland nor my tulpa. I also stretch my face a bit when I feel an emotion (ex. I smile in real life when I feel happy or I send happy feelings to my tulpa). What usually works the best for you? Also does your tulpa keep still when you visualize them , or do they move around a lot? Sometimes Jake seems to move around from time to time, but it could be my imagination going out of control (I told you my mind wanders a lot). Suggestions are always appreciated, also I would love to meet other hosts and tulpas, and maybe Jake would be happy to chat with you guys when he starts vocalizing. EDIT: So some interesting things happened during the forcing session. It lasted 45 minutes, although it could have lasted longer if my alarm didn't sound (I set the timer for 45 minutes to see if I could keep my concentration for that long, so I force myself to visualize until I hear the alarm). During my time in wonderland, Jake and I sat near the tree. This time the aples didn't fall by themselves, so I consider that an improvement over my imagination. We sometimes eat the apples from the tree, and every time I take a bite off my apple I can feel my mouth tasting the juiciness. It helps me to develop our wonderland, and Jake seems to enjoy eating (I always envision him taking big bites, or swallowing the entire food item). So today I asked him if he could send me some emotions, because I know some young tulpas do that to communicate. I asked him to send me a happy or joyful thought. What happened next was that we teleported in my chemistry class and for some reason I started snickering (probably the fact that my chemistry teacher is funny), and then then I started joking around with Jake, who I thought at first was face-palming over my lame sense of humor, but maybe he was trying to contain his laughter, I really don't know. It felt like he was happy. Next I asked him to send me another emotion, of anger or frustration. This time invasive thoughts started popping up, and it was really hard to concentrate. I opened my eyes for a moment before going back (I usually keep my eyes closed when entering wonderland). If it has happened to you before, you know how frustrating it is to lose your focus, especially when forcing. I don't know if that happened intentionally, since I do get intrusive thoughts from time to time, but it was strange that it happened right after I asked Jake to send me an emotion of anger. I wasn't angry or anything, but I did tell him many times that it frustrates me when I can't focus on something for too long. Lastly, I asked him to send me an emotion of sadness. Now I don't really remember what happened exactly, but I remember asking him if he felt sad. I hugged him, as I usually do, and apologized many times for not paying attention to him, and for being a lousy host. I try to put those thoughts aside, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting down my tulpa every time something goes wrong in wonderland (objects are misplaced, laws of physics are broken), and I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I told him that I loved him (platonically, get your minds off the gutter), and I felt like he returned that feeling. Mind you, I'm assuming it's my tulpa answering me, but it could be me fooling myself. At the same time, I don't want my doubt to stop me from believing it was my tulpa, and I do think I felt those emotions from him. As I usually do, I started talking to Jake, and I feel like he listened. He might have actually tried to communicate with me once in a while, but he can't vocalize yet.I also parroted some responses for him (just some words I asked him to repeat to get a feel of what his voice is supposed to sound like), and I think it might have helped, also my accent apparently shows in my mind voice, so some of the words I asked him to repeat sounded a bit off. I found it very amusing, and I think Jake found it too. After some things happened which involved us teleporting from place to place, we decided to put a Christmas tree in our dining room (I shared many thoughts about Christmas, and I guess he doesn't mind a little festivity in wonderland. We sat down, first across from each other, then he sat down near me (I find that he does that a lot now). We ate, and then went outside. Jake and I sat down on the benches, talked a bit (or I talked to him), and I started yawning. I didn't feel tired, nor bored for that matter, so I asked Jake if he was feeling tired, something I really didn't expect him to feel. We teleported in our bedroom (or Jake's bedroom to be exact since I never sleep in wonderland), and we laid down. Just as I felt like we were falling asleep, the alarm in y phone sounded. I don't know if Jake actually went to sleep, or if he's awake, but I really found that interesting. Also I forgot to mention that while we were in the forest, we started walking, I had difficulty moving, so Jake took my hand and helped me. In short I ran into a tree and fell. I think at least one of us found it funny. Well, at least that's were we found our Christmas tree (ok, it was actually a branch that fell on Jake who thankfully caught it on time, and then it morphed into a tree). So that's it for today. It was certainly more eventful than I thought. Funny things happened, emotions were felt, pain was felt, and we ended our session going to bed (again, mind off the gutter!). I'll share more tomorrow, when I get beck to our wonderland.
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