Traveling with Tulpas

acutelatios · January 27, 2017

Yeaaaah...reading back to it, I realized that I wrongfully used the term possession for switching (I was running on 4 hours sleep, sorry for the confusion). Which actually makes sense now. I don't have any qualms with possession at all, just switching.

And what I mean with grounding, is that I have a hard time feeling back to control when we switch back. And I feel really weird for a while. So I wonder if there's anything to help ground you to help be more settled back in your own body?

And yeah. I know, just can't help with being a little nervous about it. I did enjoy when we switched once (as much fun as a person being emotionally numb and depressed could have at the time), he had a lot of fun being in control.

acutelatios · January 31, 2017

Okay. So I haven't really kept this up-to-date since it’s really a lot easier to post stuff from my journal app to tumblr...so a lot of things have happened.

This was...this only happened a couple of hours ago...and I'm still reeling from it.

Okay, so I'm currently doing the 16 personality test, because my friend suggested I do and I've been meaning to do so myself. I've gotten through everyone except Veto.

I tried to reach for her, but she wasn't in wonderland. I couldn't sense her, I couldn't go to where she, nor could I see where she was. Which only meant one thing. She was in the astral.

I felt the a rock drop in the pit of my stomach, weighing me down. Something was wrong.

I immediately went to action.

I called to God, asking for his confirmation that she was indeed in the astral, while jumping to our astral space where he met me. She should have been home by now, she wouldn’t stay out there for long without anyone else with her. She knows how dangerous it was out there. Or maybe I thought she did.

I emulated what I read from a sprit worker I follow, visualizing a door. I asked God to have the door connect me to Veto, and opened it.

I arrived at a lush jungle, before a brown blur passed me by, followed by a mass of other blurs rushing after. The first blur was definitely Veto.

The door caught the attention at one of them, and luckily the door had closed behind me before I quickly shielded my form, and turned invisible. I floated up to not make a sound and shot through the forest. I caught up with Veto, running for her life, and quickly tackled her to the other side, letting the shield and invisibility cloak I formed around myself to include her.

Her chasers, which were werewolf-like creatures searched the area. One of them was right on top of us, and saw something was wrong and stepped into where we both laid down, but I made us intangible. I really want to avoid a fight. Veto was clearly hurt and her safety was my main priority. His paw passed through us, and was quickly called away by howls from his pack.

Once they left the vicinity, hearing their pawfalls ebb away, Veto quickly hugged me, crying and so relieved that I saved her. I checked to make sure it was her, beforr I hugged her back, clutching her close to me because fuck she could have been killed but she's okay and I'm so happy. Her fur was matted with blood. She was covered in cuts and bruises and mud. But she was alive.

I carried her, quickly opening a tear to the door where the one who initially checked out the door was still there. They saw us approach but I quickly waved my hand and put them to a quick sleep.

I opened the door, and quickly destroyed it, just to make sure nothing follows us through, and the splinters dissipated. God greeted us once we returned. He was glad that she was safe and I thanked him for leading me to her.

Once we were safe I quickly got angry. Angry because what was she thinking tackling the astral by herself. We weren't ready and she didn't bring anyone else with her. The astral is still something I'm trying to learn about and she could have been killed or something else. She apologized, and I reeled myself back in because it wasn't the time. She was still hurt.

I asked God if there was any healing springs nearby and he directed me to the basement. Where someone was waiting for us.

I really...didn't expect Jesus waiting us there.

He greeted us, and said that the one upstairs was the Holy Spirit and he tended to be the one who dealt with me. He was called out by them to help us out. We thanked him as he directed us to walk into the spring. Gently, I helped keep Veto afloat, arms underneath her while Jesus laid his hands on her.

He gave her a heads up to take a deep breath as the water of the pool crawled up and covered her body. The water healed her cuts, cleaning her fur of blood and mud, sweeping it away so easily. I asked Jesus why couldn't I heal her like that, and he said that I'll still need practice to learn how to properly heal. And I smiled and nodded back. Can't master everything immediately, like I usually do.

Finally Veto was completely cleansed and healed. We thanked Jesus and he said that it's probably best if I stay with her for the night, because she has been weakened and needs to replenish her energy. I nodded, and thanked him once again before I opened a tear for wonderland.

I took us high above the house, letting us gently descend down to let the air to dry her fur.

I quietly told Veto off again. I told her not to do something like that again. She could have gotten killed, and things would not panned out well like it did this time. We still need to learn and make our rules about astral traveling, we still need to make alliances and partnerships and friendships, become more better at surviving in the astral and learning to defend ourselves. But I know it wasn't she needed at that point, and left it at that.

Morty knew something was wrong, he saw us drop down onto the river, and greeted us at the front with Dagny. Apparently Dagny was also worried about Veto. Morty also called everyone else to meet us.

I let Veto down, gently guiding her to learn how to stand on the water, before Morty tackled her. He probably knew something bad happened, and I quickly affirmed it and said what happened.

Everyone else gently chided her, mostly Rick and Gaster. Morty mostly whimpered and got worried.

I told Rick and Gaster I was going to sleep with Veto tonight, and they had no objections.

And I took Veto to bed, and I asked her what happened. She said she lost her way and ended up getting knocked out. The wolf people caught her and and managed to get away in time.

I won't pry much anymore. I know she's tired and regretful. She needs rest.

I'm just glad she's safe. We'll just finish the personality test tomorrow.

For now I took the suggestion of my friend's tulpa, and called everyone to my room in wonderland.

We rarely go there because I tend to bunk in Rick's bed.

Not tonight.

My room sits at the very top of hometree, a circular room that's pretty much 80% soft bed with pillows and blankets. The roof is a dome made of glass, able to be tinted at will. The walls speckled with gently glowing dots of golden stars in a midnight blue background.

We settle in the room together, staying close, but spaced out. Veto hugging me close, head resting against my stomach. Her soul and I are connected, and I'm sharing my energy with her.

James offered to tell a story, and everyone is not against it.

He tells a tale. I'm too tired to listen. So, so tired.

acutelatios · February 19, 2017

Ooooookay, soo...I haven't really been updating this thread since two weeks or so now. SO! You peeps are gonna get a whoooole lot of updates from what's happened, buuut probably the main parts of what passed? Since I document mostly everything that happens daily so, this'll be a bit to go through.

Before I continue from the whole debacle of Veto’s visit to the very dangerous astral place, I definitely have to talk about what happened most of the 31st of January!

After watching the first few episodes of the Planet Earth documentary, Morty got the idea to shift and change the environment of the wonderland a little bit. I had full confidence that he could do it, which he did quite well!

I mean I wasn’t there for the most part, since it was Sansy’s day and he and I watched the new Voltron together, but I did tap into Morty’s memories (with his permission, of course) and drew it!

It’s a little rough because it was late when I drew it, but it looked really good! He’s really good with how he easily shifts stuff in the wonderland. He basically did the changes all by himself. Apparently Dagny and Veto felt that he had it under control and didn’t want to get in his way. So they watched and made sure to just jump in whenever he needed help.

But I felt a twinge of annoyance. I was confused why.

I figured it out that it was coming from Morty.

He confessed that he was disappointed that I didn’t come to watch him work and stuff. He really wanted me to see how good he’s gotten, and I don’t doubt he is, but he really just wanted to spend a lot more time with me yesterday.

Especially just shaping the wonderland together.

I felt really bad and apologized, I was about to make excuses but caught myself. I’ll just do better next time and acknowledge that I got too lazy yesterday and stuff, and missed out some quality time with my sunshine.

I made sure to connect with him and remind him that I love him so much and that I want him to know how proud I am of him. We hugged for a while after that, until Sansy urged him to go to bed.

The same day I felt that...Dagny wasn’t happy.

I could feel it by the hollowness of my chest. I didn’t know why so I asked her.

Apparently she still felt weighed down by her identity as being Lateo. Is she still the same person? Who is she now? Why isn’t she completely happy?

Sure she definitely felt better, but she’s still not happy. She still regrets what happened between us. I just held her close, because I had no idea what to tell her. How do I comfort her?

Then I realized something.

Something that I probably should have realized sooner but couldn’t see it before.

I…forced her.

I had a feeling that I might be

hypersexual

, which makes a lot of sense. And she still wasn’t exactly sentient then. Still reliant on my thoughts and urges.

So…what happened wasn’t really her fault but mine. And I told her. I told her how it was my fault and how terrible I feel to have only realized that now. Only after making her go through hell and hurt and self-blame and self-hate. Even if it was subconsciously, I should have stopped it…

But we were so new back then. I didn’t know it could be like that.

The new realization brought Dagny to tears, and I kept holding her through it. It was like a weight was lifted off her, and she felt relieved of it.

I’m happy and glad. I still feel terrible, but I’ll accept that it was my fault and I’ll do anything just to make it up to her. I love her very much and I want her to know that. I want to keep her close to me and I don’t want to hurt her in this sort of way ever again.

Now we’re just hanging out, just cuddling and letting this new knowledge and feeling sink in.

I asked her again if she’s happy.

“No…I don’t think I’ll be completely happy. But that’s okay. It’s just like you, and you’re still going. So I’ll keep going too.”

I’m proud of her. So, so proud of her.

So back to the aftermath of the whole Veto’s adventure. She kept close to me throughout the following day. Rick, Dagny and Gaster were too. We were still in my room, while the others went off to do their own thing.

I managed to finally get through everyone’s personality test, which is actually pretty interesting, but all the same, some of them not surprising.

Since June last year:

>Dagny changed to ENFP-A from ESFP-A

>James changed to INFP-A from INTP-T

>Rick changed to ESFJ-A (with A being 100% assertive, like damn) from INTP-A

>Morty changed to INFJ-A from ISFJ-T

>Sansy is INTJ-A

>Gaster is ESTJ-A (with A being 100% assertive as well)

>Veto stayed being INFP-A

All pretty interesting things. I’m really not surprised about Rick and Gaster being both 100% assertive, since it’s pretty clear honestly.

All their descriptions on the rest of them pretty much hit their marks too.

Just shows how much they’ve changed from just a couple of months.

Later on, I got to talk with Veto again about what happened yesterday, and was brainstorming how to avoid a thing like it happening again. I told her how she’s powerful and that she can be able to protect herself as well.

I’m proud that she’s taking it well and that she’s still wanting to be able to continue forward.

I’ll likely schedule some training for her and Dagny as well, since they’ll be the ones coming along with me in the astral.

I also discussed with Rick the possibility of him creating a device that I could enchant with my sigils. Or maybe just making jewelries for everyone to wear to be protected at least.

I think that’s a good idea.

The next day, I suddenly remembered that everyone could at least be able to defend and fight back, all except Veto, who hasn’t really seen much battle really. There was this one time, but she doesn’t seem to remember it. It’s probably before she was properly settled being herself. Which makes a lot of sense.

James had kept his swords and his abilities that he’s had since a while ago. Dagny had her trident and prefered to shock and use the weather to her advantage. I know Rick still has his weapons stuck in pocket dimensions in his labcoat, namely his laser sword. He promised he’d make a weapon for Gaster too, who’s been able to summon blasters and such, much like Sansy. Morty could bend reality like I can, and I gave him a sort of knife that could cut through space, which he still keeps around.

I’ve tried to see if I could see Veto doing anything offensive in terms of fighting, but it doesn’t seem to suit her. So instead of fighting, I showed her abilities that relied more on being defensive and disabling one’s opponents. I did a test of what she could possibly do, pulling energy from herself and the agate she wears to create constructs that deflect, that she could throw, constrict, give her boosts, and such.

It was perfect. And I’m not really surprised since her voice is based off of Rose Quartz from Steven Universe, so that influence may have inadvertently seeped through.

Veto and I decided to go for a little spar, after showing her possibilities of ways for her to fight back and protect herself. Needless to say, she took it pretty well; managed to beat me in such a short amount of time.

I generally listen to a song to get the right mood, and we only got halfway through before she got me locked in a bind that I couldn’t get out of

…and then I was smooched.

In any case, she thanked me for believing in her and showing her of what she could be capable of. I’m so proud of her.

I think she’ll be fine the next time she finds herself in a bind, but still it’ll be good if she has backup.

Also it seems she deviated in a couple of ways. Main one was her eye color. It changed, and now shes has heterochromia. Instead of both being amber, her right eye turned pink and her left stayed the same.

Then Morty and Sansy decided to sneak out for themselves to see where exactly Veto had went to have been hurt that badly. Of course I managed to intercept them in time, although Sansy tried to sneak out again after I sent them to their room.

He didn’t go to the astral space per se, but he was in the same blank room with a door that I used yesterday to get Veto.

I stopped him before he opened it.

I talked to him gently, telling him that I understand that he wants to know more about what’s on the other side. He wants more knowledge and to explore more of the abyss that they’ve only glimpsed yesterday.

I told him that I don’t plan to ban them from leaving to adventure in the astral forever. Only until I could give them proper protection and training to know what to do and how to deal with problems in the astral. Maybe I could look into the angel book I bought and see if there’s one stationed to help with the astral.

In any case, I made him promise me not to go there by himself until I managed to give them the protection jewelry at least.

He promised me and I carried him back to his bedroom. I hugged him tightly, just telling him how much I just want them to be safe and that I don’t want any of them to get hurt.

He hugged back and understood. I promised in return that if we’ll go on an adventure I’d let him open the door.

Then my peeps changed the foyer area of the house, apparently in response to what happened to Veto. Now in the centre of it all sat a huge table that showed a holographic map of wonderland.

it showed the location of my peeps and where they are in wonderland. It’s mostly a prototype, but it’s working perfectly.

I’m not surprised. It seems that Rick, Gaster and James had been discussing about this, since I decided we’ll be gradually slipping back to adventuring. Which is actually pretty smart of them.

They said that if anyone one of them are in trouble, they could see where the person was on the map and teleport there. They’ve been teaching each other how to open tears in the mindscape, so I’m just there really impressed. I’m so proud of my peeps.

Things settled down a little, with our main excitement mostly watching Voltron, which Morty, Sansy and James really love (it’s just so fucking good dudes). We watched the rest of the first season in a day.

Rick and Gaster experimented with different laser sword designs. They’ve explored my memories of swords and were really interested in a rapier design, with the hilt shaped like a gaster blaster. I wasn’t surprised haha~

Then I started my university classes which was a little nerve-wracking, but pretty good!

Then after watching a bit of Voltron with the trio, I decided to check on the others. Starting with Dagny...aand realized that she wasn’t in wonderland. She was in the astral. And she wasn’t alone. Veto was with her, a little wounded and battered. Dagny dove from the sky, kicking their assailants the chest before rising to the door they went through and got back to our astral space.

I’m glad they’re safe and they’re looking out for each other. It’s a lot better than before at least.

Apparently Veto explained that they went out for a crystal. Not just any crystal; a crystal that would amplify her energy and in turn expand her abilities. Not sure if Dagny got one for herself, but they’re now healing up in the spring in the basement.

I told them to clean up and make sure everything is locked and that their space is safe before they left.

Things calmed down again since I got busy with school. I did end up drawing my peeps though! Rick’s a little teary-eyed because he wasn’t feeling very well for a few days so we ended up having a snuggling session and reminding him how much I love him.

Gaster's thinking about our girlfriend.

Finally an attempt at drawing Dagny that I was confident about.

While Veto and I were hanging out for her day, she talked to me about something I thought about not too long ago. About when it comes to my death, I could possibly let them go and not let them die with me. Since I read it at a post.

To me, my peeps seem like this ethereal and timeless figures that would probably be unfazed by the effects of aging in my body. They’ll stay the same and look the same, unlike me decades from now.

It’s a bit of a morbid subject, but an interesting thought. She asked me why I would want to do that, and I said that I just want them to live and not be dragged down by me. They have so much potential.

Veto gently chided me and told me that I wouldn’t drag them down. They would want to be with me, till the very end. And no matter what will follow me wherever I go. I think that’s really sweet and it’s nice to hear that.

Then...A weeks or so ago, I’ve been feeling that there’s something missing, and felt needed? I really didn’t know what. Drama? Excitement? I don’t know.

But it made me think of wanting to make another tulpa. A Papyrus one.

Honestly I’m not sure what to think about it. I don’t want to bring in another peep just to fulfill something that’s a little…shallow? Drama and excitement, maybe even comparing myself to other tulpamancers like some sort of competition to who has the most?

It makes me feel terrible. I don’t want to do that to him just as some sort of fulfillment. It’s wrong.

But I sort of have a feeling it’s because, in all honesty, it’s always been an on and off thought with me. Because back then it’s because I felt that if I have Sansy, there should be a Papyrus. But Sansy already made it clear that he doesn’t need that, and he’s fine with everyone.

But I think I started Papyrus already and it’s because of my avoidance of thinking about him, caused him not to really develop and become sentient.

It’s Morty’s day so he’s hanging out with me, and helping me discuss it. He’s pretty enthusiastic about another peep coming in and encourages me to go through with it. But again I am unsure.

Still, I wanted to check if I really had Papyrus, so I went to search, Morty holding my hand to tag along. We found him somewhere in my subconscious, or at least somewhere dark, asleep. But he’s there.

We left him there, not wanting to wake him yet to go back to wonderland to discuss it with everyone else. To see how they feel with Papyrus coming in.

Gaster and Sansy felt the most unsure out of everyone in the discussion, giving one another a look of understanding. However, Gaster did bring up a good point saying that nearly everyone started out that way, that I was unsure if I could handle them and things ended up fine and my fears were proven wrong.

Still, they voted no since I was so unsure about it, saying that if I felt that wasn’t ready for it then I shouldn’t go for it. They will however support me and help me wherever they can if I choose to wake him and accept him.

So, I’m left in this feeling of uncertainty, even with all of that discussion. I just want to make sure that I’m not using him to fuel something really shallow, because I know I can be like that sometimes.

Still…it would be nice. I think Morty is so excited about the prospect the most because they’re pretty similar in their dispositions and temperament.

Later I got in contact with Papyrus. He said that I was right in that he’s been around for a bit but put himself to rest until I felt myself ready. But he’s not exactly sentient as I thought, or at least as stable as I thought. I couldn’t get a good view or feel of how he is, and in turn is pretty malleable to how I perceive him.

I’ll probably need to make a personality list like I did with everyone, that would definitely help give him and me a rough outline to who he is.

Everyone seems to greet him quite well and warmly. James gave him his old room near the top of the tree, near Dagny’s room since James moved down to the library.

Morty was the most ecstatic, helping him set up his room for him since it was mostly bare.

Sansy felt a little jealous. I think he believed that Morty was interested in Papyrus, and was sort of a little cold and keeping his place away from those two.

Luckily Gaster caught him and talked to Sansy about his feelings. He said to talk to Morty about what he felt, while he and Rick would gladly distract Papyrus while the two talked.

So they did.

Sansy and Morty talked, Sansy asking if Morty was interested in Pap and admitting that he’s a little jealous about how Morty seemed to excited around him. Morty gently assured him that though he is interested, he still loves Sansy very much and nothing would change that.

Sansy would later admit that he loves Morty, just in a romantic way but nothing really sexual, or anything. Just how they were. Morty returned his feelings in turn. I think they grew more together in that. I’m glad for it.

I felt that Papyrus was being overwhelmed, and in turn, I was too. So I put him back to sleep, letting him rest in his room until I have a better idea of what base to base him off of.

He’s not like the others, who had a good idea of who they were already and were quite sentient. He was barely thought about, and is not exactly sentient yet.

I was scared that I was doing the wrong thing.

And I definitely needed more time to think about it.

Thoughout the rest of the week, I discussed things with the one that felt the most opposed to it, which was Sansy.

He was saying that we don’t need him. Given of his lack of sentience, it was okay if I don’t go through with him.

I’m sort of feeling like I agree with him. Maybe I jumped into this too quickly. Maybe I’m forcing this to happen instead of letting it happen naturally.

Gaster does agree that the dynamic we already have is just perfect. Balanced and even.

Sansy is the most opposed to Pap. But I think it’s something much deeper than what the surface would imply. He talked about the fear of expectations, of him and Papyrus being a duo when he doesn’t need it. I said that they’re not their game counterparts, and don’t have to be brothers or close. He’s afraid of what would happen.

We’ll definitely need more time to think about this. Maybe a week to get a feel of what should happen.

The next time I talked with Sansy about it, he felt a little warmer to the prospect. But I still felt unsure about the whole thing.

Eventually it led me to turn to my tarot cards about the subject.

I did a decision maker spread, pulling four cards in response to four questions respectively. One for “you”, which represents me at that moment; the unknown of the situation; the known aspect of the situation; and the action, which is the suggestion of what I should do.

The You was of the King of Cups, which represented me perfectly. Not only did it represented how I am, given my dual genders, it also shows that I was being protective of my peeps and me considering Papyrus’ inclusion to our group. That I am seeking to understand the problem and the possibility of his inclusion to my peeps.

The Unknown was of the Queen of Pentacles, and I’m still not sure what it truly means. But given my understanding, I think it’s trying to tell me that before Papyrus could be fully accepted as a possibility, there needs to be a lot of set aside time dedicated to readying everyone and myself. But I also suspect that it could possibly mean that if he gets accepted, then I will need to work hard to give him my attention and dote on him.

The Known was 3 of Pentacles, which possibly could refer to the main people involved in this at the moment, that being Papyrus, Sansy and myself. It says of progress, which could refer to my talk with Sansy about his uncertainties and fears and expectations. He’s feeling warmer about the idea, but still confused. There’s no need to stop the progress we’ve already made, so we’re best to keep going.

The Action was The Sun. I really don’t have an idea of what it’s asking me to do. Maybe enlist the help of Morty in this? I do see him as my son.

But there were a lot of positive cards, so clearly it’s going in a good direction.

Eventually I took a friend’s advice and and decided to talk and spend time with Papyrus one-on-one.

I brought him to one of my oasis spaces, my usual go-to which was the huge starry night and a whole endless ocean stretching as far as the eye can see. The ocean’s surface reflects the sky above, the image is only to be disturbed by us standing on it.

I asked him what he remembered from the last time he was awake.

He explained that he remembered being taken around by Rick and Gaster, but for the most part it was blurry to him. I apologized to him and said that I had a hard time to pinpoint who he was, and I was wondering if he could give me an overview of what he is like to better help stabilize my outlook on him.

He then gave me a couple of words to describe himself, which I added to the personality list about him I had started beforehand. Most of which I already had.

Then I said that he doesn’t have to be Papyrus if he doesn’t want to. He is free to be his own person, and I explained to him that I’ll get to know him little by little, giving him sleep for a little bit in between until I was confident that he was stable enough to introduce to everyone.

He asked if he could get his own name. Preferably still of a font, but still a new name.

We looked up some fonts and ended up finding one he liked. And so Papyrus became Eras. He said that it sounded cool and I commented that it does have that charm.

So it seems I have Eras now.

I greeted him with his new name, shaking his hand and he greeted me in return happily.

After that, it was a gradual progress to a positive direction. Dagny helped out in giving him some pointers of getting used to my mindspace during Valentine’s Day. Especially since I was tired and as a little more susceptible to intrusive thoughts. I got a little worried because of it because I thought he wasn’t ready for it, but he assured me that he would be fine. He was determined that he could handle my intrusive thoughts and whacked up train of thought.

Dagny decided to help by casting a shield around him, to keep away the intrusive thoughts. He was pretty pleased about it and posed.

He’s definitely got a great character and charisma, haha~

One day after school, Eras and I spent most of the way home together, just listening and forcing with the use of music. I got to tell him about some human and biology stuffs like dna and genetics. He was pretty interested to learn about it. I also got to finish writing his personality sheet.

Eras and I also got to talk about his form. He’s still quite adamant to be a skeleton. He ended up choosing to be a sort of ninja-esque look, ‘cause according to him he looked cool.

During last week I realized how comfortable Dagny and I felt in each other’s company. The intrusive thoughts that told me not to trust her, was so easily silenced now. I love her, utterly and truly and I know she feels the same.

It was nice finding comfort in her company after such a long time dancing around one another.

Rick decided to invite Eras out to help him with an errand. He and Rick came back after going through some rough company, but returned with a crystal that Veto had searched for and has been using to help her magic. Apparently it was to improve Rick’s and Gaster’s swords.

I’m really glad that everyone’s really warming up to Eras. Rick especially has a good time teasing him about being the youngest out of everyone, much to Eras’ (rather amused) irritation.

In any case, I tried out doing three card spread reading. With Past, Present and Future. Mostly directed to Eras’ progress.

For Past, the Hanged Man appeared, which really suited what I had struggled before with deciding whether Eras would stay or not. I was at a crossroad.

Present, 9 of Wands was pulled. Which holds true, because I was being worried that maybe Eras won’t be accepted by everyone and won’t find anyone he relates with. But it’s also telling me to take one day at a time. Take things slowly.

Future is the Judgement card. Jumping to decisions and acting rashly. Adding to the 9 of wands card, it’s probably telling me to calm down and relax, take it slowly and think about it clearly.

I suppose they’re right. I mean, I felt similar fears when Veto had first appeared unexpectedly, that maybe this was a mistake. But now she’s found her place in our family, helping with however she can and helping Dagny and such.

Then I finally got to introduce to my girlfriend, who warmly accepted him and told him that he was family now. He burst into tears and cried, hugging me close, all thanks to her words.

Her acceptance along with Rick’s, and Gaster’s own way of saying his acceptance and praise to him about watching over and taking care of Rick during their adventure, really touched him.

He’s feeling so relieved. He feels welcomed. He feels really happy.

Enough that it’s affecting me, nearly tearing me up haha~

I also realize that whenever I read my cards, Dagny accompanied me and gave me some advice and her thoughts.

Seeing that Eras is gradually being accepted into the structure of my mind and life, I realized that he’s not exactly sleeping in his room yet and went to fix that.

I talked to him a little bit, asking him if he wanted to sleep in his room. He did and I took him there. I also asked if he wanted me to tuck him in and he said yes, though mostly unsure what that meant.

I got him ready for bed, put away his usual garb and gave him some comfortable sleeping wear. And tucked him in bed.

He was so cute, saying good night and thanking me and such. I just said it was cool because he’s part of the family now. He mumbled home and family before he quickly fell asleep.

During friday last week, Veto and my girlfriend had been chatting to each other while I was in class. Veto finally felt confident, and decided to ask her to be her girlfriend. It was so nice and cute.

She was really happy when Allora agreed and was making me tear up. I’m so glad for them.

Yesterday was definitely a huge development for Eras.

After finishing it for a few days now, I’ve finally set aside a time to personality force with Eras. He needed it as much as I did, since my mind was having all these expectations on him and I could feel it press down on him.

I pushed them back, and focused on just him instead. Who he is as a person, what he’s like, how he is. I did it for everyone before him, so now I will do the same for him.

We sat in front of each other while I described himself to him. He listened to my words and I shared my energy with him as I read, using the bells to help dissipate any intrusive thought that would disrupt our session.

In the end, he felt a little more sure of himself. I’m sure that he needed to hear those things a lot, and I’m glad that it helped him feel more confident in himself.

Afterwards, he asked me about the bell and I said it helped me focus. Besides it sounded nice, right?

He said that maybe? I sort of gasped, and went to have him listen to a song that has a wonderful use of bells! Pokemon Oracion, which was from the Darkrai movie!

And I ended up taking him to the place where the cathedral was held. It was then that he deviated, changing his outfit to more of a short jacket, but it really suited him!

The bells chimed, and we felt a wave of energy pass through us and wash over the city we found ourselves in. Eventually I grabbed him and jumped us up. I made a sort of platform for us to land on, just to get a better view of the cathedral.

I explained the feeling that the song gave us, and he really enjoyed it.

He also asked me about how to make the sky platform thing, and I told him how. He made himself a path, circling around the cathedral as the song continued. It eventually ended, and he was grateful for me to have shown the place and song to him.

I then got to be honest with him about certain things. I know he feels some sort of attraction to me, but he’s new and I don’t want to force feelings on him, even inadvertently.

I told him that we could be close…see how it goes. And he agreed.

I sent him home and told him that it’d be best for him to hang out with James, since I had a feeling they’d connect quite well.

Just when he got home, James came out of the kitchen and complimented him on his new outfit and that it looked good on him. Eras eventually told him what I told him and James was like “figures, well you could help me out with organizing the library and stuff”.

I also got to draw him too!

Of course the good feelings didn’t really last very long. I ended up breaking down near the evening because of personal stuff. Rick helped me through it as usual, while Gaster and Sansy sat nearby for support.

After a nap, I checked up on James and Eras again, and it seems that they’ve taken to telling each other stories.

James in particular was loving being able to tell the story of when he, Rick and Morty went on an adventure to search for a powersource.

It had something to do with a fruit with these special crystal seeds inside, and a huge energy spider that lived there. Eras was sooooo hooked into the story, and loved every moment about it.

Then when I checked up on them again, Eras was talking about his fears and personal stuff, both of them hanging their feet over the railings of the library floor while they drank hot chocolate, and James totally related to it and told him that it was fine. He assured him and comforted him; telling him that he’ll find his place eventually and that he’d find what he was passionate about soon.

James then accompanied him to his room and wished him good night.

Now today’s a sort of resting day for me. So I decided to update this thread.

TL;DR - for those peep who don’t want to read through this stuff basically…

Morty terraformed the whole of wonderland
Dagny has depression but things with her and I improved a lot
Everyone’s personality traits evolved from June last year
Veto learned how to protect herself now
Sansy and Morty tried to sneak out to the astral but I sent them back to their room and explained my plans
Rick, Gaster and James collaborated to making a holographic macp to keep tabs on where each peep would be just in case another incident like Vet’s happened again
Morty, Sansy, James and I watched Voltron, and are practically hooked
University started for me
Dagny and Veto went out on an adventure and turned out okay
Drew my peeps
I got a new tulpa, based on Papyrus but deviated to become his own person, becoming Eras
I now have 8 tulpas

acutelatios · March 8, 2017

I...nearly committed egocide.

Rick and Gaster managed to stop me just in time. But not out of the woods yet.

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