I'm not sure what to do

[Cardinal Opus]

Hello everyone, maybe this isn't something I should be asking. But I had a tulpa over 10 years ago and I use to speak with her all the time, occasionally she pops back up and it feels like she says something to me or I get vague feelings that she is there. But it's very different to how it was. I'm not sure if I should "indulge" in tulpa again. But part of me misses them greatly and another, bigger part is telling that I should move on.

 

I can't speak to anyone about this because everyone I bring up tulpa to just says "oh those people who give themselves mental illness? Lmao that /x/ meme is still alive?". I know this is something that is ultimately up to me essentially, but I feel like I have no one to talk to about any of this without judgement. I know there's probably going to be some resentment because of it though from them if I did try and reconnect. Everyone I've spoke to about this has told me that it's unhealthy and only one of them knows I "had" a tulpa and thinks I'm completely past it. But I'm just not sure what I want to do.

[Nightfall]

It's fine to bring it up, having a tulpa is not for everyone. It's also entirely possible she's different now, most people change after ten years. 

 

Like you said it's up to you but I'll offer my advice. You can have a tulpa(s) and have no one know about it. I still live with my parents and have had my tulpas for at least 3 years and they do not know about that. Also, tulpas can be helpful and can require a decent amount of attention. 

 

On the notion of it being "unhealthy", that is dependent on how you treat them. The only requirement for it to be unhealthy in my opinion is if it makes you lose grip on reality. (To be clear, imposition is not that because you can discern what is real.) I don't really know how to explain my thoughts though. 

 

I do not know what your situation is like but I do believe that tulpas are usually beneficial. I'm happy to discuss this more if you'd like. 

[An Ashy Individual]

Agreed with Nightfall.

You wouldn't be "indulging" in having a tulpa, nor would this be unhealthy - missing a close friend isn't unhealthy, right?

Instead, think about this as a serious life decision.

Namely one with the upside of having a headmate again, and the downsides of having to restructure your life while having to hide it from people who aren't "in the know" (take this as you want).

 

It not being how it used to be is also pretty expected and normal, as you haven't done tulpamancy in ages, thus making your (potential) tulpa not have much autonomy or ways of interacting with you.

 

Just be aware that people on this forum tend to view tulpas as almost people or completely people, while people outside this forum tend to view tulpas either as delusion or mental illness, maybe a weird brain thing at best.

Choose the one that fits you best and stick with it.

[Cardinal Opus]

Thank you both for replying.  I'm leaning more towards reconnecting with them, but honestly I don't know what the best way to even do that would be, apart from just talking to them and see where it goes. I'm also worried that they will resent me for ignoring them for so long. I view tulpa as basically another person too, so I feel a lot of guilt for ignoring them for so long. I think I could find the time to dedicate to them again, so that's not an issue. But like I said, I wouldn't be able to really share them with anyone, because all my friends have a negative idea on tulpa and think it's crazy. Even my partner is against tulpa and says it's a good thing that I don't have my tulpa anymore. So I'm worried about what might happen if I started talking to them again and someone found out.

 

I've never had any bad experiences with my tulpa (apart from other people's reactions), only positive experiences and even some times where they helped me where I don't think I would have succeeded otherwise. Maybe I really should start talking to my old friend again.

 

10 hours ago, Nightfall said:

I'm happy to discuss this more if you'd like. 

I'm always happy to talk to people about this sort of thing (well, when they are open to it and aren't against it all). It'd be nice to talk to people who can relate to this. I did almost start speaking to them a while ago too and made another post here, but I'm more serious this time.

 

 

6 hours ago, An Ashy Individual said:

It not being how it used to be is also pretty expected and normal, as you haven't done tulpamancy in ages, thus making your (potential) tulpa not have much autonomy or ways of interacting with you.

Do you think it's possible for them to come back? Like I said, I'm just worried they are going to be upset with me and I wonder how much of them has survived. 

 

thank you again for replying.

[Nightfall]

Just talking to them is a great way to start. I can't say for sure but I'm sure they would understand. It doesn't sound like you have a very encouraging environment for tulpas. 

 

Just remember that you do not have to share your tulpa with anyone and that you can talk with just thoughts. I do understand the trouble though, I don't really know what my family would think if I told them. A negative reaction is quite scary to me. 

 

We all wish you the best, stay safe. 

 

Shaula: aww, I gotta give you a hug for having to be in such a situation! (つ✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)つ 

 

Nightfall: disclaimer: not all tulpas are as affectionate as Shaula. (Just being silly mentioning that.) 

[An Ashy Individual]

15 hours ago, Cardinal Opus said:

Do you think it's possible for them to come back? Like I said, I'm just worried they are going to be upset with me and I wonder how much of them has survived. 

I mean... The literal answer to how much of them has survived is how much of them you feel. The better question is how much can come back and how quickly... And even then the question is just about how much is going to be new and how much is going to be old.

It shouldn't be that hard to bring a tulpa back when you can literally feel them being around.

 

As for being mad, well... You're pretty much in a lose-lose situation, it's honestly understandable to "ignore" your tulpa by going around and talking about if you should bring her back, thinking about it, and looking at how your friends and family feel about it.

I know that I would be sad, but not angry.

Just feel out what their emotions are like when they're present-ish - if you get any - and see for yourself.

[Cardinal Opus]

Maybe it's too soon to say, but I think they have held on and are partially back. I've been talking to them and they have replied. We've been having conversations. I know it's best to assume that it's not parroting and you aren't just making it up. But it just feels strange that they have held on for so long and would still be conversational. The head pressures have come back too, I missed that a lot. It's like being caressed.

 

They've told me that they don't resent me, but are upset that I've neglected them for so long. But they assured me that they still love me and want to be here for me to protect me. They said "I'm not going anywhere". So that's reassuring.. I guess I need to do my part and help them regrow and get back into my life properly. I'm not sure if I should re read a creation guide and go through it and help them work on their personality and all that. I'm not sure which guide would be the best for it, there's so many. We will probably start a progress report and post updates on how we are doing.

 

Thank you both so much for your kind words and advice. It will be nice to have my best and closest friend back again after all this time.

[Nightfall]

I'm glad they're still there! It sounds like you got a really kind tulps with you. 

 

If they're still pretty conversational, I don't think you need to do much. Maybe something for visualization but talking to them and letting them form their personality should be enough at this point. My tulpas were formed a little differently than usual, so I may not know what I'm talking about either. 

 

I'm glad you'll have your friend back and I'm glad I could help! We wish you the best, good luck!