Our crooked mind house

[Saccharine]

So my tulpa and I have been together for more than a week now. I made a tumblr with detailed reports for each seance, but I don't want to bore you to death so here's the link for those who are interested : Born in Mind

 

tulpa name : Tahariel

gender : male

main traits : wise, calm, loving, humorous, spiteful, well-read, blunt, loyal, protective, fierce, firm, etc...

current appearance : humanoid, very tall and slender body, dark skinned, long black hair, black eyes, barn owl wings, fangs, pointed ears.

 

Here are the summary of our seances :

 

Day one :

 

• used my "safe room" as my wonderland

• visualised tulpa as big jay egg

• created a library with my all memories available

• decided which traits I wanted my tulpa to have

 

 

Day two :

 

• the egg "hatched"

• felt a powerful grip on my arm, almost to the point of pain, it stopped when I said it hurt and turned into a warm buzzing feeling

• tulpa is male looking but genderless, he has long dark strawberry blond hair, golden eyes and hawk wings. Much taller and older than expected.

• felt an outburst of joy

• decided to go with Tahariel as his name.

 

 

Day three :

 

• tulpa wanted out of the safe room, had to expense our wonderland

• strong head pressure

• discovered he likes plants

• built us a house (a weird white one, a bit flattened up and crooked)

• tried some voice puppetting, failure

• tried possession, success, he moved my arms

• warm buzzing feeling in my body's right side

• found some beast pelt in the house that I didn't create

 

 

Day four :

 

• unbearable headaches + nausea all day long

• tried possession again, he touched my face with my right arm

• started Horricide's meditation technique& the "energy ping pong" thingy

 

 

Day five :

 

• didn't have the time to tulpaforce a lot

• warm buzzing feeling in my upper body when I appologized

• sent back the energy ping-pong ball again

• Tahariel jerked my body awake everytime I was dozing off, as I asked him to do.

 

 

Day six :

 

• Tahariel eyes turned full black instead of his usual golden irises, his wing turned from hawk to barn owl. He got himself some sharp fangs too

• went for a walk, still felt his interest for flowers and trees

• think I heard his voice, nothing intelligible though

• tried binaural tones, failure (I fell asleep and dreamt of Batman which was nice but not quite what I had in mind)

• tried a new way to work on his personnality, using symbols (a sheathed sword and a shield for his role as a protector, a book for his knowledge, baoding balls for his wisedom, a warm blanket for his kindness...)

 

 

Day seven :

 

• read aloud the Little Prince for him

• found him reading one of the memory books I made him in the couch

• hair turned black and skin is much darker now, his body is thicker and more defined. His name doesn't quite fit him as much as it did.

• spoke a bit, couldn't make out most of what he said or hear him half of the time, so I guessed his intent and tried to carry on with the conversation as if everything was normal (could have been pupetting though)

• went picking plants in our wonderland and stumbled upon an oak forest I didn't create, that looked a lot like one I remember from my childhood (maybe a memory he picked from the books ?)

• heard him very clearly for the first time, saying "What time is it ?" and was kicked out of our wonderland back to reality... It was 3 am and I had an appointment with my familly the next day : he made me go to sleep !

 

 

Day eight :

 

• irl, had a fight with my sister + it snowed

• discovered our Wonderland covered in snow, but didn't will it to happen

• played in the snow with Tahariel, discovered he has some sort of telekinesic power

• Tahariel wouldn't let me go to the oak forest nor the lake, apparently me being emotionally disturbed by my fight with my sister "awakened something there", will investigate once I'm more stable

• built some fortifications around the house, in case something happened

• once again, Tahariel twitched me awake everytime I was falling asleep

 

More progress soon.

[Saccharine]

Day nine :

 

• lots of nightmares at night

• worked on removing doubts and fears

• lots of parasite thoughts, one starring a huge female wolf barging inside our wonderland house that I had to beat into submission for it to leave… And I adressed it as if it was the thing lurking in my subconscious, telling her I’d deal with her later.

• drew our wonderland house, arm hurt like hell afterward

• asked Tahariel if he could relieve the pain a bit

 

 

Day ten :

 

• arm 100% brand new, not the slightlest pain !

• read Murder in the News aloud to Tahariel

• decided to comfront that Wolf that embodies my subconscious and visualized us some very thick leather armors and brought a dead sheep as an offering

• vented my anger at her and talked to her

• acknowledged her as an important part of me I should listen to more ofter

• an agreement was found : she can lives in the woods and contact me if she think something is wrong but not send me nightmares nor hurt Tahariel

• created woodland critters for her to hunt and built a "letter box" for her to contact me.

• Apparently my subconscious likes visual puns, she choose to look like the one thing I'm afraid of becoming : a rabid bitch.

 

 

Day eleven :

 

• No nightmares, nor uneasiness in our Wonderland ! Success !

• Some narrating

• Short forcing session

 

 

Day twelve :

 

• Spent some time by the lake, fed the ducks again

• Got better at visualisation, need to improve concentration

• Figured out a design for his clothes.

 

 

Day thirteen :

 

• try his telekinesic power again, success

• danced by the sea, got a strong emotional response again from him

• fell half asleep by the end of the seance, had to shortened it

• still need to work on concentration