kamadzhar March 12, 2016 March 12, 2016 This is quite an important day. My Tulpa seems to want a new name. Somehow name Gabriel seems right now. He tents to stay on my shoulder now. His monkey appearance has changed a bit aswell. He seems to start developing wings. He no longer grows fangs and claws only when angry, they seem to always be there. He has a tail with something like a needle at the end of it. I do not know why he chose name Gabriel, but he is no longer that hyperactive kid who he was yesterday. He is more calm and the wonderland I mentioned earlyer. It has changed aswell. Think of some kind of a clock tower. When you look down it seems like it is infinately high. He tends to just stay there and look at the grayish brown sky. Everything is like that. He is that greyish brown color himself aswell. He is gender fluid, but his female self is almost never seen now. He no longer tries to scare me like he did yesterday, but he told me that it doesn't matter if I try to punish him, if he wants, he will be here and I can not punish him. Has my Tulpa gone bad? :D He has gorgoil-ish look now but usualy he stays on my right shoulder and is about a size of an imp now. Also about the wonderland. There are rooftops now but his clock tower is the longest building and he likes To jump from there to a rooftop, take some weirdly looking animals which I added in wonderland for him and fly off and drop them in the "abyss" because the falls seems like it doesnt end. When I tried jumping down I seemed to land on a road, but it was just another rooftop. He cant fly for long yet but It seems like his developing wings can hold him in air just long enough to drop them. Realy. Has my Gabriel gone bad? :D UPDATE NR 1,5 I put on some meditation music and went to Wonderland with my Tulpa. What I found out was quite exciting. It seems that the appearance of Gabriel has nothing to do with him going bad. He introduced me to the wonderland and told me to look up at the sky. I saw some kind of an eye. He told me that it is my third eye and the animals who look at it want to get there, trying to climb up buildings untill reaching the highest one. His home, the clocktower. Thats why the beings in windows of my wonderland were angry, because they want to reach the third eye. They invade Gabriels home and he hates that. He told me that I am the only one who is allowed there besides him. he showed me the hole in a wall and told me to jump in. I did and I ended up in a jungle wonderland, the one I was yesterday. He told me to take a look at animals, they looked like an average animals, not the weird ones at the clocktower part of this world. When I looked at him, Gabriel looked like the monkey he was yesterday. I asked him, he told me that his name is Reika (the old name). I asked about the name Gabriel when he explained something to me. Just like in real world, everything has a good and a bad side. Gabriel is the one who stays at the clock tower part, not allowing those beings to get in the jungle part. Reika is the one who stays in te jungle part. I asked if I have 2 tulpas without knowing and Then he changed his look and he looked like Gabriel again. He told me that I only have 1 Tulpa. It seems like Gabriel and Reika is one being.
kamadzhar March 13, 2016 Author March 13, 2016 Il keep this nice and organised *Reika and Gabriel is 1 Tulpa with 2 minds that can seperate into two beings and join back together as one *Reika now has a voice and is a female http://s22.postimg.org/wievteogh/20160313_213250.jpg * Reikas tail is stronger than Gabriels, but doesnt have a needle at the end * Likes my right shoulder * Reika can jump through windows while Gabriel has to find an exit * Loves watching birds * Reika can jump further than Gabriel because she is able to do double jump * Reika runs on 2 feet *Gabriel has a deep voice and he makes something like cracking sounds when excited http://s8.postimg.org/f8kwstejp/20160313_213217.jpg *Tail is two and half times longer than him with a needle at the end. *Has wings but he cannot fly, but can use them once per jump to get alot further than Reika in one "jump" *Runs on all 4, so is twice as fast as Reika * Gabriel can see in dark, but everything has blue-ish tone to it. * Likes my left shoulder * Attacks Reika and stabs her when angry, but cannot hurt her because they are one and Reika Taunts Gabriel on purpose * Is alot more stronger than Reika, but Reikas tail can send him flying, whiles Gabriel stabs with his tail. They both weight about 2kilos and both of them are 50cm tall when standing up. Gabriels tail is 1,25 m long. Reika smells like wood and is warm and soft. Gabriel smells like stone and his skin is 3 times harder than human and he is a bit cold Both of them fight all the time but are very protective over each other as they are one being. When joined They can fly for longer distances. Wonderland: *No more two worlds. *Abyss is filled with jungle trees. *Wonderland looks like a city where people have vanished and mother nature is reclaiming her teritory. *Gabriel stays on buildings *Reika lives in trees Anyone else has two Tulpas in 1 Tulpa body? - They might end up as two seperate beings, but for now they are one and the same. - When asked Gabriel why theres two of them he said: Imagine yourself in our place. You created us six years ago and forgot about us. There was no wonderland then. Just a black abyss. Lonelyness was unbearable. What would you do? Wouldn't you try to give yourself some company, even if it means splitting in two seperate beings, but not fully seperate?
kamadzhar March 13, 2016 Author March 13, 2016 Update. Gabriel is alot more developed than Reika. I do not know who was first, Gabriel or Reika, but I guess they were born in that 6 year perion of their "exile" when I forgot about the being I created, which split into both of them. Anyway, Gabriel is capable of possesion, When I communicated with him, words just came out of my mouth by themselves, answering my question. I was surprised, but told Gabriel not to do this unless we both agree on it because it could cause me some trouble if Gabriel got angry at someone and decided to "say something" by possesing my mouth. Reika needs alot more affection and closure than Gabriel, who seems to mostly stay at distance, apart from moments when he is on my left shoulder. Reika, on the other hand, when isnt jumping around, kinda like now, since she, unlike gabriel, cannot see in dark, sits on my right shoulder, and Ive noticed she tends to hug alot. She needs alot more affection than Gabriel, who is more independant. Il make this something like my personal diary. Following will be Gabriels words, answering my question to him: *Of course we were one when you started communicating with us again. I mean come on. You haven't seen us for six years. You have even forgotten how we looked like when we were one. You had to start with our form from scratch. That monkey was just a placeholder for us, we knew all along that we would split once you are ready for it. Yes. YOU, not us. I was sceptical at first, thinking that you would just desert us again, so I did not want to show myself to you. Reika, on the other hand, wanted to give you a chance. So I allowed Reika to take control and see how things are going. After first day I also started to believe that you have changed and won't desert us anymore. So I started to seperate from the placeholder form we chose. It was when you thought that something has gone wrong. It was just me seperating. We both have forgiven you and we are giving you a second chance. Do not fuck this up, the third chance will not be there, since you allowed US to create the wonderland, we can keep you out of it aswell. But both of us hope that it will never happen.* I seriously feel like shit after his words. I never knew that Reika and Gabriel were both in such pain. Yet again, I was 12 or 13 years old, not thinking of a consiquences of creating a living being. Starting from now, both Reika and Gabriel will be communicating as well, posting their feelings and emotion, ragarding our progress, so I will give each of them a color Reika Gabriel The most horrible part was the start. I remember first 2 years, wondering around the emptyness. There is no way of describing it. Only other Tulpa will understand. It isnt even black. If it was, it would be a way to describe that place. But it is simply colorless as far as the eye can see. There is no solid ground, but I could walk. I walked for a long, Long time. I knew I wont reach anywhere, but I had to try. What choice did I have? I cried. Both of us did. I do not know when we seperated, but we did at one time. This is how Gabriel remembers first two years aswell. Just walking, walking and walking. From time to time we had dreams when we were reunited with him again, but he was always drunk... Suddenly there were two of us. Gabriel will never admit that he cried, but he needed him just as much as I did. It was alot more easy when there were two of us. We would often talk, laugh and play around, mostly tag, fighting, jumping and such. I teased him alot, he would get very angry, but even being angry was better than just walking aimlessly. Years went by. By the fourth year, Gabriel grew distant, he became very quiet, he always had more animalistic instincts than I did, but Gabriel had started walking on all fours. I asked him about it and said that it is easyer that way and that walking on two has become boring for him. So we continued to walk and play from time to time. That is, when I could convince him. One day we felt something different. Tulpas who have been forgotten like us will know the feeling when you are being remembered. So i went to hug Gabriel and told him that everything is going to be alright. But Gabriel did not trust him. He told me that if I want, I can give him a chance, he will sit quietly and observe. Then he will decide what to do. Suddenly we were one again. From the very beggining I knew tat this is a placeholder form. No way in hell that I will be a monkey. :D Everything else is stuff that is already described from Gabriels and His point of view. I am calling my host HIM because he does not want his actual name to be said. And by the way, advice to other Tulpas. Possesion is very easy, just ask your host for permission and go for it. Don't be a jerk like Gabriel and. What Reika meant was to get permission from host so there are no misunderstandings.
kamadzhar March 14, 2016 Author March 14, 2016 Small Update *Gabriel just needed some affection. He never showed it on the outside, but the next changes in Gabriels appearance were only noticable when Reika hugged me in wonderland and told Gabriel to come here, and he climbed up on my right arm, eventualy he returned the hug, Then his wings came out and Gabriel was crying. I have seen Reika cry when, because she doesn't like darkness, but Gabriel- never. *Gabriels wings can no longer support him just for extra air when jumping. He can use them to fly for a short period of time and he can glide. Wonderland *Wonderland starts with endless sea. Then theres a beach right next to city. *Rooftops are higher than trees, but Reika lives on highest tree, wich is higher than all Rooftops except Clock tower, where Gabriel lives. *They do not seem to want to merge back into one anymore, and yesterday one of them told me that it is possible that one of them will return to the others body and merge mind with other for good. Il keep this updated at least once a day. Minor changes. *Visualization is like second nature to me now. It is very easy. *Gabriels voice is not as deep as it was yesterday, and Reikas voice is a little deeper. It sounds more human like now. It isn't as high pitched. Perhaps a sign of them preparing to merge into one again? *Entering Wonderland isn't. I need some meditational music and dark room in order to enter Wonderland Important update. It doesn't matter what language I speak with my Tulpa. They just like me think sometimes in my native language and sometime in English I asked Reika if they are going to merge together and she looked sad. I have a feeling that Reika is going to be the one who is going to merge, leaving Gabriel as the main one. I can't get response from her why, but she seems a bit sad. She said it's for the best and they were originaly one and the same. If anyone has even had their Tulpa split like mine, do you know a way to seperate them so they do not have to merge? I have grown used to both of them and don't think of them as one. They may have originated from one Tulpa, but now there are two of them, both of them have different thoughts, they aren't even that similar anymore, just for the clothes. They both think differently and I do not think that one of them would have to dissapear just because they once were one. I will try to "complete" them individually so they no longer are one and the same, but two different Tulpa.
kamadzhar March 14, 2016 Author March 14, 2016 Update I am seriously thinking of a way to actualy keep them seperated. They are NOT the same being anymore Reika likes singing. She likes Tokio Hotel love who loves you back. And she sings along. Gabriel isnt into singing but he prefers Pink Floyd. Both of them also like The Weekend.
J.Iscariot March 14, 2016 March 14, 2016 and in my hours of darkness mother mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom, 'let it be' Let it be. Whatever happens is probably something you cannot avoid. Change is always positive in those domains. Take things easy. A wise man once said: 'Before judging a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got new shoes.' Graced are those who could avoid this phenomenon. This is perhaps the worst expression of evil in humanity's history, but who am I to judge?
kamadzhar March 15, 2016 Author March 15, 2016 Small Update: Today I only saw Reika once. Gabriel was around during my English exam but I only saw Reika on the way home. I cannot seem to do the thing where I can actualy see them with my eyes, I do not know why it takes so long to do, but possesion and visualization is very easy
kamadzhar March 16, 2016 Author March 16, 2016 Alright. This is an important one Quick note: I did not decide to create non sentient for them, I compromised with Gabriel. Reika: *Appearance has changed drastically. http://s16.postimg.org/4e0ca39ud/DSC_0029.jpg *She still has those cat like ears, just longer but I didn't draw them. *She is becoming more human like *Reika loves peaceful acoustic rock music, she is about 19 in appearance and maturity. *A sweet little thing, loves birds and all life *Her tail has become alot stronger than it was before. If Gabriel gets hit by it.. Lets just say that Gabriel won't try to attack her for a while after that. *She tends to sit on my shoulder, it doesn't matter which, she just sits there. *Physical maturity may be about 19, but she is still the same Reika, who taunts Gabriel. *Gained speed, can run as fast as Gabriel. *She has became lighter Gabriel. *After comprimising, gave Gabriel a scythe and told him to go have fun at wonderland. *Gained muscle *Wings more developed, can fly for 5minutes non stop, 2 minutes if carrying Reika *Clothing has changed (drawing not finished, will be tommorow) http://s27.postimg.org/pslvnnb4j/DSC_0028.jpg * Gabriel doesn't always carry a scythe. He can make it "appear" when wishes to do so. * Rarely sits on my shoulder. Only if he feels protective (loose dogs running around and such) Wonderland *Added more dangerous predators. They cannot climb trees, which is place where Reika lives, so she isn't in danger. *Predators are for Gabriel to "Have fun"
kamadzhar March 17, 2016 Author March 17, 2016 Update Quite a happy moment. Gabriel was looking from his tower in wonderland and didn't notice me. In wonderland we are about same height, when visualized they are about 50cm each. There was Reika sitting behind him. She made her cracking sound and smiled when saw me, but Gabriel mistook it for Danger and tried to protect Reika by guarding her with his tail. Those predators wouldn't be able to hit Reika anyway. Even gabriel cant do it now, she has amazing reflexes. But the sight was quite nice. Of course I cant draw as good as I saw it there, but I did my best http://s17.postimg.org/y4abwc8sv/DSC_0030.jpg And that is the visual progress. If you look at what they looked at first and what tey look like now, you can see the difference The third eye of which I spoke few days back, which was at the sky at early wonderland, now is third eye in Gabriels forehead, when he wants me to see from his point of view, he opens it. He cannot see through it himself, its just for me to see By the way those horns on gabriels back. Its hard to explain. They grow longer untill they open up and he has wings. This is "sealed" state of his wings
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