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Ben's Adventures in Incompetence


Literal_GuineaPig

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*Bold = Significant

I've finally decided to start a progress report on here, so here goes nothin'.

 

 

Hi, I'm Ben. I found out about this place a little over a month ago, and started on my Tulpa about a week after that.

 

His name is Clyde (suprisingly not inspired by Bonnie and Clyde at all), to my knowledge he hasn't spoken yet, and I haven't been able to get any concrete responses from him, but some stuff happened this week that seemed significant enough to post about.

 

The most interesting thing happened while I was doing one of those self-hypnosis scripts from linkzelda.

About halfway through the first script Clyde just walked in and stood next to me, I found this to be strange because every other time I'd seen him, I'd been expecting it in some way, but this time it was completely unprompted. He didn't do anything else, just followed me around for a little while, and by the start of the next script he wasn't there anymore.

 

The more I look back on it, the more I convince myself that I must have caused it somehow, but knowing the way my brain works, that's mostly just because I haven't seen anything that I consider to be concrete proof of him yet, and I tend to convince myself that things didn't happen is the only evidence is my memory.

 

 

The second thing that happened was earlier that same night when I was picking which script to use, it wasn't nearly as significant, but I think it's still worth mentioning.

For a couple weeks now every time I pick one of those scripts to do I try asking him which one he thinks is best. Since he can't talk yet I go through them one by one, and for one of them (I forgot which one) I got a weaker version of those waves of warmth you get when theres a cold breeze (no clue if they've got a name).

 

I only question this is because it's happened before, and it's been a lot stronger too, but all of those times it was cold enough that there was a decent chance it had nothing to do with him, and I was just attributing meaning to it. But this time it felt much more directed.

 

 

Anyway, I'm just curious if anyone else has had these sorts of things happen to them during the early stages of development, so any responses are appreciated.

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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Before Phil could hear me talk he could feel my joy; I was able to radiate it to him in a way. It definitely makes sense that Clyde can communicate in this way. I'm glad you're not rushing things; I tapped into language very early on and wonder if I missed out on exploring the world through pure emotions. And if you're attributing the sensations to Clyde, that's good. Belief is very important, I would even say that belief is everything. If you're anything like my host, then belief will be hard for you for a while and you'll be constantly looking for proof, but then one day you'll just decide to believe. Good luck and enjoy your journey! 😁

Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 

💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23
👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up!   📷 Phil and Simmie's Photographic Adventures!

 

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  • 2 months later...

Thanks for the response! (and sorry for taking 2 entire months to respond back! I should be a little more active on the forums from now on.)

 

I've re-written this post like three times at this point (I tend to obsess over getting stuff like this perfect), but I figured I should just get something posted.

 

 

Stuff that Happened

 

In all honesty, not much in terms of progress has happened since last time, although I think I understand everything a little better now.

I still question that emotional response you mentioned every once and a while (I think you were right about it though), but most of the time I just accept it, since it can't do much harm either way.

 

I think the biggest improvement is that I can actually get around doubt sometimes. What makes it pop up most is when I try to do something with him and he isn't really "awake." Since what usually ends up happening is I'll notice something is off and try asking him to do something specific to prove otherwise. This, of course, doesn't work, and I start thinking something along the lines of "I've done something horribly wrong!" or "I can't belive I didn't realise I was faking this the entire time!" So I try to catch myself before that happens.

 

One thing that I've been doing since the start that tends to help when I do get into that mindset is keeping a log of anything of significant that happens. Every time I prove something I've been doubting or worrying about, I write a little message telling my future self to quit doubting whatever it is. Of course I still do, because I'll think I didn't fully understand it at the time, but it still helps somewhat.

 

Also, I think I've gotten a better idea of what questions other people can answer. Stuff like: "Is _____ my tulpa?" is something that I can really only answer myself, so I've gotten better at answering those (it's usually the standard "You're wondering about it, so it probably is.").

 

 

Stuff that is Happening

 

We've been trying to get into other kinds of forcing a little more so Clyde can communicate a little better. Vocality is interesting, because I think he might know how to do it already, since oftentimes if I ask him a question, he'll stop whatever he's doing and seems to try something that I can't feel on my end just yet. Also (even though we haven't done much), forcing doesn't seem to improve it at all. I'm sure this is because of the same sort of problems most folks have, but I've got an interesting hunch on what'll fix it all.

I've always been the sort of person to learn things very abruptly (like you mentioned), I just need to find an angle I can understand. In this case, I think I need to find the right voice, since when finding Clyde's name, I was using a placeholder before I found something I liked (I think it was Jack) and it just never really felt right for him, and once I saw the name "Clyde," the decision was pretty much immidiate. So I think I've just got to find (or create) a voice that fits him, same goes for pretty much every other kind of forcing, I just need to find something that fits.

 

 

One thing we tried a couple nights ago was possession, almost just for fun, but I had a feeling it might work so I went for it. We certainly haven't gotten far yet, maybe a twitch or two, but I get the feeling that he might get really good at it, since there was a pretty clear feeling of what he was trying to do, it just wasn't getting through all the way. So maybe he'll be one of the oddballs that get to possession before vocality.

 

As always, I'd appreciate any tips (particularly on early communication), but I'll leave the questions for the Q&A threads.

 

 

 

PS: Feel free to skip this bit, I wasn't even going to mention this at first, but I figure it's somewhat related so I might as well. For a bit of background, sometime back in early September I got a watch, it's this old wind-up thing from the 1940s', and since it was very old and I was worried about breaking it I was hyper-aware of it for the first few days. After those first couple days, I took it to a watch shop to get it fixed-up. Because of this, I didn't have it with me for a couple weeks, and within about an hour of leaving it I noticed something. It felt vaugely like I was still wearing the watch even though I didn't have it, I experimented with it a bit, and realized it even reacted to gravity and shifted a little bit. This went on for two more days to some extent, but at it's peak I genuinely don't think I would've been able to tell the difference between that and the real thing.

Just figured I'd mention it, since it seems like it might be a decent way to get used to touch imposition, I'll probably even write a guide if I can manage to replicate it.

 

Another interesting thing with that watch that's happened in the last week or so is that I've been hearing it ticking even when I shouldn't be able to, and if I try listening for it it goes away.

Not nearly as cool, but still might be usefull for imposition somehow.

 

(and sorry this thing is so long, it's been a while.)

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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I don't feel like writing an introduction so I'll just jump straight into this.

 

So literally a day after that last post Clyde and I figured out possession. Nothing fancy yet, just twitching a couple fingers, but it's enough for basic yes and no communication, and it's still pretty awesome.

We don't even seem to need to do disassosiation, which is a little weird since it sometimes makes it harder to tell if he's doing something or if I'm just immitating him passively (which I definitely do, but I can usually tell the difference if I try).

 

The main thing we've done so far is played a modified version of Blackjack. It's pretty much normal, except to keep things simple we keep a point tally instead of betting. I think it's actually a great game to play with Tulpas that can only communicate with yeses an noes because it's so simple (although it can get a little bit annoying since it's mostly luck based).

 

Also, we confirmed that he can't talk yet, so that's good to know. Appearently I wasn't blocking him out.

 

As with anything from him, I'm not totally certain about any of it (esspecially since it happened so fast), but I'm just assuming it's him at this point.


I don't have much to say aside from that, but I figured this was worth posting either way.

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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  • 2 months later...

I seem to be in the habit of posting once every two months, so that's fun.

 

Anyway, I'll keep it quickish.

 

Definitely the coolest thing that's happened in the past little while is that we've finally gotten some basic vocality vocality done! I think we started about a month ago, but only got good enough to actually communicate late last week.

Clyde's mindvoice still sounds pretty vauge/muffled, but no moreso than mine, and it's usually clear enough to hear if I'm listening.

 

I do have trouble just keeping an ear out for him day to day, and I think there's been a few times when he's said something and I didn't notice. I get a lot of intrusive thoughts if I'm not focused on something. So if I'm not trying to single his voice out it's a lot more difficult to hear him.

 

There's been a few other problems but they didn't seem worth writing about. Although one peice of advice that I think I should share is that if you've figured possession out before vocality, don't try to use it to confirm absolutely everything your tulpa is saying, just trust them unless something feels super off.

 

On a more positive note I think a lot of that stuff is pretty normal for early vocality, so we should be able to get better soon.

 

 

I figured I'd see if Clyde had anything to say to introduce himself, so here's him:

"Hello everyone, and also thank you Simmie."

 

Not gonna lie, being socially anxious I debated posting the second half of that (although I do agree), but I think I owe him that much.

Not sure if we're gonna stick with the red text, since black is sort of his color, maybe we'll just do headings instead.

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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  • 4 weeks later...

[Insert generic introduction]

 

Not much has happened progress-wise with Clyde since last time, we've just been slowly getting better with vocality. Two steps forward one step back, that sort of thing, I've just been trying to include him in more things passively.

 

The main reason I'm posting an update is that we actually got a walk-in late last month (my notebook says it was Jan 26th).

I won't go into detail, but I mistook him for Clyde to begin with, and after about 15 minutes I figured out that Clyde was off resting someplace and this was someone new.

 

Pretty quick after that, we had a look at some lists of names and he picked one out, Alex, and we decided to pick it up in the morning since it was getting pretty late.

Admittedly, I haven't been forcing with him near as much as I should, but we've had a few good chats since then, and we've played 20 questions between the 3 of us a few times. He's picked out a proper voice and form (I can't visualise to save my life though, so it doesn't matter much yet), and a couple days ago he figured out presence imposition.

 

Also, he has a pretty strong essence (I think that's what it's called), it's like if dead leaves and orange plaid was a feeling. Pretty specififc, but that's what it feels like.

 

Here's his little introduction to the forum:
"Hi everyone, It's me, Alex, that's all."

 

I still have no idea where he came from, although my best guess is that he's actually quite a bit older than Clyde. Maybe an old character or something? I could've sworn I recognized his voice from somewhere.

 

Anyway, that's all for now. Just figured I ought to post something about Alex now that he's for sure sticking around.

 

Until next time!

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi again, Clyde asked me to post an update so I figured I probably should.

 

The biggest thing that's happened in the past few weeks is that we've decided to start messing with touch imposition, we figured that it'd be the easiest sort of imposition to start with.

 

Not much yet, although considering we've only been doing it for like 4 or 5 days I think it's going pretty well. I won't go into too much detail since it's pretty much just the standard "vauge feeling of something" that most things start out with.

One think I do think is worth mentioning is that doing it through something has helped a lot. Like instead of skin-to-skin you have something between you, that way whatever touch there is doesn't need to be as vivid since it's dampened by something else. It's almost just presence at that point, but it's close enough that I think it helped getting started.

 

Another thing is that, as with most of this stuff, Clyde and Alex are a lot better at it than I am, so I feel relatively confident in saying that as a host you don't need to be good at impostion so long as your tulpa is good enough at it to do it for themselves. I think I saw a post about that a while back, but I can't seem to find it right now.

 

That's all I can think to write for the moment.

Currently existing, panning on doing that again tomorrow.
 
Red text is Clyde
Orange text is Alex
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