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  1. Past hour
  2. Pumpkin pie and some Samhain crap. Might try to include Danyla in the celebration 'cause they seem interested in that sort of stuff.
  3. After nearly three months of inactivity in this thread, I want to try and post more regularly here again. I have never given up on Tegernako or, as I sometimes call her, Tegi, but yes, there were some pretty inactive times when it came to forcing. My life has been, and still is, just incredibly busy and I constantly lack the energy and concentration that is needed for active forcing sessions. It was only some days ago that I realized I couldn't continue like that - even though we didn't have much time together yet, Tegi always has been important for me, since the beginning, and I couldn't imagine putting her on hiatus any longer. I really want to get to know her better, want her to develop more, to become sentient one day. I've heard from a lot of people using meditation/sound apps for their active forcing sessions and I'm trying that out currently, visualizing a coffee shop in our wonderland while listening to fitting sounds (a coffee shop sound combined with calm music and a ticking clock). The first time I met Tegi there (I think it must have been last sunday), she wore a bright red dress that contrasted beautifully to her very pale face and hair. It immediately reminded me of the red lipstick that she has been wearing nearly since her beginning. Just like the lipstick, I hadn't intended for her to wear that red dress, but I immediately loved it and was proud of her making her own choices. Sadly I still struggle a lot with talking to her. While actively forcing, I rather visualize and forget talking to her or I just feel awkward because she doesn't answer me yet. And when I'm doing passive forcing I don't know whether or not I should tell her what I'm currently doing - doesn't she already know what I'm doing (for example with simple, daily tasks)? What if I annoy her with my talk about nonsense? I think the biggest obstacle I'm facing at the moment I am myself. I'm just afraid of not being a good enough host for her or that she couldn't like me. I'm even questioning myself and my taste of music, books etc. - would she like that, too? What if she doesn't and I just push her away by listening to that kind of music/reading books that might be boring to her etc.? Putting these doubts aside, my experiences are that she in fact does like me. She sometimes randomly sends small waves of joy and emotion over my body (ca 1-2 times a day) and when I feel her presence, I just feel good in general. But still, the doubts in myself (not in her!!!) stay. I'll just keep going and giving my best for her.
  4. Ranger

    debate

    This thread took off faster than expected, it had a good run. College ruled paper is superior to wide ruled paper. It's less wasteful by giving you more lines to write on. By being less wasteful, it saves trees. Wide ruled paper should be shut down from production, there isn't any point to it.
  5. This usually depends on the system. When I am in the back, pain is optional for me. If I concentrate on the feeling I can experience it, but otherwise I talk to my host to try and calm her down while she is experiencing the pain. When I possess the body, I usually experience pain, but it's like a second hand experience. It is either less intense than it would be if I were switched-in and/or my host reacts to it first and then I react to the pain. If the pain is intense, I tend to lose control of the body because my host is no longer relaxed. When I'm switched-in, I feel the pain no matter what, and it becomes optional for my host. We haven't tried having both of us switch out when experiencing pain. I'm not sure if that's a good idea to try because leaving an empty front can sometimes lead to accidental tulpa creation, and I have no idea if a switched-in headmate can switch out while in pain. Some systems report feeling everything all of the time regardless of who was in what position. I think this is pretty rare.
  6. Today
  7. Doc Frankenstone, your tulpa does not need a form. If you cannot meditate for a long time, you may want to try "passive forcing". "Passive forcing" is speaking to your tulpa while distracted. For example, talking to your tulpa while eating lunch.
  8. Yesterday
  9. Seems like therapy is gonna get interesting soon, first sessions were just me telling her stuff about ourselves and the like. But yesterday she started doing trauma work with us and at first I thought it wouldn't work as we didn't even know what we should be feeling, really strong emotional amnesia for all the memories she wanted to work with us, so that makes it harder I guess. I was telling her how Miri or I were feeling as we imagined the scene, then at some point I started talking stuff I didn't know I was saying and I couldn't tell what I was saying because my words were coming out of my mouth faster than I could process them in my mind, I can't even remember what I said tbf. I noticed my voice sounded different and I felt less and less like myself, but still fronting, if that makes sense. I got really scared and just snapped out of it because even our leg was shaking lol, it's the same feeling we get when we backed off from a switch attempt. I guess I was scared of losing control and potentially behaving or saying really embarrassing stuff, but it's her job so I shouldn't be embarrassed. I couldn't induce this feeling again the rest of the session. Not much else, but this sounds promising. I really want to know what's wrong with us and feels almost like a self discovery journey. As for tulpa stuff... idk, we even lost interest in switching, maybe we accidentally do it in therapy and Miri ends up fronting, but nah, that's old. Miri and I are good being co-fronting all the time. I still enjoyed when Miri would sometimes take the front from me and we'd both front equally, we're aiming for that.
  10. Bear

    Living with L

    Even I feel like a projection of myself, so that's understandable. We're all projections in my opinion.
  11. Thanks for the comment. I definitely agree with what you're saying 100%. When I say progress, it's not something meant to coincide with for example an hour count, or a forced progression, just something to make note of the journey. 100% my main problem right now is forcing, specifically passively so the more that's embedded into something habitual, it would be considered progression. However it's comforting to hear that even your progress had stalemated many times, so now in the future.. I'll not develop any self doubt about the process. Helping Kiki feel at home and loved is the top priority.
  12. Last week
  13. [Ranger] I'm sorry Codeofibris, I didn't realize that. I would love to see the original if you have it or if you show me a new one you make. If you don't want to post it here you can PM me. Neither I or Cat are professional artists by a long shot (plus it took time for us to get to where we are now), and I like seeing people draw their tulpas because it's awesome but it's also a good way to build your visualization skills. [Cat] I started working on this drawing of Bune immediately after my previous work on Ranger, but I slowed down because a little bit of magic happened and I wanted to give it more time. It was a complete accident, but I got a really cool effect with Bune's eyes. And the hair looks nice too I think. I went with the floating glasses and I didn't form the shoes/hands because I was getting a little frustrated and I was afraid of ruining it. Also this helped me realize I need to practice drawing suits... [Bune] Even though it does not look exactly like me, I am very pleased with the result and it was a wonderful birthday present. I noticed I adjusted my form slightly to better match the illustration as well.
  14. JGC

    Tulpa Movie Night

    No movie night tonight, sorry!
  15. I can actually relate, though I don't have dysphoria, I had a bad accident and they had to bind me across my chest for a week or something and that flipping thing was tight and it h u r t and it dug into my skin and actually cut me too, which is crazy. Anyway, welcome and we look forward to hearing more from you! We like picrews, even though we never found one we liked for ourselves, so I had to learn to draw, long story.
  16. Welcome MrMaurio! Skeptics allowed! Please feel free to ask any questions in Beginner Questions General if you have any questions. I also recommend reading some creation guides and Progress Reports to give you a better idea of what tulpamancy is all about. Fun fact: My host sometimes uses Pauline as her form.
  17. JGC

    Ashley's Lounge

    Man, this is a little weird for me because even before Cassidy, I'd had Gavin. But I'll still be answering for now compared to September 2018. 1) My relationship with Cassidy is really different... I am sort of nostalgic for when he was almost like my "kid" and I had to take care of him in a lot more direct ways. Or maybe it's just all the control I had over him, and influence.... We had a lot of "firsts", a lot of what you might call the honeymoon period, up until about the 9 month mark. Then things started shifting toward a much more egalitarian setup. Once a guy came and asked if there was any way he could prevent his tulpa from taking views he doesn't agree with. He was saying that because he'd heard of some guy whose tulpa "forced" him to go to church and he wanted to avoid that at all costs. I just sorta chuckled. That's free will for you! I never could have imagined up the things that Cassidy believes: that's (part of) why he's not in my imagination. He's more than what I put into him, he's his own guy. He didn't start out that way, I don't think any tulpa does. It's a good thing, I'll go as far to say it's innately better or more fulfilling. Natural development is just better than anything you can plan on paper. 2) Man... I'm just days away from turning 18. I remember being 15 and I thought a lot that I didn't have a "thing", and I had the sense that I was waiting to discover it. I was a blank flank. Pretty early on, I knew tulpamancy was my thing. Since then I've pretty much worked tulpamancy and being a tulpamancer into my life plans. I think it's usually different for people who already have friends, jobs, even spouses, when they get into tulpamancy. Everything going forward is going to have tulpamancy factored in. I'm not saying it'll keep me from making friends, but I just know that I'm going to naturally gravitate toward people who I think would be more understanding of tulpamancy when making friends, because Cassidy and Gavin are so important to me. I don't think I could have a super-deep friendship without someone knowing, because they're so deeply entwined in my life. Met a lot of people. My beliefs have changed a lot. I've learned a lot in general, changed pretty radically from two years ago. I can't credit that all to tulpamancy because I know I would have changed regardless, but not like this. 3) No, haha, and depending on your definitions, I've never been a singlet. I made Cassidy because I wanted to return to the openly plural internal state I had with Gavin in his first life. My internal life felt so empty compared to what it's like when Gavin or now Gavin and Cassidy are with me. And I don't mean in terms of dramatics or conflict or things like that, I'm really not one of those compulsive daydreamers who needs to have an ongoing saga in their head. It's just... I guess I'm a lonely soul. If it wasn't for them, no one would tell me "Good morning" most days, and no one would tell me "Goodnight" most nights. They're the first people I talk with in the morning and the last at night. The closest bonds I've ever had. Probably the closest bonds possible, outside of your relationship with yourself.
  18. Since we had to continue with the hostess's daily life, we couldn't focus on solving this, but we did get small results: Ana possesses the body for a few seconds, but in general she is just a spectator voice that does nothing, even her visualization has been reduced to a minimum (at least it seems that she has already begun to visualize again, very, very little) Orion and I are the ones controlling the body at the moment, and we seem to find a difference between just using the body and feeling consciousness move forward. We need Ana to stop being a spectator voice and repeat this experience (she tries to do it by saying things like "this is my body, I can move, etc). We are not sure, but a while ago she could have moved three steps and sat on her own, it was only an instant where I left the body. Gives us hope
  19. [Moltosha] I am experimenting with an alternate color. #885533 (Chrome's color) #996644 #aa7755 #bb8866 #cc9977 #ddaa88 [Moltosha] test (#aa7755) [Moltosha] test (#bb8866) [Moltosha] I like #bb8866 more
  20. Ranger

    CM's Tulpa Art Thread

    I'm sorry for falling behind, I wish I could keep up. I agree, but I like the final product a lot too. Both feel really natural and the expression that was captured is awesome. Aww, that's cute! I really like seeing scenes like this, it's really fun to see how headmates bond together. [Cat] I really struggle with drawing Duck, I tried to draw him siting with his legs folded and I got an old man shape and not a little boy's shape. [Ranger] Tulpas shall take over the world for being the best models! Your doodles don't disappoint, in fact they're so consistent I wonder if you could make gifs just using the art you already made. ...okay maybe I'll embrace a clothing style other than wear the same clothes everyday, give me time to think about it. Good luck Roska!
  21. I probably wouldn't call it inexperience. It was actually easier to tell us apart after a switch a few years back. I don't know what changed or when exactly this problem started, but I feel like it was gradual until it got to this point where it's actually somewhat of an issue.
  22. Put simply, no. We haven't swapped control of the body in about 6 months. I got another job around that time, and it made it really difficult to keep my focus enough to let go properly without taking control back too soon. Now that my sleep schedule is out of whack, it might be a good time to try, but I sleep 3-4 times a day. It might make things a bit difficult, but definitely worth a try. I think Cel only woke up in front about two times out of... I don't know how many times, but a lot of times. I tend to wake up back in front more often than not. Still needs work I believe.
  23. Hi Khomyak: You will get a lot of pushback for claiming that tulpas are a result of mental illness, and I am not sure what "too imaginative" might mean. Imagination is not, in my opinion, a fixed quantity. We can use it, or not, and we can develop our capacity for it my using it by using it (like exercise builds muscles). Hope you persist and have fun doing it. Dr. Bob
  24. I chose to believe tulpas can be created. I made this choice before I started (wouldn't have started otherwise!) My subsequent experience has proven the point. I created a tulpa. I did not think about whether or not my tulpa would be fully developed prior to her birth. I had read references to 'young' tulpas here on the forum. Flora has shown development through out her existence. She has also shown the ability to regress and has. I am coming to believe that she shows me the aspects of her that I am ready to see. This would suggest that her entire lifespan is already encoded in our brain. Perhaps mine is too. Dr. Bob
  25. Mazel tov my friend. It is amazing how effective paying attention to being loving, can remake a person. Dr. Bob
  26. Earlier
  27. Pft, so many... Three hamsters, three dozen fish, two eels, a freshwater crab, two sharks, freshwater snails, three frogs, two rats, five cats, and five dogs, one of which was half coyote. Right now, zero, and that's fine. My favorite was my white longhair cat that was older than me and died when I was 17. What's your favorite animal? Is it different from your headmate(s) favorite?
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