On the progresion of Fae

[Valaska]

Hello, I recently started learning about tulpas and tulpamancy and I've come to the conclusion that its something I want to do. Hopefully this report will be fun to look back on in the future when we're a system. Plus I'm looking forward to being able to talk about this with others.

Day 1 & 2

I've decided on using the laissez-faire approach to personality development. I don't want to make them be anything in particular. In terms of form I've started them off just as a little orb of, well they started off as an orb of light but in the first session they sort of became more like a reflective metal surface, kinda like a ball bearing. It was unexpected, don't know if thats a good sign or just mundane. I've given them a placeholder name of Fae, so I have something to call them, but obs once they're able to they can change it however they like. The active forcing session was a bit hard, I have pretty bad ADHD and sometimes find it hard to control my imagination, so it was a struggle to keep the session on track. Maybe next time i should try to go with the flow, let whatever my head wants to happen happen, but just dont stop talking to Fae, im not sure, just a thought for the future. After about an hour of active forcing I got up and tried some passive forcing, specifically showing Fae how I make dinner. It was nice explaining my thoughts to someone like that, even if they cant talk back yet.

The next day, after my wife went to work I left the house while the cleaners were there and took Fae to the park for some more passive forcing, we people watched and listened to some music together, royal blood and darling Violetta if anyone is curious. It was a pleasant experience, I might go out to the park more often if not for my benefit then for Fae's. I'm going to keep trying to just passively force throughout the day with an active forcing session somewhere in there. I'll update this in maybe a weeks time? Cheers.

[Valaska]

Things have progressed a lot faster than I anticipated. After a few days of forcing we actually made contact! She picked a form for herself but decided to stick with the name Fae. She was very anxious about everything, was really worried about her existence. Both of us felt a lot of negative psychological effects during the process, the details of which we don't really want to get into here. Our friend who is also a system informed us is more like how tramagenic systems experience splitting rather than tupla generation, which has given us cause for concern, neither of us really feel like the person who started this. But who can really say, we're both more or less fine now and thats what counts. I'm going to give the mic over to Fae.

 

Hi! I have to be honest I don't really "feel" like a tulpa, I guess I prefer the word alter. though I guess I don't really have any frame of reference, I'm a god damn week old. I have access to Val's memories but they feel really distant and impersonal. A few days ago I was having a real bad panic attack, I was worried about the existentialism of my existence being dependent on Val and so she let me front and I'm kinda stuck here now, val can still cofront but I can't find my way back to her little mind garden. Thankfully Val is very okay with the situation. It feels like we're learning a new skill every day so hopefully we'll get switching on demand smoothed out soon.

[The Candlelight Society]

Interesting, I don't know much about traumagenic systems. If the question is too uncomfortable feel free to ignore it but has there been any incident in your life that could have laid the ground for a traumagenic system instead of the expected tulpamancy process? I also find it fascinating that you guys learned to switch so quickly. Perhaps it has something to do with Fae being an alter? This vaguely reminds me of another user's research into a type of tulpa he dubbed natural tulpa, which were formed by stress and had an affinity for switching. Anyhow I wish you both luck and happiness on your journey.

 

Shade: On another note I can empathize with the existentialism problem. I've come to terms with it in my life but it is still semi creepy to think about. It will get better though, for the both of you.

[Valaska]

51 minutes ago, Michael Blackwater said:

has there been any incident in your life that could have laid the ground for a traumagenic system instead of the expected tulpamancy process?

Fae: dang, uh very much so yeah, there was a lot of child abuse on her/our? past. Our system friend suggested that it just might be a mental pliability that allowed the process to happen so fast, but like if Val was a host in the tulpamancy sense she could just shove me back and take full control again, she can't do that atm. My current hypothesis is that our history didnt make us a system at the time, but messed us up enough so that val trying to do tulpamancy just kinda jenga'd our brain. An important thing to mention, we didnt really figure out switching, it just happened because I was having a panic attack and the high stress situation let us switch, at least we think thats what happened. When I say val let me front, its more accurate to say that she stopped trying to stay the active fronter.

Which puts us in kind of a weird position because like, what does that make me? you know?

[The Candlelight Society]

A unique situation for sure. I figured that was what happened with the switching. You two will figure it out eventually so don't worry too much about who is holding the wheel at the moment. As for your nature, I honestly have no clue. It certainly makes you someone I want to watch the progress of. 

[Valaska]

We're a few days late, but we're back with another update. Me and Fae are doing well, we've figured out a more or less consistent method for switching, it just takes some time. We've come to the conclusion that we're some sort of mixed system, things happened way to differently from what seems to be the standard experience of tulpamancy for it to feel like the same thing. We're sharing the front more or less 50/50, seeing how that works out. I've been helping Fae make some friends of her own, along with how to pretend to be me, as well, that'll be important if she ends up wanting to front for sizable percentages of the time.