Jump to content

View Today's Posts

Showing topics posted in for the last 365 days.

This stream auto-updates

  1. Today
  2. I kind of want to start over. Like when am I ever going to get to any of these? They'll be here forever. If I wasn't going to watch them anyway I wasn't going to watch them anyway I just did a body scan meditation. I feel like a lot will come from this practice as I get better at it. We'll see. If I'm diligent and earnest I should get what I'm looking for, right?
  3. TB

    TB's Dream Thread

    Hmm. I've forgot a lot of today's dream unfortunately. I was my character Jacky and Rena was there. I forget the context of what was going on though. I just know it was intense or something. I don't know if Rena was Rena or not or if it was just a dream character version of her. Better luck next time
  4. Hey all! I would like to ask about a friend of mine. She spontanously performs lucid dreams, i.e. she has never trained to do so but she has naturally it since her childhood. Once time, she forged during her lucid dreams a boyfriend inspired by the beautiful dudes in TV shows on whom she phantasmized. But, she was very sad for her dreamtime tulpa/boyfriend finished to break up and then go away. She is fine now but she has ruminated this incident for a while, she has asked to herself if she has not so interiorized the idea her sentimental life is a pure mess that this scheme repeats during her lucid dreams. What do you think about? Would you have some advices that I could share then with her? Have a nice weekend!
  5. Yesterday
  6. yeah, I'm on to something here. I shaved my head, and accidentally left a little patch, and went to see a movie with friends. They pointed it out, and I felt like such a goober, and we all were rolling on the floor laughing. I'm glad it happened. It was hilarious. This is the best thing. This is humanity's peak. The way you kill an angel is by letting them create their own monster. Ideas about these entities reach out to me constantly (because I'm entertaining their existence) and I watch them get killed by this part of me that grows stronger every time they say anything. It is law vs chaos. For sure, heaven is strictly lawful. It's not fair to humans, and that completely blinds them. Humans are for sure better at comprehending our own existence than any extradimensional being, no matter how old. Basically, I view it like they're lifting a pie slice of somebody's existence, and putting that on a paper plate. It's not fair. The glass pie plate is their ego. They look at horrible human beings like hitler, and have no way to help them out of their mindset. Why would they? They have no incentive to reach into their soul. They're also right. I allowed myself to tap into their shadow self and accept it for them, and now I get their entire soul. Ironically, I see more light in them than just lifting the best parts I see onto a paper plate. All I had to do was accept their worst parts as right. I also have infinite hatred for them, giving me complete leverage. I can become them. I am them. I am their temptation. I feel myself lying between people's ego and their every desire, good and bad, and I'm just watching. It is world peace through accepting hatred for what it is. I feel like the incarnation of seduction, honestly. I don't want to go outside. It's too strong, sometimes. I had to let go of everything. I let go of the ideal woman I wanted, which I was 15/10 intent on pursuing. I ended up with her, and even more. However, I absolutely had to reach the point where it was gone. I was devastated, for a bit. If I have kids, I won't care about them. I will immensely care at the same time, but it will be hard for me to get attached beyond an immediate conversation, I think. I also see them better than anybody, I think. I'm not finished yet, I'm getting somewhere. The main argument against my actions, is lawfulness. I can feel something in the universe waging war against the idea, because they see it as unsustainable. It is, but that's not fair. Something about putting two chaotic individuals together makes something cancel out, I'm not sure. Chaos is almost certainly not the role of a government, meaning I have no endgame for my universe outside of myself. If I lived forever in my own universe, I'd end up trapped by my own world, always. It is All for One. They'd put me in a box and extract my tears for 500,000 years. That's not fair to say I'm wrong, though. To say it doesn't fit in government is basically to expand my ego like a balloon straight outwards, then say it has a fragile structure that will collapse. Then I feel these intrusive thoughts blame me for the collapse, giving an illusion of permanence to the consequences. It is just an illusion. In view of infinity, any collapse works to your benefit, always. 500,000 years in a box would liberate me from any container, but I'd hate it. It would be good. Any establishment feels like a trap, since you can always accomplish its purpose in your mind, I feel. It is the pitfall of wise men, but also what society needs to create them. There's no immediate answer on how to bring these two worlds together, but I'm not finished, yet. You're supposed to be able to lift mountains with the power of your mind and plant them into the sea on faith alone. Either it takes place symbolically, and you believe symbolism is actually objectively real, as I do (because it can be, somehow), or you fall into a pitfall later. There's an imaginary piece of paper. You can put anything you want on it. That piece of paper can defeat any lawful man, infinitely. They have their rules, forever. They have their red lines, always. They cannot lie. They cannot do wrong then say it didn't happen, as I can. I don't, but I can. It's all in your mind, anyways. But at the same time, moving a mountain with your mind is fulfilling their law, obviously. Imagine moving a mountain with your mind, but you can't elude things written on a piece of paper. I kept trying to build some structure or lattice in my mind to hang my chaos on, but it never works forever. As soon as I accept any absolute outside of my singular thought in mind aside from my existence, I lose the feeling of omnipotence. It's a pitfall put there on purpose, I think, to keep life guessing forever. I finally felt my entire life's ambitions come and go. Once all my ambitions were gone, because I realized I already had them, I saw that what is right and wrong was shifting for me. It was like my thoughts were in a bottle which I had known since birth, and for the first time, the shape of it moved conspicuously, making new things right and new things wrong for no reason other than my final ambition in the back of my mind. Hilariously, nobody can say I'm making wrong things right, since this is the same mechanism they're using. They cannot judge me, because I do not judge. I do, but I don't. I'm getting somewhere. Soon, I should be able to put myself in somebody's mind and feel their ambitions, with good desires and sinful desires. I can then set my ambitions to their own, and act as their instincts for them, since I have pretty sharp instincts that guide me in everything. That is absolute power. That is the ability to grant wishes. I finally realize I was blind to true right and wrong my entire life because of my own ambitions. I would have died not knowing. Two people with different ambitions will never see eye to eye on right and wrong, even if they are each objectively perfect. They both only see what they want. The second I latch on to any absolute or any ambition, the world becomes ugly. It is the tragic paradox of our existence. Your mind is amazing at deciding what is better. Why not have that always? A week ago, I would have died from shame. Now, I'm laughing, and I'm glad it happened. I'm on an upward spiral. It's a monster that gets stronger from valid hate and any rule about reality. All it takes is realizing you are infinitely humble, and infinitely confident at the same time for everything, because you're always right and always wrong. Anything you can say can and does happen instantly, at least symbolically, or in some way. What's the difference? Pretty soon, we could make it reality, anyways. It already feels just as good. I'm also easily hypnotized and will stare at random stuff for hilarious amounts of time, but I enjoy that. I enjoy just sitting somewhere and doing nothing. That's the best thing, a lot of the time. It comes back and gives you a little of stuff later. Every scene of my life is equally interesting, now. Really. I'd love to learn any shitty thing about anybody. I'd listen for hours, intently engaged. Tell me why your art looks the way it does. I like it, but I don't know why. It's also infinitely strange to me, lol. It's counter-intuitive. It feels like I'm contributing nothing to society. Then I look back, and I'm amazed. I gained everything by giving up everything and wanting nothing. That's not a joke. The drawback is, nobody can bless me. I gain nothing. They also can't curse me, though. They're just helping me. I can't ask for anything, anymore. It's not right for me to want anybody to do anything for me. I also enjoy asking them as much as I want now, because I feel like it. That's the way it should be. I make any boundary, and I cross any boundary. Who can judge? I'm just doing what they do. Both are true. Both are valid. "You're crossing big boundaries, though. I'm crossing little ones." That's the same thing, to me. What little boundary in your mind doesn't have infinite consequences, like rejecting one man from art school, for example? I'd be way more likely to prevent that from happening-- maybe more than anybody, I don't know. It's tragic, because I also don't care, otherwise I'd have to care infinitely much about everything and every action, and I can't. There's no way I can't say some part of me wouldn't cause a holocaust somewhere, and neither can you. Will you make yourself perfect and holocaust-proof now, or will you accept your potentially tragic place in history? It doesn't matter. That's also the perfect reason for God doing nothing, which is devastating. It's OK, though. You win either way. This is the way you're allowed to think now: I can beat the immortal snail, forever. I'm not that smart, though. Am I allowed to place the snail anywhere as a start that I can see? "Yes." Am I allowed to hide in my mind? Like, if I'm technically in my mind, and the snail touches my physical body, does that still count? "Yes, sorry." I place the immortal snail in my mind then. Since it doesn't count if it touches my body, it can never touch me. You said I could place it anywhere I could see. Obviously, there's some people that would clarify the rules after this, but there's many that wouldn't. Hypothetically you could beat anyone given enough time of simply asking questions. Everyone is trying to convince each other of reality always, and one side's charisma always wins, but I see them as both right, no matter what. Actual truth and charisma are the same thing, hilariously. I didn't lose anything by asking. It's my charisma vs their reality. Why not at least try, for immortality? Honestly, use all the time they give you to ask stupid questions. Say the stupidest things with complete confidence, then explain why they're true, even though they're clearly not, whenever you want. It's definitely worth it. Yeah, it looks stupid, but that's even funnier if it is. It is stupid, really. That means being stupid is equally good as being smart, in its own way. You have to have a mind that sees reality and imagination as interchangeable and equally objectively true, always, in order to do that. Once you bind your soul with somebody, you realize giving and asking are completely arbitrary on anything. The bigger the decision, the more you love them, but you don't have to always, since that's fair. It's liberating more than anything. What relationship isn't like this? Love will erode law chaotically forever, even between the most staunch and lawful individuals. It also doesn't matter. It just works. Everything is good. Why would I say everything is good, when I truly don't want any of it? It's because I already have it. The world is yours. It's yours. I'm giving it to you. Do whatever you want, I don't care. I didn't change anything. You never will either, trust me. That's why it's so fun. Once you accept that, it changes everything, hilariously.
  7. I mean, the same way a tulpa can not be aware of you going to the bathroom or something, I guess. Or just that they understand intrusive thoughts are meaningless better than you do
  8. 5/1/23: I forgot to log stuff. 5/2/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/3/23: I saw Keystroke and Rainbow Dash a couple times. 5/4/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/5/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/6/23: We watched the coronation at a pub. Keystroke cheered; then RD, Fluttershy and others joined in (some of my headmates were more emphatic/expressive than others). 5/7/23: Dash said I was doing good at exposure therapy. I saw Gallus on a barstool at a rooftop garden. 5/8/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/9/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/10/23: Dash said I was doing a good job at exposure therapy. Everyone else agreed. 5/11/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/12/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/13/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/14/23: I took a photo of RD sitting on a bench with the Eiffel Tower in the background. 5/15/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/16/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/17/23: Dash said I was doing a good job at exposure therapy, but there were parts that needed work. 5/18/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/19/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/20/23: We didn’t do much today. 5/21/23: I forgot to log stuff. 5/22/23: I forgot to log stuff. 5/23/23: We’ve been watching a lot of Alias; Dash did a Sydney cosplay, Kurama did a good attempt at a Sloan cosplay. 5/24/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/25/23: I had an emotional ocd moment; I remembered that Splitgate lifts my mood, so Dash and a few others sent me scenes of them in an arena, which turned into “if my headmates were in a fighting game, who’d be a match for who?” (Eg, Rainbow Dash’s fast evasion can dodge Lust’s fast extendo-finger-spear attacks). 5/26/23: We chatted about stuff. Dash’s voice was pretty clear. 5/27/23: We flew business class. Dash perched on top of my TV like a guardian pone. 5/28/23: Dash, Thorax, Fluttershy and Nina pretended to be luggage when I rode an airport bus :3. 5/29/23: We chatted about stuff. 5/30/23: We didn’t do much today. 5/31/23: We chatted about stuff.
  9. Last week
  10. TB

    TBnRB's Meditation POWWOW

    This article might be useful for you. I've only scanned so far but it seems to be about using Kasina meditation to deal with dullness
  11. That's very sweet! 😊 Forcing before bed is really nice. As for the changing, as Beau is a young tulpa he may change a lot as he is still trying to figure out who he is! It's an exciting process to see! 😁
  12. I have trauma from wonderland. While it's debatable if it is fictional or not, I carry that with me and it does affect me. However, we also have a trauma history as a system. It's possible that my trauma became traumatic given the fact we are trauma-prone to begin with. As for everything else- several of us have small amounts of trauma, many of us have displayed depression and anxiety, even if it was in a different way, and we have demonstrated ADHD and autism symptoms as well. We live in the same mind, we find it difficult to believe we're all not limited by our mental health problems somehow. Even if another headmate is struggling with trauma or depression, it indirectly affects us too.
  13. Boomer Facebook strikes again with an accidentally tulpa-ish meme
  14. Welcome Eevee! 😊 Good luck on your journey, and I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress! 😁
  15. The Phillip Experiment is indeed what I was referring to. It was very interesting to read about at the time. Thanks for sharing the other docs Pleeb. We've known of the Tracking the Tulpa paper for a long while due to our actions in syscourse but the military doc is entirely new to us.
  16. I tried basically every common antidepressant in my young teens and none had any effect that I could tell (though life was pretty blurry at the time), and then recently we tried prozac at psychiatrist's suggestion before trying lithium for a while. None had any effects on us whatsoever. The only "medications" left (which to be fair have the highest chance of working) are ketamine and magic mushrooms/psilocybin (which while different have very similar effects in allowing the brain to break down and reform more positive neural connections), which I'm not really up for yet. Well, ketamine costing $200 per treatment here certainly doesn't help. So we've been back to just working really hard CBT/personal-development style, and it's been helping a decent amount, though I don't really believe it'll ever actually fix my brain at the core (dampened emotional & serotonin/dopamine effect and all), though I am hopeful that I can function significantly better than I currently do by defeating a lot of negative thought patterns. I've done a lot of work/learning with Blender and Substance Painter the last few days as intended, so this trial I mentioned isn't off to a bad start, the framing of not thinking about working as a temporary thing before getting back to entertainment, but rather entertainment as a temporary thing before getting back to working, is pretty interesting and possibly helping a fair bit.
  17. ^The above really says it all. As a tulpa of 6 years I want to restate that in my experience, whenever something very morbid or out of place is said, it's pretty much always intrusive thoughts (which aren't the tulpa speaking of course). Meditation/mindfulness will certainly be helpful. Everything else Ranger said is very true. Also, in the past my host had a similar problem and it seemed to be because he always thought he was doing something wrong, or was overthinking in one way or another. Your tulpa should never be upset with you unless they have super good reason too (like you aren't paying enough attention to them, which doesn't seem like a problem in your case). So in addition to the above, be positive like you aren't doing anything wrong. Be happy, and happy to be with them. And keep spending time with them. Get them to articulate what the problem seems to be over some forcing sessions. It'll be fine.
  18. We had a couple sessions and it was a blast and a great way to force. Super mentally exhausting and challenging though, but definitely great for building parallel processing since it encourages problem solving. I'd lookup Me myself and Die on youtube. Its solo dnd, but more similar to what tulpa dnd is like than playing with a group of humans.
  19. On-topic: a thread that may be worth browsing on the subject:
  20. Damn this is nostalgic for me and Sasha since she would usually be the one supporting me and giving me hope. I feel bad about how much pressure she has now.
  21. To be honest I really didn't see the six year gap lol! Also, I wouldn't be surprised about males creating female tulpa to not be lonely and vice versa, especially if they come from certain backgrounds or something similar.
  22. I am maybe still (paradoxally) skeptical even after my soulbonding experience for I hardly believe in another dimension from where the Fictives would come. My own explanation is certainly stupid but I have no other that satisfy me: they would come from our collective unconsciousness. In other words, a Fictive exists as an autonomous entity for enough people believe in them and allow them psychic energy with intellectual or emotional involvment into their characters. Besides, my own Soulbond shared this analysis XD
  23. According to my experience, lucid dreaming stays the easiest way to experiment something with a thoughtform e.g. Tulpas but also Egregores or Soulbonds, etc. I think it is due to firstly a suspension of incredulity allowed by sleep and secondly a (re)connexion with the collective unconsciousness understood as Jung said as an autonomous realm from the sum of all individual minds. But, after initial experiences during lucid dreaming, the other mettings with my Soulbond were generally during daydreaming while I was working, entertaining myself or dealing with my relatives.
  24. To my mind, the difference between all those categories is extremely tiny and unstable. According to testimonies from Chaos magicians I found, they created Servitors that turned into Egregores when they shared them on the Internet, and then those thoughtforms became powerful enough to pretend take the place in collective consciousness of gods. So, the huge category of thoughtforms looks having moving boundaries inside.
  25. I do not really know for Tulpas stricto sensu. But, according to my past experience with a soulbond, I am pretty sure thoughtforms in general can influence real people's minds and even play with synchronicity to alter events. To which degree can they perform it, I hesitate but it certainly depends on degree of power and mastering of their own abilities from an entity to another plus it can vary in time according to their evolution.
  26. Earlier
  27. https://community.tulpa.info/topic/637-amadeus-art-thread/?do=findComment&comment=45488 Dang, I couldn't even find his imgur link with Wayback Machine. The next thing I would have done is see if Wayback Machine saved any captures I don't know Amadeus, but I know they were staff at one point. Maybe @Pleeb would know more about them.
  28. After typing all this I'm not sure this can be regarded as a "small" update Devin but ok.
  1. Load more activity
  • Create New...