Verres & Saeya Progress Report

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I settled in a routine where I'd do JD's exercise for a day as a way to troubleshoot my progress, then spend a day doing scanning or something else to improve whatever issue I noticed during JD's.

 

I found pictures of pointy ears that I thought were perfect. They were realistic looking to me, and also small. Big pointy ears has always bugged me as they seem like they'd make side sleeping uncomfortable. The reference pictures for these ears, incidentally, were from a hentai manga I randomly came across on the nhentai website. I spent a day or two working them in Verres's visualized form and got them to a point where both Verres and I were satisfied with how they looked on her. As we were both admiring our own handiwork, Saeya spoke up in her slightly monotonous voice, in broken Japanese, the phrase "ero mimi". Years of watching pirated anime has given me just enough knowledge of what that phrase meant - perverted ears. I got the weirdest chuckle I've had in a while out of that, while Verres had quite the complex expression on her face.

 

Anyway the same "perverted" ears were also worked into Saeya's appearance later that night.

 

Spoiler

                            

 

I looked up a video for game graphics design on how people turn & walk and worked it in my visualization exercise of my tulpas. They now turn better in my visualizations of them, and the action of turning in general does not cause them to get blurry or black out during my visualization exercises. I also started visualizing them in different actions such as walking, running, flapping wings, etc from time to time in my exercises.

 

I changed my approach to when I do JD's exercise. Rather than treating it like a chore and trying to get to 100 as soon as possible, I do it a lot slower to better visualize my tulpas' actions. Doing it this way, along with getting references to their actions, has helped them maintain their shape and clarity and reduced their tendency of getting blurry or blacking out even more. This does make the exercise take a lot longer to reach 100. For now I just do 45 minutes for each girls, and if I don't reach 100 I don't worry about it.

 

Their faces have improved a bit more, but remain the part on them that causes the most issue.

 

I started doing these exercises with all lights turned off in my room. It seem to help. There were a few sessions when the tulpas, more often Verres, were fairly clear and had a strong presence that lingered in the room even after I finished with the exercise. In the dark of the room I can still manage to visualize them in my mind's eye while my physical eyes were open and looking at the room. In this particular state, it feels like imposing them physically is possible, and not just some sort of bizarre internet story out of my reach.

 

Incidentally, the feeling of the tulpas' presence lingering or somehow being detectable in the room feels similar to the one weird encounter I had years ago with an entity in my old apartment, who also managed to fill the space with what felt like her presence or essence. Her presence was a lot stronger, however, and had a distinctly bittersweet flavor compared to my tulpas' presence, which are just sort of nice. Verres freaked out during that encounter, and may have somehow disrupted whatever connection that was between that entity and I.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I had some intrusive thoughts and repetitive thought loops on negative past experiences early this week. They weren't strong and I took care of them with MEM and Core Image Removal with the Tulpas' help. I realized that I basically have to do maintenance using these two techniques once every couple of weeks to remove whatever bits of intrusive thoughts or bad vibes/energy behind them that seem to build up over time.

 

Being a lazy person I did not like this. For the last couple of days I've asked the tulpas to just do Core Image Removal on my consciousness on their own the moment a suspicious thought or emotion showed up. It seem to work surprisingly well. They are able to act fairly independently without my participation in my consciousness, and I can clearly observe them interrupting whatever unpleasant thought or emotion that perks up in my mind and stopping them from developing or engaging with my consciousness. Doing it this way, the technique seem to more closely resemble Sherry Swiney's "That's a Lie!" program than just regular Core Image Removal from Robert Bruce. The process seem to be slightly distracting in itself, and have caused some minor issues when I am trying to intensely focus, such as when I play music, but overall seem to help keep my mind very clear. If this works as I intend it to, I should be able to go on for a lot longer with a good, clear and happy mind without needing to spend as much effort on mental maintenance than before.

 

[Ido]

It's nice to see you're putting so much dedication into tulpamancy!

Do you have a picture of both of your girls?

[bunnymustdie]

This is not that accurate, but gives you an idea on what they look like:

The horn on Verres should be much shorter. Wings should be much larger, and both the wings and the tail should be the same color as her skin. Their faces right now tend to look a lot more realistic. Oh, and they're both about the same height. I still like the above picture a lot because it looks very funny to me, and is a good cartoon-like representation of them.

 

[Mai_x_v3]

I love how there's so much information! I'm not done reading all of this yet (I narrate to my tulpas while reading progress reports too, I think they really enjoy this one so I thought I'd leave a comment!) but I am having an amazing time reading your whole progress it's so thrilling to read in my opinion! I thought I'd leave a comment as well if you don't mind complimenting all your hard work and thoroughness! I love detailed progress reports like these ones, it's so satisfying to read seeing all your processes, experiences, and so on. 

 

I do love the fact that you have links as well. I def gotta check out all those links they seem pretty useful. Also, amazing job on your visualization practices! It's so amazing how much you are improving and everything you do!

 

Both your tulpas also sound so adorable and lovely! I love how you make sure that they both are happy! They are so lucky to have such an amazing host like you!

 

Anyways, I hope I'm not being annoying I'm looking forward to reading more of your progress logs in the future keep up the amazing work! 💞💓

[Mai_x_v3]

Aww they literally are so adorable!!!

[bunnymustdie]

Aww thank you 😌

[Mai_x_v3]

51 minutes ago, bunnymustdie said:

Aww thank you 😌

Yw! 🩷

[Nightfall]

I really like the picture. They look like a fun pair to be with. Also, the pointy ears are cute. 

 

Shaula: Keep up the great work! 😊 I can tell you're putting a ton of work into everything. I'm glad they're helping you stop your negative thoughts. I wish you the best! 😄 

 

The image is really cute! Your tulpas are so cool! I really like Verres's outfit and Saeya's armor is really cool! 😊  

[bunnymustdie]

I appreciate the kind words, Nightfall & Shaula 🙂

 

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I continued the same routine that I started last week. I started doing more scanning work on the two tulpas' facial features such as their lips, noses and eyes. I found some pictures used by a skin seller on Second Life featuring models with a doll-like aesthetic, where the models had bigger eyes and smaller lips & noses than the average human, but still don't have a full fledged anime face. I'm using a couple of those pictures as references for the tulpas' facial features.

 

For now there are some progress, I can sort of zoom in on their lips and zoom out again and have their appearances still turn out ok half the time. Noses are worse, but I can at least still zoom in and out without completely screwing up the face. Eyes are the hardest part so far, zooming in or even looking at them too closely tend to cause the entire face to get blurry or black out. It feels like everything here is slowly improving as I do more work on them, so I'm pretty hopeful right now.

 

I also started to experiment a bit with the tulpas' facial expressions. Intentionally visualizing them smiling seem to either get them looking really uncanny, or cause their entire faces to get screwy. Some facial expressions and actions seem to fare a lot better since I'm used to passively visualizing them doing it in the past. I had Saeya take a bite off of a hard loaf of french baguette and chew it in her mouth, and that turned out pretty natural. She then dropped the loaf of bread and stepped on it, which was surprising. I had Verres perform the same action with the bread and she was able to do it in a fairly natural way too. I told her that she was free to do whatever she pleased with the bread after the first bite, and she proceeded to breathe fire on it.

 

I did a bit more work on simple bodily actions. Both tulpas can turn in a pretty human fashion now. Walking is a bit awkward and I should spend some time on it in the upcoming week. They seem ok with gestures with their hands. Verres did a little heart gesture using her hands. She did it in a way that I thought was logically wrong after the practice session. I looked up how that gesture was done online just to check and as it turned out she did it the right way all along.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

I found someone posting on a different forum about a thought form that they were using to deal with distracting or intrusive thoughts. It was a samurai that would swing down his sword on any unwanted thoughts and helps them focus when they need to. The samurai was not sentient and not quite a tulpa, but it's interesting to compare what they were doing with what I did with my tulpas.

 

My tulpas continued to actively interrupt suspicious/intrusive thoughts that I had for a couple of days, and I was fairly clear minded and happy for a while. The usual sort of intrusive thoughts that I tended to get, which often had a foreign feel to them, decreased in frequency and intensity. Something different happened then. For about two days, I had unpleasant thoughts regarding stuff I was genuinely unhappy about, but have generally worked through. They did not feel foreign, but felt more like they were legitimately a part of my subconscious. The tulpas did not actively go after those as they did the more regular type of thoughts from the days before. These newer types of thoughts felt intense, but were also relatively easy to suppress - for example, simply paying attention to a musical piece I am playing can completely move my mind off of them. After about a couple of days, this newer style of intrusive thought also disappeared.

 

Were they something from a deeper layer of my subconscious that was somehow pushed or allowed to surface? I'm not quite sure, but they disappeared as suddenly as they first appeared.

 

I asked Saeya about why she did nothing to those particular thoughts, and she said that they felt like they belonged, and also that actively going after unwanted thoughts somehow tired her out. Verres had a similar explanation to Saeya in that she also felt those thoughts/emotions were not intrusive in nature. She also said that learning to deal with those particular thoughts on my own was good for me, that it helps build immunity to them. I had some doubt toward this statement of hers as it feels like something a teenager would say to weasel out of a chore, but will continue to observe the type of stray thoughts that I get in the upcoming week. Considering I had her start doing this task to weasel out of regular maintenance work I was doing on my mind/thoughts, I can't blame her that much even if she's just being lazy.

 

[bunnymustdie]

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week:

I've done more work on the tulpas' faces this week. There were a few times when I was able to zoom in on Verres' eyes and zoom out again while leaving her face intact. Noses, lips & ears are all better on both tulpas as well. The progress on the eyes have been the slowest and maybe it would help to get some more reference pictures.

 

There's a new issue as I try to scan and enhance the details on both tulpas. None of the details are perfectly imagined in my mind, and I often have to spend a split second or so to form or even trace them out in my mind. With a whole bunch of details that might require this process, I now have a new problem where sometimes the individual facial details on the tulpas' look ok, but the entire face is wonky once I zoomed out. I just encountered this issue in the last few days. Practicing zooming in and out of Verres' face quickly seem to help address this somewhat - changing the zoom on her face appears to reset it to a more natural state.

 

I seem to be able to visualize Verres decently even when I'm mentally distracted, such as when I'm watching a TV show or just waking up in the morning. I have noticeably more trouble visualizing Saeya under the same mental states.

 

I played around with visualizing the tulpas' in the dark with my eyes open. I was able to concentrate the feeling of their presence in the room in the dark after a visualization practice session to an area in the room roughly the same size & shape as their bodily outlines, rather than just having their presence sort of saturated through the room. Visualizing them in my mind's eye at the same time and imagining that they are in the same spot as the presence outlines gives a good impression of them actually being in the room with me - much stronger than a lot of the passive forcing I've done before. This also seem to enhance the passive forcing I do in my daily life.

 

One night I tried putting my fingers about 1.5 inches apart in the dark, and tried to see the area of discoloration/wonkiness between them (this being an entry level exercise to see auras from the Hands of Light book by Barbara Brennan). Once I was able to see something - an area of slight discoloration in the dark - I tried to visualize Verres behind that area. That led to a very interesting sensation of there somehow being a film of some sort in the room, and Verres being behind that film and trying to break through it, with the impression that should she be successful, she would be in the physical reality and/or physically imposed.

 

I started doing scanning work on the tulpas' chest and naked bodies as well. I'm used to visualizing them being dressed so don't see them naked often. I found an ok set of reference images and have been working on the tulpas' bodies using them. This work is generally a lot easier than facial details despite that I just started with it in the last couple of days. Saeya seem legitimately amused by her breasts. She spent more time than necessary today being in the nude. Surprisingly I had an easier time with visualizing her nude body compared to Verres' body, it might be because of the extra body parts that Verres has. Despite working with their naked forms the process doesn't feel too sexual, we're just dealing with this in a business-like manner.

 

For the time being Verres have a body shape that is petite (which I think is reasonable for a winged humanoid), but is a bit more curvy and well endowed than I've used to assume for her. The reference images happen to be like that and Verres personally does not mind. She doesn't like the "loli" aesthetic and this slight change seem to please her. I spoke with her briefly on this topic today, and it seems she generally finds loli to be distasteful.

 

Working on the tulpas' naked body forms also seem to help them look more realistic when clothed, as I can better visualize how the clothing should fit over their body and appear.

 

I've also inserted bits of work on the tulpas' movement while doing the above stuff. Visualized them walking, or changing my perspective around them to see them from different angles. Walking is mostly ok, but the way their arms move while walking needs more work and references.

 

Miscellaneous Stuff:

The kind of "normal" intrusive thoughts/emotions that I'm used to, which has a foreign feel to them, have diminished a lot in intensity and frequency. Having the tulpas (and myself) immediately act on them when they appear seem to be better than waiting once every couple of weeks to address them in a big session. Nips them in the bud, somehow. Verres have acted on these sorts of thoughts/emotions a few times this week, and come to think of it Saeya did not at all. Is she slacking?

Edited June 19, 2025 by bunnymustdie