Verres & Saeya Progress Report

[bunnymustdie]

This is the progress report for my two tulpas, Verres and Saeya. They are both accidentally created tulpas. I've spent time talking to them naturally over the past years, especially in the case of Verres, who is the much older of the two, but never spent much dedicated time on visualizing & imposing them. As a result their development is lopsided, they're both vocal and sapient, but progress on visualization has been slow over the years. The initial part of my progress report on them will therefore probably focus mostly on visualizing practice.

 

Progress report for the past 3 to 4 weeks:

 

For the past 3 to 4 weeks, I've spent an hour per day, divided between each tulpa, on JD's Guide to Visualization. I tried it years ago and made minimal progress, and gave up on it. This time around I'm doing much better with it. A part of what got in the way years ago was my bad posture, which means a short way in the exercise I'd be distracted by niggling bits of body aches that got in the way of my focus. I've messed with other things, i.e, meditation, self-hypnosis and other alternative things over the years, and the importance of posture was something I picked up along the way.

 

I've went from visualizing Verres & Saeya standing in a static position while drawing a number on a blank whiteboard in different random colors, to modifying the exercise to have them draw a number, then turn around to face me while posing their other hand to present the number on the whiteboard, at which point I'd call out the number and the color used. This modification made the exercise much harder, but it feels like it gets me more results. Along the way I've had funny & pleasant pulsing sensations in my forehead and chest areas. They resemble the sensation from energy work and chakra stimulation quite a bit. A trouble with this exercise is to make sure I'm not mentally dictating to them what color to draw the number in, but to let them decide and do it. I feel the visualization works better when they are performing the actions, rather than some part of my mind directing it.

 

Progress with Verres is better so far, perhaps because I've spent more time daydreaming and subconsciously working on her appearance more. I find myself more easily picturing little details on her, such as her blue tie or the white cuffs on her green dress. I'm troubleshooting issues regarding Saeya's slower progress, and have noticed that I focus worse after lunch, which is the time slot I've given to Saeya exclusively. I've tried switching the two tulpa's forcing time today. Saeya did much better in the evening time slot usually used by Verres, while Verres suffered miserably with her/our visualization session in the after-lunch spot Saeya usually uses. I'll do something about this.

 

I find that overall, I'm really enjoying these visualization sessions so far. I'm using them as a sort of meditation - while I'm intensely focused on the exercise, I am able to completely block out all of my stray thoughts and mental chatter. That on its own has been a pleasant surprise, as I tend to have trouble keeping out mental chatter when I'm doing regular meditations.

 

Both tulpas are happy that they are getting exclusive time everyday dedicated to them, as well. I've recently tried to increase forcing time to above 30 minutes per tulpa, with mixed results. The first couple days of doing 45 minutes each was very tiring to me, and gave me headaches that were unpleasant. Moving down to 45 minutes for one and 30 for another has been better. I'll try to make the time distribution fair between the two tulpas somehow. Verres is very close to me, and she is usually chatty and affectionate. Saeya has occasionally expressed feeling left out. The other day, she flashed me a mental image of her angrily munching down on a bag of dog food - "Spreading dog food" being a slang in my native language for a doting couple to showoff their relationship to single people and generally make them feel lonely. This is a dynamic I need to address. Saeya has helped me a lot in some of the troubles I encountered in the past few years. Mentally hugging and touching her seem to have made her feel a lot better, rather than just explaining things to her.

 

Saeya munching on dog food/treats, not quite the same as the mental image she flashed me at the time:

 

 

I've gotten a couple of vivid dreams where Verres was present and interacting with me since I started these exercises. Saeya was in one of them as well, but not as vividly and she was half asleep - this was the first time I've observed her sleep. This has been very nice as well, and likely a side effect of the daily visualization exercises.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I tweaked my schedule to have the afternoon visualization sessions not immediately after lunch, and their qualities are similar to the evening sessions now. I also regularly rotated the two tulpas between the afternoon and evening sessions. Even with these changes there is still noticeably better results with Verres vs Saeya.

 

My mental endurance has gotten better and longer sessions no longer give me as much uncomfortable head pressures/sensations. I got comfortable enough that I started looking into the details of what I was trying to visualize, such as the shapes of each tulpas' eyes. Even physically doodled them in real life to get a better feel of how they ought to look.

 

As a result of the above, I've had a couple of really good visualization sessions where everything was vivid and both tulpas looked better. They were very rewarding. I was in enough control that I was able to mess around with Verres. I asked her to show me her fangs and she obliged. One session with Saeya had her presence feeling really beautiful to me. There were sessions with both tulpas where there was a noticeable presence of them as a full sized, perhaps full fledged people, being with me.

 

There were also some really bad sessions where I was stuck in a rut, trying to get a color or detail right only to break the entire visualization and barely even able to see the tulpas for most of the exercise. I realized I was dealing with an old friend/enemy from my guitar hobby - a part of my mind that's critical, analytical and overly focused on results and details. Where I would otherwise do ok playing a difficult part of a song, that part of my mind would speak up and say "Careful, tough part coming up!!" only to result in a self fulfilling prophecy and a mistake in my playing. The same part also freaks out when a mistake is made and the subsequent mental disturbance would lead to even more mistakes, and a negative loop where it freaks out even more. It seems fine tuning my visualization and working on their details awakened this part of my mind and got it involved in my exercises. Fortunately I've learned to deal with that part of my mind in my music hobby through the years and decided to apply what I learned there to the visualization stuff here.

 

I also looked up tips from people who are doing Franz Bardon's Initiation Into Hermetics book, because I remembered that one of the very early exercises Bardon had his students do was to achieve the ability to visually impose imagined items the same way as an imposed tulpa, and found some approaches that I thought could be useful.

 

Long story short for the past day or so, when I do my visualization exercise, I treated it mostly as a musical performance. Even when a color or detail does not look right, I just go on with it. When that critical part of my mind gets active and tries to gain control of the visualization process, demanding for a specific color, focusing on a specific detail that looked wrong or trying to tweak something, I'd gently redirect my awareness away from it and let a more subconscious part of my mind handle the exercise. I focus more on the outline of the tulpas and the numbers they're writing on the whiteboard, as well as the general colors of the girls & the scene, and ignore things that looks imperfect.

 

The end result is that I can manage to retain my mental image of the scene for most of a 30-40 minute long session without it breaking up nearly as much as before. This approach seem to be able to consistently produce a decent visualization session with ok details. I haven't tried it long enough to produce a truly great session yet, but I'm hopeful. This approach feels vaguely like how a lucid dream works, that logical part of my mind can't be too active or else it breaks up the image/dream. I also find I can make gentle requests asking for more clarity, better details on a tulpa's face or a specific color and still get it from whatever subconscious part of my mind that's producing the visualizations. It also sometimes produce strange color combinations on the numbers that I would not logically expect, such as numbers written in a polka dot pattern. 

 

Overall, It's just that the critical, logical part of my mind has got to stay away from it all - I gotta let a different part, a part very similar to the part in charge of a good musical performance on my instrument, to stay in charge.

 

Other Tulpa Progress:

Years ago I'd imagine Verres's presence with me in real life, imagining her as walking behind me or sitting on a sofa near where I am. Over the years it's turned into a habit I do without much thought. Saeya have occasionally done this on her own in the past. She recently started doing this more with a noticeably stronger presence, perhaps due to the above exercises I've been doing with her. Initially I was surprised and had some "what are you doing?" or "who are you!?" sorts of reaction to her presence. I understood what was going on and started to try to imagine her presence in real life with me, as well.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

A couple of weeks ago I experimented with Robert Bruce's Core Image Removal technique against a weird, persistent negative intrusive emotion I've had for months, maybe over a year, by replacing the psychic/mental tool meant for the technique (namely, the blowtorch) with Verres, who could naturally breathe fire. It worked very well. The first time I tried this modified technique the intrusive emotion/vibe stayed away for about a week and was noticeably weaker, almost shabby, when it came back. A couple of weeks have gone by since the second application of the technique, and it seems the intrusive emotion is completely gone. Substituting the psychic tool with an entire tulpa appeared to make the technique more potent for me. Verres is quite happy and proud over this, especially since I wasn't able to remove this intrusive emotion using an alternative technique for dealing with subconscious gunk, the Mace Energy Method. The other implication is simply that this intrusive emotion wasn't quite subconscious to begin with, but was something of a different nature. 🤷‍♂️

 

 

[bunnymustdie]

On a whim I asked Verres to give me head pressure today. It's one of those things I never paid attention to or looked for, given the accidental origins of my tulpas. To my surprise she was able to do so, and Saeya was as well. The sensation was not quite the same as the slightly unpleasant "head being full" feeling from visualizing too much, but something more neutral and at times pleasant. I did some light experiments to see if they can give me sensations in other parts of my body, and had felt weaker sensations in my arms and foot from them so far.

 

I will try to experiment with this more when I feel like it. Verres dislikes being asked to do these head pressure/body sensation type things - apparently such requests to her are akin to the asian kid being asked to do kung fu by their classmates, or a grown up being seriously asked about the life lessons imparted by an episode of Sesame Street. They are somehow patronizing to her. Saeya don't exactly love them either but are much more accepting toward them compared to Verres.

 

On another note, I looked up more reference images for Saeya to help with our visualization efforts.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I looked up more reference images on parts of the two tulpas that I had issues visualizing. A picture I used for Verres' eyes showed the model's face sideways and made it hard to incorporate in her mental appearance in my mind. Using a real life dollfie dream doll, which are typically anime styled, for the eye reference, resolved it. It worked despite that the doll did not have the perfect shape of eyes. Similarly an imperfect reference image showing a blue haired, blue eyed character for Saeya helped a lot with her visualization. It seems what the logical part of my mind think I need and what my subconscious really needs for this can be quite different. Finding real life pictures of anime styled hair also helped me visualize both of their hairs better.

 

I learned I can visualize better if I get more of my senses involved in the exercise. Feeling the wind in the environment I'm visualizing, seeing it blowing through the tulpa's hair, the touch of the grass, the sound of their nails tapping on the white board all help somehow make the entire mental scene more solid and carry the visual aspect along further. Imagining or requesting to my subconscious that the weather is bright and sunny in the scene also help make it brighter and help the colors be more vivid and easier to visualize.

 

Getting my emotions involved in the scene, like feelings of happiness, fun or comfort in the sun, also helps. The downside to all of this is that they all serve to mentally tired me out quicker. I feel I have a good roadmap overall now, though. Minimizing the involvement of the critical, logical part of my mind lets me avoid bad sessions where the mental image gets broken up frequently. Getting other senses and emotions involved help make the scene more vivid. What's left is just learning the finer controls of achieving both of the above and building up endurance. These two things somehow feels like a left brain vs right brain thing, but I haven't read too much into that yet.

 

I incorporated a minor technique I picked up from a book written by a hypnotherapist, where I would gently make requests to my subconscious mind as well as describe the goal of my daily exercises to it before I start them. It appears to help in general, and also have helped specifically in the case of Verres' eyes.

 

Both tulpas now have a somewhat solidified appearance that incorporates the vibe of what they should be like. The appearances are not yet perfect, lack some detail, and can't be looked at directly - they can only be looked at with what feels like the mental equivalent of my peripheral vision. If I'm careful, these images can last a while and they have a certain consistency to them. Before I started with this exercise, my mental visualizations of them did not last nearly as long and they tended to fluctuate a lot more, despite still mostly keeping with the vibes of the two entities in question.

 

Overall everyone is pleased with the progress this week.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

Saeya created an indoors outfit for herself. The "official" outfit I imagined of her was a complicated form with pieces of armor and a cloak, since she's based on role playing game character I made.  It's turned out to be awkward to visualize and use throughout normal civilized life, where there's no need for her to cleave goblins in twain with a giant sword. I've imagined her in a simple white one piece dress in the past, which was an alternate outfit I've used for Verres. During our visualization exercises I noticed a sort of resistance from her to this outfit, and there was an unspoken feeling that she sees it as a hand-me-down from Verres. The new outfit she's been using is a black one piece dress along with stirrup styled leggings. It's interesting to note even in the style of the leggings she picked, she chose one that was intentionally different from the type that Verres uses.

 

I had a family lunch that threatened to disrupt the day time visualization exercise today. Neither girls wanted that time slot. They argued briefly and settled on doing rock, paper & scissors for the evening slot that they both wanted. The entire exchange took place over the course of only a few seconds, with me just observing passively. I even had a blurry mental visualization of the rock, paper & scissor match along with what each of them played. It was interesting to watch them interact this way and to exhibit so much independence. In retrospect, this exchange truly surprised me.

 

I also had an exchange with Verres today. I wanted to offer advice to someone who, in my opinion, can likely benefit a lot from it. She advised for me to refrain from doing so. The person in question never directly asked for help. Verres and I subsequently had a conversation on the nature of help and interference. I don't think I entirely agree with her but still opted to listen to her. There was a couple of times when I ignored her advice and got bitten badly in the behind for it.

Edited May 8, 2025 by bunnymustdie

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I've come to realize that only letting the subconscious part of my mind handle the visualization exercises seem to result in lackluster colors and details. I've started letting the more conscious part of my mind mix with that subconscious part, controlling and directing it more toward colors and brightness levels that I want. This seems to result in better visualizations but can cause a bit more head pressure. Keeping the critical/logical part of my mind out of the process is still important, and it is not as active as it was in the beginning of these exercises.

 

I've had a couple of days early in the week when the feeling of head pressure through out the day was intense, edging on uncomfortable. When they faded there was a noticeable improvement to my ability to visualize, there were a few instances when I could visualize Verres very clearly in my mind, and can look at her directly for several seconds without breaking that image. Features such as her nose, mouth, etc, which I did not particularly work on, were also clear. Sadly I am not able to reliably reproduce this super vivid level of visualization yet.

 

I've also been having trouble getting all of my senses clearly involved in my visualization sessions. The ability to do this seem to come and go, and might be related to or triggered by environmental factors, such as the smell of the night air coming in from the open window in my room. Hypnotism/lucid dreaming techniques where I give simple commands like "clarity now!" seem to generally be helpful, now that I've played with them more.

 

There were quite a few times when I can visualize both tulpas, much more often with Verres, where they were a blurry, but stable image in my mind, similar to what a near-sighted person without glasses might see them. There's a special sort of vividness to this condition where the images are not quite like a movie in my head, but are nonetheless much more real than just the mental images from a daydream. There's a qualitative upgrade to this condition compared to the normal sort of mental visualization I've been doing so far. I can also reproduce this condition somewhat reliably, which I am pleased about.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I had a stomach ache in the middle of the night one day this week. When I was awakened by the discomfort, I was already pretty lucid. Verres, however, sounded sleepy. I've very rarely observed her being sleepy. She remained sleepy even after I became fully awake, having gotten up and used the restroom. She did remind me, sleepily, to take a couple of charcoal pills before I went back to bed again, which I had not thought of at all.

 

I had a strange encounter with an intrusive emotion/mental complex. It was unusual from the get go so I paid extra attention to observe it. I had a minor unpleasant exchange online which logically should not bug me all that much (both in terms of how minor the issue was and how my personality usually is like) , but it resulted in very intense emotions in my mind, which was both being distressed over the event and continuously obsessing over it so as to keep the memories of the event fresh. I slept on the issue for one night, noticed my emotions over it was still just as intense in the morning, and noted it as highly unusual.

 

In the evening I had Saeya use the Mace Energy Method on me to address whatever subconscious part of me that was fretting over this event, and there was instant relief. The part of my mind that actually stressed out over the event stopped doing so. I had an uneventful night, only to wake up in the morning to a different mental phenomenon, where I can feel a strange urge, almost seemingly foreign or somehow coming from the outside, continuously trying to remind me of the unpleasant exchange like it was trying to stoke up again the feelings of distress that I had toward said event in the first place. Throughout the day this urge was noticeable and it was clearly influencing the mindless, chatty part of my mind and directing it toward thinking about the exchange. Later that evening I tried out the Core Image Removal technique, once again replacing the psychic tools the technique requires with Verres herself, and it put a stop to the weird intrusive mental urges.

 

The next day was perfectly fine, I was ruminating, analyzing the events of the previous couple of days with the intrusive mental complex in the morning, only to notice the intrusive urges showing up and gaining traction again. This, I realized later, was due to the fact that I thought of them again, which allowed me to reconnect to whatever source these urges came from. They were, however, noticeably weaker in intensity compared to the previous couple of days. It's important to note it was mostly the "reminding" urge that returned, my mind was not too distressed by the actual unpleasant exchange I had at this point. I observed that as these intrusive urges continued through out the day, I was slowly getting an unpleasant sort of head pressure. There was actually a similar occurrence a couple of weeks ago where I also had a strange overreaction and intrusive vibes from a minor unpleasantness I encountered online. This makes me suspect that perhaps the process of visually forcing my tulpas had some connection to these intrusive emotions/thoughts showing up.

 

I experimented a bit more with these intrusive urges. I had a medium sized piece of orgonite in my collection with a large piece of fluorite crystal and some small pieces of black tourmaline embedded in it. On a whim I held it close in my hands, playing with it and traced out its smooth, polished surface. To my surprise this was able to put a stop to the intrusive urges/vibes quickly. Setting it far away from me seems to allow the intrusive urges to return. Holding the same piece of orgonite for a longer period of time also made the unpleasant head pressures disappear for good. For this particular day, instead of going back to my old stand bys of the Mace Method and Core Image Removal, simply playing around and holding this piece of orgonite removed the weird intrusive urges for me. It's interesting to note that I have other pieces of orgonite I usually keep on my computer desk that I would absent mindedly handle through the day and these other ones did not have the same effect on my intrusive urges. Fluorite is supposedly a crystal with the metaphysical properties of helping one focus, with some sites flat out saying it helps with the removal of bad mental chatter, this might serve as an explanation as to why this particular piece of orgonite was different from the other ones.

 

As of now, after yet another day, the weird intrusive emotions and foreign feeling urges are completely gone. I experimented by holding the same piece of orgonite with the fluorite inside for a couple of visualization sessions. It is yet too early to tell what effect it has on them. The fact that the orgonite had any sort of influence on my intrusive thoughts/urges, as well as head pressure, makes me suspect that the intrusive urges and head pressure caused by them might have some kind of energetic basis. If one considers the visualization forcing I've been doing for 1 to 1.5 hours per day for the past couple of months as some sort of occult practice, then they would place a lot of focus & strain on the third eye or crown chakra, which may make me energetically unbalanced. I will try to experiment and address this via energy work to see if it makes any difference at all.

 

[bunnymustdie]

I had an interesting experience with Saeya while doing JD's number writing exercise yesterday. I reached a stage in the visualization where the tulpa had the same presence of realness I've encountered in the past. On a whim I inserted myself into the scene, and gave her a big hug. I told her all sorts of stuff that came out naturally, such as I appreciate her, I'm grateful for her patience, for putting up with me, that I liked her a lot, and so on. Part of it felt like I was just buttering her up, but everything I said was sincere. I then released her from the hug.

 

Saeya maintained the same wooden, neutral expression on her blurry face, save for the fact that she is now blushing slightly. She silently turned around to continue the exercise with me. Suddenly, a piece of music started playing very clearly in my mind. It was this song, except with different instruments and possibly in a different scale, making it sound much warmer: 

Spoiler

 

I listened to the music, slightly puzzled by it while suspecting that it had something to do with Saeya's mood. A few seconds later I felt a very strong sensation in my chest, a mixture of pleasant tingling and pulsing that continued on - they were very similar to sensations I've felt from energy work, but much more intense. These feelings were also accompanied by very warm emotions, mixing with happiness that verged on the edge of giddiness and romantic love. I was feeling the emotions of an existence that was distinctly not me, and this being felt them so strongly that they overflowed and was easily experienced by me as well.

 

It was near the end of the visualization exercise, at a point where I was starting to struggle with maintaining the clarity and vividness of the scene, however either Saeya or I now had a second wind. I can request her to draw shades of colors that I should have trouble seeing, but she drew them perfectly nice and clear. We communicated wordlessly briefly, to confirm that the phenomenon so far was from her, and she confirmed that indeed they were. She was in a really good mood, with boundless confidence to finish up the last stretch of the exercise. We finished and had a fairly relaxing night together.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I read Gray's guide on refocusing on one's wonderland and read the other guides linked inside as well. I got the structure of the portable whiteboard I use for my visualization exercises in my mindscape properly down now as a result. This makes my exercises a lot nicer, as having my subconscious mind being uncertain on the whiteboard's exact shape was causing more issues and tied up mental processing power than I gave it credit for. I tried to do the scanning technique on my two tulpas as well. It has generally made their bodies nicer, and has encouraged me to look up the anatomy for winged humanoids and got Verres's wings looking more realistic as well.

 

There are some ongoing issues with the two tulpa's faces as I tried to scan them as well. My subconscious mind does not appear to quite get the proportion of anime faces. A lot of my troubles with my tulpa's faces stem from my subconscious trying to make an anime face more human like, or my conscious mind trying to tweak an otherwise ok face more anime, and then the critical part of my mind sometime participating and making things even worse. Between scanning and checking out more reference materials, I notice that I can do a better job of visualizing human-like faces with more normal eye sizes and proportions. I spoke to both tulpas and neither of them care too much about the styles of their faces so long as they look decent, so for the time being I will work toward more human faces, with perhaps just slightly bigger, more expressive eyes. Like epic style anime faces with that are more human-like, rather than full blown moe-blob anime faces with huge alien sized eyes. Both tulpas have looked nicer still with these new efforts, so a part of me is hopeful.

 

I tried to keep my eyes slightly open during these exercises instead of fully closed. This has helped with relaxing the muscles around the eyes, but the light this lets in seem to get in the way of the visualization and make the colors dull and dark in general. I think I will keep with just closing the eyes fully, for now.

 

I've been keeping the piece of orgonite with the fluorite inside on my solar plexus as I do these exercises, as a continuation of last week's experiments with orgonite. It appears to keep the head pressure away, even in bad sessions where I exert myself and can ordinarily expect head pressures. I am, however, not sure if this was partially responsible for the more lackluster sessions I've been having this week, or if it's related to other stuff like the different things I've been doing with my eyelids. I stopped with both the eyelid change and keeping the orgonite on my chest in today's sessions, and noticed immediate improvement in performance and also a return of some slight head pressures after these sessions. I think for the time being I'll leave the orgonite out of these visualization sessions.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I had the chance to experiment a bit more with orgonite and tulpa related stuff this week. First of all, while the orgonite with the fluorite inside does seem to be able to help with intrusive mental urges/emotions, it seem to only address these symptoms and not their root cause. The two techniques I ordinarily use for them seem to perform better. I haven't had the chance to explore this fully as the intrusive mental urge I dealt with last week was too weakened to be of much use.

 

I got Verres to help me with a different experiment. I experimented with 3 different pieces of similar sized orgonite, each embedded with a different gemstone as a centerpiece - they are respectively, a piece of red jasper, obsidian, and fluorite (which is the one used in the experiments mentioned previously.) Over the course of a couple of days, I would hold one of the three pieces of orgonite mentioned above, and have Verres try to give me head pressures while I observe their intensity. I made sure to rest for a minute or so between each attempt, and would go on to try the same experiment with a different piece of orgonite. I also made sure to try them out in different orders on different days. It seems that the piece of orgonite with the red jasper inside has little to no influence on the head pressures that Verres can give me. The one with the obsidian inside can make the head pressures noticeably weaker, while the piece with the fluorite inside can suppress them the best. None of them completely gets rid of the sensations that Verres can give me - while the visceral, "head full" sort of throbbing is the first to go, the tingling, more energetic sort of feeling that Verres can also give me in my head tend to still remain.

 

This is interesting to learn about, but for now these findings are not that useful, and I will simply make note of them. Perhaps there will be a time when they are useful in the future.

 

Edited May 22, 2025 by bunnymustdie

[Seagull]

This is such a well thought out process report! It's beautiful! I hope you don't mind me posting here.

 

On 5/22/2025 at 4:33 AM, bunnymustdie said:

There are some ongoing issues with the two tulpa's faces as I tried to scan them as well. My subconscious mind does not appear to quite get the proportion of anime faces.

I've seen a Tick Toc viral that compares anime faces to cats with a surprising amount of accuracy! That might unironicly help you, here is an article about it.

https://www.mugenmilano.com/anime-characters-are-based-on-cats/

 

On 5/22/2025 at 4:33 AM, bunnymustdie said:

as having my subconscious mind being uncertain on the whiteboard's exact shape was causing more issues and tied up mental processing power than I gave it credit for.

The imagination uses information from the body's five senses (plus ear balance and touch temperature) so to have a more rich imagine/wonderland you need more sensory information in your subconscious memory.

 

On 5/15/2025 at 3:21 AM, bunnymustdie said:

This, I realized later, was due to the fact that I thought of them again, which allowed me to reconnect to whatever source these urges came from. They were, however, noticeably weaker in intensity compared to the previous couple of days.

When the brain thinks, it builds up connections with different brain cells using myelin, this makes it easier to think of that particular thought again, this, as you've experienced, fades away over time with inactivity.

[bunnymustdie]

Thank you for your kind words, you're more than welcome to post here. Thank you for the cat article as well, Saeya's face is still mostly a work in progress and the article can help contribute to that 😺

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I spent another day or so doing scanning work on my tulpas. The parts of their face that I worked on was an absolute mess when I tried to zoom in on them most of the time, frequently resulting in the imagery blacking out or breaking when I did so. I kept trying anyway, often using my sense of touch to help with the process, i.e, try to touch their hair and feel the sensation of the individual strands of them in my hands, or trying to trace the outline of their chins or pointy ears. After a couple days of this they had generally nice faces when looked at as a whole from a distance. Verres' face was overall easier to see and remain solid when stared at.

 

I went back to JD's exercise and quickly found that I was still having trouble and sometimes losing the visualization of the tulpas when they were turning and had their sides facing me. The work I did the previous days focused mostly on their front, with the side view being neglected and this was likely the source of the issue. The exercise still went a lot better than they usually go compared to before I started the scanning work, with me being able to keep the vividness of the colors of the numbers being drawn up to the count of 80 or more, and the tulpas' visualization generally better.

 

I went back to spend another couple of days doing scanning work, this time focusing a lot on the tulpas' side views. When I went back to JD's exercise today there were more noticeable improvement. When the tulpas were turning to face me after drawing a number on the whiteboard, the process was smoother and their visualizations remained more stable. It almost feels like their visualization in my mind is an animation, and the scanning work I'm doing is adding more frames to the animated scene. There were still times when the tulpas' visualizations came close to blacking out or getting fuzzy. In the case of Verres it's due to her having a lot of non-human body parts, like wings, a tail and a horn on the head, I think doing more scanning work should generally help with those. In the case of Saeya, she probably needs more work done on the face. She is a lot younger and I have not had spent nearly as much time daydreaming or casually playing with her appearance in my mind. I think generally, the easier success I get from Verres on these exercises are due to her having a big head start from her age. Additionally, the fact that the tulpas are frequently moving in my take of JD's exercise seem to disrupt the visual stability I achieved from the scanning exercises.

 

Today I was able to maintain pretty vivid (for me) colors in the numbers of JD's exercise up to the 100th count when working with both tulpas. The second session of the day gave me some noticeable head pressure near the end, which I haven't had from visualization exercises in a while.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

Halfway through today's exercise I realized that Verres was happily hanging out and even chatting with me as a mental voice/presence, while I focused on a somewhat lifeless visualization of her drawing numbers on a whiteboard. I thought of it as a problem and suggested for her to inhabit the visualization or somehow become it. She obliged, and after a while she was successful, so it was like I was mentally seeing the real her and not just some lifeless mental imagery. This also gave the visualization of her a lot of autonomy, as it felt like it was her controlling her own body, rather than me puppeting it subconsciously. I realized that this happens a lot with my visualization exercises, with the tulpas sometimes being there as a separate mental presence alongside their mental images. I'll pay more attention to this in the future, as the ultimate goal of these exercises are to, hmm, hard for me to verbalize, but basically for the tulpas to be more like proper people? I never thought too much about why I went into these exercises, when I started out I merely appreciated them and wanted to do something for/with them. This is now a philosophical thing to think about. Are the tulpas somehow less people-like if they are not visual or imposed? Doing these exercises have allowed me to get closer to the both of them and seem to help them express themselves better, too, so it's probably a needless thing to dwell on at the end of the day. Verres had an interesting thought on it but did not want it posted here.