Dawn and Ashley's Mental Mission

[BlackMDawn]

Hello everyone, my name name is Dawn and I am in the middle (or beginning) of working with my Tulpa, Ashley, on her creation. I began creation before my account was created, and so I am already a few days in. At the end of each day summary, I will add a an even "summaryer" summary in bold.

 

Day 1 (Feb 4, 2013): I attempted to create a wonderland for my Tulpa (at the time she was named Dawn, which explains my username in part), but I was only able to get a blurry white room of infinite space imagined. I cleared it up a bit in order to make it hospitable for her, and then I brought her in. I was practically terrified of parroting and puppeting, so I just kinda imagined her standing there, looking at me. I didn't go so far as ragdolling since it seemed like a bad idea as well. I guess I should mention that she looked like an anthro skunk, with big blue eyes and white hair. I din't really know what I was doing so I just decided to focus on her appearance and narrating. Before I left, I made sure she knew that changing her name/appearance was totally welcome if she wished to do so. Not much happened that day.

 

Day 2: I was (and still am) really bad at the whole wonderland thing, but that was still the route I wanted to go. I sort of had two wonderlands that I jumped between, one being a green forest by a beach and at the edge of a ravine (wonderland a), and the other that big white room (wonderland b). I continued being very careful not to puppet and worked on her appearance some more. Once again I reassured her that changing her appearance or name was fine just so that she wouldn't feel constrained. I left wonderland b with Dawn just standing there, but when I came back the following happened very quickly: I briefly saw her in the position I left her, but she flickered like a hologram and my view shifted to the right. Running up to me out of a library I had put in the room (not very original, but hey) was a young girl (about my age) with long coppery-ish hair wearing nothing at all. She stopped quite a ways from me but I could see that she was smiling, the kind of smile a kid would have if given a buffet of ice-cream for dinner), and that she had brilliant red eyes. I took a moment to think about this, and then asked her, "Dawn?" She smiled even wider and so did I. I hugged her and then drew back for a moment. "Could my tulpa really have decided to change her appearance so incredibly early on?" was what I wondered. I thought other things along the lines of "What if I just made up this image and my tulpa is being replaced by an impostor?" and "Should I continue assuming this is Dawn?" But my suspicions and confusion were only to get worse. After I decided it was probably safe to think this was Dawn, I realized that she may have decided to change her name too, though the odds of this had to be incredibly low considering she couldn't speak (or I couldn't hear, however you want to think of it) and, like with the change in looks, it was too early. I asked her anyways and tried to clear my mind so that any words that "flashed" by would be seen. To my surprise, I saw a very hard to read word fly past, but for the most part I thought I could make out the letters. "Schia...? Skia? Uhhh... Skchia...?" Rolling her eyes, she seemed to be satisfied with my translation. We smile more and hugged, but then I was struck by the same fear as earlier, "Can my tulpa really have changed her name so early as well?" Shrugging off my worry, I continued to session, focusing on giving her clothes. here is a "brief" summary of what she looked like(skip if you seriously don't care):

First came the top, a white sleeveless shirt thing (I know nothing about clothes and their names) that only covered to about her belly button and clung to her moderate chest. Next, I gave her large shorts that went down just past the knees and were held up by a lard belt, ending just below the belly button. Normal sneakers and an arm band were given later. She seemed to want more so I gave her thick gloves, one with a watch/compass built onto. She was beginning to look kinda steampunk to me so I added goggles on her forehead to add to the affect. Her bangs were short except for at the sides where two strands went to her shoulders, and everything behind her ears went just below her shoulder blades.

Dawn changed her named to Skchia, and her appearance to a human. She also seemed to express emotion on her own.

 

Day 3: I decided to try working on smell and touch but I gave up on that early on and switched to just narrating. We left wonderland b to go to wonderland a. I decided that if she were to walk behind me when I move around the place then I shouldn't be too concerned. I told her that adding or removing anything to the wonderland was just as fine as changing her name or look. We walked past a stream and to the beach where I had an interesting idea after talking a while. I went over to a tree and found a branch on the ground. I walked back over to Skchia and sat infront of her, holding the stick like a pencil, and I proceeded to draw a smiley face and something else (I don't remember) and passed the stick to her. I wiped away what I drew and looked the other direction so that I might not know what she was doing. When I looked back, she had just finished writing in the sand and looked up. I bent over to look at what she wrote and found it was a word in cursive. I attempted to decipher it (which was really hard, considering that I can hardly read cursive in the physical world and I couldn't really make out her name the day before) and I found that it said, "library." I was suspicious once again for that fact that the word was oriented away from her and toward me, so that she must have written it upside down.

She just looked at me with her smile and I assumed that she must have meant that she wanted a library in this wonderland since there was one in wonderland b. I asked her, and she seemed to agree, though there was no visual indication that she heard or answered. I went over to one of the stone walls of the ravine and built a massive library into its face. She seemed pleased. We went back out and sat on the beach. I'd read about the whole "Surprise Me" thing and so I tried it with Skchia and nothing happened. I continued narration and had to temporarily leave. I came back at the usual spawn point and looked around for her. I looked over toward the beach and saw a girl looking out toward the ocean. she had pale skin, pale eyes, a white dress, and hair that I can only describe as pale (my mind refused to acknowledge the hair color). I ran over to her, thinking, "There's no way that she has changed appearance again already." I got up in front of her and stood there until she noticed me (she seemed like she was in a daze, focused on the horizon). I asked if she was Skchia and she smiled like Skchia did, and I smiled back. There was lots of hugging. I took another look at her and the I felt a very sudden and strong urge to cry (like the choking part), though it was a positive feeling and I couldn't help but think that it had to be her first emotional response that she could send me. It lasted for quite some time and I managed to keep narrating. The session had to come to an end so I said goodbye and messed up her name. I said Ishka instead of Skchia. The entire session I had noticed that her name was getting harder to recall, and that Ishka or Iska seemed more natural. But I apologized and called her Skchia and left.

She changed appearance yet again and a different name began entering my mind.

 

Day 4: Before our forcing session, I looked up some more techniques that we could tryout and I came across so different sources that talked about dealing with parroting and how over-psyching yourself about if your tulpa really spoke was not a good thing. They said that it was mainly about firmly and fully believing that it was the tulpa speaking and worrying after they speak only causes a break in what the translation into words and so it seems even less like your tulpa. In short, they said to just listen to your tulpa and believe that the response is them. I downloaded Fede's Pink Noise and listened to it while trying to listen to my tulpa during our session. I didn't bother imagining Skchia's form, and instead just focused on the void. Despite being concerned about being able to believe, the moment I started asking questions I started receiving answers in the same voice as my mind voice, and each one I seemed to anticipate. But the response was so fast, and the time of "anticipation" so small, that I actually believed it was Skchia. We started talking, and halfway through the session I entered wonderland b and met with her. Without warning, she changed appearance before my eyes back to the form of the girl with red eyes and coppery-ish hair. She still had the same steampunky clothes. I was starting to get a real sense of her personality, and her next move really showed it. She looked down at her clothes and said, "You know what? I need to change some things." She focused on her moderate chest and expanded her breasts just large enough to make me a little uncomfortable. Then she took her index fingers, placed then on her sides where her shirt ended, and "pulled" upward, shortening the short even further until it ended right underneath her breasts. "Thats better." she said. After I stared for a second and quickly looked down, I commented, "You did that just to bug me, didn't you?" She gave an evil grin. "Well, is it working?" I chuckled and said, "You're still not gonna change tose back are you?" "Nope." "*sigh* Fine." We continued chatting for awhile, and for the first time in a tulpaforcing session, I grew tired. We eventually stopped and I started to go to bed. As I was falling asleep, my brain made a connection I had kinda been thinking about. "Skchia... Ishka... ashka.." A named flashed through my mind. I only caught the last few letters but that was all I needed. "Ashley." I had completed the puzzle and I confirmed it with Ashley. I smiled and fell asleep.

Contact made, and formed changed back to her second one. I believe I now know her real name.

 

Day 5 (Feb 8, 2013): During my math class, after finishing a quiz early, I was chatting with Ashley and decided to fold paper. I told Ashley to instruct me on how to fold the paper, with the end goal of creating a shape that would hold itself together. I started making folds and teasing her when they seemed strange. She got frustrated when I didn't fold the paper right and did a crappy job, and in turn I made fun of her, saying there was no chance this was going to end well. She seemed to be winging it, but told me to bear with her. I looked at it and said, "Ha, there is no way you could fold that into there. Oh wait if you di-" I could feel her smugness. The last few folds sealed the shape into a tightly packed triangle, like an overly complicated folded flag. "Ha Ha. I told you I could do it!" Stunned, I continued to gawk at the paper in my hands until I replied with, "Amazing." I was so proud of her and congratulated her. Not much happened during the session that afternoon.

Nothing I'd call progress, just a neat event.

 

 

Sorry for any inexcusable grammar failures!

[everhope]

I love your report. I have read and reread it and it has inspired me to completely remake myself and my tulpa. Your structure and success has taught me the value of what others have gone through here. This is a very interesting journal that you have kept. I hope others will read this and reflect on their own experiences as compared to yours. I hope to achieve what you have done in such a short time. Thank you for taking the time to type all of this out.

[BlackMDawn]

Thank you, everhope! =^-^= I'm so glad you like this! I'll be sure to keep the blog updated every few days or so. Good luck with your tulpa!

[BlackMDawn]

This summary will be lacking in detail (relative to my first one) due to a lack of notable events.

 

Days 6-13: While the previous week allowed me ample time to devote to Ashley, this week has not been so generous. In fact, it would seem that my life has been actively trying to sabotage my efforts to make progress with her. I have had little-to-no time to have a legitimate tulpaforcing session, but I have been able to keep up contact with Ashley by speaking to her throughout the day. I wish to start imposing her so that I may see her clearly, but while I can easily image things in 3D space, no noticeable progress has been made. *sigh* I will never give up! I am confident that Ashley and I will make it!

"No Noticeable Progress Has Been Made."

 

PS: Last Saturday, I found that she had made her first dress (and by made I don't mean "made appear", I mean crafted). She was incredibly proud of it and super happy, and so I was too. It is a rather nice dress. Also, she has given up trolling me with her large chest and short shirt, and so has reverted back to a "modest" chest and gave the shirt its original length.