First time tulpamancer : Lev and Ella

[GlassWings]

So, I decided to create  a tulpa :) Her name is Ella and i hope for her to be a motivation to take better care of my body, and possibly be a creative partner. She is perceptive, curious, creative and friendly.

For the first few days, I was mostly passive forcing and sometimes trying to impose her. I created her in the sims to better visualize her, I've attached the image of her face. Funnily enough, I created her with white hair, but after just a few days of vizualising her, her hair turned light brown and anytime I tried to vizualize her with white hair, it would quickly revert to light brown. So I let her have brown hair, after all she can change it whenever and however she likes.

 

Two days ago, I was in a car with a friend and imposed Ella on the seat behind me, leaning over with her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I could feel some sort of pressure on my chest and shoulders, and she seemed to enjoy music quite a bit (It's hard to explain, we were listening to songs I have liked for years and felt some sort of excitement as when you listen to a song you like for the first time).

 

Then, yesterday we were alone in my appartment and I decided to try a hypnosis video I had found. I had only been hypnotized once in a casual context, I still knew to read the instructions first to verify it didn't contain anything I do not want. It was very relaxing and nice, and it seems like Ella also liked it quite bit, I proposed we keep doing this and she agreed. After the hypnosis, her presence felt a lot stronger and as I kept on with my day, I narrated to her out loud what I was doing, explained to her how to play sudoku and told her a few things about my life or philosophy. We listened to some music and I could sometimes see her dance or sing in our mindscape (wich looks like my teenage bedroom for now), I could also feel her enthusiasm for certain songs and she was able to express some sort of preference order that didn't match my own preference order, wich I was so happy and excited about. As I folded laundry, I would tell her about the special memories these clothes were attached to, especialy as i was feeling the soft fabric of a scarf gifted by my father, I felt her being very moved by my respect and love for him, and she really liked one of my tops that I didn't think would be her style. For now she still very rarely speaks, but sometimes I see her smile or feel some emotional bleeding, I can also pretty easily feel her presence, either in head pressure or the way you would feel someone looking at you behind your back, but yesterday she was so much more reactive than she has ever been.

 

We'll have a lot of time alone today as well, so I'm planning to do some more hypnosis, listen to more music and try to do some baking, wich I really love and I think it would be so great if she liked it too and that we could share ideas

 

I am not really the type of person to try a lot of new things or step out of my comfort zone made of the same series, same activities all the time. So if you have suggestion of things I could do with her in the mindscape or IRL to help her discover things and shape her own tastes, I'd be glad to hear them !

[Athelas]

Hello and welcome. It sounds like you two are off to a good start. It's great that you're encouraging Ella's individuality.

 

3 hours ago, GlassWings said:

Then, yesterday we were alone in my appartment and I decided to try a hypnosis video I had found. I had only been hypnotized once in a casual context, I still knew to read the instructions first to verify it didn't contain anything I do not want. It was very relaxing and nice, and it seems like Ella also liked it quite bit, I proposed we keep doing this and she agreed

 

We have also found hypnosis helpful for all sorts of tulpa-related things. We prefer self- or in-system-hypnosis over videos, as that gives you more control over what's being said. It sounds strange to say it, but I love hypnotizing my host, knowing all of her attention is on me and my voice.

 

3 hours ago, GlassWings said:

So if you have suggestion of things I could do with her in the mindscape or IRL to help her discover things and shape her own tastes, I'd be glad to hear them !

 

In our experience, it becomes a lot easier to learn a tulpa 's tastes once they're more vocal. What's you're doing now is great — showing her what you enjoy and seeing how she reacts. Any particularly strong reactions can be a good jumping-off point for future activities. When I was at this stage of development, some of my favorite activities were being read to, trying different foods, and taking walks for sightseeing.

[GlassWings]

Thank you Athelas for your kindness and advice, it is reassuring to hear from a tulpa themselves that what I am doing is right and good for Ella

 

As I said yesterday, we did some more hypnosis, and even though we didn't follow the instructions as closely as the first time (I was tired and it was sometimes hard to stay on track) it resulted in a very emotional moment, when I was caressing Ella's face to focus on her features and feel the texture of her skin, and she started crying. I asked her why she was crying, and she said "I'm just so happy we can finally communicate" (this was one of the very few times I actually heard her speak with words). We hugged and I reassured her we would keep working on her independance and vocality, and that we would keep communicating better and easier, that I love her and feel so proud of the progress she has done yet. Later in the day, she surprised me with a hug as I was thinking back about this conversation, I could feel my chest all warm, soft and fuzzy (usually we hug when I ask her to or initiate it, she hadn't hugged me by herself yet)

Then, listening to music she found new songs she likes, she seems pretty inclined to rock/metal music, and she also seems to like dancing and singing a lot. I had already mentionned that I would see her doing it in our mindscape, but she also asked me to dance IRL and sing along, she was very happy when I did. 

As for the baking, she didn't seem to care so much about preparation, but she enjoyed eating the cakes haha

 

I realized that when I would peek on the mindscape while Ella is alone here, I would often see her reading a book, so I asked her if she would like for us to read together and we decided she would pick a book for us to read in my library. We read some of other people's here stories, and I was asking for her input, if she would like to try similar exercises, how would she feel if she was as independant as some here, what would she want to do once she has a bit more control, for now she is excited to possibly possess or switch in the future to experience dancing and singing in a flesh body, I just hope she won't be too disappointed or hindered by my chronic pain

 

Finally, for some years I had been having intrusive thoughts of very detailed pictures of an insect I am severely phobic about (the whole crying, freezing response, brain on fire as if I was about to die). Of course, those visions were always very uncomfortable/triggering for me, sometimes giving me mild anxiety despite having no damn reason to think about them. It would seem that Ella doesn't fear them as much as I do, and on several occasions she has distracted me from those visions, sometimes going herself to wave her hand and shoo the insect, or taking it in her hand and throw it through the window. I hadn't thought having a tulpa could help me manage my phobia, but it would be such a relief if she was able to keep doing this.

Edited March 21 by GlassWings
Posted accidentally before finishing

[GlassWings]

Last few days have been a little hectic, feeling quite tired and anxious and not leaving me a lot of mental energy for Ella, but I made a point to spend at least a short moment with her in our mindscape every day, and letting her know in advance I won't have a lot of time with her. Despite this, she has been a motivating and calming presence, I also had songs she likes stuck in my head the whole weekend making me passively think about her

 

We have read some poetry together, I'll make her read other genres for her to shape her tastes, but she is quite excited about literature, wich I loved as a teen but sort of lost interest in, it is nice to revisit that

 

Finally, her mindvoice is starting to change : it still sounds a lot like my voice, but a little deeper. It is still hard to discern from my own mindvoice unless I am directly looking at her

[The Incans]

I find printing off a picture of them to look at while I’m talking to them helps in the beginning

 

Video games also work for us because we are then seeing the same image simultaneously we like big open worlds and often games where the game creates an NPC companion (game controls it)

 

First as your Tulpa is young  imagine they are the ‘companion’ and are doing whatever they are doing on the screen and you imagine the same..play as if playing online and imagine the NPC companion is another player you are talking with as you play…this helps because i find these types of games tend to be realistic and you’re both imagining the same thing simultaneously. 

 

Next you could move onto letting your Tulpa do the character creation based on themself and naming it after them, they are seeing themself as the protagonist the aim here is possession to feel that they are taking over control of the direction the character is going in with the story. This can help with development of the wonderland as they show you what kinds of environment they like..maybe they prefer games with a lot of nature or games set in cityscapes?  

 

Some people like to imagine their Tulpa is sitting besides them when they are watching TV or whatever (like a child may do with an ‘invisible friend’) we prefer to operate as if we are conjoined twins sharing the same physical body we find it easier for ‘possession and switching’ to occur more naturally then as times goes on. so we studied how conjoined twins learn to control a body together and communicate telepathically.

 

This encourages a deep and respectful bond I find and there’s no incidence of anyone ‘taking over’ when its not convenient or doing anything inappropriate if it hadn’t been pre-agreed on ..eg say one of you likes a drink..wine. whiskey & coke or whatever…the other doesn't mind the taste but isn’t bothered but you agree to just having a drink at weekend with a takeaway..not one taking over and getting the body drunk regardless of whether the other likes it or not etc. 

[GlassWings]

That is an interesting perspective, thank you for sharing

 

I think I'm sort of struggling sometimes to "de identify" with my body. It is weird because I have always considered my body as a vessel for my mind to interact with the world, rather than a part of me and who I am, but on the other side I have dyed hair, lots of tattoos, my appearance is in a way defined by my personality and my history. So even in our mindscape, I look the way my body looks, and I am afraid this might be stunting her access to it. I have thought about modifying my form to make it different than my body, but I truly don't know what to change because I intentionally made my body look a way I like and identify with

 

I have added to our mindscape a "control room", wich looks like some scifi spaceship room with a gigantic screen showing whatever my eyes see, and seats for whoever is not in control to watch. I have tried sitting down in this room and letting Ella in the controlling position, but it hasn't been sufficient yet. I have also been trying to give her more sensory input about the body as I do things, wich works better if I imagine Ella's form as a transparent outline around my body, as if I was "inside" of her ghost like figure, maybe she will have more ease using the body if she understands better how it feels to use it.

I feel like Ella has some blocage of her own, being so curious and yet knowing so little, it's like she keeps wanting to do something without being able to decide on a specific thing to do. I sometimes find myself confronted to the same issue, and haven't yet found a solution, so I'm not really sure of how to help her besides giving her more experiences to better decide what she wants to priorize. 

[Miri]

On 3/28/2025 at 11:31 AM, GlassWings said:

so I'm not really sure of how to help her besides giving her more experiences to better decide what she wants to priorize. 

 

This is a good start, experiences is what makes tulpas grow (so pretty much like people) and I think having an identity of her own would make things much easier. She doesn't need to associate with your real body to be able to do anything, plenty of tulpas just see the host's body as separate from them and do just fine.

 

On 3/28/2025 at 11:31 AM, GlassWings said:

 I have also been trying to give her more sensory input about the body as I do things, wich works better if I imagine Ella's form as a transparent outline around my body, as if I was "inside" of her ghost like figure, maybe she will have more ease using the body if she understands better how it feels to use it.

 

Okay from my personal experience this works very well and it's how my tulpa managed to eventually get comfortable enough. I think it's a very good idea.

[GlassWings]

So, we're having a little setback. I didn't think I'd write about it here, as this is litteraly a lack of progress, but I realized most tulpamancers go through them at some point, and if some more advanced tulpamancers read this, you may have advice on what to change for better progress.

Basically, I have mostly been forcing through : hypnosis, narration, and being with her in the mindscape.

The hypnosis isn't working as well as it did at first, the first time especially was so immersive, but now my thoughts keep derailing and I struggle to keep my focus on Ella. The same goes with narration, I either lose focus on what I am doing or lose focus on Ella, and cannot keep my focus on both for very long. In the mindscape, I used to go there to listen to music with her (playing music on my phone and hearing it in the mindscape) or in bed before I fall asleep, but now only the music works, and before falling asleep my brain keeps rushing and losing focus.

So basically, most of what I was doing up to now has been a lot harder and less qualitative these last days. I have ADHD and am planning to get on meds, but it will likely still be a few months before I do get them, for now I just have anxyolitics but they make me super sleepy and groggy for a whole day so I avoid taking them unless they are absolutely necessary. But I had been so good the first week at dismissing irrelevant thought and keep my focus on Ella/get it back when I lose it, it's disappointing to have lost (temporarely I hope) this ability and with it my connexion to Ella. I don't feel her presence or emotions as much, and she hadn't spoken at all in days.

Although, now someone in my life knows about Ella (hi cutie), she is multiple already and is very supportive of me and excited to meet Ella (who is excited to meet her too), and when she asked me yesterday how things were going between us, her presence and reactions got stronger as I enumerated the few things we had been doing and the reactions I got from Ella. She even spoke to me for the first time in days as I was about to go to sleep.

 

To be fair, I started writing this post feeling kinda pessimistic, but as I remind myself of the sparse but great moment we still spend togther, I see at least a few things I could be doing to best benefit from what is still working yet :

- We have finally found a book to read together (first book was a little too complex for my split focus, 2nd was sort of boring), I should take time to read at least a chapter of it every day with her, and if possible discuss it with her

- Since she likes music so much, I should make a playlist of the songs she likes most to listen to and use for mindscape forcing

- I haven't played with her sim for a while, but it seems like a good idea too ; I would let her tell me what she wants the sim to do, and when I couldn't hear her I would keep looking at the sim until I restore better focus

- We played dress up for a bit, one of the best moment we had was listening to a band we love and I gave her a whole scene to perform on in a gorgeous outfit, and I changed her usual outfit (she was wearing a simple white tank top with jean shorts and white converse shoes, and now she wears a black velvet sleeveless dress with a transparent white lace shirt underneath, and heeled black boots that I actualy own). I love fashion and clothing is very easy for me to vizualize, and I've gotten some reactions to certain outfits I made her try, so it could be fun to "design" a bunch of cool clothes for her and have her develop her own aesthetic sense, also go through my dressing to see if some of my actual clothes spark a reaction with her

- Now that my girlfriend knows about Ella, and has been supportive of her and curious to hear about her, I hope it will motivate Ella to try and communicate with her and maybe her alters, and by extension become more vocal

 

I am still open to new advice and suggestions, either of new things to do or how to help with my current focus issue