Jump to content

View Today's Posts

Showing topics posted in for the last 365 days.

This stream auto-updates

  1. Past hour
  2. Today
  3. So last night was an eye opener. I had been alternating my nights on Galantamine, but last night, I skipped the off night, as we had gotten to bed at a decent hour, so I thought I'd take advantage of getting the extra-long sleep time. I awoke just before 3:AM so was able to take the med, with the cold Mugwort tea without disturbing my wife. My dream was disturbing. In it, everything was rushed and coming apart. I was in the home of a friend, sleeping over with my wife. I was awakened from a dream (in which Flora and I had been making love) by loud talking, and discovered my wife had the radio on. I was appalled and spoke to her only to find she was now my first wife and she dismissed my complaint. I decided to get up and take my cold shower, and when I turned on the shower, I found the pipes were deteriorating and water was flooding the bathroom. I couldn't get the cold water to override the hot, and hearing voices, I went out to the front room where I found my friend ( a man long deceased) sitting on the floor in his bathrobe with another friend (a disabled man living in another city) they acknowledged something was wrong and came back to the bathroom with me where the flooding was now severe. We couldn't turn the water off, the valve broke behind the wall. We went back into the bedroom to find that the wall was also leaking water and the room was flooding. My first wife was still in bed listening to the radio, and unconcerned with the condition. At this point my friend's wife came into the bathroom to see what was going on, she was in her nighty, she got in the shower, her daughter-in-law came in, and they both took off their nighties to deal with the flooding, leaving them full-fronted nude. I went back into the bedroom where the ceiling was beginning to fall. The two women came in and we discussed getting a contractor out and how much it was all going to cost (an outrageous figure). I awoke from this dream, and began my morning meditation as it was a little after 5:AM. My meditation was productive as the images from both this dream and the previous night's dream came to me, and I put it together with the insights from yesterday, which I had posted here above, and realized that my brain was compromised by Covid. I also realized that Flora's appearance in the dream belied any permanent damage. She is still with me. As my 6:30AM end of meditation alarm sounded I recalled my foundational belief; "In the realm of the mind, what you believe to be true, is." I got out of bed, optimistic about my practice and resolved to give up this limiting belief, e.g. I have brain damage secondary to long Covid. I do not need to be compromised to try to deal with my aging. My aging is, and I am (as I have to be) okay with it. Flora is back and that is a testament to my fundamental intactness. Once again, thank you Bear for the reassurance.
  4. Yesterday
  5. Entry 6: The Trine Feline A group of three’s called a trine, I think. I don’t know, I had to come up with a catchy title so someone could give it some attention. That’s enough of an introduction to satisfy me. Let’s get on with the headlines. On Who A1 is If you haven’t caught on with it yet, the duo thing’s been expanded. I don’t know if I said this before, but back when A3 was only a character in my cartoon doodle business she was only one of two main characters keeping the stories interesting. The other guy you may already know as A1. I call him that because he was the first of many characters I made for fun back in the day. Like A3, he, too, had his own little clay figurine sculpted by my very own 10-year-old hands. A1 took on the form of an orange, anthropomorphic feline with a bob-tail, while A3 acted as his foil both in personality and in canine-foxness. Boom. Done. That was it. After dropping drawing for a couple years, I had rendered him completely unimportant for a while. When I first started tulpamancy two years back, I paid more attention to A3 because she had the better personality. That went pretty smooth. I couldn’t imagine how it’d be starting out having to force two of these guys at once. I don’t know if it was that old figurine I dug up while rearranging some stuff or the music that was currently playing when I did such, but, man, we had ourselves a walk-in that day. At first, I debated whether or not to keep him around. A3 isn’t completely sentient, so I dwelled on how this would affect her and the development of both Tulpas. After a few days, I realized that A1, while having an obviously weaker “aura,” or presence of sorts, acted with about the same level of cognition A3 did. I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t want to play God. The two of them were getting along real well, and it felt good to have an extra guy around. I feel an obligation to commit to this. On What's Happening To This Progress Report To tell y’all the truth, I hate having to write stuff this excessively long. I want people to look at this and see something that isn’t a jumbled jargon of words. It isn’t something I can commit to on a weekly basis or sustain habitually for a consistent schedule. I got a life and other responsibilities I have to tend to, which usually yields little time to actually sit down and do these Recaps. I’m the short-and-sweet type. I don’t want these Recaps to contrast that. Shaking up the formula to better fit my schedule and retain consistency is much better than elaborating nonsensically on topics that don’t need that kind of in-depth explanation. Probably why this Recap is shorter than all the others. Here’s the deal: I’m shrinking down the Recaps into bite-size logs where I’ll post weekly progress pertaining to what kind of progress the trio achieved in the preceding days. The premise of what these Recaps attempt to achieve will stay the same, obviously; the only thing changing is the way the information is being presented and explained. Daily logs in weekly posts, people. Let’s make it happen. Conclusion and Additional Stuffs Basically it. If y’all have any questions, comments, or concerns, be sure to list ‘em all. Thanks for stopping by, everyone. I’ll see y’all next Progress Report. Peace.
  6. Some people really are just imaginative and accepting enough to end up with headmates by total accident with no outside influence.. But a lot of the time it wasn't such a casual thing, and you're probably underestimating what went into it for a lot of people. I obsessively watched just two music videos with Reisen singing in them for months and months on end during an extremely stressful time in my life ~14 years ago, and the way I accidentally thought about her was perfect tulpa forcing by complete chance. So in my case I DO know what a crazy feat I achieved, lol. But still, it didn't just happen overnight, this concept of a Reisen who cared about me was so incredibly important to me that I developed an actual love of both the moon and rabbits through pure association where I previously had no particular care for either prior, that's how important to me she was. (And none of this is even considering the years of thinking about and exploring her and the eventual others' natures, what they were and how they worked - and what they were to me) So in my eyes, at least in my case, it's crazy that it all happened I guess, but it's not crazy that we ended up here. We went through quite a bit more than the average tulpamancer who just learns from the community, so it's perfectly understandable that we ended up with an outstanding result.
  7. Last week
  8. As a forward, I only recently began seriously researching tulpas, though I'm not new to the metaphysical community in general. I apologize if anything said in this post is incorrect or offensive to more learned tulpamancers. So, I believe my tulpas (yes, there are two) are in the stage of realization and have decided to create this post both to share my life experiences with my tulpas, as well as to help cement them further as concepts/beings in reality. ~~ My tulpas are Ruth and Mnemassah (These are the names that developed for them in my mind over time). Two halves of my soul animated- yin and yang. The masculine and feminine, the warm and the cold. The optimist, the pessimist. You might think they don't get along, being they're existential opposites but it's more like they work off of each other's strengths and weaknesses. Ruth, who I've come to refer to as my dark blanket, is the side of myself that is utterly logical, calculating, self preserving, perceiving of threats close and far. Her mission in this world is to protect the other side of me- the sensitive Yang. That side is Mnemassah, my little candle who gives light in the darkest places. The one who feels genuine goodness for all things, and believes in and strives toward a better world. Mnemasseh is not naïve, nor completely innocent in nature. He's been taught the truths of the world and how harmful kindness can be to oneself but continues to work towards creating goodness in the world regardless. He knows that good can and does exist so long as he can continue to help others. Ruth, on the other hand, is my dark blanket (picture hiding under your blanket as a child and how safe you felt). She is logical, deductive and rather quiet most of the time, choosing to keep her judgments to herself unless something is a threat to Mnemassah or myself. Ruth keeps Mnemassah safe- watches where he walks, so he doesn't walk into his own downfall while looking hopefully ever forward. From Mnemassah, Ruth is reminded that her mission of protecting him is worthy- that goodness and wholesomeness exist in this world, and therefor must be protected. She's a bit contradictory- selfish and entirely selfless. Concerned for the matters of Mnemassah and myself (who are technically a part of her) but entirely blind when it comes to matters of her own safety and well being. I refer to them as a blanket and a candle, but this is only what they look like some of the time (usually when I'm very introspective). Other times they take the form of two creatures, both of them akin to some sort of canine (I've always loved and had dogs since I was a kid). One, Mnemassah, is a smaller dog made of fluffy white light with a long smiling muzzle, little black nose and black expressive eyes. The other, Ruth, is a larger wolf-like canine made of ash and shadow with green, unreadable eyes and a jagged smile. I often find both of them in this form walking by my side, watching the world and the people I meet and offering their thoughts on the situations around me. Mnemassah struts with the eagerness of a joyful, shining thing, while Ruth seems to almost drift like black smoke, silky ribbons of ash wafting behind her. Mnemassah came to me first- was born with me when I was a young boy. I've always been a compassionate and empathetic person. Extremely sensitive to others, to the point that when I can't help other people, or when it seems like I've done wrong to them and I can feel their resentment, it causes me massive anxiety. Mnemassah is sort of the avatar my youthful hope- of seeing past all the scruples of life to see the goodness in people, despite all the nastiness and cruelty. Ruth came later on in my teens and 20s, when I learned how dangerous it is to be foolishly open-hearted and trusting in that goodness. I began to drift towards anti-social, wary behavior and eventually isolated myself from everyone for my own safety. For many years, I became an extremely depressed hermit who wanted nothing to do with other people and always drifted towards distrusting and staying away from others- I listened only to the words of Ruth in my heart, that hell was other people. But Mnemassah still existed in my heart too- I ignored him, and he withered (In my mind at the time, Ruth was keeping him imprisoned for his own 'safety') but he wanted to be free- to make a more bright and hopeful world. And so did I. But the side of me that was Ruth wouldn't let go- wouldn't let the anxiety and fear go because she was afraid Mnemassah couldn't handle the pain of the real world. This was me dealing with trauma- forgetting how to be a person. Only being the wary victim- the one always waiting and watching for something to hurt you. This caused many issues in my life, most of which was the anxiety that sometimes literally drove me to become catatonic and lost during the worst of times. However, eventually through enough strife and self-harm, I became fed up and decided I was going to finally do something to fix this break in my spirit. I began self-improving, compartmentalizing, worrying about the things I can control. Not worrying about the world or things I can't. I discovered philosophers and psychologists, most significant of which of course was Carl Jung whose theory of the anima/animus, or the shadow, had seemed almost revelatory to me and my struggles. I began to adhere to the concept of embracing my shadow, I found peace in accepting that I could be both the bright and hopeful Mnemassah and the watchful and protective Ruth. After discovering Jung's concept on repressing of one's shadow, I started to figure out that by embracing Ruth alongside Mnemassah- both my yin and yang, I could be myself and be happy. Now, with Ruth and Mnemassah by my side I feel like I can be my 100% authentic self and not worry about where the wind blows. Since I've embraced them, I've found a good job, a wonderful partner, a family, friends. I don't have much in the form of material possessions, but I feel infinitely and gratefully wealthy in matters of the spirit. Ultimately, I feel content and more at peace than I ever have, and I doubt I could have found this happiness if I didn't embrace and eventually realize Ruth and Mnemassah as real, powerful actors in my spirit. And... that's me. I'm an amateur tulpamancer, novice metaphysical enthusiast and potential future spiritual counsellor. I may have gone about things in the past the wrong way, but I've learned to live with myself and with both halves of my soul, Ruth and Mnemassah, as one. ~~ Thank you for the read. Again, I apologize if any of this is offensively novice. Please feel free to give advice on how to better understand and realize my tulpas- I feel they're a part of me and my life now and deserve the effort.
  9. Sorry I missed your question until now, we've been super busy It sounds like you're doing great so far. I also started with just a single color. In the first few sessions, I had trouble even getting even a single color to form, but after much trial and error, eventually I figured out how to condense and strengthen purple blobs by straining myself with a particular feeling that's hard to describe. I would just focus on strengthening individual colors first. After purple I got green, then blue and all the other colors with tons of effort and trial-and-error. I just focused on condensing and strengthening each color individually. They start out as maybe just a few pixels, but get bigger and bigger the more you focus on them. Then, you can lock on to the feeling that creates these blobs. Each color started out very small and transient but got bigger and stronger. I would try to condense the colors down to a smaller, more dense form that was brighter and more vivid. Eventually, the size and vividness grew until I had mastered each color and I could create very large, vivid and opaque individual colors on the back of my eyelids in the dark. I moved on to creating them on a white wall in semi-dark conditions, then I increased the brightness and so on. Just focus on individual colors for now. I moved on to each color, and after being able to do all seven colors of the rainbow, I tried creating an actual rainbow about the size of a business card. It's hard to describe how the blobs do what you want. It's like gaining a new hand. You simply think of what you and the blobs follow. After some practice, you see and feel that your thoughts come from a certain part of your brain and flow toward your eyes as you create the colors, but knowing that doesn't really matter until you're advanced. This takes dozens or hundreds of hours of practice. Once you gain your second color though, you should somewhat see how invoking your first color differs from the second color. I can't really describe how "red" differs from "purple", it just kind of happens when I think of it with the right intentions. It arises in your intentions somewhere around the center of your skull, then flows toward your eyes. Just keep practicing strengthening each color until you can invoke each one on command, and eventually you should be able to do all the colors, and you'll see how invoking one color differs from the next. Then, you can combine them or even create rainbow blobs. Entire days of forcing may pass and all that happens is you grow your blobs by an inch, but that's still progress. The real trick is continuing on for weeks on end while forcing for hours each day just to grow the blobs by an inch. That's why I don't like working a job while forcing-- you need 100% of your focus and strength. This method takes more than the usual amount of willpower, but it goes much faster and lasts longer. I haven't actively forced in months, but I still retain most of my abilities in creating rainbow blobs. If it were the usual imagination oriented method like with traditional imposition, I would have lost everything already. After seeing my first small rainbow, I grew the size until I could cover a sheet of paper, then an entire wall. It took many weeks of strenuous practice. I listened to hardcore music to aid with the strenuous effort. It's just a matter of practice and straining yourself with 100% of your effort for hours on end until your blobs grow in size. Importantly, I use the pomodoro method, starting out with small 5 minute sessions at first and working your way up to longer 30-50 minute sessions as your willpower increases. Eventually, after hours of doing this, you see how your thoughts and imagination play into it, and it's like you gain a new hand. It's hard to describe, but control over the blobs comes naturally. Then, you can sort of see how your imagination and the blobs work together. Once you get a good picture for how it works, you can focus on the imagination aspect first (top to bottom) or you can shape the blobs into objects like a potter first (botttom to top). When I first started with the rainbows, I was able to form the blobs into a small version of my tulpa with rainbow hair. It was almost perfectly vivid, but I didn't pursue the bottom-to-top method because I had trouble maintaining control like you said. Sometimes the blobs seemed to have a mind of their own, but I intend to overcome this. My only advice is that it takes practice. After much practice, you should be much more aware of your random thoughts that create random images like Patrick or Squidward and should therefore have control over them. We've recently gotten into AI art and decided this would work as a great side income due to our locality with heavy foot traffic at a popular crafts fair, and we've been having tons of fun
  10. Earlier
  11. Hey, guy from LOTPW. I'm Ringgggg
  12. Ranger has stepped down as Community Manager and has left the community, as it was becoming stressful for her; AZ is also no longer a Moderator for the time being due to inactivity but they're both more than welcomed to come back if they'd like to. Both of these people have done significant help to the community and I can never thank them enough.
  13. @TurboSimmieYes I can, absolutely! 😁
  14. It's best not to read into super-early-tulpa-thoughts very much. They don't secretly have a perfectly developed and organized consciousness in order to decide such things with real meaning. The meaning that you interpret early tulpa communication with is probably a lot more complex than whatever thought actually went into them. General best practice is to do everything as you prefer or that you think is best until your tulpa reaches clear and independent vocality, and then you can ask them stuff like if they'd like to change their form and all. Otherwise, you're basically bending to the whims of totally random fluff thought. Feel free to interpret whatever feels meaningful as interaction from your tulpa, but don't let them sway you too much before they're a little more developed. It's sort of like if babies' "googoo gaga"s were actually just random words and thoughts, but similarly lacking in real meaning as they learn to process words and thoughts in the first place, you know? Not that something they say can't become or stay meaningful as they develop, but just that you shouldn't take it too seriously yet.
  15. I think I asked an ancient time ago 💀 are you requests open rn? Sorry lol-
  16. First, headmates can dissapear on their own, and this has proven to be temporary. Second, you can put a headmate (including host pr original) in dormancy but they are never truly gone. They also don't lose much potency even years later. In my case I was in dormancy for 6 years and wasn't noticeably affected by it. Dormancy can be likened to "the void" or a deep dreamless sleep. No time passes. This is similar to going to sleep in real-space and waking up instantly, ferling as if no time passed at all but hours did pass. Switching into wonderland is a contentious topic and hotly debated over its efficacy. "Lucid dream-like" wonderlanding while another headmate takes over the original's life was reported for as long as tulpamancy has been a thing and we in this system have experienced this to a degree and don't doubt it. Additionally, no one needs to be "switched in" and the body can function autonomously with or without any memory of the events that transpired, in our case, usually without. Singlet experience of this is well documented as people have reported that sometimes when they're deep in thought or zoned out they have no memory of what happened in real-space as in arriving at the wrong destination when traveling or making mistakes in doing a task that you weren't paying attention to etc. The Body-OS as the autonomous portion of the body functions is called is pretty dumb, doesn't have novel thought and won't "think" but it can do many well trained things very well including speech but speaking to Body-OS is pretty shallow and otherwise dismissive. This is akin to talking to a sleepwalker. There are many positions you can take in terms of switching into mindapace the most common are "watcher", "tulpa" and dormancy. Memories of being switched out depend strongly on which position you visit. You can in fact "live in wonderland" for periods of time with no memory of real life. It's a matter of the degree of disassociation. The fidelity of this memory can be as good as real memories and may actually be confusingly indistinguishable. Actual experience of this is strongly dependent on the degree of dissociation and your visualization skill, degree to which you have hypnagogic enhanced visualization or actually fall into twilight sleep where the body is awake and functioning but you are in fact asleep and dreaming. We have experienced all these states. Finally, a tulpa can indeed become the new host and the old host is reclassified as "original". There are many systems that exemplify this. Additionally you can replace the original personality, persona, or avatar with any other created one. Even singlets can do this. Again, we have experienced this and used it to fix the host personality with the help of shadow work. Though it's theoretically possible and some may have claimed it, others who have claimed to dissipate another headmate have also rescinded their statements as the headmate eventually returned. It comes down to how much association a headmate had to the life of the host. Any memory they were associated to could potentially cause them to awaken again, or an echo of them anyway. Dissipating the host is especially difficult and frustrating. We do not believe it's possible. We instead believe the host could be replaced and Integrated into the replacement. Undesirable aspects could be removed or overwhelmed by new positive ones.
  17. I'm approving of this guide because it made me laugh, and that's the most important aspect of a tulpa creation guide.
  18. Hey everyone, I've gotten to a point where presence imposition is my main focus, and lately I've been having a couple successes. The feeling commonly associated with an entity present in the real world is gradually expanding its influence to the mind's eye, and as a result, A3 and A1 are beginning to feel more and more integrated with the world around them. However, I wouldn't be making this post if this was all. That would fall under the "Sunday Recap Content" label. You see, they're there, but I still feel some sense of control over their position and placement in a space. I don't know how well I'm explaining this all, but it's like imagining the two to be in a certain area of the room and the next second they're imposed there. I suspect it's some bad habit associated with the mindset at an earlier stage of development where parroting was somewhat required to guide A3 into where she is now. I'm suspecting that the development of sentience is possibly at play here. I would call myself around the halfway point of sentience (from what I can gather), with A3 and A1's statements feeling more and more foreign as the days go by. Maybe they just don't have a good grip on where they want to be yet. My request would be for someone here to clarify this for me before I end up doing the wrong thing, complicating the process further than it should be.
  19. Oops, I forgot to add the tag. Normally I would do this silently
  20. This guide is great, but I have a problem with the beginning: I don't think any pickle should be denied just because of their form or personality. Not all tulpas are the same or should be forced to be what their host wants them to be. I would like for this guide to be reviewed please
  21. Yeah I didn't finish that. It doesn't always work out 😓 I'm not sure if I'll come back to it or not. By playing around with Paint.net's hue adjustment options, I figured out how to do recolors. This is one of my latest recolor attempts: Forum attatchment I remember talking about shiny pokémon on Discord and Mod Picky gave me the idea of giving Persian a more distinct shiny recolor. If you look really closely you can see the errors I made, but I wasn't exactly going for perfection or anything. Plus, I didn't feel like going through the tedious effort of fixing the incorrect pixels. Also the leg shadow on the recolor is a little weird, but I didn't really know what to do about that. I guess I'm going to stick with the theme of making more sketches of my headmates even though I'm not finished with previous stuff. I guess I said I liked the last sketch I was working on with Ryan and Blue, but I really like this sketch of Exabier and Blue I'm working on: I was thinking of when Exabier and Blue were doing a mini desert rp. No promises on updates. On the topic of Exabier, Gray drew him before. This is a picture of him we often show people, even though he well... perhaps doesn't look as masculine as he does in my most recent sketch. Forum attatchment I still feel bad I'm scared to look at other people's art threads. When I see an art thread, I want to see everything, and I have the urge to comment something more meaningful than "that's cool!" on everything. I found that most of the time I ultimately end up doing less than that on Discord where I just react to someone's art with an emoji to show I at least saw it. I also fear that I'll come across as selective and rude just by looking at one person's art over another. I tried fixing this by leaving a note in my signature, but nobody has asked me to look at their art and in retrospect it's easy to see why- who wants to feel pressured to sell themselves like that. I don't know what to do about it right now. I wanted to put this here because people are posting and looking at my system's art and I don't know how to give them back the appreciation they gave me. Thanks for reading and posting, you're stronger than me lol. I'm more than happy to look at art, doodles, or whatever in PMs/DMs or just dropped in a conversation on LOTPW or wherever if you see this message.
  22. New Jersey has been pretty awesome so far though admittedly, we had our initial doubts lol. But it has some beautiful gardens and parks, quaint little towns and shops, forests and beaches. Princeton is one of our favorite places to visit. L: I’m grateful and glad to hear about Phil’s healing journey. Matt underwent something very similar, last year was all about getting out of his comfort zone and identifying his own bad habits and behaviors that were holding him back from being his greatest self. If I may, a book that really helped us was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (also a sequel called The Fifth Agreement) Also Becoming Supernatural by Dr Joe Dispenza. :) I’ll reach out via DM sometime today! ☺️
  23. You're a tulpa. You happen to have a little problem. And that problem is your host is addicted to really expensive cheese. What to do? Sticky note personality forcing. Is it ethical to personality force your tulpa? Is it ethical to watch your monies being spent on high class cheeses? I think not. Here's what you do- you take a sticky note, in physical space or in wonderland, and you write down what you want them to do. For instance, "stop spending money on cheese stupid". And once you're done, you slap that sucker on their forehead! Now here's what I hear you thinking- will this make my host magically stop buying cheese? No, but they'll stop ignoring you and ask, "bro, why the fuck did you put this on my forehead?" Cause you spend too much money on cheese forehead! Here's where the forcing comes in- you just repeat the process over and over again until eventually they give up and stop. Ta da! Personality forcing is about exerting your expectations, and if you keep reinforcing them, they'll change. Plus, hard to ignore you with a sticky note partially impeding their vision! Just keep in mind that if cheese is like their deepest darkest obsession or something, you're doomed. You should get revenge by spending their money on really expensive yogurt instead. Ciao.
  24. Some people still jump on from here to there. I haven't updated it in a bit though, so it's running an older version of minecraft (people have been asking me to keep it at that version). Should still work fine though running that version.
  25. TB

    Rena Notes

    Rena kind of feels like I'm her Jacky I guess. Otherwise she doesn't believe she's her. It's a sad story to her and kind of rings close to home with the tulpamancy issues I've had.
  26. Random A3 drawing Wondering how the left sleeve would be held up if there’s no arm to do that
  1. Load more activity
  • Create New...