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  1. Today
  2. Would you care to explain more about your daydream world, like when and how you created it? Is it like a paracosm of sorts? I am always fascinated by the abilities of that grey lump of fat and electricity in our heads. If not, that’s cool too obviously.
  3. one of my favorite series of fantasy novels, The Broken Earth Trilogy is written in second person, but other than that I can't think of any books written in second person
  4. Second person books sound like they'd be weird, especially non-children's books
  5. it's weird how so few fiction books are written in second person, but so many songs are sung in second person
  6. very cool re:zero season 2 started yesterday!!
  7. Yesterday
  8. Reisen and Tewi are rabbit youkai (Reisen's a moon rabbit, Tewi an earth rabbit), while Flandre and Lucilyn are not. They're all based on Touhou characters, though Lucilyn I made on purpose unlike the others five years later, so I gave her an original name (Lucilyn Suwa) instead of the name Suwako Moriya. Suwa being the name of the lake in Japan Suwako's name was based on too. You can see pictures (and extremely dated self-descriptions) of them at the start of our Ask thread, here: An introduction to/description of Touhou Lucilyn wrote years ago because I was too lazy to write it again myself: (Post is a little broken because of old [video] and url tags getting messed up)
  9. Related but different problem (with possibly the same sort of solution), old [hidden]stuff[/hidden] tags are also broken, EG IIRC old spoiler tags became hidden tags on this forum, but old hidden tags simply got un-hidden (and in many cases probably still fill up pages, like reviews of Submissions) and would be best to also convert into the new hidden tags
  10. @FiveFiction Now there’s some names I recognize! I don’t think anyone really knew the full extent of what we were going through. Our system drama got aired on IRC every now and again, but I carried a lot of guilt and shame over being a “bad host” that I kept the more personal (not interpersonal) side of things to myself. I also didn’t understand the core of our issues at the time, just that it was one thing after another for us and I never knew how to fix our issues or fix myself. Now that my perspective on tulpas has changed so drastically, I can’t help but wonder what was really going on when we were basically broadcasting our drama for everyone to see. Did I have some sort of weird masochistic self-hate complex that drove me to roleplay as someone else in an attempt to get others to validate my belief that I was a horrible person? Possibly. I was more messed up in the head back then than I realized. Probably would’ve done me a lot of good if I’d mentioned my tulpas to my therapist like I’d repeatedly said I would but never followed through with. Then again, I probably would’ve just given it a cursory mention and censored out all the drama. My therapist was surprised when cardscov and I broke up (yes, we dated) because maybe 5% of our relationship drama made it into her office. And our relationship had a lot of drama. But the PR board isn’t the place for my dysfunctional, real-world relationship history. That feeling like your tulpas were real is totally relatable. I believe I was just roleplaying, projecting my thoughts onto constructed “others”, letting my imagination run away, whatever. There’s no singular explanation besides “it was all me but I convinced myself it wasn’t me”. I think my tulpas were a combination of a runaway imagination, influenced by expectation (and fear), and other-izing my mental processes. But the real-ness of the experiences I’ve had will always stick with me, for better or for worse, no matter how much I try to rationalize it. Honestly, I’m a little scared about moving forward. Several of my tulpas originated from a daydream world I used to have, and my ideal is to return to something like what we had before, back in our pre-tulpamancy days, but I’m honestly not sure if that’s possible anymore. I got so deep into the “tulpas are real people” mindset and was entrenched in it for so long that I fear I’ll fall back into it. There’s still a certain realness to our interactions that tempts me to return to old ways of thinking. Just this morning I had a bit of a crisis fearing I’ve committed to something much larger than I intended and that it may be too late to back out now. It isn’t, though. I backed out once, no harm done. Kayleigh herself confirmed that she doesn’t exist outside of my attention. So there’s no pressure. I can back out, or I can proceed slowly, or whatever. My top priority should be keeping a level head and not doing anything I’m not 100% ready for. Maybe that one meeting was all we needed, that one last meeting to see each other off and confirm I’d done the right thing. Maybe I’ll remain alone in my head from now on. Maybe I’ll shift my focus toward lucid dreaming and Kayleigh and the others will continue to exist as dream characters. I don’t know. All I know is things went a bit sour this morning and it made me realize I’m definitely not emotionally equipped to carry on with waking interactions for the moment. Don’t worry about rambling. It’s a habit we share.
  11. is there an optimal way to listen to music most enjoyably without getting songs stuck very firmly in your head? I normally either don't listen to music much, and then I don't get many songs too stuck into my head, or I listen to the same few songs over and over again and then it becomes way more difficult to meditate because when I try to let my thoughts flow freely or clear my mind a song will always come back up
  12. Nice one! If I understand this correctly, all your tulpas are Touhou characters? I don’t know anything about that fandom. Are they all rabbits? ❤️
  13. Today I could say that I've mastered the voice. The pitch is still terrible though. I'm getting lost when I hear that growl, because it's so different from the voice I'm used to. There are also some issues with facial expressions. But I'm enjoying moving forward. And the hostey didn't heard my exercises teeehee
  14. Couguhl

    Chat Thread

    It’s no biggie! Most of it is stuff related to posts you wrote months ago lolol so it’s not as relevant to your last post. Some is just background stuff that’s related but not essential to my points. But an essential name out of understanding depression is Johann Hari, so I give a lot of credit to that guy. More background: But anyway I’ve had this issue with many drugs (for antidepressant use) over the years - mainly that they eventually stop working. Even stuff like St. John’s wort - it kinda works for a little while but after I’ve been taking it continuously it stops working eventually, and then the only option really in order for it to keep working is to up the dose. And upping the dose leads to me eventually taking massive doses which need to be stepped down again anyway, once they reach a certain limit where you can’t safely increase the dose any higher so they’re discontinued. Now I feel like ‘episodic doses’ could be more effective in some cases than continual, static dosing (same drug same time every day no exceptions) but this is against the prevailing view of western medicine, I’d say. My issues have been episodic - and while a static unchanging dose of mostly any drug creates a certain dependency and could potentially help me overall, it doesn’t help me during the times when I really need it, namely during the episodes. So that’s why I think a drug that could be administered that morphs continuously while essentially remaining the same (like cannabis in legal states - each variety has similar active compounds but hundreds of varying other chemicals that influence the actives further, aka the ‘entourage-effect’) could decrease the body’s ability to gain tolerance to that particular treatment, due to the changing schedule - hence keeping the effects more potent. ... But yeah everyone’s kind of different (their body chemistry) and I think that’s important to keep in mind. The most effective drug could look different for everyone. For example, some of the most common antidepressants that a lot of people have success with either did nothing or gave me horrible side effects, and the only one that came the closest to making me feel better was one of the atypicals that everyone else apparently hates and says is horrible, but I didn’t really have any side effects while using it, and I even quit that one cold turkey. Of course then I got side effects but that’s because I wasn’t tapered off of it completely. My point again is that everyone’s body chemistry is different. For ketamine, I’ve heard that people have used it successfully. I used to take dxm (which I can’t recommend) which acts on the same receptors as ketamine I think and has a similar dissociative effect. I characterize it as being kinda ‘out-of-body.’ It’s kinda different from psilocybin or acid (which tend to increase empathy or a feeling of connection to one’s surroundings), I’d say more disconnected, so it’s definitely different. However when I had those experiences, I was really surprised because afterwards there was a pretty strong antidepressant effect for a while, I felt pretty good for several days afterwards. I knew someone who was self-medicating with dxm (which once again I do NOT recommend lolol) but at least then I understood why he did it. And then when I heard about ketamine and that it acted similarly I could see why people were pursuing it as treatment, and I realized it could probably be pretty effective for me if even this nasty syrup was having such a strong positive effect. But it’s unavailable where I live lol and cost-prohibitive anyway.
  15. I admit it? I wasn't the one who said no to the tanuki suit
  16. I can't believe you'd say no to the tanuki suit!
  17. I was thinking about grape horse earlier, and it's been a bit over a year since I doodled the first one, so here's a little hour-ish grape horse meme neigh Also this pose is explicitly ripped from a pretty popular one, I think? It's probably not exact, but yea, I don't reference when I draw because I'm an incompetent so I was kinda just like hey yeah I'll do her like this and realized towards the tail end that I was imagining it from somewhere. You can only draw quadrupeds in so many poses though and I'm retarded so ayy, w/e
  18. Enny

    Chat Thread

    I don't have the brain to process fuck all of what you wrote, but you bring up microdosing in the last paragraph so that's cool there. Yeah, days two and three didn't do anything for me, unfortunately. Like, at all, it was dumb. If I'm gonna do it I've probably gotta up the regular dose to .45 or something, idk. I wound up just taking the rest of what I had yesterday (knowing that it wouldn't hit me too hard since I'd microdosed the day before) and actually had a kind of bad trip lmao, so that's cool. Was something like 1.8g's and I just felt really self-loathing and sad for about four hours. Wasn't in the territory of like, full on hallucinating and oh god this is awful but I've got five more hours before the hell ends, but yeah, just left me in a sad mood. I'm gonna take a couple months off of them and try it again then, idk. I can get my hands on about anything right now, so I'll maybe fuck around with small doses of some other stuff. LSD has typically been a lot more manageable so I could dissolve 100ug in some vodka and microdose that, see how it does. Or fuck, I hear ketamine has super lasting effects on a lot of people's depression, so maybe I'll look into that. Just gotta play it safe and make sure I can source it safely, do the right doses, etc. Yeah, sorry for just not replying to 99% of what you said, way too much for me.
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