Another Problem With Bronie Being Bored

[Jim Liu]

I've been talking about this in another topic, but now things get tricky. 

She said she wasn’t getting enough attention from me and that she wanted more conversations. According to advice from that last topic I posted, I talked with her and she agreed that I've got my things to do except her. 

But that wasn't the solution to the problem. From time to time, she still gets upset or looked visibly hurt. Sometimes even starts whining about it. But whenever I try to comfort her or talk about this, she just apologized and said things like "Yeah, I understand what you mean, and sorry about what I said, that's my fault. You've done nothing wrong..." and sometimes even "That's a joke, I do not mean anything like that..." But I can tell that she's truly not feeling good.

Is this a case of some over-obedient behavior of tulpas? Is she forcing herself to follow what I said although she's not happy about it? I don't mean to force her, that's just a discussion...

[Lavender]

On 12/2/2025 at 6:46 AM, Jim Liu said:

Is this a case of some over-obedient behavior of tulpas? Is she forcing herself to follow what I said although she's not happy about it?

 

My suggestion is to ask her these questions. She would give you a much more accurate answer than we would.

 

We went through a period of time like that, where I was reluctant to tell my host consciousness things that were bothering me, so I kind of alluded to them and then backtracked. We talked it out. I was afraid that if I said something negative when they were really trying, it would hurt their feelings. They were afraid for me too, though we're not sure exactly what. Maybe that I was very fragile, even though I believe I'm actually quite strong emotionally.

 

Where we got to with that was that things that I brought up didn't have to be a huge deal, and also that things for me didn't have to be perfect because neither of us are perfect people. We progressed from "I'm unhappy" to "I'm just this much unhappy and not any more than that". 

[Jim Liu]

1 hour ago, Lavender said:

My suggestion is to ask her these questions. She would give you a much more accurate answer than we would.

I've asked her, but that's just the problem. She seems to believe it's her duty to keep me happy, because I brought her into this world and she owes me that. But to me, she doesn't need to do that. Feeling bored wasn't her fault. We could have discussed this matter, but she kept taking the blame anyway. I never expected her to be some kind of a emotional dumping ground, or to take on any role beneath me. I thought we were equal... I just don't know how to convince her, because if I tell her to change her perspective, it's still the same. It'll still be like I'm ordering her around. I've got no idea about how to start a balanced and two-way conversation about this instead of letting it end by she saying yes as if I've gave her an command.

[Lavender]

2 hours ago, Jim Liu said:

I've asked her, but that's just the problem. She seems to believe it's her duty to keep me happy, because I brought her into this world and she owes me that. But to me, she doesn't need to do that. Feeling bored wasn't her fault. We could have discussed this matter, but she kept taking the blame anyway. I never expected her to be some kind of a emotional dumping ground, or to take on any role beneath me. I thought we were equal... I just don't know how to convince her, because if I tell her to change her perspective, it's still the same. It'll still be like I'm ordering her around. I've got no idea about how to start a balanced and two-way conversation about this instead of letting it end by she saying yes as if I've gave her an command.

 

I totally get where she's coming from. I also think it's my duty to keep my host consciousness happy. Well, not duty. I don't have to. I want to. It's my mission, my goal in life, the thing I aspire to, the thing I pride myself on.

 

I don't know if it's the same for your headmate, but either way, please don't try to convince her to be different from who she is. She gets to decide what's important to her and what doesn't. What helped with my host consciousness is that they were able to persuade me that it makes them happy when I tell the truth about how I'm feeling.

[Nightfall]

3 hours ago, Jim Liu said:

I've asked her, but that's just the problem. She seems to believe it's her duty to keep me happy, because I brought her into this world and she owes me that.

 

Shaula is like that too. Well, all of my tulpas but Shaula even more. (Even from beginning.) In my opinion, it is the host's responsibility to keep their tulpas happy as well. Maybe remind her that if you believe the same. I still have to remind Shaula these things even after 3 or so years. Either way, we wish you luck. 

[An Ashy Individual]

9 hours ago, Jim Liu said:

I thought we were equal... I just don't know how to convince her, because if I tell her to change her perspective, it's still the same. It'll still be like I'm ordering her around.

The problem is that for now you genuinely aren't equal.

You have much more agency, experience, and independence than she does. In addition to that you functionally dump your emotions on her (and vice versa) because she feels your emotions at all times.

My recommendation stays the same as before - give her more things to do and choices to make, such as letting her decide what to read/watch in your free time and eventually helping her find an (online) friend group, offering her to pick hobbies she likes, etc.

Wanting to be there for your headmate(s) is great, but shouldn't be the only thing someone is focusing on and whatnot.

 

Edit: You could also try to get her to develop more by making her think about complicated or emotional things. This isn't really something I'd recommend with a lot of people though.

bunnymustdie also recently made a nice post about how to deal with self-worth problems, which could maybe help:

Beyond that, you could potentially also just try to make yourself feel better (physically or mentally) to make Bronie have less things to deal with, or indulge in nice things with her, such as good food or saunas or sleeping in.

Just generally put yourself into her position and look for what you would like being done for you. She can't take on a role beneath you if you accept making her happy as your duty, too.

 

Edited December 4, 2025 by An Ashy Individual