Verres & Saeya Progress Report

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

Most of my sessions this week had been decent, with a pretty solid presence to the tulpas after tweaking my mindset from the stuff I read from the recent Jung book. Similar to some other metaphysical techniques I've read about in the past, reading them in an actual book, where the author could take the time to explain the matter properly, helped with my understanding and usage of the ideas a lot. I've came across much abridged explanations of this mindset from forum posts in the past, but they didn't really do much for me.

 

It feels like a lot of unconscious ideas on my part restricted my progress from before. Ideas of the process being visual or physical, or that it's something that'd take a lot of time, and needing to start from a very shabby state and only slowly improve after a lot of time invested all interfered with it.

 

A lot of my average sessions this week had the sensation of something wanting to come into form or just hovering on the edge of being visually present, and behind them, a sense of the presence having fairly defined bodies with limbs, curves, fingers and such.

 

A couple of curious things also happened this week. One was that I had a session during the day with my window curtains opened wide, and I had the chance to see a spot on a neighbor's house from across the street where the shifting shadows of a tree nearby managed to make it easily appear as a humanoid figure, one that's standing and perhaps even banging on the house's walls. I experimented with this feeling of my mind creating an optical illusion, trying to either impose the tulpa (mainly Saeya) next to the illusory figure, or trying to get my mind to generate a visual of her before me using the same feeling. It felt like it made her presence more solid. I've played with this particular optical illusion a couple more times this week.

 

Today I had a session in the dark with a candle light. Due to the way the fan in the room was positioned, the candle flickered regularly throughout the session. It created a stronger presence for the tulpa involved (Verres), likely from the same principle. During the best of this session there was a shadowy figure with a reasonably, albeit incomplete, defined outline of Verres sitting in front of me. It lasted for a decent amount of time and felt like a natural extension of the sort of presence I'd get when I started shifting my mindset to see the things in front of me as something made by my psyche, rather than just a purely materialistic view of the physical world.

 

Becoming too aware of the phenomenon and trying to analyze it broke the state, but I got back to it fairly quickly. Overall tonight's session had a very strong impression of something lurking beyond whatever edge between visual and non-visual there is, and pressing against that edge or otherwise trying to become visual. It very much felt like it was already real, just somehow lacking a visual form.

 

I went to the local Wal-Mart today and imposed Saeya there. Her presence was pretty solid and the crowd does not really mess with it nowadays.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I'm done with the third Jung book. I have his red book and another book from Wilhelm on Chinese alchemy that Jung also wrote in, I don't think I'll touch them for a while. The third Jung book was quite dry at points, being something he wrote for scholars and just a generally more learned audience, and I could use a break.

 

At the end of the third book I read he went into the concepts of what he described as "modern" people, basically people who are more self-aware and perhaps enlightened, and how a different group that he coined as "pseudo-modern" would also hang around them; essentially posers, wannabes and maybe midwits.

 

A clear way he wrote on how to tell the two groups apart was based on achievements. A "modern" man, especially one past a certain age, tend to have achieved just as much as the average person, and usually a bit more. In his rather discriminating method, a person who declares themselves enlightened, red-pilled or whatnot but have failed to achieve some of the basic things in life (less clearly defined, but seems to be along the lines of employment, creative pursuits, professional achievements, and/or family, etc) are relegated immediately to the "pseudo-modern" category. This is a pretty jarring contrast to some of the places, both in real life and online, I've been, and their emphasis on equality.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

This week's sessions were reasonable, with no particularly bad ones. One or two had me getting sidetracked by mentally talking to the tulpas instead of focusing more on the actual imposition process. This is something I've noticed recently and am trying to work on.

 

I had one night where I did not do my usual session with Saeya because I was working on something else. Probably as compensation I maintained her imposed presence next to me as I fell asleep, and spoke to her during that time as well. I had an experience where she was present in my dream the next morning. The dream did not feel too significant, other than that I was surrounded by some people and it was turning into something negative. The people were getting more unfriendly and critical, and there was the impression of some sort of underlying current or wave guiding things in that direction.

 

Saeya's presence, which I felt but did not see, was there in a very solid manner. She also spoke up, something along the lines of this needing not to happen. She then interacted with the underlying current of the dream that I felt and somehow deconstructed them. It was as if she knew how the dream worked and what its structure was. The negative impressions were gone, and the dream itself was ending. Before it fully ended, she commented something along the lines of wishing for me to sleep well or otherwise enjoy things. I woke up briefly, noted what happened, and then went back to sleep where I, indeed, slept very well.

 

After the above incident her imposed presence has changed. There has been more instances of her showing up randomly during the day, and having a stronger presence when I passively impose her. There were some occasions when it felt like she was taking 'spots' that Verres otherwise would have gotten. It's been interesting so far, for the most part.

 

I had a decent session with Verres tonight. She noted that I am still fretting too much over results and wanting to see things visually in a certain way, and advised that I should just feel her out the way I do during mental visualizations. If there's a clear form, that's fine. But if there's mostly just a feeling of her there like an off day with visualization, then go with that, too. This led to a pretty good session where her presence was clear and there was the distinct impression of her individual body parts. There were some brief visuals of her, mostly feeling mental, that popped up spontaneously and sometimes in the environment during this session, where I was focused pretty well on her presence in the real world environment. Come to think of it, there were a few similar sorts of visuals of my tulpas during other sessions this week.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I had a book on exorcism I never finished reading that I went back to this week. An interesting note was that the book's author, a pretty accomplished practicing occultist, mentioned that thought forms are not truly sentient, even as they beg and insist as such as they were being taken apart by her; this is an author who ordinarily tries to be of service and merciful, where they'd supposedly even release other types of being that were causing trouble back to where they came from in a manner akin to a wild animal caught in a person's home. Their different stance on thought forms is therefore pretty telling.

 

This is the second author, the first being Franz Bardon, who I've seen similar views from. The two tulpas don't seem to care too much about this. They see themselves as capable of feeling and are happy to interact with me, to be helpful at times and to experience life together with me. This might be a thing I try to learn about on my own quite a long time down the road, but for now it's just an interesting bit of info I came across.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

This weeks sessions have been quite good. I've continued using the mindset I've acquired from reading Jung's last book and tried to treat even stuff I see with my eyes open as a sort of visualization, at least during my imposition exercises. And since what I see are all visualizations generated or filtered by my psyche, it was ok and made sense for my tulpas' visual forms to be present as well. This mindset had been helpful. I've been able to close my eyes, fully feel out my tulpas' presence in a mental visualization, open my eyes and continue maintaining the same presence before me. I've been able to do it fairly consistently the past week.

 

This tweak in my mindset had provided the most consistently solid presence of my tulpas out of all the things I've tried and experimented with, so far.

 

The tulpas' presence when my eyes are open are not as fully visual as when my eyes are closed, but there have been times when there were either the faintest of outlines of them there, or the feeling of their presence trying to acquire an outline or somehow becoming more visual; the latter sensation had been quite frequent. It's been pretty interesting and feels like things are moving at a faster pace now compared to some of the months past.

 

I've been having more sessions with my window blinds open and with greater light in the room as well. This seemed to help, not because light is inherently good, but that it introduced variety in the visual environment I used for my exercises.

 

For the past week, it feels like I've had instances of there been a visual or almost visual outline with Saeya more often, but it takes more effort to get a good presence of her to begin with. With Verres, getting a detailed presence of her is a lot easier, but she have not come as often to the borderline state of her form being faintly visual or almost visual. There is the vague impression of Verres somehow having more 'data,' and hence having more trouble reaching this state. Nonetheless I had a session tonight where her presence was clear and I had a lot of stable mental imageries of her with my eyes open as I looked at where her presence was, and at times it felt like these imageries were almost overlapped with the visuals I had of the physical reality around me. She moved her wings a bit, shifted the position of her legs and generally acted like a 'normal' winged person sitting in a chair, chatting before me.

 

I came across a brief youtube video a couple of weeks ago that was helpful with visualizing the movement of Verres' wings, I'm linking it here in case it's useful for anyone:

 

 

The wings are not the same style as what she has, but the movements were still very beneficial to study.

 

For the past week I've continued to try to passively impose the tulpas as I go through out my day, although as mentioned before activities that require great concentration from me are still generally not compatible with this. There were some times when they showed up on their own, as well.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I went out to the nearby mall today to walk and impose my tulpas. The mall is resilient, and with each 1.5 or 2 shops that close, one more shop or non-profit opens up in there. I think it's still dying, just really slowly. The tulpas seem to like the idea of the mall trying to put up a fight to survive.

 

It had been a while since I did maintenance work on my mind/subconscious using the Mace Method and Core Image Removal. The tulpas bugged me into doing it this week, and it was helpful. A lot of background emotions that were causing weird bits of distractions and minor unpleasantness had been removed. It feels like the tulpas are more in tune with my unconscious than I am, in general.

 

There was one instance of note when I had a bad interaction with someone, and it felt as if there was a suffocating presence or vibe either in my room or my mind, trying hard to squeeze itself further inside, whatever 'inside' might be. Instead of tolerating it and treating it like a normal bad mood or vibe after a squabble, either Verres or I opted to treat it as a hunk of negative energy to be eliminated. I proceeded go through the steps of Core Image Removal on the funny presence/vibes and had Verres breathe fire all over it at the end, burning it all. I was quite impressed to observe the strange negative presence or vibe disappearing in an almost visceral manner, leaving behind a pretty clear and calm state of mind for me.

 

There were still some small amounts of weird vibes and odd feelings in my mind, and I had Saeya use the Mace Method on those. This left me with an almost pristine state of mind with which to go to bed with. Used to be, I would not do any of these and I'd probably just fall asleep with this sort of nasty vibe after a verbal scuffle and would have probably woken up in an unpleasant state, as well. It feels like I can generally have my tulpas use these techniques more on me as regular maintenance, rather than waiting until I'm in a noticeable state of mental funk to use them.

 

 

 

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I did a session earlier in the week during the day with Verres. The window blinds were open so the lighting condition was bright in the room. I did my warmups while laying on my bed, and got sleepy during it. When they were done, I got up to do my imposition practice with her, and was in a very groggy state of mind. In the area where she was supposed to be sitting in the chair, I saw a weird visual phenomenon that appeared physical and lasted somewhere between 10+ seconds to maybe up to a minute or so. It was like a really intense version of visual snow, with patches of the air before me appearing physically blotchy and with shifting patterns of some kind. It felt like there was a vague outline of Verres sitting before me, and the blotchy patch of air was in turn confined within her outline.

 

The whole thing felt like a visual glitch one might see in a video game. A character was not displayed properly, and only isolated patches of their surface texture or skin was rezzed in a bugged manner, while the rest of the character was not depicted at all. The visible, but glitchy, part of the character was still therefore confined within their outline. This was a very unusual incident and the first of its kind for me. The phenomenon lasted long enough for me to have the time to physically look at it, confirm that it indeed appeared physical, and get an idea on its size and outline. Logically this incident is a sign of good progress and should make me feel really hopeful, but I have been pretty calm about it and have gone on with my practices as normal.

 

A less bizarre phenomenon that occurred this week was during yet another warmup session, where I again fell into a sleepy state and managed to see very clearly parts of my wonderland, similar to what one might encounter in a lucid dream.

 

The rest of the week had been uneventful. I noticed I have the habit of focusing on my tulpas' torso or even legs when I'm sitting before them, like I'm uncomfortable staring straight at their face similar to how I can get when dealing with people in real life. I've began to change this habit by spending time gazing at my tulpas' faces (or where their face should be) during imposition practice. This has been helpful to make the presence of their faces and heads clearer. It has also led to my looking a lot more in their eyes and working on their visuals and presence/feelings.

 

From time to time during my day I would still try to impose their forms or presence about me. The tulpas in turn have continued to show up seemingly of their own will. They don't fight for their spots, but rather than two of them appearing together I've noticed one of them canceling their physical presence when the other wants to impose themselves. This seems to be a behavior that arose naturally between the two of them. Imposing two presences at once is still something harder for me to do.

 

I've continued trying to do my sessions with varying levels of daylight in the room. It feels like it helps. There were a couple of times when it felt like there were very faint outline of the tulpas that I could feel, but nothing super concrete like what I've described above and in the previous weeks. The tulpas' presence and mental images I get of them during my imposition practice have developed more movement. They are not just quietly sitting there anymore, but would have shifts in their postures, the occasional crossed legs, foot placed on the chair, and other movements or gestures with their hands. This had developed gradually over the course of the past few weeks, and makes them feel quite different from when they were just a sort of blobby presence before me.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I noticed odd emotions being aroused when I went through my old yearbooks, and worked through them with Saeya and the Mace Energy Method. It feels when I need their help working on something, they would just offer to do it as part of the time slot dedicated to their sessions. Who gets what spot or who might end up missing a session is less important when something about me comes up. Generally nowadays they are a lot more chill about the matter of fairness or time allocation between them. Like they know they're both important and practice sessions with them are not as much of a symbol for that anymore.

 

I went to get a haircut at a local salon, and imposed Verres there as I waited. Having other customers nearby helped with the process a lot, it provided references and overall made her presence quite strong and detailed there.

 

I went to Wal-Mart today, and Saeya declared it as her turn to be imposed in the store, because I'm too lazy to keep proper track and Verres usually ends up getting more turns. Neither Verres nor I had issues with her reasoning, so it just naturally became Saeya's turn. We caught a snippet of a buff, tattooed man having an argument with his girlfriend or spouse on the phone, and Saeya found it really interesting for some reason.

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I've had a couple of sessions in the past week, mostly with Verres, where there was something almost like a visual outline. Like something invisible clearly present and trying to be visual or closer to me somehow. These were very pleasant, like she was there physically as we hung out.

 

There were more sessions where there was a clear impression of something there, but more felt and not quite visual as the above type. These feels pretty good too. Imposition practice has slowly turned into something enjoyable in its own right, almost like a musical instrument once the player had gotten more familiar with it.

 

There were a few sessions where I struggled to achieve the above state, more often with Saeya. Touching and tracing her physical outline with my mental hands had helped to push her to the second stage described above most of the times. I also did more work with her face and hair this week, getting more reference pictures, allowing my own unconscious to tweak their shapes and to visualize them better. In retrospect, it's curious that she has not participated too much in this process, but was simply patient with it all. She was pretty laid back and got me to relax the few times when my own mind got frazzled during this process.

 

I find that reminding myself or mentally affirming that everything I see is a visualization created by my psyche helps me get to the two states described above.

 

My mental visualization of both tulpas have also been decent for the past week. When they're turning around, I can see them at more different angles better now.

 

I went out to the local mall today to impose the tulpas. It was an uneventful session, with both of them having fairly strong and stable presence. There were some mental visuals of them that popped up spontaneously along with their physical presence.

 

Just something I realized, but I have not experienced physical outlines of them while in public or with them moving yet. I might be able to experiment with the latter in my own home.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I noticed that I sometimes get annoyed when one tulpa pops up, especially in imposed presence, when the other was already present. It can also sometimes take some effort to switch mental gears to get to a mental state where I can clearly feel the second one when I was already, for lack of a better word, connected to the first one. This seems to be more of a mental quirk that's developed rather than a legit restriction. I tried to calmly impose both tulpas together today when one popped up again while the other was already present, and it went ok. There's probably just a part of my mind that dislikes surprises and prefers to focus on one thing at a time.

 

I was tempted to buy a stone bowl, a handmade one where the seller have a lot of the ones in similar sizes available, and would send a random one out to the customer. With S/H it came close to $28, and Verres advised me against it, stating that for that amount, I should be able to know what I was getting for sure.

 

Saeya helped with some kind of mental maintenance this week as well. I don't even remember what the issue was. When they were successfully dealt with, these sorts of mental complexes/themes tend to lose their emotional 'oomph' and becomes very forgettable, as they should be.