Concerns From a Tulpa

[The Bards]

(This wasn’t originally meant to be a rant, but I ended up having a lot to say)
 

Has anyone ever seen a tulpamancy guide that is… for tulpas?
 

I mean, it makes sense the fact that almost all guides are directed at hosts, because most guides are heavily directed at beginners and the host is almost always the one doing all the heavy lifting in the very beginning. But it was of very disappointing when we first discovered the Tulpamancy community and after hours of searching we couldn’t find anything for tulpas besides a few small lines. I personally went through a huge existential crisis due to all the anti-endo controversy. If I could have had a guide that talked to me instead of about me, one that talked about how to deal with the constant negativity as-well as the isolation, it would have made things so much better. It especially baffles me that there’s little to no information for tulpas on how to contribute to their own development once they gain independence.

 

That’s a trend we’ve noticed in most tulpa spaces actually. There’s almost always an assumption that the person on the other side of the screen is a host. This makes sense to me when it comes to guides. Again, they’re usually for new/to-be hosts. However, what about places that are meant for all systems regardless of experience, such as forums, reddit, etc. And after a while it really feels like tulpas, despite all the emphasis on individuality and free-will, are at worst thought treated as something akin to a pet. That’s could be a huge exaggeration, but god it hurts sometimes. It’s not any individual person’s fault, but the overall trend is really really sad to me. And this didn’t just affect me, this heavily hurt Ocean, who was formerly our host. He always had this plaguing fear that she was going to kill us somehow, and that we would become what we were before. Characters. Concepts.

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if this isn’t a problem at all for most tulpas. We’ve always been hyper-sensitive to the differences between how tulpas and hosts are addressed, seemingly more so than most. Again, I don’t believe any hosts are actively trying to dismiss tulpas or something, not at all. I really hope this doesn’t come off as an us vs. them argument, more as a call to awareness about an issue that we have yet seen brought up.

 

If anyone does have a guide for tulpas, or one that’s meant for all types of endo system-members, I would be very grateful for a link. Otherwise, I think I’d like to write one myself. I don’t know how qualified I am, but maybe one day.

 

~ Bruno (he/him)

[Lucilyn]

guides are guides, it's much easier to describe a finite process in detail than how-to-literally-live-life

there's a lot more general advice in the Q&A and General Discussion boards where individual topics can be discussed without having to be a "complete picture"

 

our system writes advice that applies system-wide when it's relevant, and advice for hosts otherwise (esp. for the creation process)

 

advice for things like visualization, imposition, switching etc. can all be used by any system member, even if it's directed at a host

but, I think we tend to do a good job here of treating all system members as equal

we kinda don't like Guides very much personally

Edited March 17 by Lucilyn

[The Bards]

14 minutes ago, Lucilyn said:

guides are guides, it's much easier to describe a finite process in detail than how-to-literally-live-life

 

That’s very true! We do tend to better remember the more theoretical guides, even if we don’t always agree with them. I wouldn’t say I’m looking for a how-to-live-life, but more of a “here’s some stuff that comes with this that you might not have thought about.” We see stuff like that pretty often

 

We haven’t spent much time in the Q&A’s on this website. Most of the guides we’ve read have been from Reddit. Thanks for the pointer!

 

~ Bruno (he/him)

[The Incans]

Hi

 

I’m Kitty I’m a walk-in. I’ve created my own companions on the inside. I did ask the hosts permission as I do see the body as theirs but probably as I consider myself a walk-in.  

 

I ran ideas past them first when I co-hosted with them but I did most of the work involving the creation of my partner and son (from a past life) on the inside. They were created ‘from scratch’ and will remain ‘insiders’ …what we call our others that never host. 

 

We do consider ourselves a ‘mixed-origin system’ as our host has some alters too (who are ‘versions of host at younger age') I have adopted the youngest child alter and she lives with myself, partner and son inside. Some of ours are ‘changelings’ who can take animal or human form. 

 

We have also come across discrimination in groups aimed at the 'medical model' of plurality (ie OSDD/DID) who see it as something that should not be enjoyed and should be something the person finds traumatic and has a desire to ‘recover from’. 

 

Our hosts view is…if they have to live with the condition its their right to enjoy any advantages that come from their condition if they want to. They believe them being AuDHD means they have a more natural ability to dissociate so they find it easy to visualise and communicate with us. (though in the past not all 'External hosts' have been aware of the ‘insiders’..our current host though used to be an insider). 

 

It is possible though for a Tulpa to create their own Tulpa though ones who already live within a ‘system’ and have a host that also has alters may find it easier than someone who is more Neurotypical and struggled to imagine the wonderland or achieve sentience with one Tulpa. 

[Ranger]

I prefer to use my term cobud instead of tulpa and cocreation instead of tulpamancy

 

On 3/17/2025 at 1:48 AM, The Bards said:

If anyone does have a guide for tulpas, or one that’s meant for all types of endo system-members, I would be very grateful for a link.

 

I did write a tips and tricks guide and posted it here. However, I feel the guide is lacking at best and not helpful at worst. Spoiler alert, I have some non-cocreation related issues with my host, Gray, that we need to sort out before we can tackle that issue from a cocreation perspective.

 

I'm also working on a switching guide (at slower than molassis pace) that will be directed to everyone in-system. But don't get too excited- it's not my main priority, and while I'm on my third incomplete draft, transitioning to my fourth, me realeasing a completed guide or even a strong draft of it this year would surprise me.

 

We (Gray and I) have a couple other guide related things posted, but they're not relevant here. Anything we deem a beginner skill makes more sense to us as a host-focused guide, and Gray may or may not write for a general system audience if he finishes writing and publishing any of his other guide ideas.

 

On 3/17/2025 at 1:48 AM, The Bards said:

I don’t know how qualified I am, but maybe one day.

 

Don't hesitate to start now. I feel the more guide content, the merrier. Plus, if you decide to do some research, you'll have higher quality advice than 85% of the current practicing mancers.

 

On 3/17/2025 at 1:48 AM, The Bards said:

If I could have had a guide that talked to me instead of about me, one that talked about how to deal with the constant negativity as-well as the isolation, it would have made things so much better.

 

Like Lucilyn said, that's more general life advice and personal experience than guide material. If I wrote a dedicated work about that, it would be an article/essay rather than a guide.

 

At the very least, I left this response in a thread from a little while ago.

 

On 3/6/2025 at 5:12 PM, Ranger said:

To answer the main question- I used to feel really offended when I was younger, but now I don't. I was a lot more insecure about my sense of self then, but after thinking about it for awhile, I realized I don't need to "be real". If people want me to be an illusion, okay, those people can have fun lol. I am happy being myself, and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

 

That thread is about a toxic blog from what I'm guessing is a butthurt ex-mancers who felt rejected by the community and tried to make themselves feel better by fake claiming other endos. 99% of the time, fake claiming comes from systems insecure about their own system's validity.

 

I feel that learning to be comfortable with who you all are as a system is the best answer. This can be done by thinking about it a lot, but it may require trauma work too.

 

Sadly, there isn't an easy answer to how to cope with this. There's the simple solution of not reading syscourse, but come on, everyone is guilty of reading it (yes, even you random lurker reading my post!). Asking around, reading people's posts here, reading other threads and blogs (as Lucilyn suggested), all can help give insight too.

 

On 3/17/2025 at 1:48 AM, The Bards said:

And after a while it really feels like tulpas, despite all the emphasis on individuality and free-will, are at worst thought treated as something akin to a pet. That’s could be a huge exaggeration, but god it hurts sometimes. 

 

I'm comfortable enough that I don't care about a 15 year old's obviously character Spiderman cobuds (which ironically can become individual-identifying cobuds later), but the "waifumancers" rub me the wrong way. If they're sharing their sex NPC stories with friends whatever, but most tend to brag about sexual harassment out loud in public. Cobuds can be abused by their hosts, and I feel that judgement is justified when these people think it's okay to abuse everyone else in the chat just by saying vile and toxic things.

 

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I assumed you meant isolation regarding syscourse, but if not I'll add this- making friends in the community and in other online spaces can help.

 

Being openly plural, even in person, helps a lot too. Of course, only do that if you feel safe doing it. We are obnoxiouly mostly open books, so we don't care that much. Although now that we had to move to politically red country, we don't feel as safe coming out. College campuses are pretty safe though.

 

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What you're going through is normal. I know a lot of paromates out there can relate, you're not the only one.