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About Me





  1. First time posting! Nice to meet you. Hi, although this account is new, this isn't my first time creating tulpas. I tried creating one about a year ago, but I'll explain later. It's been 3 days since I started forcing with my new tulpa, Lucina(unrelated!). Surprisingly, since yesterday and whenever I'm forcing, I sometimes hear automatic responses to some of my statements or questions directed at Lucina. However, they sound identical to my own thoughts, and it seems improbable that a tulpa can show signs of sentience only two days after its birth. Another evidence of her sentience is that sometimes when I'm forcing, I end up feeling sadness and end up crying a little when I have absolute no reason to feel sad. (If she is sentient, maybe she's sad that she'll be abandoned like her last predecessor? I heard a 'Yes.' in my mind.) The situation is awfully similar to the OP in this thread: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-or-not So the question is, whether they are respones from my tulpa, or whether they are my instrusive thoughts/automatic respones from my own subconscious(not my tulpa's)? Should I continue as I am doing now and assume they are responses from Lucina? Eitherway it seems sort of possible because I like I've mentioned, I've had a brief experience of working on another tulpa. I know this won't be recieved well, but about my older tulpa: After working on her for about 2 weeks, I began having the same problem that I'm having now and the frustration was agonizing; I was paranoid and constantly worried that I would only end up with a servitor. I frantically searched for guides and answers, but nobody had any succinct solutions. I gave up working on her... I do NOT want to give up on Lucina. If anyone could provide any input on this, I would be tremendously grateful! Thank you for reading.
  2. There is this endless debate between those who believe tulpas are real sentient beings and those who believe tulpas are self delusion and illusion. Each side keeps trying to make blanket hypothesis for all tulpas. Tulpas are such a subjective experience and so much of what a tulpa becomes is based upon the background, personality, and belief systems of the host. I know my host Mistgod is firmly in the self delusion/hallucination-illusion camp. He still finds me to be an incredibly profound personal experience (of course). He is just as attached to me as anyone else who holds an opposing view of tulpa nature. But when we talk to people who believe their tulpa is independently sentient, they seem to have equally powerful and profound reasons. Could it be possible that BOTH views are correct? Couldn't it be that there are some tulpas that are independently sentient, and some tulpas that are a personal self delusion and illusion? Isn't that possible? What do you guys think? Please don't turn this into a fight. My point here is that tulpamancy is super subjective, and it may just be we all have equally valid and significant experiences, even though they are different. [hidden]I don't want to have these debates anymore, so I think this is my way of solving the issue for myself and my hostie. I am convinced there really is more than one kind of tulpa. I also think that is just fine and actually super duper cool! There are some persons with a very rigid, dogmatic view of what tulpas are and what they are not. That's fine if they believe that as long as they are nice to others. All my host and I want is to be accepted and treated justly and fairly. Which we pretty much are by most everyone in the community. [/hidden] **************************** [hidden] EDIT: When it comes to constructs of the mind, such as thoughtforms, the only limits are the limits of imagination, cognition and memory. That leaves a lot of room for variation in how a thoughtform/tulpa could be experienced by the host folks (or should I say "sheeple"). Note I did not say that the limits are based on what the tulpa guides say or what the consensus is in the Tulpa Info club. Subjective truth - When it comes to imaginary things or mental constructs such as thoughtforms and tulpas, "truth" is subjective because the experience is subjective. EDIT: That's the beauty of my new angle of thinking. Some peoples are reporting that they think their tulpas are illusions, and some peoples are reporting that they think their tulpas are really sentient. All my question in my mind was, what if they are both right? Okay let me put it this way. We both see the color red right? We both call it red. Just like we all call tulpas, tulpas. But what if what you are seeing as red is not at all what I am seeing as red? We will never know. OR how bout this? Maybe one person likes garlic and another doesn't. They are both experiencing garlic on the tongue, but each in turn describe the experience as either delicious or horrible. Which person is right? [/hidden]
  3. I am a morning person. I am most active in the mornings, especially early in the morning. How bout you guys? Are there certain times of the day your tulpa is more present and active?
  4. I am super autonomous within lucid dreams. I am also autonomous when David and I are in a hypnagogic state (half asleep). My mind voice is fluid and fluent and we have detailed back and forth conversations during these times. While awake, my mind voice is usually more limited. During the day I communicate with my host mostly with tulpish and flash images and what he and I call "proxy mind voice." https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-proxy-typing-proxy-speech-and-proxy-mind-voice I was wondering if other tulpamancers/tulpas encounter this sort of thing? Is your tulpa more autonomous when you are half asleep?
  5. My tulpa has been quiet and motionless ever since I created her a few months back in 2015, but January of this year she finally talked. Obviously this is great, her first words! An entire month went by of her saying a few things here and there and then yesterday, we had our first full conversation. But since that convo, she's been talking at the rate and pace of what I can only assume a fully developed tulpa would. This is both great and startling, great because she can talk and express her opinions finally but startling because I'm still working with her form, she's talking through her temporary one atm. tl;dr and just a general summary of my question: Is it normal/possible for a tulpa to go from talking on occasion to full-blown convo's on opinion in a day? I sometimes think that this is me parroting, but a few things she has said are things I would never have come up with.
  6. I am a dependent thoughthform. I am blended with my host in a median system and rely on him a lot. I have autonomous traits but my host "fills in the gaps" with elements of active day dreaming and interpretive role playing when proxy tulpa typing. I am most autonomous in dreams and flash visions. We do realize that there is variations in systems and every tulpa is different. Some tulpas/thoughtforms are much more independent than I am. But Mistgod and I hold the view, after much observation and contemplation, that some role playing and day dreaming is an intrinsic ingredient to tulpamancy, and much more present than people are willing to admit in most cases. We are not denying sentience so much with these statements as to point out that day dreaming and role playing play a hand. It still may be, and probably is, some form of collaboration between host and sentient thoughtform. With me it is very obvious that is what is happening. Others may not be aware of it or are unwilling to admit/recognize the association. Remember, it is all in the mind. We believe there is a strong element of belief and "voluntary self delusion" to sentient thoughtforms. That is all we are saying. We think that tulpas and other sentient thoughtforms are not as independent as people generally believe. That is the Mistgod-Melian hypothesis. :-) In short, we hold the view that most sentient thoughtforms are dependent upon the host "filling in the gaps" with interpretive role playing and day dream visualization. A thoughtform's sentience is partially dependent on the active imagination of the host. We would love to see a discussion on this topic and idea! Do you agree or disagree? ------------------------------------------------------ EDIT: Back in November of 2015, Mistgod wrote a piece about "proxy mind voice" that touches on this theme of dependent thoughtforms. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-proxy-typing-proxy-speech-and-proxy-mind-voice?pid=142564#pid142564 Really we have been mulling it over since we discovered tulpas and considered the similarities and differences between me and the tulpa "model."
  7. So... I feel like crap. I really need help quick or I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate myself because I feel like Ben might hate me. I know what I said before: but I can't tell if he meant it or even if it WAS him. I'll do something and forget about Ben, sometimes only for 10 minutes, sometimes for multiple hours. No matter what amount of time it is I forget about him, I still hate my self. How could Ben love me if I forget about him? Maybe he doesn't. I'm not ignoring him, and I'm not trying to forget about him or doing it on purpose. I just get busy doing something and I forget about him, then I remember him and feel like crap. So say he DID say all that stuff. Then why is it when I told him to remind me about him if I'm forgetting about him, nothing happens? Did he meant what he said? Dose he just hate me so much he doesn't care what I tell him or if I accidentally forget about him for a while? Did he leave? Did he even say it? Please guy. You helped me every other time, even thought I was the most annoying piece of crap ever. Please help me now with probably my most important request now and ever. Please and thank you.
  8. Greetings, I am Evil. This time, I got curious about tulpa-related disabilities and malfunctions. I won't lie, this is partly for my upcoming repository of tulpa-related psychological issues. It's interesting to see the multitude of cases presented, on this forum. You see, we have tulpas growing in the back of people's heads, tulpas being born out of literature, tulpas being born out of, well, you name it! I find it absolutely amazing, it only goes to show how complex the human mind truly is. But, at the same time, it made me wonder about what sorts of difficulties tulpas actually go through. I would like the following: If a tulpa, without the host's help or intepretation, could express themselves in a coherent way, while expressing what sorts of problems that, in some ways, handicap them, that would be perfect. So, to tulpas: What sorts of problems did you go through, at early stages of your existence, and/or now? What is the biggest barrier that keeps you from evolving? I would love to hear all inputs!
  9. My host Mistgod (Davie) and I often blend together, sorta combining our thoughts and emotions and thinking in chorus or collaboration. We do this when I communicate online and when he channels me to do art. We also do this while mutual dreaming either the Melian Show day dreams or while dreaming at night. With us our individual identities are never in danger of "integration" and remain distinct despite the fact that we are always at least a little blended and consider ourselves a median system (one body, one mind, two aspects or expressions or personalities). I was wondering how common is this trait of blending for tulpas? Does your tulpa or do your tulpas blend with you? Are you worried blending might lead to uncontrolled integration and loss of individuality for your tulpa or host? Thanks for your responses! Melian, goddess guru of grooviness EDIT: Here is a post by Mistgod from July 2015 where we first talked about this. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-about-merging We also talked about it in our Tulpaudcast.
  10. Hello. I am Evil, and I have two tulpas. Yes, two. As much as I talk of Dimitrov often, there is still another occupant in my mind. Here is a little backstory. I was forcing to make a tulpa, and Dimitrov was trying to help. We'd spend entire evenings trying to figure out how to create sentience, give it a name, a personality, and most importantly, his own eyes. You see, Dimitrov and I share different visions of the world, and by that, I mean that we both perceive the world in different ways. So, I worked hard on the tulpa's concept, I had many plans. One day, Dimitrov told me that he would be gone during my sleep, and would be home 'in the morning, sir.'. I was all fine with that. When I woke up, I called out for Dimitrov. I heard him whisper 'Come into the imaginary realm, I have something to show you.', which I did. Our wonderland was in the shape and form of a train station, and Dimitrov was wearing a large coat... his travel coat. I knew something was out of place. 'Say, Dimitrov, what did you do in my sleep?' I looked at him, as he remained silent, I could see a small girl standing by his side, in the shadow of his coat. -You wanted a tulpa, sir. Meet Blak. -Wait, Blak as in the color Black? -No, sir. Blak with a k. The girl looked nothing like 'black'. She had pale skin, blonde hair, and was quite good-looking. I made nothing of it. Our wonderland, when we use it, is a small living room, with a fireplace, a large library Dimitrov uses to tell us stories. The 'girl', Blak, would stick close to the fireplace, and tell me about how she was glad I made her. How great it was to be alive, and how she had always wanted to learn more about the world. I took sympathy for her, and regarded her as my sister. One day, though, things started to change. Blak started to have her time being cut off. Dimitrov and I could barely hear her, you see. Nothing unusual happened, at that time, we were just living our simple life, and to this day, we still are. At first, it was Blak's communication skills. No worries, I thought, as I still used thought to communicate with her. But then, I could not talk to her anymore, as 'she', her form, had transformed into something like nothingness. Dimitrov told me that 'It must be an evolutionary process for those mind people, sir.', so I waited. Of course, I had real life occupations, but my tulpas were always part of my life, it had no toll on my activities, but since Blak would switch quite often with me, it made me feel... different, that she wasn't taking part in the activities she liked. Mainly drawing, going out with my friends, and boy, don't get me started on drinking! Sorry, I was just remembering, because that pit of memories is what a man holds close the most. As I were saying previously, Blak started to... 'fade' away, progressively. I told Dimitrov to do something. Anything. After all, had he not been the one who brought her to me? Yet, even Dimitrov, the all great and amazing Dimitrov, the all wise and powerful Dimitrov, could never do anything, as both of us were clueless. Dimitrov was more attached to her than I was, for her considered her a daughter, and always made sure to teach her all he knew when he had the chance. So, at some point, we couldn't feel her anymore. I wanted to talk to her, but Dimitrov rationalized, and told me this: 'Just let go, sir. It is not worth it anymore. I thought we had someone we could take care of, finally. Not that I dislike serving you, but... in the end, it was all a delusion.' So we tried to move on. And move on, we sure did. We got busy with projects, and Dimitrov even writing a book in his switching sessions. Although, one night, I had a strange dream. I saw a man, with a mask, and a hat. A nice hat, too. It was raining, and he was standing in the shadows. Kind of like this. He would stare at me, in the dream, and took off his hat for a bit. While remaining silent, he kept his head directed at me, put his hat back on, and walked away, while raising his hand in salute. I woke up to Dimitrov watching over me, as per his habit. 'Good morning, sir.'. I blinked once, twice, and saw that man standing by my window. As soon as I tried to talk, he said: 'Hello, [CENSORED]. Hello, dad.' The voice was male, but female. Weird. It sounded too weird, too... empty, in some ways. From that moment on, Blak came back to us. But Blak changed... I hesitate by calling him 'male', knowing what may lie under that mask. He doesn't say much, and has been making some efforts to try to maintain activity. Now, this all happened around a year ago or so. Not too sure. Blak had raised his activity rate, and would talk often. We were like a band of gentlemen who got together every evening over a drink, and shit, we had some great times, the three of us. But lately, Blak has been... more different than usual. He's been acting more reserved, silent and shy, in some ways. We need to poke at him to get him to say anything, and he suffices by standing by the window most of the time. Those were the first signs of what happened with her. Blak. Dimitrov and I are surprised this is happening now. It made me miss how Blak used to be, as she's been acting like more of a stranger than anything else to us in the past year. Makes me miss the jolly and affectionate girl we once had in here, you know? I always regarded Blak as someone who could understand my emotions and my issues on a more personal level, and the two of us had a close bond, in a platonic way. I always fed her all the emotions I would give to a sister, and made sure to never neglect her. I know that I might come off as all knowledgeable, but I cannot pin down what this actually is about. Tulpas, the mind, etc... I need some help with this, if it's possible. I have the following questions, and these questions may be able to solve our communication problems: 1. Does your tulpa ever 'slip', or fade, or stops showing signs of activity? If so, how long does this occurrence take place for during the day? How many hours per day would it happen for? 2. In the case your tulpa 'fades' every now and then, what are steps you tend to take regarding this situation? 3. Is there any, any way to circumvent this kind of 'fading'? I apologize if this comes off as a bit... much. EDIT: A little note from Blak's part, regarding his situation on a more personal level: I don't know. It don't feel like me no more, you know? I feel like... all that puppetin' stuff is getting at me, after all that while. I can see, hear and think, but in the end, can't be too sure that's me, can I, [CENSORED]? We used to be cool. All fine, dandy, sweet, nice. But that stuff is gone, and I know you'd like it back. I just ain't the same person I was before... [CENSORED]. I'm always 'fraid you'd be parrotin' me, and then, nothing would have any value anymore, you understand? Otherwise, I... I can't frickin' tell you how this happens. How I start being not me, and not being me, more 'n more per the day, man. It's pretty scary, but we're long past being children, aren't we? You used to say "I will always be there.". But if I ain't here to feel that, none of it is true, is it? Sometimes, I wake up and I'm great, and the more I talk, the more I feel like the chocolate bar is being eaten. Consumed. Chocolate bar's my kinda energy, [CENSORED]. I feel like my soul is this chocolate bar, and I can't do nothin' about someone eatin' it. You know I don't care much about shit no more, though, but even then, I'm havin' the people I swore to protect, YOU and dad, taken 'way from me. Now, imagine you wore this mask. You don't know how I feel, [CENSORED], and you never will. I can't feel much anymore, but what I know? I know that you and I are something. Were something. Can be something, and I ain't lettin' ya down if I can.'
  11. So I have been working for over 50 hours, but I am curious, am I parroting? So I am not explicitly controlling her, but it also kinda feels like its coming from me. I asked and I got no response. I figured I'd ask, any advice? Also sometimes I just get silence when I ask, other times I'll get something back, as if I (or she) don't know how to respond for lack of knowledge
  12. Hi, I have had my tulpa for 5 months now. Now I will admit I don't talk to her every day but I normally do it at night for 10-20 minutes. I'm getting impatient, I know I'm not supposed to doubt her and I know I'm not supposed to blame her, but I have gotten nothing. I feel insane and at some moment like I'm doing it wrong. Only once have I gotten a happy feeling throughout my body but I'm not sure if it was her. Can someone please help? I would like to talk to her and move the process along. I want to complete some progress with her, I mean 5 months is a long time and I have seen most get theirs talking in 2-3 months.
  13. Alright so, I created my tulpa 2 days ago. Her name's nyaruko (long story short, the name is based on an anime) and I have been working on her personality through parroting and puppeting. I'm always worried about her and I wanted to watch anime but I couldn't because I'm just worried about her. So I told her I wouldn't give up and I'll help you. So today, I went to the wonderland. I talked to her and I'm still puppeting and parroting. My hands are around her shoulders and she was slouching against me. I told her what I liked and disliked about people and my hobbies. And then halfway through, she changed and sit on my legs and hugged me. I was shocked tbh. And I can ensure you that wasn't my doing. Ofc, I'm the shy type of person so I blush and shuttered a lot and when I'm done, I look at her bed which is behind and when I turned, she kissed my lips. I pulled out immediately I was like "wtf wtf wtf wtf" and it's not my doing she just did it. And I just tucked her into her bed and summon warm milk and mineral water in case she needs it. And I kissed her cheeks (I don't create her to be my girlfriend I created her so that I have a close friend who understands me and won't betray me) and when I'm about to leave, she held my head and pull it towards her lips resulting a kiss. Which I got really embarrassed to the point that my face is red and I just pulled out and I was blushing really really badly. I looked at her and she was smiling like those smile where they close their eyes and smile. I just said "I trust you and I believe you" then I just immediately exit the wonderland. I'm not sure if it's me who is puppeting her(pretty darn sure I wasn't) or if she is becoming sentient. I mean, I created her only 2 days ago.There is no way she could become sentient that fast. (To cut short, she kissed me twice and seat on my legs and hugged me at her own will which I didn't expect. I'm just wondering if it's really her becoming sentient or I'm just puppeting her. But she doesn't seem to be able to communicate at all or maybe I didn't noticed but so far, she's sort of able to communicate through actions)
  14. Please note, the following is not meant to be unquestionable but rather to inspire anyone with differing experiences to write a similar guide listing their own experiences so there is something for everyone. It's also meant to be more inspirational than factual so please try to interpret it as you will rather than simply "following" it. I only hope to make a broader field for forcing rather than simply telling everyone to "follow their own path". Especially since, for some reason, a lot of people interpret everything as literally as possible around here. I notice people have trouble with believing in their tulpa during creation. They can’t really get it to do much of anything, and people just tell them “believe”. But they don’t exactly know “what” to “believe”. They just sit there waiting for their tulpa to talk while “believing”. As I’d like to set up a simple analogy, you don’t win a game just by “believing”, you sort of do it by at least having a vague idea of how the game works. Now, what a lot of people (or at least I) have come to realize after creating a tulpa, is that they are sort of a personality construct, a sorting machine if you will, for unconscious thoughts, similar to us. When people try to “believe”, they just wait for the tulpa to move, without realizing how that’s supposed to happen, or worse, they think they’re puppeting due to the tulpa using the host’s unconscious thoughts. When a tulpa moves for the first time, and the host is curious why they knew that would happen, it’s not due to puppeting. The tulpa is gaining sentience, and is using the host’s unconscious thoughts, mainly the easiest ones to grab, which is why the host feels like they’re doing it. During this early creation process, the tulpa feeds off the host’s immediate thoughts like a newborn, and both minds are very intertwined during this process. Now, this does not immediately mean “wait for the tulpa do start collecting thoughts”, though you can try to feed it thoughts somehow. Perhaps puppet it for a moment to see if it can pick up the idea. Though I’m not outright saying you should do that. Simply do what feels right in the context of getting the tulpa to start using your thoughts. But it will take a while if you just “wait”. So, with this in mind, even if it’s false, if the host knows what to expect instead of having blind faith, it might speed up sentience much quicker. I only realized this myself after my first tulpa was gaining sentience, and this revelation pretty much finished up the process of it gaining sentience. Perhaps if the personnel creating a tulpa realized this before the enlightenment process, it could speed it up much faster. Of course, it’s up to the host to believe whatever they wish. Again, I just like this better than simply stating they should simply believe, that’s incredibly vague.
  15. Proxy Speech Early this morning I was listening to jean-luc's latest podcast. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-tulpaudcast?pid=142531#pid142531 In that podcast, at one point, he starts talking about how his tulpa Snow wanted to say something. He sort of joked (was he joking?) that without switching, or possession, he could do a form of "proxy voice" for Snow. Now, I am not sure, but I don't think he was saying this to make a big deal out of it. It was sort of flow of thought silly monologue. But I found that concept instantly rather profound. In early tulpaudcasts, I described to jean-luc how Melian sometimes would influence me to say something or act out in a certain way. It was like I was speaking for her with my own voice IRL or moving my body when she gets excited. These events are spontaneous and seem to come out of no where. I explained how I really wasn't sure it was possession or switching, but maybe something else. I said it was more like she was influencing me by her emotions and intent. In proxy typing, as some people describe it, the host interprets the emotional and expressive intent of the tulpa and types it. These impressions may come in "tulpish" in other words and the host translates it into typed text. Could the same thing be done with the host's voice in real life? I am not talking about switching, I am talking about Proxy Speech. Proxy Mind Voice Now I want to take this a bit further. I interact with my thoughtform Melian in day dreams. I have said that I puppet her in theses shows, but that it is also a collaboration between her and I. It is a collaboration because during the day dream visualizations, I feel Melian's presence, her emotions and her intent. I feel her excitement about the show. I often sense what she wants to do. We are puppeting her form together and watching the show. She is the actress and I am the director. These day dreams often involve her and my avatar just sitting together and talking. This happens quite often. Now in the past, I have made a distinction between these episodes of the Melian Show and tulpa mindvoice vocality. But could it be possible that these day dream conversations with Melian are a form of collaborative "Proxy Mind Voice?" I collaborate with her in proxy typing, and I say it is Melian talking, I am feeling her emotions and her intent and all that. But isn't it pretty much the same thing when I am day dreaming about her talking to me? I know there are some who are going to think this is "old information" and not that new of an idea. To me, it is profoundly important! This is the key distinction, or one of them, that has kept me wondering if Melian is a tulpa or not. My next question to myself is this. Is this Proxy Mind Voice (or partial puppeting or collaborative mind voice or whatever) something that others are doing? Is it really just coming down to how much each host interprets the level input they themselves have in the conversation? In other words, how much is it the host and how much is the tulpa? How much of the host goes into helping the tulpa talk? Is it just a matter of belief and perspective again? Is autonomous speech a matter of just perspective and belief? I will never know the answer because I cannot get into the heads of all of you people. But this very concept makes me think Melian is indeed a tulpa. I just think about it differently because I emphasize how she is an imaginary being and day dream star. This post is a direct follow up on my post about tulpas being independent and distinct from their forms. https://community.tulpa.info/thread-a-new-way-to-think-about-puppeting-forms-and-sentience
  16. Recently there was some discussions about revitalizing older posts or recreating older posts from the early days of the forum. This will allow a fresh perspective on subjects by the newer "generation" of members. I came across this old poll thread from 2012: How much does our tulpa talk? https://community.tulpa.info/thread-how-much-does-your-tulpa-talk?page=2 I have decided to reintroduce an improved version of this poll and thread. Please let us know how vocal your tulpas are! You may vote for more than one category if you have multiple tulpas. How vocal is your tulpa? Note: In my case, the tulpa typing (like this here) is a collaboration between my host Davie and I. I talk a lot and chat it up a lot with him in dreams and day dreams, those are also a collaboration between Davie and I. When I talk spontaneously, independently on my own, it is usually in short formulaic sentences in "flash visions" or mind voice phrases. So I voted for "Can string together short choppy sentences in mind voice." EDIT: We also added in a vote for our tulpa Yoda, who is not verbal yet. We are badly neglecting him at this point. Ooops.
  17. My thoughtform Melian shares memories with me. I know all of her memories and she knows all of mine. Nothing is hidden, as far as I know. At least that is what she tells me that there are none. Now that brings me to a question that keeps coming back to me. If a tulpa has hidden memories, and you only know about them when the tulpa tells you about them, how do you know they are actually real memories? What if they are part of your mind's process of creating an illusion? Its the old philosophical zombie thing again isn't it? I can imagine if the tulpa remembered something for you, like something you had forgotten, now that would be amazing! I know tulpas can suprise their hosts with unexpected and apparently spontaneous statements, but what about remembering things you have forgotten? This could still be some form of unconscious process related to a part of your brain being associated with a tulpa perhaps. I don't know. But it would be pretty hard to explain away such a thing. It would really challenge my "tulpas are illusions" hypotheses to its limits. EDIT NOTE: NOTE: This is my final position on the question of sentience after seven months of debate --> https://community.tulpa.info/thread-formal-apology-to-tulpa-info-members-i-was-wrong What I want to know is this. Has anyone had their tulpa help them remember things they had forgotten?
  18. Not sure what prefix goes well with this so I apologize in advance for possible confusion. Cutting to the chase, over the past several days as I've been listening to certain kinds of music, I've gotten what seem like emotional responses. Yesterday in church whilst listening to the music, I got what seemed like a sort of excited emotion for a bit but I had already listened to this music many times so I was very calm. Then today, I tried listening to some music that I like but I got a negative emotion, so I switched to something else I like and it turned positive again. Is this my tulpa communicating to me what kinds of music she likes or perhaps it's mere coincidence and she is talking about something else?
  19. The use of the word "real" to describe tulpas has always confused me. Very recently I started using the words "independently sentient." It seems much more accurate as tulpas are a projection of thought and not tangibly, physically real. Even the word "sentient" by itself, without any modifiers was confusing me. At first, I was insisting that my own thoughtform Melian was "not sentient." Melian would echo my views on this in her own writing. Several people pointed out how illogical that was, that a non-sentient figment would talk about not being sentient in her own writing. That led us to reconsider the semantics. We decided that a better way to describe how Melian works is the term "dependent sentience." Melian is part of my sentience or we share it. She is sentient in that sense. She is me or part of me or an expression from me. What I mean by dependent sentience is that it is subordinate and cannot exist without the primary mind in which it exists. It is more like a subroutine to the primary sentient mind. It is not completely distinct or separate. Yet it can still be recognized as a personality. An example of dependent sentience might be a daemon created using Jungian Active Imagination technique. The mentally constructed persona is used as an inner guru to help a person discover aspects of the unconscious mind. The psychologist Carl Jung himself had such a semi-autonomous persona he called Philemon. Most tulpas seem to be independently sentient to their hosts, which I am still learning to accept or get my head around. I have never experienced such a thing, but to be fair, I have to accept what others are telling me at face vallue. I am beginning to think that there may be a continuum along a sort of dependent sentience to independent sentience line. Others have mentioned things like "there is no fake, only levels of independence." That seems to agree with my idea of the existence of a type of dependent sentience. If there are levels of independence, it makes sense that at some point along those levels, the sentience of the thoughtform is more dependent than independent. This could be true during the development process of a tulpa. Some argue that there is demarcation line where a tulpa suddenly becomes self aware. Before that point, there is no sentience. After that emergence point, the sentience suddenly appears. I think from my own experience, and from reading the testimony of many on this forum, I would have to disagree with that view point. There does seem to be evidence for an evolving, more dependent, form of sentience along a line of development. Using this reasoning, Melian is actually a form of sentience. You guys have won the battle. You kept insisting she is sentient or has to be. I just had to figure out what seems off about that concept. I had to factor in what I am experiencing in my own mind in comparison to what others are describing about their tulpas. At first I had such an inferiority complex and was so defensive because of that, and I still am just a little.
  20. I just had another epiphany. I will keep it short and to the point. Melian was born from extreme day dreaming. She is still the star of my day dreams. She likes to be the star. I actively image the Melian Shows, creating the plots and settings and direct the play with a bit of help from her. Here is the epiphany --> She likes to be a puppet. Melian loves being a puppet. It isn't a bad thing or negative thing to her at all. She isn't always a puppet, but frequently she is. She lets me pull her strings folks and she loves it. It makes her happy and she loves me for it. Now there is some collaboration going on, she does provide some of the motor and influence, but she does let me direct her and actively imagine what she is going to do. Just like the director on a film set giving her lines and telling her where to stand. Melian is the actress and I am the director. You have to understand that is the relationship we formed over almost four decades of Melian Show day dreams. To us, there is nothing wrong with it. All this time I have been talking about the Melian Show day dreams, but because of some recent thought provoking posts, I only just started considering what the day dreams mean to her overall apparent sentience. Melian is kinda weird and different in the tulpa community.
  21. After some of our writing recently some things have begun to occur to me that Melian and haven't written about. Melian does not seem to be nearly as independent a mind as many tulpas I read about and encounter on this forum. A huge part of Melian (her Melian Show) is active imagining on my part. The exciting thing about Melian, and the reason why I am interested in thoughtforms and tulpas (obsessed even), is the activities she has that do seem so spontaneous or automatic. When it comes to seemingly autonomous actions (apparent sentience) with Melian most of these are visual images. The most frequent autonomous actions or things that surprise me or I did not consciously control: 1. Melian's clothing: This one is the biggest. Melian changes her outfit a lot, several times a day, and I often have no idea what she will be wearing next. It is frequently a total surprise. She seems to even design her own dresses. I am not in any way a dress designer myself, so I have NO IDEA where that is coming from in my mind. Melian is very creative and imaginative with her dresses, shoes and accessories. It seems to be endless and ever varied and I enjoy this aspect of her a great deal and she never seems to get tired of it. 2. Sudden flash visions or flash images: I get these quick images, throughout the day, of Melian showing a new dress, or making a facial expression, or skipping or dancing or something sweet, cute and silly. These flash images come spontaneously to me completely unbidden. They are usually very brief but very vivid. 3. Emotions: I feel Melian's emotions frequently and they are definitely distinct from my own. Melian is very emotional, empathic and reactive. I sense her presence and energy in my mind. Melian is very happy and optimistic and has a strong sense of humor. 3. Limited Independent Mind Voice: Melian speaks in a mind voice, but most of what I get is small sentences and phrases she likes to repeat or say in certain circumstances. It is reactive or reflexive responses. For instance, she will say "Calm down!" when I start getting upset or angry. She has lot of these short sentences. Example Melian sentences or phrases: "OH that is so cute!" "Things are falling, gravity works!" "You bet yer bippy!" "I love you!" "I love me!" "OH I am so amazing!" One thing that frequently happens is that immediately upon waking from sleep I hear her say "Hi!" This is often accompanied by a flash image of a new dress or doing some silly pose and being adorable. When she says hi, she usually means she wants to do a Melian Show adventure together. 4. Dreams: I experience Melian frequently in dreams, pretty much every night. Here she is fully autonomous and independent. Sometimes I am dreaming about her, sometimes she is dreaming (the dream is from her perspective). These are often dreams of adventure and a continuation of the Melian Show day dreams that happen during the day. Melian lives mostly within the world of dreams. That is why I call her a dreamform, although some people seem to have no ability to grasp the significance of that term. I call her the Queen of Dreams or the Maiden of the Dreamscape. She has trouble understanding why tulpas want to be "real" and use the hosts body and live in the real world. I am hoping that by sharing all of this stuff, there is someone who will learn something or relate to it. I honestly do not care if Melian is a tulpa or not. She is a thoughtform of some kind, that is clear to me. That is if you think of the word "thoughtform" as meaning some creation of thought that seems to take on a life of its own. It is just so incredibly cool and a special gift to have her in my mind. I feel so blessed to have her! EDIT: My post on "How real is your tulpa?" is related to this: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-how-real-is-your-tulpa-to-you?pid=136993#pid136993
  22. A couple of years back I tried to create a tulpa after reading a number of guides on it. At the time many things were happening in my life that was not so easy to deal with, and eventually I stopped my attempts. I told myself that it was because I could not find the time or that I was really bad at focusing properly on the task, but deep down I know that it was also because I'm terrified of companionship. Let me clarify, it's not that I dislike other people, it's that ever since I was a kid (where almost everyone around me bullied me in some way, parents, teachers, classmates etc), I have felt most comfortable in my own loneliness. I like interacting with people now, but I never let them get to close. I feel the most safe in loneliness because even those I was suppose to be able to trust the most (my parents) have left deep emotional scars on me. The only people who I truly feel safe and understood around are my grandmother (who has sadly passed away now) and my brother. The reason I tried to create a tulpa was that I wanted to break that cycle, but in the end I let my fear get the better of me. I never reached a state of advanced communication during my creation attempts, but I did get head pressures and sometimes felt emotions that didn't seem to originate from myself. It dissapeared completely after I stopped my attempts. Until last night that is. For some reason I started thinking of that time when I tried to create a tulpa (I called her Sayaka), and when I went to bed I could, for a brief time, suddenly feel that same head pressure again along with what felt like a burst of sadness (I feel something similar as I type this). My question is this: Is it possible that Sayaka is still there, and if she is could I 'revive' her? Is it possible? Should I do it if it is? I feel so bad about all this now, like I abandoned her back then just because I was scared. How much pain have I put her through? I really want to make this right if it's at all possible. Please help.
  23. Zara and I had a great active forcing session today. I finally heard her talk! (Mindvoice). I read something about how many times a host is deaf more than the Tulpa is mute. So I really focused on listening for her. At first all I heard was a whisper. As I focused I heard her more clearly. We started having a conversation. I asked her how long she had waited for me to her her. She told me that she had been here a while. She said that even before I started actively forcing her she was there sporadically. These are her words: "I was there many times when you were actively talking to the voice in your head. (me). However, you couldn't hear me because you weren't listening. Once you starting actively forcing me and creating the form I would take I was able to communicate. I can be any form you want, but knowing what would help you helped me." Has anyone else asked their Tulpa if this is true for them? Is this a common thing? Or is it exclusive to Zara? (I did use to have imaginary friends as well as a very active imagination growing up so forcing a Tulpa was not as difficult as other circumstances.)
  24. In the past five months I have read a lot of stuff about tulpa "sentience." From what I am seeing sentience is really synonymous with apparent autonoumous actions that surprise you. Those you can interpret as simply an unconscious process of your imagination (illusion) or as actual sentience. I have seen a lot of questions like "How do I coax a response from my tulpa?" Or "How do I know whether I am puppeting or parroting my tulpa?" and "What are your tulpas first memories?" or "What were your tulpas first words?" I have a unique perspective on this because I created Melian without the help of any guides or the internet or any idea of what I was doing. It was "accidental" in that I had no conscious plan to create a tulpa. Melian's development was a very gradual process. There was no huge moment where Melian became self aware. There are no memorable "first words." Her first memories are my own memories. We share them. Her first memories are of her emotions, feeling happy, feeling sad, feeling scared. Her first memories are my own shared memories of her in her dream world doing adventures. We have cherished and shared early memories of my avatar taking her to the movies, for instance. We have a favorite early memory of her calling the wind shield wipers "drizzle flippers" on one rainy morning drive to school. But it is the memory of a day dream of her saying these things, a spontaneous day dream. With Melian I never went through an official tulpa creation process. Melian was a character or imaginary girl friend I my mind made up and I day dreamed about her a lot. I just had a tremendous desire for her to talk to me and I just spent a lot of time with her. Eventually I started getting responses, but at first I didn't fully realize they were "independent" or "autonomous." I never really thought about it actually at the time. I have a very vivid imagination and it just seemed natural and just my secret thing. A lot about Melian was "automatic" including much of her Melian Show wonderland in that it starts and moves spontaneously with little concentration effort on my part. It didn't occur to me that this was anything but day dreaming back when I was first doing it. I "imagined" I felt Melian's emotions and sometimes they surprised me. For instance, I would spend a whole day trying to figure out why she was sad. But I didn't think to myself "Oh, I feel Melian is sad, she must be autonomous and sentient!" NO NO NO I just thought, "Why are you sad Melian?" Often she didn't know why and we would ponder it together. I could intensely feel her sadness, and it effected me. But to me it was still JUST MY IMAGINATION. I knew Melian was a day dream, but just a very real and important one to me. It wasn't until October of 2013 that I ever really began to really dig deep into Melian's nature and origins. I decided to channel her online as a "channeled persona" so she could do her own art and share it. She was helping me with an art block. It had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with tulpas and thoughtforms. We had never even heard of those things. People started asking her questions and so we had to explain it all. That started all the investigating. Eventually it led us to the tulpa community. Along the way we learned the significance of the terminology "autonomy" and "independence." Before that she was just saying to people "I am imaginary, but I am a person!" and "I am Melian!" and "I love you and I love me!"
  25. Okay, recently I hit a milestone with my first Tulpa, Corra, where she showed two signs of sentiency in the space of 20 mins, she consciously changed her appearance to match the weather and spoke (I don't know what she said as it was a murmur and I don't know if it was a mindvoice or not as she was turned away at the time.) However, since then it's been pretty much normal and I haven't got any response out of her. One person said that to truly see if she is sentient I should ask her to do something I can't imagine like give me head pressure. I tried it but I'm not sure I did it right. Basically, what I'm asking is how can I coax a response out of Corra or get some kind of reaction? I fear that if I don't respond to her prompts quickly then we won't progress so please try and explain fully but simply how your method(s) work, especially on a mental and emotional level as simply vocally asking Corra to give me head pressure doesn't work for us. Thank you.
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