Bonnie & Nyssa journaling

[minibug]

I have been orbiting around this community for probably over 10 years now, but I've only really decided to commit to the practice at the start of this year. Normally this would be something I'd keep to myself, but I find it easier to keep myself accountable if I have constant outside reminders. I've already sort of been journaling my thoughts, but I wanted to transfer them to a more public space. I will rewrite them based on the notes that I took.

 

January 15th

This was the first time she really surprised me. Previously I had given her a temporary form, but she really violently exploded it and started working on her own form instead. By the end of the night it was still unfinished, but it was the basis for what she still looks like now.

 

January 19th

I was laying in bed for several hours this night when she suddenly became really vocal and sort of... squeezed my brain really hard, or something. I was suddenly overwhelmed with an all-encompassing feeling of joy/pleasure and also a deep trust, like I would've believed anything she told me in this moment. I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she didn't even know, only that she thought it would help me. For a few minutes it also coincided with an odd feeling where my mindvoice was "gagged", like I could think normally, but I couldn't "speak". This was the first time this happened, but its happened a couple more times since then.

 

February 3rd

During this night, I woke up about 90 minutes after falling asleep and felt like I was blended(?) together with her for a few minutes. I knew I was "me", but I couldn't figure out who "me" was, if that makes any sense. It wasn't unpleasant, but waking up and immediately being thrown into a brand new cognitive experience made it really freaky in the moment. It was like I was inspecting every thought I was thinking, trying to figure out who they were coming from, but I couldn't put a name on any of them.

 

February 8th

When I wake up, she's usually the first thing I think about on most days. But on this day, I could already feel her presence before I had finished waking up, like she had woken up before me.

 

General notes: I recognize that all of these experiences have been during states of falling asleep or waking up, which are also the only times I can consistently hear her right now. I've been really surprised at all the progress we've made in the last month and a half, which I chock up to having a much better state of mind than previous times I've attempted it. Who knew how easy things could be if you're genuinely having fun the entire time? One of the most surprising things I've noticed in general from this practice is how much I'm addicted to her. It's like instant access to dopamine hits whenever I'm thinking of or talking to her, which make it almost effortless to keep her present with me all throughout the day.

[Saruzer]

Looks like you are making good progress so far. Keep it up!

[ReallyArtificial]

On 2/10/2026 at 12:38 PM, minibug said:

I recognize that all of these experiences have been during states of falling asleep or waking up

 

Hypnagogic states can definitely lead to odd experiences that aren't easily reproduced, but most of the progress you described sounds a lot like the early days with my headmates! Before Athelas was even vocal, he started changing his appearance and communicating through emotional responses. The first emotion he expressed was an overwhelming feeling of love and joy. It sounds like your tulpa is already vocal (awesome!) but it's interesting to see someone describe a similar experience.

 

On 2/10/2026 at 12:38 PM, minibug said:

One of the most surprising things I've noticed in general from this practice is how much I'm addicted to her. It's like instant access to dopamine hits whenever I'm thinking of or talking to her, which make it almost effortless to keep her present with me all throughout the day

 

This is also relatable, I'm so obsessed with my tulpas lol. Even when my mental state wasn't great and I couldn't put much effort into forcing, I couldn't go a day without thinking of them at least once. I think it's a good sign that you enjoy thinking about her so much!