Anja and I

[Beef]

Yesterday I took the plunge and had my first forcing session, effectively "creating" my tulpa Anja.

 

I've had her name and form (somewhere between Agrias from FFT and Saber from Fate Stay Night) picked out for a while now. Of course I let her know in the first active forcing that she could change these things whenever she wanted, since my goal is to have her be an independent person.

 

I started in the morning by passive forcing while at work, which was mostly a failure. This day in particular was very stressful, thanks to all the trainees at my job, so I didn't get to really focus until we had cleared all the early leavers out of the kitchen. Once I was basically alone I started singing to her. I'm not sure if singing counts as narration, but I attempted to visualize her and my wonderland at the same time so it probably did something.

 

Once I was home I drank down a cup of coffee, got in some comfy clothes, and got down to some active forcing. I managed to visualize Anja and the wonderland quickly and clearly so I went straight to narration. I imagined her sitting next to me and staring at me while I told her all these things and made sure she knew that she was welcome to respond anytime she wanted. Head pressures were the only thing I could get out of her, but even that excited me! From what I understand, a response of any kind takes a while to develop but Anja could do it on the first day! I'm so proud of her!

 

The narration was very rambling, which I hear is ok. I'm not very good at conversation IRL because it's hard for me to think of things to talk about, so I ended up talking about her and our situation a lot. My goals for her, the fact that she is her own person, that I was 100% sure we were gonna be best friends, etc. Eventually I got some real bad intrusive thoughts and lost focus, so I decided to go work out and do some passive forcing on the treadmill. A 30 minute long lecture on exercise later, I (we?) came back to the apartment, played some Monster Hunter, and went to bed.

 

I'm glad I and Anja have made the progress we have so far, and I can't wait to get started on some more forcing! I'll probably only post here when I feel something noteworthy happens or if we try something new. I'd love for that to be every day, but we'll just have to wait and see.

 

Until then, see ya.

[Guest Anonymous]

Head pressures are common first signs from the data I have collected over tulpamancy boards and this forum as well. It's a good sign that indicates that, well, the concept of 'Anja' has been founded in your mind. Many people seem to share different views over the formation of a tulpa and what a tulpa really is but all of those views go right back up to the general consensus for, well, what a tulpa really is. With that being said, head pressures can be a sign of mental exhaustion in cases in which you completely tire yourself out, but 100% of the time it's good progress. Good job. We'll be keeping up with your PR, if you have some questions and whatnot feel free to shoot us a private message.

 

Don't sweat it out, either. I mean, forcing is good and all but tulpamancy is really mind-tiring at times, not speaking of sleepiness but it's a lot of weight on your mind from the data I collected, so don't go too hard on yourself with the premise that you need to make her as soon as possible. Out of curiosity, have you found a form of Anja? And why such a name?

[Beef]

Thanks for the reply and encouragement! Your PR on the lounge is actually one of the first ones I read and definitely helped nudge me in the right direction, so I'll be sure to pm you when I've got a burning question or two.

 

Don't sweat it out, either. I mean, forcing is good and all but tulpamancy is really mind-tiring at times, not speaking of sleepiness but it's a lot of weight on your mind from the data I collected, so don't go too hard on yourself with the premise that you need to make her as soon as possible.

 

It's not that I feel I need to make her ASAP, I'm just very excited to get started and can't wait to have a real conversation with her. Usually whenever I start something I get overzealous and just throw everything I have at it, but I definitely see your point. I'll be sure and take a break now and then.

 

Out of curiosity, have you found a form of Anja? And why such a name?

 

I had a form for her before I had actually committed to making a tulpa, something I came up with while I was researching the phenomenon. She has long blonde hair in a straight braid down her back, white skin, bright blue eyes, and is currently wearing warm wintery clothing. She looks very "anime" right now but I think I might try to make her more realistic as we progress forward.

 

As for the name, I've always been a fan of nordic-sounding names (even though the name Anja comes from Russian, I think). I use to give them to my pets when I was growing up and I'll probably do the same thing for my kids if I ever have any. I was just running names through my head and when I got to Anja it gave me a very warm feeling, so I just decided then and there that she was going to be named Anja.

[Beef]

Today was mostly uneventful in the Anja department. She gave me some head pressures, but that was it. I'm not disappointed, I'm actually glad that she can do this since it proves to me on some level that she's "real". I'm content with this taking as long as it needs to and have no intention of rushing things.

 

I started with an early morning active forcing session, focusing on the same narration-within-wonderland that I've been doing. Today was my day off, so I made my goal to keep Anja in mind as much as possible. I thought of it as bringing her along to all the errands I had to run.

 

Unfortunately, I would often forget about her. It was easiest to keep her in mind while I was driving or waiting in line, but anything more involving than that required a very active effort on my part (especially when I'm having a conversation with someone). The good news is that I got a very cool reaction. Anja reminded me to think of her once with a strong head pressure after I had forgotten her! I'm so happy and proud to see her not just attempting to communicate with me but even reacting to my thoughts!

 

Now I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I read a post on this forum that suggested tulpae may not actually exist when we don't think about them, and I can't help but agree. Many people say their tulpa goes to their wonderland, but I never really imagine Anja in our wonderland unless I'm active forcing. I don't want her to just not exist, and I'd hate to be pulling her in and out of nonexistence. I dunno, on some level it just seems cruel. I think having her around always would be ideal, even if it would put some strain on my mind.

 

Anyway to recap, things are going smoothly and the head pressures are becoming more frequent. I'm hoping I can active force most mornings as part of my daily routine, and I feel like that would really help Anja's development. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

[Beef]

I've been working pretty much straight through the past couple of days (hell yeah, overtime!), but I figured I'd go ahead and get a report down anyway.

 

Most of the progress has been on my end. I've been remembering to narrate to Anja more often and I can visualize her form pretty much effortlessly now. I picked up a simple meditation technique to help with active forcing and it's doing wonders both with my tulpamancy and my daily life.

 

I established with Anja that head pressures on the left side mean "no" and the right side mean "yes", but I don't really like this form of communication because of how limited and unreliable it is. The pressure seems to linger for a while so it's easy to misinterpret, and she's given some strange answers to my questions (she told me "no" when I asked if I was talking to her, although maybe she was being sarcastic?).

 

Narrating to Anja calms me down now instead of just being an active effort, so if nothing else comes out of this I've managed to find a way to deal with stress.

 

This morning I tried giving Anja a voice by doing some parroting. I don't really like doing this because I feel deep down she would resent me making her say things she didn't mean to say (or at least that's how I would feel if someone did it to me), but I think it might be necessary to teach her how to be vocal so I'm thinking she won't mind.

 

It seems like tulpamancy is having some positive effect on my life outside of having a tulpa, so I'm pretty happy with my progress.

Here's hoping to more good things in the future.