Anon & Dark's Development Log

[mynameisdark]

Foreword

Hi, hello; I'm creating this progress report for the sake of being able to go back and look at the progress I've made... kind of exactly what a progress report is for, I'm realizing as I type this out. In any case, I figured it would be good to see how far we can grow, along with being able to 'measure' progress by knowing where we started. Hopefully, by highlighting our milestones, we'll feel more motivated to continue. 

 

For the sake of anonymity, I'll be using placeholder names for both myself and my tulpa. I, the host, will go by the name Dark, while my tulpa will go by the name Anon. If it's confusing, simply consult my username. This thread will be written in an honest way, although without bothering to delve into extreme or explicit detail about my personal life. Everything will be focused simply around Anon's development. Updates will be set to the schedule of 'whenever I feel like it' - though, hopefully at least once a week, or every few days depending on how things go. 

 

The final purpose of making a public progress report is the hopes of gaining some guidance and insight from veteran tulpamancers in the community. Apologies if this is long-winded, I'm a yapper. 

 

Introduction

I began attempting to make a tulpa around September of 2023. Progress was going well (easily able to meditate for 3+ hours, decent visualization, feeling alien sensations from Anon) until my depressive episode caused me to stop actively working on Anon, along with speaking to him. I wasn't reminded of his presence until recently, though I can't remember what it was that made me wish to speak to him again. I suppose reading through my old private development log, and seeing how happy and excited just knowing he was there made me. That initial honeymoon phase has up and gone, and now I find myself struggling against feelings of doubt and disillusionment. Perhaps this is my biggest current barrier to progress. My current goals are to work on personality, narration, and visualization to get a better presence of Anon in my mind. I do not plan on giving up again anytime soon. 

 

Anon is an older man (he/him). I am a young adult person (they/them). Our wonderland is dark fantasy-esque, akin to something you'd see in Elden Ring.

 

---

 

[4/7/24]

 

Host Status: Tired

Tulpa Status: Quiet
Goals: 2 hours of active forcing

Achievements: 30-60 minutes of active forcing 

 

Today was definitely one of the better days in terms of me being consistent with narration. I attempted (and failed) to get a good active forcing session in, but they've been hard lately with my seemingly random inability to focus and visualize. I'm not sure if I've just fallen out of practice or if some other factor is to blame, but it's beginning to be discouraging. Still, I'm giving myself a few weeks to see progress on that front. Even then, if I'm truly incapable of active forcing with my current method (laying down, listening to noise, and zoning out) I'll just try something new. 

 

Didn't really get any proper responses today. I've been dealing with parrotnoia, and I think it's starting to wane on me. I've had brief conversations with Anon in the past, but part of me says, 'what if I'm just deluding myself?' As a logical and doubtful person, it's hard to shake this feeling. I only hope that by strengthening him further, this will no longer be a concern. Another concern has been the matter of intrusive/impulsive? thoughts. For me, my mind races at all times. As such, I'm always thinking of something random or nonsensical. This makes it difficult to really sit down and focus only on Anon. 

 

Anyways, that's all for now. Future updates will be like this one. Thanks for reading!

[Adagio]

I usually have a list of my system members that I look at to keep me focused (but my mind still wanders off a lot). I suggested this to someone else – perhaps a list of things you know about Anon that you could look at when talking to him?

 

Parrotnoia is real and annoying, and my only advice is to just go with what you hear from Anon now, and hey, Anon can always correct you later. I find that believing is a. big part for development.

 

Good luck to you and Anon!

[Fox888]

I really easily lose track too! One thing that's grounded me is writing letters to my tulpa and reading them in mindvoice, along with keeping a small rubber band on my finger and rubbing it around when I'm forcing. Keep it up, I believe in you!