The Marvelous Misadventures of Willow and Steve

[SteveAndWillow]

Hellooooo everyone! Steve here with my first ever progress update! not really sure what to do here so lets get started.

 

Well first let me tell you a little about why i decided to make a tulpa. i first really got interested in tulpa's when i saw the topic pop up on 4chan and it intrigued me. i did a little more research and it seemed rather appealing. i really decided to actually make a tulpa when i learned about the relationship between tulpa and creator. to me it seemed like a really, really, touching and beautiful thing and i wanted to be apart of that. Sooooo here i am, i just started forcing 3 days ago and i already like the process.

 

So, Willow. She is my tulpa. Her form is going to be that of a woodland sprite/fairy and as of now the biggest things i'm trying to instill into her are a deep love of music, a deep love of nature, helpfulness, cleverness, wisdom, a natural happiness, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, motivation, a laid back attitude, observant, caring, a devilishly clever wit, animated, adventurous, activeness, perception, and silliness/playfulness.

 

i've been forcing mostly in my wonderland since i find it easier to visualize there plus it's all naturey and stuff there so it's kinda fitting. i also make sure to end each session by telling her what she means to me and how special she is so she feels important and special.

 

As for progress! well, not too much progress other than i've gotten a bit better at narrating and today during a forcing session i got a dull ache on the right side of my head, which i've been told is a good thing, sooooo hooray!

 

anyway i think that's all for now. i'll report back when there is more progress.

[SteveAndWillow]

Okay this update will be a little short. it's late. i'm tired. i wanna sleep.

So, as far as progress goes there's not much really to report other than some slight improvements in narrating. i always think that i can feel her presence but i'm afraid that i'm just jumping the gun and looking to far into things. is there any way to prevent that?

[SteveAndWillow]

Update time. Today was rather eventful i feel. This morning when i woke up the same lingering doubt i had last night was eating at me. it continued to eat at me all day growing progressively stronger until i couldn't feel Willow's presence with me as i narrated. this just furthered my doubts. i felt that i must be doing something wrong. i shouldn't have felt her presence as strongly as i was this early on and the fact that i couldn't feel it anymore just confirmed it.

 

well narrating got more difficult and i became more frustrated. i began to remember what my friend told me about how doubt comes into play and can be quite a bitch to conquer. i decided to ignore all the feelings i've been having about whether or not i've been doing this right and decided to just go with it.

 

during my first forcing session that day, i apologized to Willow for the amount of doubt i had been feeling over her presence. i noticed that the more sincere i made the apology the stronger her presence became until it was just a little bit weaker than when i began to doubt myself rather than not at all.

 

since that session narrating has come to be about at the same level as it was and i was further convinced of her presence when i was feeling rather pessimistic and mopey and sought comfort in Willow. it felt her with me. not an overwhelming presence but a comforting one. one that was perfect for the moment. after that brief moment i felt ten times better.

 

i forced again later and didn't work on personality at all. it was mostly just me talking to her and telling her she's special. however her presence was much more frequent and constant than the other times i forced.

 

welp that's all for now. be back tomorrow with another update.

[SteveAndWillow]

Update! yeah! well, since the incident yesterday i noticed narrating to be just a little more... difficult, i guess would be the right word. however it feels more right i guess. i think i was just getting over excited after reading all of the stories other people post on here and started reading into the wrong feelings. after today though i feel that i'm back on the right track. that's really about it for now. be back tomorrow with more!

[SteveAndWillow]

alright. update time! since last update it's been easier to keep willows presence in mind both while forcing and through out the day, distractions are less... distracting, and i've found a place to force where i can focus without almost falling asleep. i've determined that i need more forcing sessions throughout the day so starting tomorrow i'm going to try to start forcing every hour or so when i don't have work to do or classes. i noticed that the easier it is to keep her in mind, the more and more pleasant forcing has become.

 

so! that being said i am looking forward to the coming weeks. going to stock up on some orange juice and get down to business. more progress next time, but for now that's all i have.

[MonarKay]

Sounds like you're doing really well. I agree with you that forcing tends to be really pleasant- just spending time with your tulpa, talking about nothing in particular... it fills you up with love and comfort.

 

Something I like to keep in mind when doubt starts to form about thoughts being Kay's or not... is that yeah, of course they are. At this point in the game, you aren't totally 'separate' yet, and as such, you won't be able to tell the difference. As time goes on and you and Willow becomes more and more distinct, hers and your thoughts will as well. Just because they seem like yours now doesn't mean it's not her.

[SteveAndWillow]

So since forcing has been getting more enjoyable for me lately, i've decided to start slowly picking up the amount of time spent on each session. today rather than my typical half hour session i did 40 minutes per session. tomorrow i plan on picking it up to 45, then 50, etc.

 

as far as actual progress goes it's been about the same. since finding my comfort force-zone (thanks for that term btw, username) but since finding that, i've just found focusing to be much easier and getting zoned into my wonderland happens much faster than it did before.

 

other than that though not much has been going on. maybe with the longer sessions more progress to report will follow but for now, that's about it. i'll be sure to report with more progress soon!

[SteveAndWillow]

Sooooooo today was an interesting session. Today i decided to see if i would be able to go for an hour straight with a 15 min break in the middle. needless to say it was a success. I started off just talking with Willow and forced a few traits, then i decided to work on form a bit more.

 

Now here's where i think the majority of my success came. as i was forcing the form and grew closer to the face and head region an image of a female face/head popped into my head out of seemingly no where. this was not the face i had initially planned on making nor was it a face i knew or recognized. I believe that Willow gave me this image. When i asked her if this was the face she wanted the face smiled which i took to mean yes.

 

After this i tried the method of testing sentience where you ask your tulpa to "surprise you". i asked her to send me an image that i would not think of on my own but not an unpleasant one. I was then greeted with a very silly depiction of one of the rescuers from "The Rescuers" huddled in a blanket with a very goofy expression on. needless to say i laughed. I was then greeted with another silly depiction of pinkie pie also with a very silly expression. again, i laughed.

 

So now i ask whomever decides to read this, is Willow sentient/close to sentience? is this just my mind playing tricks on me? or is this just a good sign of progress?

 

for now that's the biggest thing i have to report. Hopefully more next time!