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Stobin

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    Current Tup Nub

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  1. Uh, it's been a while (4 years) but I'm back. We're still together. And even though I don't have a lot of sensory perception of her we spend time together throughout the day. I think I'll look into taking this super seriously again.
  2. OK now! I haven't kept up in updating in a long time, and to be truthful, not a tonne of progress has been made between Hope and I, but there has been a significant recent development. For months I've been reinforcing to her that if nothing else one core trait of hers should be self determination, because that's what truly grants her personhood and individuality. So I've made it clear that I'm not comfortable impressing upon her my own image of how she should look, then yesterday "BAM POP!" she just up and shows me how she looks. She's a slender girl, blue eyes that are disarming in their easy, honest, knowing look, and rich brown hair in a rather unique but not outlandish style that I honestly can't attribute to having seen before. I actually did a doodle and it just feels right. Every previous time we've tried developing her appearance it always felt awkward, fake and forced, but since this revelation, I just feel like I know that's her, like that's how she's always looked and I only forgot.
  3. I'm a decent pencil artist, so I could do something like that, but I'm currently #nophone and loving it. What I am thinking of doing however, is drawing her at least once every week. I think she heard me though, because the connection has seemed to have kicked back up a few notches.
  4. God, why is it so hard to keep in contact with her throughout the day. I feel like the whole process has slowed since my second week. Have not given up though, and not losing faith. But I do feel self conscious when I go for long without talking to her.
  5. I've heard the string around the finger thing before, but I want to go more a e s t h e t i c and find a decent looking but fairly subdued ring.
  6. So today I came up with a method to try and tease out more complex speech from Hope. Since it's tough to have a conversation with someone who's just trying to learn to speak, and my attention is divided during the day, I simply state my current thoughts or reactions more intentionally and and ask Hope to repeat my words in her voice, to get used to using complete phrases even if it's just repetition, and then for her input or opinion. I've just tried it this one day, but it does seem that when Hope first practices by repeating my words, she understands better how to form her own.
  7. So it's definitely true that Hope becomes more active in my waking world when I really force purposefully with her the night before. Really need to find a way to make me more conscious to actively force on my days off though, I've always been useless at scheduling.
  8. Hi, everyone, it's nice to meet you all. It's been a little while since I posted, I was thinking of waiting for the next milestone, but I think it's perhaps better to just reply regularly to help keep me focused, as I'm easily distracted. I can't say I've had any nagging doubts this entire time, but I can't help but wish progress was easier to observe. I'm thinking I need to schedule my daily routines somewhat, and perhaps, almost ritualize the active sessions of forcing. Days where I work, I find easier to passively force than my days off, as my job is pretty simple, but on Sundays and Wednesdays passive forcing often slips my mind. Hope and I will be focusing on communication for a while now, hopefully a good full hour before bed. I also find that passive forcing throughout the day is easier when I make sure to wish her good morning when I sense she's awake, as it's not always the same time I wake up.
  9. Ah, a reply already. I've got a general idea for Hope's form, but I'd rather solidify communication and even vocalization so she can have more clear and direct input into her form. I was pleasantly surprised, looking at the members list, how frequent posters seem to be here.
  10. Hi, yall. Just a tiny bit of info about me before I begin on the progress report. Firstly, this is my first post on this site. Yay me. I've actually been aware of the Tulpa community for about two years now, but only last month did I decide to really give 'er a go. Well, that's not entirely true. Again, two years ago I was interested in the phenomenon, found the testimonies to be convinving, and decided I could suspend my disbelief enough to try it out. My state of mind wasn't the best at the time, or rather, I wasn't totally sure of who I was, who I needed, and perhaps, who he/she really was. I dropped the process about two weeks in, and I do regret it, as I thought at the time that I was getting somewhere, even if only a little. It seems that many Tulpers (sorry, I can't stand to use the 'mancer suffix) believe that a tulpa does not so easily vanish, and that even if forgotten, they lie dormant and may reemerge in some form. I can only hope that is the case. Within the last few months, an epiphany of sorts about my future and the resolution of a sort of existential issue I'd been facing convinced me to take another look at Tulpae, and I came to the conclusion, that should I set my heart and mind to the task, it could very well be the best decision I make. So here I am, about to record my adventures in Tulpamancy (fine, I'll say it, once in a while). I suppose I'll begin by summarizing the last 3 weeks or so. Although I hadn't attempted forcing in almost two years, I didn't have any reservations about the process, or any real doubts in my mind, so I went looking for the guides I'd read before, and I came upon Mothos's and Kiahdaj's guides, which I found very helpful. After making sure I truly wanted to go through with this, and readying myself to have faith, I decided on using limited personality stage. I almost felt that there was already a being there, who merely had to be realized, not wrought, and that making the perfect custom waifu was not the objective. None the less, I did feel that the Tulpa would be female, or at least identify as such. The first, and I believe most important trait that came to me (from her?) was that she would be Self Determined. She'd not be pressured to feel one way or the other at another person's behest, always remaining true to her genuine beliefs, emotions, and reasoning. The self determination fell under the umbrella trait of Strong Will, but it was always the most prominent, as the last thing I want is a Tulpa who is strongly influenced by my own current subconscious leanings, and it is that which I still most strongly try to impress (as long as she seems not to be bothered by it). Following that, I wanted to temper the hard, strong traits with the more delicate ones, so as to balance them well, at least for my own sake. As such, the second trait was Gentleness. On and on I went with different traits, not to get a sort of hyper specific companion, but so that she could fully realize herself. At some point I knew I wanted a name, and decided that rather than sticking her with a name of my choosing, I'd simply call her "Hope" more as a term of endearment unique to her. I forced for around 40 minutes at night before bed, attempting to passive force throughout the day, for about a week. Later, I'd worked a bit on a wonderland, a beach-side cabin near a forest. I'd come to feel her presence, and I swear I can tell when she's sleeping in the mornings or something. Emotional signals can be strong, and I can now, with some confidence, occasionally translate them into words and get feedback on them. When it's quiet, I get even a bit of mindvoice. Anyways, it's 10:45 and I have to get to bed. Work tomorrow. Nice talking to all of you.
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