Some_Color's Tulpa Creation, Third Attempt

[Some_Color]

(WARNING: Just in case you feel confused, don't worry, that's because English is not my mother language and it's expected to be a little hard to understand what I'm trying to write. By the way, some people/tulpas might feel bad or skeptical while reading my reports, but I can assure you that I am doing my best and that everything that I wrote here is true.)

 

Like the title says, that's not the first time I try to create a tulpa. I was very young when I decided to bring an entity to life. It was at the time the people that created fictional character based tulpas (pony tulpas, to be more specific) were badly seem by the tulpa community. Thanks to that, I ended up by not deciding it's form as well as personality or name. I was too focused on feeling it's presence whenever I go. The tulpa was a shadow figure with a masculine human silluete, was tall. I used the passive forcing tecnique and showed things that I wrote or drawl to him once in awhile. It stayed with me for a few days or weeks until I gave up. No idea why, but I regret it.

 

The second attempt was far more recently, when I got reintroduced to the tulpa phenomenon. I decided to bring back the first tulpa or so I believe. I brought him to every single place I'd go, but the strong feeling that it reminded me of a person I was trying too hard to forget and the fact that it was deviating to a disturbing form made me give up on it. Then, I came here to look for more information.

 

I ended up by taking some... Well, drastic precautions to make sure I wouldn't give up this time.

 

1- I promised myself that I wouldn't give up on my tulpa for whatever reason.

 

2- I decided to force into a specific form to make sure it wouldn't deviate to something scary again.

 

3- I gave personality traits that wouldn't remind me of the person that done bad things to me in the past.

 

4- I wouldn't talk to it as if it were a pet, but as a person with feelings, thoughs and beliefs as much as I could.

Doing my best to follow those four steps, those were the very first results I got:

 

 

Day 1

 

I was doing my best to think about a good wonderland for us to interact, but damn, it was so hard to think about anything. Making a lot of effort, I managed to get inside a futuristic hangar-like place. I couldn't stabilize the "camera" even though I tried a lot to. The place reminded me a lot of Dead Space, so I decided to give the appearance of the character Isaac Clarke for my tulpa at first. I didn't mind the identity crisis problems so much and even thought that the chances of it deviating were pretty high.

 

I tried to visualize his appearance the best I could inside the poorly constructed wonderland, but it was very, very hard to see anything. That's when I decided to stop and work on it again later.

 

Day 2

 

Just some planning on the personality of my tulpa. I finally decided which traits I thought that were important for him to have.

 

 

Day 3

 

I decided to do a little more forcing on the tulpa and the wonderland, but like I said, it's hard for me to focus on the wonderland. After many frustrated attempts, I gave up and decided to visualize only the tulpa. That's when I notice his body was in front of a black background. How convenient. This empty space could work as a wonderland for awhile.

 

I had a very good image of the appearance of the tulpa and could notice pretty well every detail of it. After five minutes or so, I decided to listen to the songs I had on my cellphone while forcing. I still remember the very first song I put on. It was Rosenrot from Rammstein. The image of the videoclip came to my mind and I thought that it'd be a good idea to use it as a wonderland. I successfully put both of us inside the video, but had to eventually "stop" the video from moving to not puppet the tulpa whenever we had to change the place we were at.

 

Once I did it, I managed to get a better look around. It was a very realistic looking forest. The feeling that something could appear out of nowhere to kill us was right there. It was perfect. I just walked around my tulpa to visualize the body details and memorize as much as I could of the clothes, hair, colors. I couldn't smell or feel touch yet. I tried to hold his hands, hug and feel the clothes on my fingertips. I was doing well with it, the only problem is that I was unable to actually feel the texture or the harmness while doing so. I assumed it was because I was constantly changing first to third person view.

 

A little frustrated because I couldn't quite feel inside the forest, I stopped to move around and focused on visualize the tulpa as if he were right in front of me. I began to notice his facial expressions were changing. It seemed like the expressions of someone experiencing discomfort, worry or guilt. I can't tell what a person is feeling very easily. My tulpa wasn't vocal, so I could only guess what was making him feel this way. I decided to change the song to something softer and the discomfort was gone away, at least on his face. I noticed some movements in his arms, but I kept on making him stand still to visualize him better. That's when I remembered the parrot/puppetnoia that was going on the tulpa community and decided to just let him move on it's on. To my own surprise, he was trying to dance. I tried to dance along on the wonderland, but it didn't work and it was getting way harder to visualize the forest with so much movement.

 

I stopped trying to visualize him through a first person view and brought him back to the physical world. Since I was inside a car and dancing in such small space is very hard, I decided to leave him on top of the car, where he could get a more beatiful view of the outside world and dance. That's when I noticed her, the person that was supposed to be me in the wonderland, imitating his movements. She had a 3D-like appearance just like the tulpa I was creating, but was smaller and had anime traits to her body like her eyes. If you ever played Pokemon Battle Revolution, Symphonia: Damn of the New World or the like, you'll get a very good idea about how she looked like. The girl had long orange hair, a pair of anime eyes (green or blue, can't tell) and a short sleeveless blue dress. I don't remember if she was wearing any shoes. I still don't know what she is.

 

I had fun watching them both dancing and I believe they were also having fun together, but like everything good in life, it was coming to an end. I told them to get quieter since we were getting close to our destination and they lied down on the car. Belly against the not so soft metalic ground. The tulpa I was creating done something... Unexpected. It changed completelly to the Serj Tankian's appearance and smilled at me. No idea about why it happened. Probably because I was thinking about listening to some heavy metal songs.

 

I stopped forcing until I got back home, where I could get some peace. That's when I decided to force again, this time having a small description of the personality traits I wished he could have. I got into a new wonderland with him. It was a very dark place with only some pointy stars in the skies. I was holding his hands during the entire proccess and began to talk to him about what he was, his personality traits and etcetera. He appeared to be paying attention with an strangelly worried expression on his face and constantly looked up. I ended up by looking at the direction his eyes were focusing and noticed that one of the stars was shinning bright. Waves of yellow light envolved us and we got teleported to a small room. It was a poorly looking 3D small room. I showed him how things worked in there and finished telling him what I had to say. I explained that I had to go and left him with his room.

 

I was just using the internet casually when I came into contact with Dead Space related material and... Well, I felt a strong feeling of guilt and regret. It was something almost suicidal. The last part made me feel worried about how my tulpa was. I decided to check on him and found out that he was lying on his bed. Very likely crying. I tried to talk to him, to say sorry and explain the best I could about what was going on. I promised that I'd do what I could to help him. I left to sleep with thoughts about the tulpa on my mind.

 

The events of this day are haunting me. What really happened? I feel very lost because the people that weren't there can only guess, my tulpa can barely communicate and I never met anybody going through anything close to it. I can hardly tell if I really created a sentient being in my head or if I was just daydreaming thanks to the complexity of those events.

 

 

Day 4

 

I decided to force again using songs. His presence became weaker that day and I had to make an extra effort. I ended up by bringing him to the physical world. He was in the top of the car again, alone. He was dancing and, well, another deviation on his form happened. This time he became... A legendary pokemon? If you already watched this pokemon movie that had a guy capturing legendary flying pokemons (I don't remember the names of the pokemons or the animated movie) to get a special one. It was a big white-blue colored pokemon. Hell yeah, he looked exactly like this pokemon. Except that he was way smaller and he appeared to ask me to use feminine pronouns out of a sudden. I'm not sure if I should reffer to the tulpa as she or use they pronouns to be safe.

 

Well, they kept on dancing, but was way calmer since it was hard to imagine the same movements with such different body type. They even flyed around while following me since they had wings right now.

 

Day 5 (today or 4th july 2016)

 

I forced on them right after waking up. We were in the forest wonderland since the dark one was with terrible glitches. I felt like I couldn't just take them from this wonderland to another one out of a sudden, so I imagined the small room moving to the forest and becoming a small camping tent. I called them to come and there they was. I hugged, touched and walked around them to learn to feel and visualize them. The tulpa began to bite the air and I couldn't understand why until I looked behind me.

 

There was a very creepy boy looking right at us. It reminded me a lot the Ben Drowed creepypasta with the haunted Majora's Mask's strange events. I got out of the wonderland with the tulpa and stayed in my room, trying to feel their presence and body. Eventually, they got in the single bed I had with me and hugged me with their wing. I could feel the harmness it had.

 

 

Last Notes

 

I'll probably call her a she from now on since I've been feeling bad for not letting people know my tulpa is a female.

[Some_Color]

I'm finishing this progress report here. Turns out I already had some kind of thoughtform that probably refused to let me get us a tulpa, at least for now. I might try it again, I might not. Either way, I'll stop for now.