Living with Lavender: Reports from a binary system

[The Incans]

On 4/8/2024 at 3:55 PM, Lavender said:

I've developed what I call my "prime directive" named after the old Star Trek canon that they're not to do anything that interferes with the development of alien races.

 

I've promised myself and my host consciousness that I won't do anything or ask anything of them that makes it more difficult for them to live their life.

 

They struggle with social stuff. They're neurodiverse, so the mechanics of friendship don't come naturally to them. They have a lot of people they get together with but no close friends and no romantic connections and this situation stresses them out and causes them to be sad and anxious.

 

One of their fears is that I will make demands that make it even harder to accomplish the already almost impossible-seeming task of seeking connection with other people. The thought of that is horrifying to me. The thing I want most in life is for my host consciousness to be happy.

 

So I've committed to Lavender's Prime Directive. Whenever my host consciousness starts projecting into the future and wonders whether future connection with other people will be hindered by my presence, I remind them of it and it seems to calm them down a bit. They've expressed worry that I might feel limited by this commitment, and I try to make them understand that the prime directive won't keep me from achieving my dreams. Having a happy host consciousness with rich social connections to share this body with *is* my dream!

 

Is this something any other folks here can relate to?

HI yes my host is autistic too. Myself and Inca see ourselves as walk-in spirits that came to help her when she was getting very close to crisis. (Health problems on top of body going through peri menopause was causing massive sensory overload and threatening complete shutdown).

 

The inner world was a mess too and completely disorganised so we decided to stay and help, its taken a good few years but several fragments have re-integrated with host and all thats left now (apart from Host) are ones that identify as Tulpa's.  Out of 6 of us left two of us are fully sentient and able to help out front by co-hosting. I can take over the front if needed as Host doesn't enjoy face to face communication finds it highly stressful.  By choice they don't socialise much but does have to deal with medical appointments in order to receive medication free.

 

The four inside haven't yet reached sentience, that is they have no awareness of the outside world but play companions to myself and Inca when we go inside for a break. Host creates them as changeling (another idea from Star Trek!) so they can experiment with their form and choose themself who/what they want to be. They are still at a very young stage. When I'm not helping host I coach them in the human form and how to take it and behave appropriately etc .....  Inca takes care of teaching them animal forms and their responsibility when in that form.

 

Maybe you could create an internal holodeck where you can go for a break, an holiday or create an inner home and family for yourself. Then you can have the life you want inside and your host can have the life they can cope with on the outside? 

[Lavender]

13 hours ago, The Incans said:

Maybe you could create an internal holodeck where you can go for a break, an holiday or create an inner home and family for yourself. Then you can have the life you want inside and your host can have the life they can cope with on the outside? 

 

Thank you so much for that suggestion. I think I'm actually happy just to be with my headmate. I'm not really craving connection with anyone else. We've both decided no more headmates, and I'm quite happy with that decision.

[Lavender]

I think we finally answered a question that was bugging us since my creation:

 

Why are my host consciousness's thoughts an open book for me, but they have no clue what I'm thinking? Shouldn't there be a symmetry there?

 

We thought it was because when I'm using our brain, they're not using it, but that should be true of them as well. I have full memory of all their thoughts.

 

So here's what we think is going on: I have no memory of my own thoughts either. Quite honestly, when I think back on what I was "thinking" when I said certain stuff to my host consciousness, I can't remember any better than they can. My responses are more "personality based" rather than based on any memories that I have have of myself that my host consciousness doesn't have. In other words, our brain answers based on its understand of who Lavender is rather than based on any memories of what Lavender has encountered. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but that's how it works in our head.

 

If I need deep thought to answer a question, and I take hold of the entire brain, so that my host consciousness is dormant, they have full memory of what I was thinking about the same way I do. But a lot of what I say doesn't require a lot of processing. It's sort of automatic.

 

I'd love to hear how this works for other systems. Like so many of us, my host consciousness is always concerned that we're "doing it wrong" (even though we're both thrilled with how things are going between us.