I'm getting worried I might be losing her

[Rhea]

For the past two weeks or so, I've been going through a series of stressful events that have caused a sharp drop in my sleep quality, despite taking sleep meds, and my ADHD symptoms have been flaring up a lot as a result.

 

I've been living the past two weeks like in a fog, can't concentrate on anything, and even my own body just feels distant and numb, and it's been greatlt affecting my ability to meditate and force, as well as communicate with Seraphina, and it's not for lack of trying.

 

Every time I try to meditate, I end up snapping to reality and realizing I just spent the last 25 minutes staring at the wall with random thoughts racing through my mind, barely remembering any of them, and when I try to force with Sera it's the same thing. I'll start talking to her, and then as she's talking to me my mind will start drifting and disconnecting with reality. I feel like an absolute jerk for putting her through that. 

 

The problem is, presumably because of all that, I've been having more and more trouble hearing her voice consistently over the past week or so, and she's gone back to using mostly raw thoughts and shorter sentences, although she typically does a bit better when I proxy for her. She assures me she's fine, but she always says that, and I'm getting really worried this whole situation is hurting her and her development and independence and I'm worried sick of hurting or even losing her.

 

I hope she's right and she's fine but even then how do I get out of this awful brain situation I've been in, other than just waiting it out? I don't know what to do and I could use some help from anyone who also has ADHD and might have been through those problems before.

 

Sorry for the long post, thank you if you read this far, and for any advice you might be able to give, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Tewi]

It's not weird for tulpamancy to be more difficult when your mental state/focus is suffering. You could say wait it out (though I don't recommend stopping practice - it's always viable at any point in time to go back to early development basics, just working on their vocality, though obviously parroting shouldn't be done once a tulpa's been vocal on their own), but problems like these don't really happen for no reason, so -

 

I would look into getting tested for sleep apnea, the most common culprit of poor sleep quality and frequently feeling tired or brain foggy no matter how much you sleep. There are cheap tests to check at home that only detect severe apnea, or actual sleep studies where they'll have you sleep at a clinic with a few electrodes or whatever placed on you (should be a comfy room though), which while very expensive can find all sorts of issues (not just apnea) and more reliably. Insurance (even medicaid) will absolutely cover the cheap one, while a full sleep study it depends, but is worth finding out at least.

 

If they do find you have bad sleep apnea (whether physically obstructive or even just brain-caused ("central sleep apnea")) they'll prescribe you a CPAP machine (mask type might be preference, there's a nose version and full like oxygen mask version that's probably better) which (while it takes some getting used to) helps maintain healthy breathing while you sleep. The forcefulness required is a setting they adjust based on sleep quality data the machine usually keeps track of and long-periodic check-ins, so they can adjust it as necessary.

 

If this is your problem - people (like our brother) who ended up needing one say it makes a HUGE difference to their quality of life, removing the feeling of living under a fog or feeling tired no matter how much you sleep. So we recommend talking to a doctor about getting tested for this to anyone who it might unknowingly be the case for - though if you're a known snorer, even more so, snoring isn't really ever healthy. (We didn't even know we snore as we're very light sleepers and thought we could tell, but were told recently we sometimes do (and are getting a study done soon that our medicaid agreed to cover) - so it's really not possible/reliable to know your own sleep quality unfortunately, unless of course you know it's bad lol)

[Rhea]

41 minutes ago, Tewi said:

You could say wait it out (though I don't recommend stopping practice - it's always viable at any point in time to go back to early development basics

Thank you so much for your response. I'm definitely not giving up on practice, and on her. I just hope there's something I can do to make sure this state I've been in doesn't come back once it leaves.

 

49 minutes ago, Tewi said:

I would look into getting tested for sleep apnea

I wouldn't think I'd have sleep apnea, according to my wife I don't snore, and my symptoms don't quite seem to match, but I'll take your advice and test it out anyway, the worst thing that can happen is I at least root out one possible cause.

 

My sleep is usually very shallow and I do a lot of what my therapist calls "depersonalization-derealization" with some kind of fever dreams. I don't know if that helps at all x.x

 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advice.

[Tewi]

Could be other problems that a full sleep study can find. If insurance doesn't try to be annoying, then mentioning brain fog & loss of sleep quality should be enough to get a doctor recommendation, though unfortunately it could take a while (two months for us) to actually get around to having the study done.

There's other possible causes too, but I'm not a doctor and don't know the ins and outs of your life, so. Persisting changes to your diet or physical activity, or simply the lack of physical activity or overeating or not getting the vitamins/nutrients you need, are common sorts of problems. A blood test for lethargy/etc. could do you about as much good as a full sleep study chance-wise, I think, but no reason not to try both if symptoms are clearly disrupting your life. A blood test can be done much sooner at least.

Edited June 20, 2025 by Tewi

[Rhea]

2 hours ago, Tewi said:

A blood test can be done much sooner at least.

It's a bit weird because I've done a pretty comprehensive blood test just 2 months ago and everything came back within normal ranges except cortisol levels. Still, I'll talk to my doctor about it, maybe there's something they didn't test for that might be the problem. 

And yeah, insurance is awful, but with how much it's been affecting us it might be worth it to spend a little bit...

[Tewi]

Oh, if you had a comprehensive blood test during these symptoms then you probably don't need another. It's possible for blood tests to not check everything as they modify what they test for what it's for, but "comprehensive" sounds comprehensive. Definitely look into a sleep study/getting sleep issues diagnosed then, and be aware that at-home sleep apnea tests do not find remotely as many problems as a full study does - basically only severe apnea. (Snoring is mainly present in obstructive sleep apnea - central sleep apnea (the brain kind) doesn't require snoring to be present. An at-home test mainly measures oxygen levels, so will find a severe case of either, but can miss still-significant moderate apnea)

Edited June 20, 2025 by Tewi

[Anden]

Hello, I would like to offer a personal account of a situation that is very similar to what you're going through right now.

 

Although it was not caused by sleep issues or ADHD, it shares the stress, immense brain fog, inability to focus or think clearly, a profound amount of random thoughts/brain noise, and problems communicating with my tulpa.

 

The details are relevant mainly for context, but basically it was a massive OCD flare up caused by painful life events, which resulted in an endless flood of intrusive thoughts, constant confusion, anxiety, lack of sense of self, etc.

 

I didn't really know who I was. I was living, but I could not comprehend reality or my own actions. Even emotions were hardly/inconsistently felt, besides a looming overtone of dread and apathy. Life felt like a series of disconnected still images.

 

Needless to say, this was devastating for my tulpa. We effectively couldn't talk at all, and it was hard to feel her presence. It was absolutely horrifying, I genuinely felt like she was dying.
I would ask her a question or try to chat to her, and she'd try to think of a response, but she couldn't. She'd just stare at me blankly with a sad/nervous expression. It felt like there was a brick in our head preventing her from thinking/existing.

 

She was still there, I could still 'feel' her, but she was... hollow. Like an empty husk unable to act on its personality.

 

Hope did not exist for me in those times. But, you've probably noticed that I've been using past tense to describe all these events, and that's for a good reason.

 

Effectively, this whole situation I've been describing so far has resolved, and importantly, it has resolved with basically no long lasting consequences.
My tulpa has made a full recovery. Shes back to kicking my ass at strategy games, enjoying her favorite foods, and having fluent conversations with me. I also find it important to note that her personality is the same as before.

 

I hope my story can give you a sense of hope/assurance. I want you to know that tulpas are 'durable' companions, and Sera will be okay.

 

For reference, my circumstances lasted for about five months, during which we seldom interacted at all, and she still managed to get back to normal after it all ended. I've also read reports of people leaving their tulpas inactive for years, and even then the tulpa gets better once activity resumes.

When you're first recovering, it might be a bit awkward. She might struggle a bit to respond, or to have coherent opinions about things, but this goes away with time.

 

I'd lastly like to share how it got better for us. It wasn't really one specific event that fixed everything, more like a series of small positive things snowballing over time.
It started with the painful life events I mentioned earlier ending. This caused the OCD to calm down enough for our brain to be relatively quiet, letting us feel like conscious beings again.
From there, we'd have occasional small talk. Really basic things, as complex conversations were still too difficult (for both of us honestly), and as time went on we just gradually got back into the groove. From hollow, short sentences, to emotionally vibrant lengthy discussions.

The whole process took about two weeks. Id also like to distinguish this recovery period from the early stages of forcing. It didn't feel like recreating her from the start, instead it felt more like waking up from a dream.

 

We believe in both of you. Everything is going to be ok.

 

May Sky Team prevail!

[Evergreen Shadow]

We had really terrible brain fog in 2020, and we learned retrospectively it was caused by our trauma. It affected Gray's ability to talk to everyone, especially cobuds like me who weren't as established in the mind as Ranger was.

After that year, things got better. At the time, we didn't know why

We thought it was a sleep disorder at the time, it wasn't. We do have ADHD, but the more important thing I think is we dissociate a lot when we're stressed (as in the emotional, becoming numb and getting brainfog kind).

Once we had a better understanding of our trauma and how to manage it, suddenly the brainfog problems that would come up from time to time would go away. We don't have issues with our mindvoice being dampened anymore because we can identify the trauma trigger causing the brain fog.

I hope this helps. It's an important issue for me, especially since it affected me a lot at the time. I find it a bit stressful, but understanding it was trauma triggers is such a relief.

[The Incans]

I don’t meditate at all but just talk to my Tulpa’s throughout the day and we use video games as that helps me keep focused and engaged in the activity. our in-game character is usually based on Jess but sometimes Kitty also comes out to play she tends to prefer games like Stardew Valley though where she can create her family in game  - she does have her own family in our wonderland and tends to just come out when I need help with stuff like cooking for us or getting organised to tidy up. …..whereas Jess loves fantasy and action stuff and just enjoying being in the moment of the adventure of with me.  

 

I can have Jess playing handheld mode on the switch whilst Kitty and I are watching a quiz on TV and shouting out the answers..weirdly some kinds of multi-tasking we’re great at…other times it’s challenging to cope with more than one thing at once! 

Edited June 21, 2025 by The Incans

[Rhea]

13 hours ago, Tewi said:

Definitely look into a sleep study/getting sleep issues diagnosed then

Thank you, I'll see if I can start with the home test, so we can save a bit of money if it turns out to be the more severe kind.

 

9 hours ago, Anden said:

I would like to offer a personal account of a situation that is very similar to what you're going through right now.

Thank you so, so much for you response Anden, and for your words of encouragement.

I'm sorry to hear about what you went through, my wife has OCD and I can tell it's extremely difficult to go through at times. I'm so glad to hear you've made it out of that flare up event.

9 hours ago, Anden said:

We effectively couldn't talk at all, and it was hard to feel her presence. It was absolutely horrifying, I genuinely felt like she was dying.

This is how it feels right now... When I concentrate a lot and talk to her I can hear her faintly, in little bursts, but then my mind spirals again and then she's gone...

But to know this isn't permanent is reassuring, even though it doesn't feel that way right now. I'll continue to try to talk to her, I'm not giving up on her.

Thank you again so much for your response, it really warmed my heart, and is giving me hope that things will be okay^^

 

 

5 hours ago, Evergreen Shadow said:

We had really terrible brain fog in 2020, and we learned retrospectively it was caused by our trauma

I'm sorry to hear you had an experience like that... I didn't want to mention it because I really don't like thinking about it, but the biggest stressor from the last two weeks was a forgotten memory resurfacing... But I really don't know if all the symptoms are caused by that, or ADHD, or sleep problems, or something else, or a mix of all those things. Every time I get anxious my symptoms get worse, if that's any indication...

 

5 hours ago, Evergreen Shadow said:

We do have ADHD, but the more important thing I think is we dissociate a lot when we're stressed (as in the emotional, becoming numb and getting brainfog kind).

Okay well I hadn't read ahead but yeah stress seems to be a big factor for me too, and lack of sleep, which might also be caused by stress maybe? I'm not sure.

5 hours ago, Evergreen Shadow said:

I hope this helps. It's an important issue for me, especially since it affected me a lot at the time.

I'm so glad to hear it doesn't affect you quite as much anymore^-^ And thank you so, so much for your response, I think it does help.

If it's not insensitive for me to ask, how did you manage to, well, manage your trauma? How did you learn to better cope with it? 

I started therapy recently but it hasn't really been helping, at least not yet. My therapist says she wants to try EMDR, I'm willing to try anything at this point.

 

 

5 hours ago, The Incans said:

I don’t meditate at all but just talk to my Tulpa’s throughout the day and we use video games as that helps me keep focused and engaged in the activity.

Thank you so much for your response^-^ Your system seems like a really awesome bunch.

I also like to talk to Sera throughout the day, my hope is that she can be as active as she wants to be, which knowing her would probably be the majority of the time. I love talking to her and spending time with her...

 

 

 

Sorry for the humungus reply, I had a lot to say^^;