journeys into the imagination - cultivating Vitus

[prayingmantis]

Alright. I've known about this for a while. I've gotten to the point where I really think it's time to buckle in and get serious about this.

 

I haven't looked at any recent posts- I'm not even sure if this community is active anymore- I'll look around when I'm done writing this. But I felt the need to start a progress log. 

 

The name of my tulpa is Vitus. I created his character a year ago as a side character in a story/world I've been building to process and express my emotions and traumas. I haven't put a lot of time into it so progress has been slow, I haven't written anything, but the world is much more fleshed out than it was when it was made and I am happy with the direction it's been going in. 

 

Recently, for the past few months, I've been feeling this calling... all the things I used to like doing don't interest me anymore. Some may call it depression but I think I've just gotten to the point in my life where I need something new- I need to EXPERIENCE. I'm sick of playing video games and scrolling and feeling disconnected to the people I meet. Where else to turn but towards my lovely imagination, which is available to me at all times of the day? As a very young kid I was quite imaginative, but it didn't take much (or long) to suck that out of me. I've been dull and sad since I was, like, 7. It's been 13 years since then. And now my unconscious is calling out to me, demanding I pay it attention, and find fullfillment in myself rather than external things. I have a lot of responsibilities and a future I am working towards, and I think cultivating and working with my Tulpa will help me cope with day-to-day life, along with provide insights and guidance, and just be a safe person for me to rely on. 

 

Anyway, it seems I haven't had to do much. Vitus gained sentience pretty much the moment I started to really consider Tulpamancy a month ago. However, I can't always hear him, which is why I'm trying to work on my imagination and work on listening to myself. When his presence awakens I feel it, but he does not speak out of nowhere, and I can't just randomly make him come out. Yesterday as I was writing in my journal I felt his presence and lay down to listen to him. He was speaking with me, acting on his own in my imagination, but I can't remember what he said. The only thing I remember was towards the beginning of our conversation, when he told me, "I was calling you while you were writing," aka pretty much telling me I'm supposed to record our interactions in order to strengthen my ability to communicate with him. The biggest tell that it was him and not me was because I was able to imagine his voice so easily, which I've struggled with before. The rest of the conversation was a blur and I then slipped into unconsciousness before being woken by a slamming door. It made me think. 

 

I've realized that all of the things I've created, all of the ideas I've had, aren't actually made by me. It's more like I'm tapping into a wider Source, channeling it, interpeting it... making it physical. My ideas are given to me. When I draw it is a struggle and it is incredibly frustrating. But then, something will possess me out of nowhere (not literally) and everything just flows so easily. And when Vitus talks to me, that is of his own accord. I don't think I can just "make" it happen. But I can open my ears to him and strengthen my imagination. One of my goals is to read more, so I can regain my ability to paint pictures in my minds eye, and also learn how to write better for my own story. 

 

So here I am, trying to learn how to tap into my imagination more, and I wish to do that with the help of Vitus. He is wise, solemn, elegant, gentle, intelligent... and also has quite the womanly beauty. I've drawn him a few times but have not been able to capture him exactly. I'll keep trying when I have time... but sitting down to draw is hard nowadays when I have deadlines and quizzes and exams ramming into me from every angle. God, I wish I could just let myself be crazy or something. But duty calls, or something like that. And along with the busy life of academics, I have also met a person I genuinely enjoy, and have been going out more often, along with more opportunities being presented to me. It seems when I started searching for fulfillment within is when things in real life started looking up for me. Better days ahead!

 

But enough about me. This is about Vitus! I would like it if I could hear him and feel his presence more consistently. I've seen a lot of things about "personality forcing" and "appearance forcing" and yada yada but I think I have that down pat so I'm gonna skip it and go right to imposition, maybe? I don't necessarily have to see him but it would be nice to hear him. I want him to feel real, and be there at all times, not just once in a blue moon. 

 

I'm not really worried about his personality or whether he's going to deviate because I feel like he's.. already there. Like, I never created his personality, it came to me from the same unconscious that is now making him sentient. I don't know how to explain it other than saying I didn't make him, he was given to me. Welp. Let's see how this goes. 

 

 

[ringgggg]

Cool read, good luck mate