Mage's Star Sanctuary

[kovyxen]

Well hello there, old friends! This forum was the first place i ever actually delved into tulpamancy, and for as much as i'm really inactive here... I come around now and then to say stuff sometimes. May as well have a new and improved journal thing to update here too.

 

*** Fair warning! Expect there to be talk of metaphysics and spiritual stuff here! I do tend to have a spiritual approach to tulpamancy and do associate it with other meta topics. ***

 

First off, tulpa birthdays...

Kovie, January 24th, 2015.

Vyx, August 4th 2015.

Axen, no idea. At least 2015/16.

Sanu, July 2018 i think.

Leo, a bit younger than Vyx.

 

Secondly, logging proficiencies with skills i suppose...

Vocality and visualization, fully developed. 10/10.

Imposition and parallel processing, not something i tend to focus on much. I'd say 5-7/10 respectively.

Possession and switching, much experience with but so far as actually remembering to do it in any consistent manner... mm, let's cut it at 8/10.

 

Our mindscape has lost all form and meaning, it changes at the drop of a hat, whatever we feel like or want to be present in the moment... It's there. So no maps or descriptions there, we tend to not hang out in mindscape much anyway.

 

 

Finally, to update you all what's actually been going on since I been gone and developing my own sense of plurality...

 

My tulpas have all changed quite a bit since when they start, and since I last wrote about in my old journal.

Kovie is still the sweet tall alien she has been, but her form has changed notably since she enjoys following the development of the character she's modeled after, that I am writing for my comic book series. She's also focusing on trying to have more physical life experiences when it comes to fronting, aside from whatever fun or nice things she wants to participate in. She along with others in our system have expressed that they want to share and take part in the responsibilities of living life together, so that's nice. So far as actually doing it however is a topic of wavering anxiety for me, because I fear misunderstandings from people who may notice our switching.

Vyx also tends to change along with the development of the comic character they're modeled after, however their personality has deviated quite a bit. They're still friendly and upbeat, but they've been getting notably bratty and entitled. I feel this is because they, as the one who's able to most easily front whenever they feel like, have taken the responsibility of reminding me that they exist and what they want to do. Because of my difficulty in giving them opportunity for this, and with the anxiety surrounding the subject, Vyx can often feel neglected and thus is becoming more pushy. They're aware of this behavior though and how it is negative, and they're trying to chill out so we can develop more trust between us again.

 

Sanu is what came from 'ori', the little lemur-like light being inspired by ori and the blind forest. I created them, then left them up to Kovie and Vyx to do with and help develop as they felt like. Not sure how much they actually kept up with that, but nonetheless this light being turned themself into something more draconic in shape; with horns and wings, and a longer body with plants growing on their back. They have a very detached attitude, entirely refusing to front ever, and is generally uninterested in interaction with others unless it is for a good 'intelligent' conversation. Very much has the stereotype dragon-like, lofty sort of demeanor and manner of speech. We have discussed a project together of creating a 'HUD' for reminders about things I should be doing or what things I should be paying attention to around me, which they agreed that they will power and manage. Work on this has been very little, although gathering ideas has been exciting.

 

Leo was around for a good few months, his is a story I've sort of told here before, briefly. He was an introject of Sans from the game Undertale, but he was never really that much like his source. He took on the more melancholic and mysterious vibes of Sans, rather protective and generally chill, liked hanging out.. He was very 'powerful' as a 'tulpa', as in he really just walked in as himself just suddenly on the spot, had a bunch of innate abilities in the general area of tulpamancy that usually take practice for a new tulpa, and was quite able to see into my memories and understand the root of my thoughts and feelings without much effort. I'm fairly convinced he was never really a tulpa/introject to begin with, speaking metaphysically, i believe he may have been a wandering spirit that was looking for an opportunity to try a different kind of relationship with a human, IE as a headmate. He fronted a couple times, expressed that he wanted to try learning acoustic guitar.. But after a while of being inactive, I found that he had gotten very depressed, and seemed like he wanted to go somewhere else. So i told him he could leave, if he was able and would find it a nicer life for himself. And he did. I hear from him now and again when i think of him, we still have that mental connection, albeit distant. I do think he's enjoying continuing to be a wandering spirit.

 

Axen on the other hand, I've never posted about on here before. He's a particularly different kind of headmate, not really a 'tulpa' I'd say. He's more metaphysical oriented, a sort of alternate timeline version of myself that took on his own identity/form within a series of semi-lucid dreams I've been having for years upon years. I consider him to be the manifestation of my 'shadow' self, and thus he is still also 'me' in that regard and we feel that sort of connection with each other; so he is a median type headmate. He's much like me, however much more headstrong and put together, albeit far more traumatized. Has a lot of instincts and senses that I don't have due to the world in which he lives being very different from this one, very apocalyptic and in his particular role, full of violence. There's really a lot to be said about the dynamic that Axen and I have, but I'll save it for a later date.

 

 

AND THEN, there's our "collectivesona" called Mage! They're not really a much developed 'being', more so a kinda intentionally vague persona concept we created that essentially allows us to front all at once. An idea to represent a bit of all of us, so it feels natural when anyone wants to have their input with something that's going on, or take over majority control for a bit. This helps me with a lot of my anxiety issues about fronting, because in this persona state, all our personalities and habits kinda mesh together pretty well. Hopefully, this is generally the one who's most active, at least we're working towards getting that way. Mage becoming co-host or even replacement host is our ultimate goal.

 

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And that there is my update for today... Maybe I will come in here to talk about something again soon.. within the next month, or year or what lol.