Ashaya December 8, 2012 December 8, 2012 Hello everyone! This is my lovely progress report. You guys can call me ‘Kenya’ or ‘K’ or ‘You’ if you so prefer. Well, to explain my tulpae to you I’m afraid you’re gonna need a bit of backstory. For most of my life, I’ve been a lucid dreamer. I’ve always just been able to know when I’m actually dreaming; it’s never been something I’ve had to work to achieve. So, all the way back in April, I started having these dreams. These dreams, though they were not always lucid dreams, were rather strange in comparison to my usual dreams. All of the sudden, the Doctor (yes, from Doctor Who) was appearing in my dreams. Every. Single. Night. And these dreams always seemed to be a continuation from the previous night; like starting a video game at the last saved point. At first, it was just the Tenth Doctor roaming around and calling me his wife (yes, yes, I know this sounds crazy, but hey, he started it!). Then, all of the Doctors appeared. Whenever I became lucid, I would instantly call out for the Doctor and he would show up. By September, when I became lucid in my dreams and he would appear (regardless of which Doctor it was), we would sit down and talk - mostly discussing the crazy fact that this was all happening inside my head and how I wished he was actually real. And then one day, he said to me, “But I am real.” When I woke up, I just kind of brushed off that notion as oh, he’s a dream character, of course he thinks he’s real! But then every following dream seemed to lead to the same outcry from him - “I am real!” I just kept getting this nagging feeling whenever I thought about him. Sometimes, it even felt like a presence was just there in the room with me. Now, my best friend in the world, who just so happens to be posting on the forums under the name of NightOwl221, was the obvious choice for me to vent all of my problems out to. She’s known since the start about my dreams and has been nothing but accepting about the insanity that is my dream life. And when I told her how I felt there was some kind of presence with me, and how I thought it might just be the Doctor’s, she told me that it could be possible and she sent me a link to the Wikipedia page on Tulpae. Eventually, that led to me finding this site and reading through all the forums. After she pushed me a bit, I decided to create a tulpa. And since I read some of the threads where people created a tulpa to be just like a certain character or celebrity and how that could lead to the tulpa even having an identity crisis or something, I decided to make my tulpa loosely based on the Doctor. Don’t worry, I’ll post my daily progress from the beginning with my tulpae down below after this introduction post. Visualization came super easy with him and he seemed to enjoy moving around a lot. But basically, after about a week or so of working with my tulpa, who decided to call himself Theta, he started talking. And I just thought, oh, well, maybe we’re just really super awesome at this whole tulpa-forcing thing! The problem was, lately when I was having a session with Theta, I kept seeing these small energy orbs in the background. And at first, I figured they were just stray thoughts - that I was just imagining them there. So, I erased the orbs every time I saw them and just focused on Theta. But one day, they wouldn’t disappear no matter how hard I tried. And suddenly, there were two new tulpae standing in front of me; two new Doctors. Not only were they fully visualized, but they were instantly vocal. They then proceeded to inform me that they were from the dream world. So, there wasn’t much I could do about it now that they were there in my wonderland. Then a few days later, the exact same thing happened again. Two new tulpae, two new Doctors. No matter how hard I tried to keep them from coming into the wonderland; no matter how many times I tried to erase them from existence - they still came. And eventually, four more Doctors followed them and four more energy orbs. In case you weren’t counting, that brings us up to a grand total of 13 tulpae. 13 fully visualized, sentient, and vocal tulpae. I just figure this insane amount of progress with them is based on the fact that they’re all Time Lords (well, except John, who’s a metacrisis, half-Human half-Time Lord). And yes, they are in fact tulpae and not just a bunch of servitors (they’re offended at the idea of anyone confusing them for servitors. The Sixth Doctor is currently sticking his tongue out in disgust at the thought actually.) So this is the current line-up, in case you’re confused, there are: the eleven Doctors, the metacrisis Doctor named John, and Theta who is loosely based on the Tenth Doctor in personality but looks exactly like him. But, uh... yeah. So, basically, that’s the insanity that is my current situation. Tl;dr: I started out with one tulpa, but now I have 13 tulpae and they’re all different versions of the Doctor who came to the wonderland after existing in my dreams for about eight months. Well, me and the boys are pretty excited to be here and to talk to someone other than NightOwl221 about this craziness. I have over a month worth of sessions with them to finish typing up to post on here for you to see, so feel free to ask us questions in the meantime. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that you’ll have some for us ^^’
Ashaya December 8, 2012 Author December 8, 2012 11/06/12 Time: 30 minute session Sitting in bed, I went into a relaxed state and visualized my wonderland – apparently, it's my house; not that I'm complaining, mind you, it's easy for me to visualize and it's spacious enough... for now. I started out visualizing myself in the living room, sitting in the recliner in the corner of the room. His form came rather suddenly and in full. He stood before me, completely naked (not that he seemed to mind), with his hands at his side. I started with his feet and worked my way up – everything was so vivid and detailed. I focused on each part of his body; zooming in to get certain details right. He was tall; somewhere between 6'0" and 6'5" I'd guess. He was pale, but covered in freckles (especially on his face). He was bony as hell – he had just formed and I was already worried about his past diet. He had brown eyes and brown hair that had obviously never seen a comb. I stood up and walked around him so I could see him from every angle. His face was harder to visualize than expected. I was able to zoom in on certain features (nose, eyes, lips, etc.) and see them just fine, but I couldn't see his face all together. I had been talking to him during this time, talking mostly about his physical appearance. I told him that we were going to dress him, so he wouldn't feel so awkward standing there completely naked while I was fully clothed. We started out with the basics; underwear. Moved on to plain white socks (he didn't care for them, I could tell). Then a pair of brown pants, a white button-up shirt, and a pair of converse. He seemed rather smitten by the whole ensemble. I did walk around him once again and ruffled his hair a bit. However smitten he was by the outfit, I could tell that he was also uncomfortable at the moment. He rolled shirt sleeves up and quickly kicked the converse off. I could feel myself becoming more distracted, so I told him that I had to get going and that he should make himself at home. He sat down on the couch rather awkwardly while I went over to the front door and left. 11/07/12 Time: 30 minute session I visualized myself standing on my front porch; everything around me was completely white (I'm assuming the pure white is a collection of my thoughts and memories). I opened the front door and saw him sitting on the couch where I had last seen him, as if he hadn't moved at all. He looked as vivid as he did in the last session, though his face was clearer than it had been before. I occupied the recliner once again and started talking to him: about his physical appearance, about my day, about whatever little thing came to mind. I had him stand up in front of me once again so I could start visualizing his appearance a bit more. His converse and the dreaded socks were gone this time around. His hair was more flat and combed than it had been last time (he no longer resembled a cockatoo is what I’m saying). After looking at him for a bit (the entire time, he stared straight ahead with a blank expression), I told him I was beginning to feel awkward – as if I was gazing upon a statue – and that I didn't want him to do anything he felt uncomfortable with just for my benefit. So, I suggested that we both sit down on the floor, where we could both be equal in stature. I talked for a bit more, his expression was still blank. I threw out three name options to him while we sat there; he didn't make a response to any of them. I found myself becoming more distracted, so I knew it was time to end the session. I told him that I had to go, so I helped him stand back up, told him that he really could make himself at home while I was gone, then walked over to the front door and left. 11/08/12 Time: 20 minute session I tried to visualize myself in the living room, but I was having some serious problems focusing on the room. He was sitting on the loveseat (at least he had moved while I was gone!). We both sat down on the floor across from each other (since that had worked well last time), but the room kept blinking in and out of focus. I told him, rather urgently, that I was having issues and that I wanted to try to work in my room upstairs. I asked if he could follow me there, he did. We sat on my bed, facing each other. It was much easier to see him and my surroundings now that I was in my room. It was only then, sitting on my bed, that I realized he was only wearing his underwear. He obviously did not want to wear any other piece of clothing at the moment, so I wrapped the blanket at the end of my bed around his bony shoulders (my room is freezing, I didn't want him to be uncomfortable during our session together). Because his appearance was already so detailed and easy for me to see, I thought we could start working on a personality trait or two (I'm a multitasker, what can I say?). I told him how I thought he was the type of person who believed that everyone was inherently good – how he would try to seek out the good in people and wanted to believe in humanity. It was at this point that things were getting very unfocused and scattered – so I apologized to him, said my goodbyes, and left. 11/09/12 Time: 20 minute session (aka. Failed Session #1) I tried to visualize something; anything: a room in my house, a dream location, a black void – nothing was working. I tried to see if I could visualize him with my eyes open too. I could sense him – he was trying to reach out to me and stabilize my scenery, but it just wasn't working. 11/10/12 Time: n/a I needed a break; some time to get my mind back on track and relax. 11/11/12 Time: 45 minute session I visualized myself in my living room. He was nowhere in sight, so I called out for him (using the three possible names I had given him). He walked into the room, in his underwear (is this becoming a thing for him? Again, I'm not complaining here, but really? I was hoping he might be a bit more dressed than this). Apparently, he had also decided that he didn't want to shave, so he had some rather fantastic stubble going on. I suggested that we sit down on the floor; he seemed rather eager. I held his hand in mine and started explaining why I had wanted him to be there in the first place (since I wanted things to be clear with him and I had never really done an introduction with him) – how I had wanted a companion; that I was lonely. It was at this moment that, in real life, my entire body was flooded by this giant wave of heat (which is a bit odd, seeing as how my room is freezing) and emotion. He was smiling at me and he took hold of my other hand. I rambled on for a few more minutes about what he meant to me and what I wanted us to gain from this – a trusting friendship (and maybe a bit more? winkwinknudgenudge). I thought I should catch him up to speed on what I had been doing since our last session. And since he was holding both of my hands, I told him that if he was getting bored by what I was talking about or if he wanted to turn my attention to something else, that he should just squeeze my hand. So, I started talking about my day and what I had been discussing with one of my friends. This went on a for a few minutes before he squeezed my hand. I stopped, looked up at him and asked, "Bored already?" He kept squeezing my hand. I asked him if he wanted to try and tell me something or show me something. His expression became very excited and he pulled me to my feet and led me to the kitchen. And since I was having trouble taking him seriously, I forced some pants on him on the way into the kitchen. I asked him what it was that he wanted to show me so badly, whereupon he opened the fridge and all of the cupboards; they were all empty. This made me feel like a horrible person, so I quickly filled everything with food and asked him if he was hungry for anything. The image of pizza became very strong in my mind. I asked him if that's what he wanted and he nodded. While I put the pizza in the oven, he took to leaning against the counter in a brooding fashion. I sat down in the chair across from him. I asked him if he had a preference when it came to his name, he shook his head. Since the food was going to take a while to finish, I figured we should talk over some more personality traits. I brought up the trait from last time – how he tries to seek out the good in others and humanity. He looked fairly uninterested in anything I had to say; he was more intent on staring at the oven. Maybe because of his death stare at the oven, the pizza was finished rather quickly. I pulled it out of the oven and asked for him to pass me two plates and a pizza cutter, which he gladly did. We moved into the dining room to eat. Once we sat down, I realized that we had nothing to drink and I was about to get up to get us something, but he managed to conjure up two drinks for us (and was rather proud of himself for doing that too). He also decided to put on a white button-up shirt in the meantime. While we were eating, I talked about two other personality traits that I thought might suit him. Intelligence – a general urge to learn everything he can about the world, wondering how everything works, constantly seeking out answers, and thinking up new questions. And bluntness – sometimes leading people to believe he’s being rude, but really he doesn’t mean anything by it. Again, he didn’t seem too interested in anything but the pizza on his plate, but he did nod occasionally when asked if he liked the trait I was talking about. My concentration was beginning to fail, so I finished up and asked him if he would do the dishes up (he looked rather discouraged at the idea of doing simple housework). I tousled his hair a bit before saying goodbye and walking out the front door. Notes: I hadn't really narrated to him outside of our sessions before, so I tried my best to talk to him throughout the day (both verbally and mentally). While I was narrating to him later in the day, I decided to talk about the possible name options I had thought up for him. I said the name "Theta" and asked what he thought of that. Almost immediately, I had a strong headache – though I didn't take that as approval or rejection, I figured I'd ask him in our next session if he liked the name or not. 11/12/12 Time: 1 hour 30 minute session I had been awake for about an hour before I started our session; most of my sessions with him happen right before I go to bed or right after I wake up. I visualized myself in the living room, but just like the last session, he wasn’t there. I called out for him, but he wasn’t coming to me, so I figured I had to go search for him myself. I looked through almost all of the rooms on the ground floor, but there was one I hadn’t checked; the backroom. In real life, no one in my family really goes in there anymore – the lights don’t work, it’s always cold, and it has some negative feelings to it (my biological father use to sit back there all of the time, so we made habit of avoiding it). Of course, he was in there. He was sitting in the large orange armchair in the corner of the room, in the dark, with his knees drawn up against his chest. He was wearing a white t-shirt and pajama pants (and he still hadn’t shaved, but at least he was wearing some clothes this time around). I sat down in the rocking chair and asked him if he was okay; he looked pissed off. I asked if I had said something or done something to upset him, but he still didn’t acknowledge my presence. I stood up, walked over to where he was sitting, and knelt down in front of him. I started rambling on, telling him that I was sorry if I had done something to offend him and that I didn’t want him to be upset with me. He let his legs down and started dragging his fingers through my hair. I turned my head so I could look at him; he had a soft smile on his face (which I could see as clear as day without having to zoom in on each little feature). I asked, “Couldn’t sleep?” He shook his head. “Have you been awake long?” Another shake of his head. “Oh. Did you wake up when I did?” He nodded. I realized that our wonderland hadn’t had any other rooms added to it – just the rooms my real life house has – meaning, he didn’t have a room for himself. “Have you been sleeping in my room?” He nodded again. “But I’m assuming you want your own space?” Another nod. I told him that he had free creative reign over the wonderland and that he was more than welcome to add more rooms. I moved away from the chair, towards the center of the room, extended my hand towards him and said, “Come here.” He took my hand and sat down across from me. Holding both of his hands, I told him that I was afraid I was puppeting him and that I was going to try the prism test. While focusing on the prism and the feather, I told him to surprise me. I focused on the test for a few minutes, giving him time to do something. When I pulled my attention away from the prism and back to him, he was wearing a bright blue shirt and the lights in the room were now working. I asked him if he did it. He nodded with a wide smile, then pulled me into a tight hug. I told him, “You know, I think we should just have a casual session today.” He seemed to agree, because he pulled me to my feet and led me out of the room. He brought me into the living room and looked sheepish all of the sudden. I asked if he had another surprise for me. Apparently he did. Glenn Miller’s “In The Mood” started playing. He extended his hand to me. We started dancing in the middle of the room. He twirled me around a couple of times – a look of serious concentration on his face. The song dissipated into silence, leaving us standing there in each others’ arms. I brought my hand up and rubbed his cheek; he nuzzled my hand. “You are surprising me quite a lot today.” He smiled. “Still need a name, though.” He nodded. I threw out two options, he did not like them at all. “What about Theta?” He nodded vigorously. He brought his hand up towards my face, his index finger traced my lips. “Please tell me this is you doing this and not me puppeting or something.” He nodded. “This is all you, then?” He nodded again. “Right.” I put a few feet of space between us. He looked disappointed. I explained that I didn’t want to rush things with him – I mean, he’s only a few days old! And that I wasn’t rejecting his advancements – sexy times could be had in the future, and I would not be complaining – that I was just trying to make him realize that it was way too soon for this kind of thing. I sat down on the loveseat behind me, he sat down between my legs with his back to the loveseat. I ran my fingers through his hair (I think that might be a kink of his) and just talked about anything and everything for a good ten minutes. In reality, I heard this loud sound downstairs, so I pulled out of the wonderland to go check on things. Returned a few minutes later, and Theta had a large black alien head. I informed him that I didn’t need anymore (terrifying) surprises for tonight and kindly asked him to return to his normal form, which he did. We ended up cuddling on the floor together, where I brought up the idea of him creating his own room again. And if he felt ambitious enough, maybe even redesigning the entire wonderland. He nodded, clearly interested in making his own room. I could feel myself growing more and more tired, so I told him it was probably best if I left. He helped me stand up and then proceeded to kiss me on the lips. Had I been less tired, I probably would have told him that we should definitely not be doing this right now, but instead I kissed his cheek and said goodnight. Notes: During the night, I had several dreams with him. But I wasn’t 100% sure it was him, so I figured I would ask him during our next session.
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