Intrusive thoughts due to sickness

[That_lav]

Hello, l`ve just got into quite the predicament: 2 years prior to this I made an unseccessful attempt at tulpa creation. I don`t know what went wrong. I was forcing for quite a while and still got no responses at all.

After that I`ve made a decision to prepare better for the next time.

That time came 8 days ago. I `ve started a new creation process, but the next day I`ve caught a cold and because of that strain I started to get inrtusive thoughts which distort my WL and tulpa`s body, sometimes in a brutal/violent way, even when I imagine my tulpa in the real life, and the thoughts of doubt that I won`t succeed because I wasn`t able the first time. And the worse I feel – the more of those thoughts I have. Though I`ve managed to hop into a lucid dream and my tulpa even spoke some simple words to me on the 3-d DAY! (I really hope it was my tulpa) I surely have no intention to stop. But I am afraid that those thoughts can damage my tulpa and afraid some of them won`t go away even when I get better.       

And how much of a reliable source of communication the lucid dreaming is, especially in such early stages? Because the second time my tulpa (allegedly) spoke something to me was in different voice - my mindvoice.

Need your help, please.

[Guest]

Tulpas speaking through in your mind voice is normal, and they can also have their own flavor/accent at times that's also normal. It's also safe to assume both experiences of their voice are valid.

 

Intrusive thoughts, aberrations and thoughtforms are also normal. Through this practice you're opening the door to everything subconscious and it can be unnerving. I can tell you that they will pass with time regardless of what you do. The simplest advise is to acknowledge and dismiss the aberrations. Fighting and giving them power is counterproductive. Remember, this is your mind and no matter how powerful they may seem, you are ultimate master and creator of the realm and will always be a level above them. We created a door to the subconscious and simply pushed them back through it. You may also take note of them and try to understand why they appear and what forgotten trauma of the past has summoned them.

[2serpents]

4 hours ago, That_lav said:

And how much of a reliable source of communication the lucid dreaming is, especially in such early stages? Because the second time my tulpa (allegedly) spoke something to me was in different voice - my mindvoice.

There is no one truth for everyone when it comes to dreaming but I'll share my opinion because it's one of my favorite topics. 

 

In our experience there are three possibilities when it comes to seeing each other in dreams:

1. We are both present and lucid
2. We are both present but only one of us is lucid
3. My host is dreaming about me without me actually being there in the dream at all*

But in any situation she can dream me doing something unexpected or "wrong" - she could see my voice or form changing as all things tend to become strange even in lucid dreams where you don't have perfect control over every aspect, it could be that I'm not lucid and acting out some bizarre plot as you do in dreams, or that she's not fully lucid and everything seems weird to her, or it could be her fully making it up for no good reason like when you have a dream about a famous actor coming and murdering your family.

 

Distinguishing between the different cases just comes with knowing each other well and having a feeling of the other's presence, both waking and dreaming (then also talking about it while awake). If you know your dreams well, aside from the voice did this feel like another entity speaking to you, or did it feel like yourself or a typical dream character? Use that as a guide. But in early stages where you don't have that sense as well it's best to note it while keeping an open mind to all the possibilities. Enjoy it, remember it, don't take it as an absolute truth.

 

*Technically perhaps it could go both ways but I'm inclined to think I don't dream independently without her.

[That_lav]

Thank you guys, I`ll do my best to solve the upcoming problems

Quote

did it feel like yourself or a typical dream character?

No dream character or someone else has ever spoken to me in lucid dreams before. That makes me think that recent encounters were really special.

 

[That_lav]

Small update:

My mind has calmed down and those stupid thoughts are almost completely gone.

But here is another thing  I haven`t paid much attention to before: whenever I visualize my tulpa, my mind decides do give her a features of another person I know in real life. There is NO resemblance between this person and my tulpa except for hair color. I tried to brute force this for a couple of weeks but the more I do it the more of this person`s features I see in my tlpa form. So I am inclined to change the form to a some simple object for a while to help me lose less concentration on a constant changing face. Is there a proper way to do it for a non vocal tulpa. Or as long as I see/feel the presense of my tulpa in that object – this IS my tulpa?