Stanford Tulpa Study looking for more participants
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Kristian Rebel's log
#1
Hello everyone reading this. Excuse me for my bad English, I'm almost entirely Russian. I'm even a communist, oh-ho-ho Big Grin

So, here we are. Found out about tulpas 3 days ago. Decided to make one. i have perfect atmosphere for forcing - I live in a forest, alone, with 95% of the people per day is me. And I've actually nothing to do. No job, just learning finnish language (Yes, I live in Finland). So, here we go.
Yesterday tried to learn how to meditate. Failure. Still can't force my will enough to not look at the damn thoughts. Also, yesterday was a very short day because I woke up at 6 PM.
Today there was more progress. I tried to reach wonderland for three times, using the ladder technique. First one - COMPLETE failure. Couldn't even imagine the ladder. It was too dark in my conciousness and I couldn't see a black ladder. And the parts that I saw were so deformed I couldn't even step on them. Secont try. With music. Had progress done. Made my conciousness background bright-whitw so I could concentrate on the ladder. Step. WHOA, camera just gone wild dancing all around me. made it first-person again. Another step - same thing. Always changing to 3rd person. Somehow, but really crappy I made it to 10 steps. Now stop, relax. yes, good, relaxed. Another 10 steps. Again every step I coudn't concentrate and camera was flying around. (Also, funny thing, I looked completely different every time). After about 20 minutes of fails I decided to sit in a turkish pose inside my mind on a platform. And relax completely. Then there was this glass capsule around me. It started to fall quickly. The nothingness soon changed to rocks, waterfalls, green stuff, etc. It was some kind of a futuristic elevator from Portal games. It stopped for a little relaxation pause. And then there I imagined some kind of a body for my tulpa (her name is Mirraine). I never had a concept of her looks, just a personality and some traits. So she was some kind of Cortana-looking. Sometimes she changed to a blurry image of long-haired woman, then just bright glowing image of a female. I made her do some symbolic stuff so my relaxation process wouldn't be just sitting and nothingdoing. (I realised later that controlling her body was a bad idea). So, end of the line. A platform leading to the door. I stood up (or just became standing without animation) and started my creepywalk to the door. I think I just skipped the part without walking again, I don't remember. Opened it. Mountains, lake, forest, grass, beautiful. Stepped inside - sank. Just litterally, I fell through the ground and couldn't do anything. I realised that It's just not enough concentration. Ok, session terminated, I'm in the land of living again. Fell really vegetativelly. Could barely move a limb for a few seconds. Climbed up on the chair, did some stuff in internet concerning guides and stuff. Little smoke break. Now, again same relaxing music, but in a laying pose. 30 or so minutes of jumping camera, beneath and above ground. Like sinking again. And i couldn't keep everything in 1st prespective - if I try to move my head, camera goes AWOL. Ok, another tactic. If I can't make thoughts go away, I will concentrate on them. I was thinking about something I don't remember what, relaxing at the same time until the point where I could feel some kind of a strange feeling in my body and my head, I can't describe what it is. For me it was a sign that I'm ready. I've quickly imagined my campus corridor and a TARDIS in the end of it (I dunno, just the first thing with a door that came to mind). This time I could walk without falling beneath the ground and camera stood in the right place - my head. I've quickly reached the door, without hasitation opened it and.. I've got inside 9th-10th Doctor's TARDIS. Just like that. Somewhy, I felt like it is the wonderland. Because, finally, I could turn around. I could jump, clap and everything from the first prespective. I've imagined a strange little bottle of something and drank it. Because why not? But still, image was fading. I've imagined a temporary model of Mirraine, which was Cortana, and spoke to her about my feelings and about how I see her. This time she was just non-moving dummy. And in about 3 minutes or so image started to fade away too quickly and I've lost control. Anyway, a phyrric victory is a victory. Maybe, if someone read that (oh-ho-ho, of course not), can you tell me, it this shit legit? Is it possible for wonderland to be TARDIS? And why it started to fade away so quickly? Anyway, thank you for your time.
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