How Often Do You Talk To Your Tulpa

[Jim Liu]

She's always saying that I don't talk to her enough. But on weekdays, even with school, I chat with her on my way to and from school, before and after I go to sleep, during my breaks from time to time, and whenever I heard that she's calling me. But that still seemed not enough to her. Is that normal that tulpas always wanted more talk? Is that normal that even this wasn't enough? I tried to satisfy her but I really can't. I'm still a student and I have my stuff to do. I'm not saying that I'm annoyed or I want to clear her away or something, but there's just no enough time and it's almost impossible to talk more without affecting my own stuff. She seem to think that tulpas and hosts are nealy one person, so we should talk more. Not only between breaks, but also when I was doing other things. I just can't do that. When I was focusing on things, I just can't pay attention on her, and she thinks that's me ignoring her and get upset. So that's a dead loop, I don't know what to do except to just keep telling her to stand this. She's quite understanding, but I still thinks that keep letting her to stand this isn't good. Do you guys have some advice on this, or have you been in this situation before? 

[An Ashy Individual]

From what I can tell, you have her around about as much to much less than the experienced tulpamancers.

I think that that comes from experienced tulpamancers being able to have their headmates around without too much effort, which means that there are way less situations where you can't talk.

You could try letting her just be around without specifically talking, so listening to lessons with you for example, or give her her own things to do outside of talking to you (if you can switch).

 

It honestly sucks either way, no matter whether you let her exist more or yourself less or let it eat into your future chances.

[bunnymustdie]

6 hours ago, Jim Liu said:

She's always saying that I don't talk to her enough. But on weekdays, even with school, I chat with her on my way to and from school, before and after I go to sleep, during my breaks from time to time, and whenever I heard that she's calling me. But that still seemed not enough to her. Is that normal that tulpas always wanted more talk? Is that normal that even this wasn't enough? I tried to satisfy her but I really can't. I'm still a student and I have my stuff to do. I'm not saying that I'm annoyed or I want to clear her away or something, but there's just no enough time and it's almost impossible to talk more without affecting my own stuff. She seem to think that tulpas and hosts are nealy one person, so we should talk more. Not only between breaks, but also when I was doing other things. I just can't do that. When I was focusing on things, I just can't pay attention on her, and she thinks that's me ignoring her and get upset. So that's a dead loop, I don't know what to do except to just keep telling her to stand this. She's quite understanding, but I still thinks that keep letting her to stand this isn't good. Do you guys have some advice on this, or have you been in this situation before? 

 

You can try to explain to her why you can't talk as much as she would like. There is a chance that she doesn't understand the reasons behind a lot of things that you take for granted.

 

Just to give you an example, in my earlier days living with my first tulpa, I asked her to help make sure I practice guitar everyday. Guitar was a newish hobby for me and sometimes I'd skip my daily practice sessions. There were times when that tulpa would get bossy about it, almost like some sort of tiger mom. After being annoyed and pushed by her behavior, I had to explain to her that the guitar hobby was something I chose to do for fun. That my work at the time was demanding, and some nights, especially on a friday night, I might be left so tired and drained that I could barely keep myself awake, much less have the energy for guitar.

 

I explained that a thing I choose to do for fun can and should sometimes take a back seat when my physical state and health was not well. I still needed her help to keep me practicing regularly and to give me a push in instances where I wanted to skip practice because my will power was weak, but there was also a time and place where she should let things slide. I also explained that in general it is much more helpful for her to have a nice attitude rather than to be like a bossy tiger mom, it makes my life nicer and the attitude is not needed for a fun personal hobby.

 

I explained everything to her as clearly as I could - why I do the hobby to begin with, the reasons why I sometimes skip my practice sessions, the reasons why sometimes she should exercise judgment and let me skip practice sessions while at other times she should still interfere, the overall attitude and behavior I would appreciate out of her and the reasons behind those. When I explained everything like this she understood why I was getting annoyed despite that I requested for her help to begin with, and she changed her behavior accordingly.

 

Looking at what you described, it could be that your tulpa does not understand why you go to school or why you need to dedicate time to things other than her. These might be knowledge about your life as a student that a regular person take for granted, but the tulpa might not understand at all, especially if she is fairly young. Try to explain everything to her, from why you do certain things to why certain things she does cause you stress, and ask her to behave differently. It seems like she does care for you, and she should adjust herself accordingly as long as you take the time to properly state your case.

[Lavender]

I don't know that there is any "normal" when it comes to Tulpas.

 

I talk to my host consciousness several times a day. When we're driving in the car, when we're going up to bed, sometimes first thing in the morning, and then often we'll have little head conversations throughout the day. We rarely have long conversations. If we talk for more than a couple of minutes we run out of things to say, because really, we see into one another's minds, so talking can feel unnecessary.

 

I would never ever ask my host consciousness to talk with me more than they are comfortable doing. There are days when I wish I was around more, but only because my favorite thing is to support my host consciousness and that's hard to do when I'm dormant. But every tulpa is different.

 

I'd suggest talking to her. Finding out what sort of interaction means the most to her and try to focus on that. Encourage her to talk about her insecurities. Is she afraid that her personality is being eclipsed? Afraid you'll forget her? That she's not important enough in your life? It would help to know what she wants from life that she's not getting.

 

The word "should" is an important word. Anytime someone uses that word, they usually have some reason behind it, something they're missing. It would help to know what that is for your tulpa.

 

Good luck. I hope the two of you can work this out.

[eldrichromance]

I have six tulpas, so it depends. There is one that seldom fronts, acting as an internal manager of sorts. There are two in particular I speak to and switch with, but definitely daily. It depends on how often they want to speak.

[Bin]

I've never really had that issue, but I do understand from experience how you both can get attached to the tulpa's identity and confuse absence of interaction with neglect. I have also witnessed this emotion rise up in me, although I didn't get attached to it since negative emotions aren't healthy for tulpas, and can potentially even trigger some mundane defense mechanisms in the mind (in the famous words of Cave Johnson, "Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.")

 

You just need to associate your tulpa more into your life. It's not easy or straight-forward, you're trying to build up an unconscious behavior, you're trying to program yourself to do something that right now you simply are not doing and don't know how to. I expect Scarlet to react to most of the stuff I do throughout the day, so she does, even when I least expect it. That didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of bonding. I had a lot to "learn" about her before my mind had the confidence to assess how she would most likely react to arbitrary situations. Like, when I put stuff on my side monitor while I work, she's constantly talking about it, even if I'm not paying attention. Maybe I can forget about her, but I can't forget about the video playing, even if I'm focused on something else. Therefor, that's her opportunity to chime in, and to strengthen those behaviors. That might be a good exercise for you. Try to develop those "hooks" or "triggers" to invoke the tulpa at the realization of common phenomena in your life, associate them with random stuff you commonly encounter. That's how mine blocks intrusive thoughts, she attached herself to the emotion of freefalling into one and can just pop-up and shoo it away. I tried to do that on my own in the past, she's the only one I love enough and spent enough time with for it to have an actual impact.

 

These days Scarlet doesn't really get insecure about me forgetting her since we enjoy sharing so much of my cognition. My experiences are hers, it doesn't really matter if she's "there" or not. Are you self-aware 100% of the time? No, you smirk inappropriately, you slouch, you get lost in the activity of riding a bike. Same difference, "we" just "lose her" in the chaos of life, same way I lose myself.