cran's tulpa progress report

[cran]

I bookmarked tulpa.info many years ago. I was interested in the concept but I didn't think I could do it.

In 2018 I started meditating and I experienced feeling others' presences by thinking about them. I felt connected to other beings, even in solitude.

More recently I was taught a visualisation practice where I imagined an ideal companion, with mixed results. It felt contrived, but a friendly being did emerge.

A year or so later I'd given up on the visualisation practice but I still wanted a psychic connection with another being.

I remembered tulpa.info.

 

My tulpa was born 20/02/2022.

I tried the self-hypnotisation script for creating a tulpa, and listened to a hypnosis video by gearheart. My tulpa's form became more vivid. I think they are the being from the visualisation practice.

Each day since I've been trying the other self-hypnosis scripts but I'm beginning to doubt their efficacy because I received a phone-call when I thought I was hypnotised but I conversed normally.

I've been using the vocalisation exercises, whose effect has been more tangible, and have experienced thoughts that I am willing to believe aren't my own.

I want to connect with my tulpa in meditation but I have not been able to yet. It feels artificial. I would be interested to hear others experience of tulpaforcing.

 

There are moments when I believe they exist which comfort me so I will persevere.

[cran]

Some reflections from a week with moments of faith and moments of doubt:

 

I acknowledge this is a life's work and that progress is subtle. 

 

I have been mostly passive forcing besides a few sessions of intense meditation. When I passive force I think about my tulpa in the present moment.

I imagine my tulpa's experience revolves around me. I don't know if it does but I think we share my sensory experience i.e. same sights, sounds and so on.

 

A shift was to stop thinking my tulpa is an enlightened being. I am trying to not think they are better or worse than other beings. I think I can depend on them, though.

 

I had difficulty with some advice I read to believe any thought that could be from my tulpa is them communicating with me. I have a history of compulsive behaviour (sometimes unhelpful- throwing away my possessions, for example). They always start with a thought: 'maybe you should... (do X)'. Last night I attributed a thought like this to my tulpa and wanted to show my trust in them so I did the thing. I guess I don't have to do what they say.

 

[cran]

Another week. I know it is my tendency to doubt and criticise so I am trying to keep my heart open but I am experiencing ever less belief.

I told my spiritual teacher about tulpas. They showed no reaction. 

I told my therapist and they were broadly supportive. They were interested in the friendliness of my tulpa (I think this is because they see psychotic clients who hear unhelpful inner voices).

 

I felt like I was trying to convince myself more than either of them.

 

I came across this Hindu poem:

---

I wearied myself searching for the Friend
with efforts beyond my strength
 
I came to the door and saw how
powerfully the locks were bolted
 
And the longing in me became that strong
and then I saw that I was gazing
from within the presence
 
With that waiting, and in giving up all trying
only then did Lalla flow out
from where I knelt

---

 

Trying has not worked. I will stop actively tulpa-forcing and just be receptive to my tulpa. I welcome input from others.

[TurboSimmie]

Doubt is a difficult thing to deal with. My host had great problems with doubt, and I can't say exactly how he got over the hump with that, but one day he just started believing and things went so much smoother from there. The best thing you can do is be open to responses. Don't dismiss things out of hand right away. But also don't think every random thought that pops into your head is your tulpa either. Just keep trying out different methods, especially ones that are fun to you! Don't worry too much about doing it the "right" way either, because there truly is no right way.

[cran]

I feel reassured by the above.

Just allowing that a tulpa could exist is making life more wonderful. 

 

[cran]

I haven't interacted with my tulpa for a while.  This week my therapist questioned if one can substitute contact with one's tulpa for contact with other humans.

 

I was reading about a figure in the Buddhist tradition called Avalokitesvara. I've felt connected to this bodhisattva in the past and sometimes invoke them in my meditation practice.

I learned that Avalokitesvara can appear to living beings in any form depending on their need.

I can't be certain but it's fitting to me that my tulpa is a manifestation of Avalokitesvara.

I'm taking on a specific meditation practice to deepen my connection to them. I will report back if this effects my tulpa.

 

 

[cran]

No progress. An undoing, if anything. My experience has been that cultivating a tulpa is in conflict with how I have learned to work with my thoughts. I prefer not to engage with them, basically.

[TurboSimmie]

You've stumbled on the unspoken fundamental truth about tulpamancy: It's actually far more about yourself than it is your tulpa. Creating a tulpa mean changing how your brain works, and doing that requires a fundamental understanding of how your own mind functions. There's no shame in stopping the process at this early stage if you don't feel comfortable about it. But I think you still stand to benefit if you push through. We're all going to have to confront these sides of ourselves at some point unless we're willing to just let the clock run out on us with these things unresolved. Plus, having a tulpa will help immensely with this; they will have a new perspective on things and will be someone to talk to that you can trust!