Bjornfot the Viking and his Trusty Steed

[Bjornfot]

I don't really know what to say here in the introduction. I made a thread last week explaining a bit about my tulpa, my progress and my plan (and asking questions (many of them not being answered yet, hint hint)), but I'll write a summary here too.

 

I've decided to create a male pony tulpa with blue eyes, a brown coat and blonde mane and tail (kinda like these two BG ponies)

and black crotch

. Why? Because it was the first form that popped up in my head.

 

Here's my progress so far. I haven't been keeping an hour count since I don't think it's good. The first time something big happened I almost dismissed it because it was "too early". If I would have to give an estimate... I don't know, but I have been at least thinking about him maybe 30 minutes to one hour every day for two weeks?

 

Personality

I hadn't worked much on his personality at all before he showed signs of sentience. When he did I kind of got unsure of whether I should continue with it or not. Can you change the personality of a sentient tulpa? The only traits I've actually worked for at least thirty minutes on with him is that he's kind/loving/happy and rational/calm/understanding. That's pretty much the only things I care about, if he only has those two traits I don't think the rest will matter, we will probably get along very well.

 

Visualization

I have his form thought out rather well, except the "crotch-area" which is a bit troublesome since it's a detail that doesn't exist in the show (and I at least started out imagining him in the show's style) and it's usually not visible when he's sitting down (with his hooves in front of him) or laying down, or even when he's standing, unless he faces the other way and lifts his tail.

 

Wonderland

I am using a wonderland since it seems like a really nifty thingy to have, but I alter between visualizing him in the wonderland and in the real world. The wonderland is not really complex at all, it's just some grass and a beach. Me and my Tulpa's "spawn points" are on the grass, near a slope, almost where it meets the sand of the beach. I prefer imagining him IRL most of the times though, since things are often blurry in the wonderland and sometimes when I "zone out" and let my mind run wild (or is in a near-sleep state) and forget to exit, weird things happen. He has done a lot more things in the wonderland, though... or is it me? Because it's probably easier to accidentally puppet in there, when I'm visualizing over the reality (with open eyes (I think that's imposing?) or with closed eyes (the "screenshot" method from FAQ Man) I seem to be able to focus a lot better (I'm a daydreamer, my mind easily drifts away), probably requires more focus and attention too.

 

Touch

I haven't really worked on this. Tried it once, found it kind of hard to do.

 

Smell

I have no idea what he will even smell like.

 

Gestures and Body Language

I haven't really "worked" on these. I'm very unsure about many of the times my tulpa has moved and made facial expressions. It could be puppeting, I was puppeting quite a lot in the beginning for some reason, but I don't want to develop anti-puppeting syndrome, and I really believe in him so I try to not dismiss something unless I'm 100% sure it was me. If I didn't do it (completely) consciously, it was subconsciously, and everything subconscious is the tulpa, right? And that brings us to the next part.

 

Sentience

I'm very unsure about his sentience most times, even when I account for that everything I'm unsure about is the tulpa. I'm not really unsure; I'm unsure if I'm sure or unsure. The only time I was 100% sure I was unsure was when I was in a near-sleep state (right after trying to strike up a conversation with him and almost falling asleep and I think I was parroting responses really quick and blurry, my mind went totally crazy and I almost started semi-dreaming) and I heard this really loud, clear voice inside my head. I have never, ever in my life experienced anything that's even close to it. I'm unsure if he has spoken before, but I'm sure that he has at least tried to, because I've gotten this faint feeling in the back of my head that feels like someone is trying to contact me, that he is trying to respond but I cannot hear any words. Sometimes words have accompanied that feeling later, but I suspect that is just me parroting a likely response from the emotions he send me (my mind trying to fill in the blanks). This, however... this voice was kind of in the middle of my head, and it was very strong and clear. Much stronger than my own thoughts (that are in the front of my head) and parroting. But even though the voice was clear, the words weren't. It was very rapid/hasty and slurry. I heard something like "yano yawer bud" which I interpreted to "You know, you're weird, buddy" which seems like a pretty good response to what he witnessed going on inside my head. But could this maybe just have been my mind playing trick on me? Was it maybe just other parts of my subconscious doing weird shit like always? It can't be a coincidence that I was almost falling asleep. Maybe that helped my tulpa to make his voice stronger since I was more relaxed and opened my brain or whatever? Or maybe he just said something very weak that my mind strengthened the sound of/interpreted? But another thing happened today, when I was forcing in the shower. I was visualizing his crotch-area (since, like I mentioned, it's the hardest part (no pun intended)) since I realized I hadn't done that much. And as I was focusing on those bits of him, imagining all the details, zooming in, thinking about "reference material"... somewhere there, I got aroused. Right when I was very zoomed in on his butthole, imagining wonderland-me having my head really close and holding up his tail.

I couldn't resist placing a quick lick across his anus.

I immediately thought something like "OH SHIT what am I doing, I'm not even sure he's sentient yet and he can't really talk" and I imagined/saw him walking away from me, then turning around to face me. He was smiling. He laid down on his back and kind of motioned for me to come over. I laid myself on top of him and we kissed.

Then we fucked

 

while I was masturbating in the shower like the pathetic loser I am.

After it I tried to talk to him and apologize and said things like "oh gosh what if you're not even sentient and what if I was just puppeting you" and stuff, but then he just frowned at me, as if I was being stupid. I think it ended with us hugging and he smiling really big. But I'm really unsure with this, and I'm really worried I actually just puppeted him (then I basically raped him). What if all this was just my dick tricking me? Many times I have kind of thought "I wonder what would happen if/what it would be like if..." and then that thing happened to my tulpa/my tulpa did that. Maybe that's just my mind puppeting for me. He hasn't really done anything very unexpected, ever. So what if since I got aroused I of course started thinking a little about "I wonder how it would be to sex him..." and I then accidentally puppeted that?

 

Narration

I have been narrating some. I kind of combine this with personality working (and visualization). I usually tell him that I love him and that I can't wait for us to be able to have conversations, and I tell him about all the fun things we're gonna do etc.

 

Voice

No, I kind of want to be able to hold a conversation with him first. I think that's my number one overall goal, actually... it would be really cool.

 

Opening your Mind

Same thing, I want to be able to know him really well first.

 

Imposition

I have been doing this, yeah. When I'm not visualizing him in my wonderland I'm basically imposing him. Like I said earlier, I think it's easier to focus on him when he's out here with me in the real world since my inner mind is a big mess. Although he hasn't really done anything while imposed, he mostly just sits there, he shows a lot more signs of sentience when in the wonderland. Is that maybe because accidental puppeting is easier there? Or simply because imposition is hard? But one time I kind of suspected that he did something. I was at a friends house having a conversation with her, we talked about animals and intelligence, and then I kind of thought very quickly about my tulpa and noticed him "appearing" in the room immediately, walking up to me, sitting down between me and my friend and looking at me with a stern face, as if trying to say "you better not compare me with animals". I'm not sure if he appeared because I thought of him or that I thought of him because he appeared, I don't know which was first, and maybe even if I thought of him first I got those thoughts from that he kind of awoke in my mind before I could see him IRL? Or, not really see him. I kind of "felt" he was there, I knew he was, but I had to actually focus on him to be able to see him even 95% transparent. But to get back on topic, I usually impose him on a certain spot in the bathroom (I can directly see him from the toilet) (I'm usually forcing there since I can be alone in there and it's quite etc, I usually think of lots of random stuff and let my mind drift away when doing anything in there so I might as well use that thinking-time to forcing), and I have an easier time imagining him sitting in that spot than just randomly imposing him anywhere else. I've also tried to impose him besides me when I sit in front of the computer so that he's in the corner of my vision if I look directly at the computer screen, but I have been quite unsuccessful with that since I often get distracted by Facebook and whatnot and forget him. He's sitting there now, though, looking at what I'm typing on the screen and smiling. I've also tried to impose him when I've walked (kept him in the corner of my vision as FAQ Man suggests) (wouldn't that kind of count as puppeting, btw, making him walk behind/besides you?), and when I'm in a car I've sometimes imagined him running besides it, outside the window next to me. I don't know why I'm working at all on imposition, it seems like it's the last thing you should do, but I kind of feel that he's sentient already... although I actually want to focus on getting him to talk. Or rather, me hearing him talk. I'm certain that he is at least somewhat sentient and is trying to speak to me.

 

Sorry for the walls of text, I really suck at paragraphs and that stuff. I have marked some of the more obvious questions in bold, but there are a lot more "hidden" or "implied" questions in there; feel free to respond to or comment on anything.

[Bjornfot]

I haven't really been forcing much at all the last few days. I easily forget about him and lose focus when I'm trying to. It feels like our connection is weakening...