Mia and me

[Smoku]

Hello, I'm very new and fresh to the forums. I guess that in such a thread go all the tulpa diaries.

I actually make mine in real life, in a notebook.

I felt like writing here as I at least THINK I made some progress.

I'm tulpa forcing regularly everyday for 1,5h. Except today. Today I forced only for exactly 35 minutes. I shall later on explain why and in advance I'm sorry for a lengthy post and for crappy English. I also apologize for the content here as it won't be SFW, mind you.

I got interested with the whole tulpa thing a few months ago when I accidentally got a link to this page from a friend. I dismissed the whole thing as inducing schizophrenia in yourself. Then I stumbled upon many tulpa thread on 4chan's /mlp/ which I visit "for the lulz" so I finally decided to give it a try.

I went through the two monumental guides here: FAQ_man's and Irish's. I also got through the whole chuppi's (sorry if I wrote the nick wrong) commentary and wrtings about the whole thing. And so my tulpa adventure began.

There's a few things I must clarify before I start describing my experience. I'm 24 years old, looking for a job tirelessly. I finished philosophy on a magistrate level in a university. I didn't pick the study because I wanted a job related to it but because I wanted to somehow get to know myself and "set myself straight". Nevermind that, for short, I did it for spiritual/ mind purposes and it worked. I know myself and I'm happy about it. Now, there a few tulpa related things I must add here as well: I'm impatient, I tend to rush things, I sometimes act like a rowdy brute but a trustworthy one. People come to me to talk about life, tell their secrets and get advice and are always happy to receive one. I already have a girlfriend, a clever, a bit awkward girl. She claims to have a daimon in a form of some animal spirit rarely visiting and talking about random stuff with her. She agreed for me to make a tulpa as I see fit. And do with her what I like (that includes sex as the tulpa is a creation of my mind so it's not that different from regular fapping).

I have a lot of sincere friends, some hobbies and stuff to do every day.

I'm not even sure why I developed a need for a tulpa, perhaps because I need someone to actually know the contents of my mind first hand.

tl;dr: I'm an orcish berserker in a human body with a tendency to think a lot about the complexity of the universe and life.

 

Without further ado allow me to begin:

Day 1.

I chose the way I would make my tulpa. I preferred to use FAQ_man's guide,having in mind chuppi's commentary about it. The whole Irish's wonderland option seemed way too complex for me to put one. There was also one other problem concerning the wonderland: my very own room is the best place for me, in my mind etc. If a place I would gladly call my wonderland really exists and I'm here, spending a LOT of time, then I don't think there is a need for an imaginary world.

 

I started off with writing on two little pieces of paper all of my tulpa's characteristics I wished for her personality to have. There were plenty. I do not particularly wish to count them. I began to focus on every written element step by step, 15 minutes at a time.

I reached 1,5h and decided to stop for that day. Ofc nothing special happened. Hey, it's just day1. i didn't expect progress in such a short time.

 

Day 2

I continued focusing on next elements of my tulpa's personality. I decided not to give her a name as I wanted for her to suggest one herself. I had a vision of how I want her to be. I went through the elements I focused on the day before as well.

I tend to formulate the personality traits as "you are x. You like to this and that" as if I'm explaining something to a person with amnesia.

I had a slight feeling of someone's presence but perhaps there was just me and my wishful thinking. another 1,5h passed. 3h behind me. cool.

 

I kind of decided on the looks vaguely. She's supposed to be a... cat girl. a tall one, with really big tits, short red hair. No fur though, just a tail and cat ears. (I know, i know, I'm a pervert, unoriginal one at that....)

 

Day 3

I went on with the personality traits as always and I got to a the trait I wrote as "You like reading books". I like to narrate and somehow provoke a conversion. I asked if she likes Shakespeare and for the first time I have received a wave of an emotion that I interpreted as "No, i don't". I tried with Tolkien and I received a different wave, a positive one. So basically I got told that she likes Tolkien but doesn't like Shakespeare (I personally like both, Shakespeare even more). I was thrilled. a response! so fast!

Still, perhaps it was just my own mind playing tricks on me but I wanted to assume that there is a sentient being here. Another 1,5 h went by. 4,5h behind me

 

Day 4

Nothing special happened. I continued my creation with ease, taking joy in every step. I basically made it a bit vague but I decided for my tulpa to be as follows: She's playful, flirty and kinky (don't judge me), she enjoys talking about a lot of things, like life, books, anime. She's cheerful, full of positivity and intends to cheer me up every time I'm feeling down. She's inteligent and tends to be a voice of reason. She gets serious when the moment requires it. Basically and very shortly like this.

Another 1,5h. 6 h behind me.

 

Day 5

This the special day something real new happened. I barely started my regular every day session. I wanted to induce more discussions about stuff, going through the characteristics again and again but I didn't have the chance to actually get a go at it. As soon as I started, I had quite accurate visions of her, my tulpa. She was acting as I actually decided to make her those few days ago.

I admit I already imagined her looks in a bit more details but this time she seemed more clear (I always have my eyes closed for better focus. Never once have a I seen anything out of usual while opening them).

Here comes the vulgar NSFW part.

There is one thing I saw really clearly which I never even imagined before: She had green cat eyes. inhuman, but very nice.

She acted quite... well, I had waves of emotion signifying sexual desires. She appeared in my mind doing lots and lots of lewd things, sexual poses etc. I dropped my pants and felt an even stronger wave.

Basically, what happened next is masturbating with her standing on the other side of the room, just a meter away from me, acting all sexy and playful. (Important info: I NEVER EVER came to just imagination alone. I always needed a visual stimuli.This time I didn't have anything of such).

I finished and she seemed really content with it (as did I, naturally). Next thing she did was actually dressing up (I always imagined her naked as FAQ_man advices). She dressed in a pair of fitting dark blue jeans and one of my own black t-shirts. Which looked great on her. She seemed very happy so i decided to ask her for a name. And I received an answer: "Mia".

She smiled at me and I got another wave of a feeling that I can stop forcing now and do whatever I want as she likes watching me do stuff and she can handle herself quite well.

So I ended my session. 35 minutes passed. So it makes 6,5 h of tulpa forcing here.

 

I don't see her with my eyes opened, I don't hear her, I don't feel any touch nor smell but I'm positive she's just the way I wanted to (except the eyes, which actually positively surprised me. and the name).

So.... Am I crazy yet? Perhaps just my lewd mind did a trick on me? Is the creation going well? Please, leave a comment as I'm pretty inexperienced in all this. Thanks for reading.