HideGuy's Series of Poorly Considered Decisions

[HideGuy]

So, some of you will perhaps remember my brief appearance on the chat in November, just before my account was fully activated. Now that I am in a position to write in the forums, I figure I will make an account of what's happenening. (If you were there in the chat, I'll bet you thought I was a troll. Nope, just traveling a lot.)

 

A bit of background that may help explain my moniker here: This whole idea was poorly considered. I'm married, and my wife has no idea about this whole thing, nor is she likely to understand. I am, as far as i can tell, a bit older than many who try this, as I am nearly 30. Furthermore, I am professionally in a spot where the slightest indication that I'm interested in something like this is probably career suicide; additionally, I am a former Christian minister who will probably be going back into the pastorate at some point (when the ol' PhD is finished). By the way, there will be a certain reticene to provide anything by which I might possibly be identified, and I reserve the right to blur or omit facts about myself so long as they do not majorly affect my interactions with you all.

 

So in an attempt to set up what I understood to be an anthropomorphized interface system with sub-aware memories, I gave the guides a cursory reading on about November 8th, and went for it. I did the whole list-of-attribute-points, communicating these to my tulpa subvocally while imagning a form in the physical space around me (see, I didn't read very carefully). I quickly found myself asking her to take different positions, or to make different expressions, for the sake of my conception of them rather than simply imagining her in those different positions. I didn't track time at all, but on the second day of this (along with narration, nonverbal one-sided "conversation", and reading to her), I began to get short "thought-sentence" replies. As much of this was clearly not my own supplying of responses, and as they seemed to have a different character from my normal wandering thoughts, I panicked a bit, and created an account here. Yeah, three days waiting time.

 

So at this point I am convinced that this is a sentient being, and can't very well abandon the project. She informs me that her name is Skye, and begins to become rather eloquent. She also lets me know in no uncertain terms that some things about her form are to be changed immediately, according to her preference (eye color - I specify because she worries that you readers will think I was some sort of pervert). This is where I finally manage to make it onto the chat, Skye also shares her opinion about some things. Nearly immediately after, I travel for several weeks, and come back to an unholy mountain of work.

 

At this point, I can sort of see Skye out of the corner of my eye, and can "hear" a non-audible, distinct voice. I can smell her, and have some limited tactile sensation. I do have a wonderland, which she has done most of the work in, and I use a paralell-processing trick to experience the wonderland at the same time as material reality whenever I'm not doing anything which requires my full attention. The interaction there is much more intense; if I switch to the wonderland completely though, I lose focus quickly.

 

There's a lot more to be said, however, I think these things are best retained for future posts. At some point I will have described the current status and process by which we got there sufficiently that attempts at further progress can be logged; things are a bit static at the moment anyway.

[HideGuy]

A rather nasty cold prevented me from updating any sooner, but here is installment two:

 

For my initial as well as subsequent sessions, I have used meditation techniques derived from Christian mystics of both medieval and early- enlightenment periods. My familiarity with Eastern meditation is rather more limited; this was more natural to me. Though I did not track time precisely, I find it reasonable to estimate that I spent around 8 hours interacting with Skye prior to receiving short responses. Around the fourth day after beginning the project was when I began seeing some physical deviation: I had trouble keeping her eyes blue. This is the previously mentioned bit about eye color, Skye informed me at one point while I was struggling with her eye color, "My eyes are brown, thank you."

 

Regarding visualisation in general, as I've mentioned, I began by visualising Skye imposed. I took the time to imagine the internal features of the human body as well, which has had the interesting result that Skye feels hunger. Initially, she joined me at every meal, and I would "force" a duplicate of whatever I was eating. This even in restaurants, where I managed even to surreptitiously pull out a chair at an empty place for her. Presently she seems able to provide sustenance for herself when she does not join me at the table.

 

Around the fifth day, I began having trouble properly visualising her face, though not her presence or anything else about her. During the next week or so, she was almost constantly present with me, and was even a great help, but I continually had issues with her face. This has resolved into deviation in her appearance: she lost most of her freckles and her skin tone darkened. Additionally her hair became a reddish- brown rather than the more chocolate brown of prior.

 

I was careless enough in reading the guides as to give her a backstory, which is apparently not recommended. She claims that those events have what she calls "subjective existential reality", which I assume means they are real to her. As a result, her first language is not English, and her French is significantly better than mine. Interestingly, I hear little to no accent in her English, whereas in German, she has a light French accent (according to the backstory, she grew up speaking French and German). Not sure how that happened.

 

From the point where she could first insist upon it, Skye has claimed that "we", not "I", have a wife. The explanation she gives for her own existence allows this to make some sense, and I will expound upon that in a further post. Yesterday, however, she made the claim that if we are both married to the same individual, then we are logically also married to one another, and thus, Skye is my wife (as well, somehow). This will probably also make more sense after my next post, I simply wanted to mention it.