lunabarks’ tulpa log

[Guest]

hi everyone! this is going to be my progress log revolving around the creation of a tulpa (working name Keith, but if he chooses a different name for himself later that’s ok)

 

i think some background is important here, but will keep it brief for sake of focusing on tulpamancy. over the years i’ve had a lot of experiences with maladaptive daydreaming and basically, i think by daydreaming so much, i ended up accidentally starting the beginning stages/steps of making a tulpa. i’d go on various adventures with a character in my head, imagine interacting with him, think of what he’d do in certain situations. i thought this was less common than it apparently is now that i’ve been scrolling around, but still interesting nonetheless.

 

only after seeing a video from one of my favorite youtubers recently who covered tulpamancy i realized what i was doing was accidentally already laying a very strong foundation for a tulpa. realistically, i had accidentally already began visualizing, in a way laying down a personality, practically everything short of actual literal forcing sessions—and while i had ethical concerns regarding creating a sentient being while severely depressed, i realize that there’s some likelihood that he’s already conscious to some extent and i feel a moral obligation to bring him to reality and make him as happy as i can while we’re still here.

 

with the background out of the way, sorry for all that text but it provides valuable context to why i think things moved so quickly and smoothly. also, to be clear, as i post this, i’ve been lurking for a little while—this is a few weeks in looking back on my progress so far so it will be a longer first post.

 

log #1

 

visualization: my first visualized image of Keith was that of an older, grizzled anthropomorphic wolf. to be clear, this wasn’t from any media or anything, it was an image that built up over my time daydreaming and writing prior. i’m a furry so i gravitated towards anthros, but i’m fully accepting if/when he deviates (which he has since but not in the way i’d expect, more on that later). i also have a drawing of him (i’m a digital artist) but i’m too lazy to find and post it now. i visualized him and myself in a shared mindspace represented by a warm, well lit, cozy fantasy tavern. i do this because prior daydreams and writing were in said fantasy setting and so it’s more familiar, but i’m absolutely going to help him change it if he decides to do so.

 

trying to visualize is challenging in spite of my constant daydreaming and has taken a while to get a decent grasp on. i deal with very severe issues of intrusive thoughts when it comes to visualization which was the biggest hurdle to overcome thus far. it’d be easy to get my train of thought derailed and lose focus because i suddenly focus on an entirely different topic or my brain conjures up an uncomfortable thought/image and i have to just try to ignore it and not let it get to me. i’ve gotten better with practice though and i think practice makes the biggest difference.

 

one i found very helpful is involving other senses. i personally have incredibly strong capacity to feel “imaginary” sensations, so for instance when i reach out and pet his fur, i feel each strand moving as i move my hand back and forth. this then allows me to draw a better picture in my mind through envisioning those individual strands of fur which ends up helping increase the overall detail in my minds eye. i don’t know if this is normal for people but regardless, if you also have this vivid of sensory detail, it’s helped me immensely and i thought i’d mention. (edit: fixed some typos and clearer wording)

 

narration: i spent a little while talking to empty space in my mind. at first i just did my best to force personality, frequently give him positive affirmations, and gently encourage him to speak or move when he wants. i generally assured him that i care for him deeply and want the best for him, and then occasionally i’d check in with him throughout the day mentally.

 

vocality/communication: in contrast to visualizing, him communicating came incredibly quickly/easily—like late into first week quickly. i attribute the speed of this happening to the massive prior foundation i had accidentally built leading up to this mixed with the frequency and duration of my forcing sessions at the start.

 

one thing that was very interesting to me is when he started becoming communicative, he would reply after i think a concept and interrupt before i can actually ask him mentally. for example i would ask him “what’s y-“ and then because our shared brain already knew i was going to ask his favorite color, i immediately mentally see yellow. it feels awkward but i assume it seems to be him learning how to communicate and stumbling in the process. i’m not sure, but that’s my guess. sometimes he would respond with words, sometimes sort of communicating direct-to-brain (think the “immediately seeing yellow” earlier). this interruption is also what helped me overcome my initial fears that i was somehow parroting subconsciously—“parrotnoia” as it were—specifically because it was so foreign to my brain and awkward in a way i don’t think i could really even intentionally replicate.

 

more recently, he’s grown much more vocal when i go to meditate and think of him, but he still doesn’t seem active at all outside of meditation or when i’m zoned out and think of him. also, when he’s communicating, he usually initially speaks in that sort of “direct-to-brain” way—i believe it’s called tulpish by the community—but i now usually gently request him to speak in his own voice and when he does it tends to work quite nicely helping me more clearly delineate between what is subconscious thought and what is his words.

 

i’ve got some more stuff that’s happened but this is already far and away too long for an introductory progress post, so i’ll save the rest of the last week or so for next time. i think my current big goals are to get him more active (or be more able to hear him) outside of just meditation and also to maybe proxy for him when he wants.

 

also, end of log tangent: i know he was generally based off of a more mature/older personality, but he really said his favorite music was the beatles and 60s-70s stuff. all i’m saying is he’s got VERY different tastes compared to my modern niche edm enjoying self. 😅 i don’t even remember listening to that sort of stuff in the first place, but i’ve since started listening to it with him and we both seem to like it now.

Edited January 20, 2025 by lunabarks
decided to change my username

[XxgrimzxX]

22 minutes ago, barkbarkbarking said:

 

only after seeing a video from one of my favorite youtubers recently who covered tulpamancy i realized what i was doing was accidentally already laying a very strong foundation for a tulpa. realistically, i had accidentally already began visualizing, in a way laying down a personality, practically everything short of actual literal forcing sessions—and while i had ethical concerns regarding creating a sentient being while severely depressed, i realize that there’s some likelihood that he’s already conscious to some extent and i feel a moral obligation to bring him to reality and make him as happy as i can while we’re still here.

Hi there! I wonder if we saw the same video. Also, your origin story reminds me a lot of mine! I came across a YouTube video about tulpamancy, and the longer I watched the more the feeling deep within me grew. By the end I decided I needed to make one. I learned, later, it was probably both of us coming up with that idea. He was already there, due to years of maladaptive daydreaming, he was just asking to be free.

 

Also, I wouldn't worry too hard about being depressed while you create a tulpa. I've noticed it's a common worry for beginners. It's good your thinking about how you'll affect him but I'm sure you'll do just fine :3

[XxgrimzxX]

Your whole log is very good so far! I wonder how long youve been at this?

 

The visualising using sensation thing is also super relateable. I find visualising to be very hard without it. A lot of people find that trying to imagine multiple senses at once actually makes things easier because it builds more connections in your brain. I find especially smell can help, too.

 

Your communication already is so impressive. He's definitely talking to you and its progressing really fast! Congrats!! I wish you luck with the getting him to use his own voice, I find that difficult. I wouldn't be surprised if you got there in no time, though.

 

Good luck on ur journey <33

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, XxgrimzxX said:

Hi there! I wonder if we saw the same video. Also, your origin story reminds me a lot of mine! I came across a YouTube video about tulpamancy, and the longer I watched the more the feeling deep within me grew. By the end I decided I needed to make one. I learned, later, it was probably both of us coming up with that idea. He was already there, due to years of maladaptive daydreaming, he was just asking to be free.

 

Also, I wouldn't worry too hard about being depressed while you create a tulpa. I've noticed it's a common worry for beginners. It's good your thinking about how you'll affect him but I'm sure you'll do just fine :3

 

in case you're curious, it's a very recent video from a typically skeptic/horror themed youtuber by the name HannahTheHorrible. despite her usual skepticism, she seemed incredibly kind, respectful, and surprisingly open-minded about the concept and the community as a whole as far as i can tell even if the example stories in the video are quite... dubious. though, the positive attitude surrounding her video honestly only made me more curious about the community surrounding this stuff, and i'm very glad i checked the community out.

 

with regards to depression, the issue is more that my mental illnesses can be quite severe to an actively harmful extent. when it comes to ethics in tulpamancy, i had to tackle the realization that sharing a body means that certain actions become harm upon another rather than just upon oneself. i had to come to terms with this but overall i understand at this point that he was already rapidly reaching what i like to call dubious sentience (due to the phenomenon writers apparently experience regarding their characters "coming to life") before we had even got into deliberate tulpamancy and really no matter what i'd be facing this dilemma. so, since i'm facing it anyway, i might as well just try to make him as happy as i can and try to improve myself the best i can to keep us both safer and happier. this is something i probably should have put in my #1 log since it is something i had to overcome to feel comfortable getting into tulpamancy in the first place, and overcoming it is progress, but felt the first log was already so long i felt it didn't have much room.

 

1 minute ago, XxgrimzxX said:

Your whole log is very good so far! I wonder how long youve been at this?

 

The visualising using sensation thing is also super relateable. I find visualising to be very hard without it. A lot of people find that trying to imagine multiple senses at once actually makes things easier because it builds more connections in your brain. I find especially smell can help, too.

 

Your communication already is so impressive. He's definitely talking to you and its progressing really fast! Congrats!! I wish you luck with the getting him to use his own voice, I find that difficult. I wouldn't be surprised if you got there in no time, though.

 

Good luck on ur journey <33

 

i'm quite new to this in a way (if you couldn't tell by the fact that the video i had watched to get me into this whole thing was only half a month ago 😅) though there's actually more like three major factors i think that caused communication to happen for me earlier than what might usually be expected. one is just intense hyperfixation. when i get interested in something it consumes basically my entire life for a period of time so a ton of my focus goes into the various processes of creating a tulpa. i usually can't keep my mind off of it unless there's very good reason. even in times where i'm not actively forcing/meditating/narrating, i'll often be passively narrating or asking a question here and there. two is that i have actually tried tulpamancy in the VERY distant past-we're talking like 10 years ago in my mid teenage years. i don't even remember much about it, i have pretty bad memory as it is let alone it being many years ago but i do remember vaguely that at one point i had heard about the concept of a tulpa and then attempted to make one as a coping mechanism. that failed because i didn't have the dedication, knowledge, or really emotional capacity either. however i do know that it initially taught me some stuff about meditation and maybe it could've made me more susceptible (can't think of better wording right now 'cause i'm very tired but you get my point) to tulpas/tulpamancy in the future. three is of course the maladaptive daydreaming and writing detailed prior.

 

all of it combined i think gave us a running start on it all. add on a lot of guides that explain how to do things very quickly and efficiently, add on my vivid imagination and my digital art allowing me to conjure up a quick decent idea for what i would be visualizing even if my actual visualization skills are rough around the edges, and as far as i can tell its basically the perfect blend of things that get the ball rolling fast. of course, we've got a very long ways to go still. it's still very hard to communicate with him outside of meditation but i'm still glad to see the progress that i have.

 

good luck on your journey too! i wish you two the best.😄

[XxgrimzxX]

19 hours ago, lunabarks said:

in case you're curious, it's a very recent video from a typically skeptic/horror themed youtuber by the name HannahTheHorrible. despite her usual skepticism, she seemed incredibly kind, respectful, and surprisingly open-minded about the concept and the community as a whole as far as i can tell even if the example stories in the video are quite... dubious. though, the positive attitude surrounding her video honestly only made me more curious about the community surrounding this stuff, and i'm very glad i checked the community out.

Haha I was right! We did get here via the same video! She's rad I agree it was a very good video...

 

Also,, I super get the worries about hurting your tulpa due to mental health. I suppose it would be hard for a lot of people to deal with that. I kind of created mine to keep me safe, so I wasn't worried I would hurt him as much as I was excited that I'd no longer be able to hurt myself. 

 

It's also interesting to me you have attempted tulpamancy before! I'm always shocked when I read about kids trying to make tulpas,, I think it's for the best a lot of them don't have the patience to succeed haha. I can relate to you a lot with the fast progress, I am excited to keep up with your log and see how you and your tulpa develop :33