Of Mice and Stix

[Stix]

So i'm finally doing this, huh? Well, first and foremost I want to say that i'll be trying to take this easy, that means no hour counts, no timers, no stressing out if my tulpa doesn't grow vocal within a reasonable time. This is something I want to do, and deep down I really don't want to screw up or something, but I finally realized that the only way to screw up is to go into it thinking that you'll screw up. Through reading various posts (all the experienced people seem to think this) and PR's i've learned that this is a very individual thing, and you can't really fail this unless you do something really dumb, and I consider myself to be of at least normal intelligence! I've read most of the relavent guides on the forum (skipping over things like imposition, posession, other advanced things simply because I won't need that information for a good while) and I think i'm ready to take the first step. Now then, what will I actually be doing? Well, i'm not gonna' do the conventional lecture method for personality, instead i'm going to be associating each trait with an object, and then focus energy and meaning into that object, then letting my tulpa absorb the item, then explain the meaning of the trait further, giving various situations and examples of how my tulpa would put this trait into use. For name, i'm just calling my tulpa Other right now, i'll think of a real name later, same for form, I won't be doing that until i'm done with personality.

 

I'm not sure whether I want Other to be a male or female, to be honest I don't care so much, i've already decided I don't want Other to take on a realistic form. I want the form to be more similar to that of an anime, but more stylized, something that would really stand out, perhaps thicker outlines, hmm, not sure yet. I'll be narrating once I finish the fifth trait. Now, a little about me, now, I don't want to go into too many details because to be honest i'm not an interesting person. Basically, i'm in my late teens, homeschooled because i'm a very sick person, have many illnesses which prevent me from going to school regularly, I have no friends mainly because everyone around me are too simple-minded (don't think of the big picture, too concerned with dumb pop-culture and stupid inside jokes to think of anything of worth.) I spend most of my time on the computer, studying, playing games and watching TV. I want a tulpa because I want someone that can give me constructive advice, help me through my life and also be my best friend and to a much lesser extent, rival. So, I think that's enough for now, let's get on with the first day!

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Day 1 (4-11-13)

(So much TL;DR, future updates will probably be much shorter, or not, I don't know, anyways I will put the three-sentence summary at the bottom if ye' wish to not spend three hours reading all this crap.)

 

Finished my list of traits, it's not huge and I don't plan to spend a huge amount of time on each one, but I think it'll do the job just fine!

 

Patient x

Logical x

Calm x

Serious x

Inquisitive x

Competitive

Independent

Intelligent

Ambitious

Dutiful

Persistent

Sarcastic

Aggressive

Bold

Clever

Unempathetic

Creative

Loyal

Leery

Prideful

Stoic

Outspoken

Quiet

Decisive

Closed

Elegant

Respectful

Organized

Optimistic

Affectionate

 

I started with the introductory session that seems to be reccomended in the forum, I imagined a black environment, blank in all respects, I conversed with my tulpa, whom I will refer to as 'Other' for the time being. I told Other my purpose, and why I desired his/her companionship. Within what seemed like a few minutes, I noticed a figure rise up from the darkness, a perfect outline of a human body, devoid of any sort of details that could distinguish the identity, oddly enough I never conciously willed this to happen, it just sort of...Did. I knew this was my tulpa, a shell empty of essence, for now. I continued, promising Other to be responsible and dutiful towards giving my attention. Other kept smiling at me, not a normal smile, it felt huge and looming, one that was not of approval but of extreme amusment. After I had nothing else to say, I forced a small square wooden table to rise up from the ground, sitting ontop of it was a circular, small clay bowl, brown in color. Inside was only what I can describe to be a soul, white and intangible to an extent, almost like a mist that was given proper form, tangents would form and dissipate, moving elegantly in the air, near the center was a pure white, this was the core of the soul. The soul, the essence of Other.

 

I did the first thing I thought of, placing by hands on my chest and forcing a part of my own soul out of my body, for some reason by physical body and my mental one shook slightly during the process, involuntary in every aspect. I moved my hands slowly from my chest, dragging out a white energy similar to what was inside the clay bowl. Soon I felt a resistance, as if I had ran out of slack, small strings of the white misty stuff still attached the essence with my body, I tugged hard, forcing the strings to snap, oddly enough I didn't feel anything besides a slight tingle near my head and chest. I slowly lowered my essence into the clay bowl, where it mixed with my tulpa's soul. I felt strange inside, the new soul that resided in the clay bowl was new, and energetic, it was brighter, much brighter than before. I glanced back at the frame of Other, the empty shell that no doubt longed for something to fill it's void. I reached both of my hands into the bowl and lifted out my tulpa's soul, it was strange, it felt like nothing, only a slight weight alerted me that I was indeed holding something. The wooden table started to sink back into the ground, and as it finished I walked over to the shell of my tulpa.

 

I pressed the soul that was in my hands against the shell's chest, there was little resistance, and soon the entirety of the soul entered the shell, suddenly I could feel the outlined form fill with white light, no longer was it empty and transparent, it was now full of life, yet it still beared no real definition, no details besides a slim black line that formed it's mouth. Strangely enough nothing happened afterwards, my tulpa remained still, and besides a strange feeling in my head, nothing else happened. Thus ended the introductory session.

 

I took about an hour to do some other things, nothing that would distract my mind from set task though. It's worth mentioning that it's extremely difficult for me to force, I keep having irritating itches or my muscles just twitch and beg to be repositioned, I find it's easiest to force just after I wake up or before I go to bed, as my mind released a chemical that has paralyzing effects, which helps keep me still and relaxed. I covered 'Patience' in my next forcing session, i'm not sure how long the session lasted, and i'm trying not to stress about time, and simply cover ground as time passes, and once I run out of ideas, end the session. Patience was a somewhat difficult trait to cover, as it's a somewhat reserved trait, and at it's corest form it's a discipline, not an emotion that can be freely defined. The object that symbolized Patience was an hourglass, the frame that holds the glass shape inside was a polished wood, somewhat bright, and definatly smooth. I was sitting in a chair, as was Other when I was explaining what patience meant to him.

 

First I explained how the trait influenced people and their daily lives, how it determined what people do and say, after a brief explanation I planned to let Other consume the trait-item, and absorb it's meaning and energy, however before I could completely finish, Other took the item from my hand with a very quick fluid motion of his/her hand, and tossed it into his/her mouth. Quite an eager tulpa i'd say. A gray light swirled around Other's body before it slowly dissipated. Come to think of it I think it would've been a better idea to explain the trait fully before I gave the trait-item to Other, perhaps the effect might've been greater. Nonetheless, I wasn't even close to finished, I continued to explain how patience would effect his attitude. I did some lecturing, suggesting how patience might effect Other's hobbies, likes, dislikes, how others would think of him/her, and how he/she would act, taking patience into account. I then gave many examples of situations where Other would use this trait. I suppose I should give you some idea of how I described patience, I won't type out everything because frankly that would take probably twenty more paragraphs, and would be somewhat boring to read, also I probably have already forgotten a good portion of it (I mean, not forgotten in the sense that it's not in my mind, just in the sense that it's left my attention for the time being, and it'd take awhile for me to remember everything again.)

 

Other is the type of person that likes to take things slow, one could almost describe it as being cautious. Other likes to take life slow and easy, trying to find the best way to accomplish a task without having to work extra hard or pick up his pace, he/she knows that good things come to those that wait, but this does not mean he/she sits idely waiting for good fortune. He/she know when to work hard to make something good come to fruition, and when to contently wait. Patience is discipline, and Other is well versed in it, he/she rarely speaks before thinking. Other's general mindset towards situations is much like a game of chess, he/she waits, gathers information and explores various possibilities and the outcomes of different actions, then finally after much thought he/she makes a decision. This means that Other's decisions often lead him/her to success in all things, even so unknown variables often throw him/her off and cause him/her some trouble.

 

Patience is a virtue, and this is especially true for Other, it is regarded to Other as a strength, something that is advantageous and should be nurtured. Patience allows Other to forego strong desires and wants, meaning he/she won't be lead around by the promise of pleasure or entertainment, this allows him/her to be very business oriented and gain more success in ventures. Risk is something Other is very rarely willing to take, he/she will only do something rash if the reward is greater than the risk, and even then, the difference would have to be quite large. Other is always willing to put some more effort into activities/actions if it means avoiding risk. Other is never disappointed when desired results aren't achieved in a pleasent amount of time, Other knows that it takes time to change something, or to achieve a high goal, thus Other is rarely frustrated when things take longer than usual.

 

There, i'm not very good at describing things, but that should be a decent description of some of the things we went over. At this time I haven't done another forcing session, which I should probably do since the last wasn't long at all, i'd like to guess 15, though I can't say for sure since I was comatose in my bed for like an hour. I'm dissapointed that I didn't sink more time into the trait, but my mind ran dry of things to say, i'm thinking it'll be easier to get the thoughts flowing as time passes, and as I get to explain more deeper traits. I'm gonna' go do another trait and try to cover more ground with Other...

 

Ah, this time it went much better, the next trait on the list was 'Logical' which was a bit difficult to delve into, logic is something that seems really straight forward, and doesn't have a lot of room to bring deeper meaning, nonetheless I tried, I kept finding new angles on the word and it's meaning. This time it felt much longer, almost an hour I think. To Other, being logical means being reasonable, having a mind that promotes common-sense, using it to do two main things: Gain, whether it be material wealth, social standings or status in the grand scheme. Self-preservation, to stay safe. I actually think there was a third, but it has left my mind for the time being. Logic is something that involves all things, it is the very basis that the metaverse runs on, physics, mathematics, science in general is logic in a more complex form, it is the most rudimentary system that all sentient beings run off of. I made sure to let Other know that being extremely logical is a bad thing, since it overpowers emotion, and while it is good to have a profound sense of logic, lacking in emotion would remove the human element.

 

I had some trouble finding a suitable item to associate with logic, it took me a little while, but deep in my memories I recalled Newton's cradle, it was the perfect object to be associated with logic. I summoned the object, Other seemed very eager to get on with it, so I tried to hurry up the whole process. There was still some ground to cover, explaining many examples where Other would apply logic, I tried to explain in such a way that would give Other a good sense of logic, and hold it highly in his eyes, but also make sure emotion would be present at all times, as a being that holds a mind with 100% logic is nothing but a robot, either that or a monster. At the end I would try to concentrate on the trait itself, logic, and funnel it's essence into the trait-item. It felt strange, and I wouldn't say it was pleasent. My mind went blank as I focused on what the word meant, and it's core feeling, it was cold and bitter, I can't exactly explain it right. Anyways, after I had finished the cradle was quite energetic, a mixture of white and gray energy swirled around it. For some reason Other didn't seem to be responding to the trait-item, not at all in fact. I held the cradle infront of Other's face and it began to dissolve and be absorbed, I could feel Other's energy increase rapidly, a gray energy eminated from him/her.

 

Had a slight headache afterwards, but I see it as a mark of success! I keep having trouble staying still and entering a deeper state of forcing, I keep subconciously twitching, and persistent itches keep popping out from nowhere and bothering me to no end. Also thoughts keep invading my mind, in the sense that the mental 'me' keeps doing things that I don't intend to do, this makes tulpaforcing difficult since I end up having to rewind time and lose consistency. In example, i'll try to walk forward and i'll end up tripping for no reason, it's like I can't properly control my mental form, in addition I keep losing focus and going third person, which has proven to be really bothersome.

 

TL;DR

1. Did introductory session.

2. Covered 'Patient'.

3. Covered 'Logical'.

4. Having trouble getting into a deeper state of forcing, keep twitching/having persistent itches that pop out of nowhere. Can't control mental form, keep having to reverse time, keep going third person without realizing it.

[Stix]

Day 2 (4-12-13)

Bad things happened! Was extremely tired the whole day for some reason, took some coffee but it didn't really help. When night came around and my designated time for forcing, I fell asleep a few dozen minutes in. I've found that being a little tired helps with the problems i've been having with forcing, but it also makes concentrating harder, and if i'm too tired i'll just fall asleep in my chair. On the bright side i've been thinking of possible wonderlands most of the day, sort of torn between floating sky-islands (incredibly original) and a sort of medieval castle. Really a stupid thing for me to do, second day in and i'm already messing up my schedule. Apologized to Other after realizing what I had done, or rather, not done.

 

TL;DR

1. Fucked up, fell asleep while forcing.

2. Woke up next day, morning, apologized to Other.

 

________________________________________________________________________________​________________________________________________________________________________​___________________

 

Day 3 (4-13-13)

First trait we did today was 'Calm' I thought this would be harder than the previous two, but it was actually quite easy to cover extensively. I find I have some problems finding more intricate ways to think of traits, and to explain them to Other, but this time it was simple, my mind's thoughts never ceased to give me new ideas and details that could be used. I did have some trouble with visualization though, the scene I tried to imagine was foggy in my mind, and while there were sparsely any details to begin with, the ones that did exist were difficult to see, only bits and pieces looked right. Calm took about an hour, i'm happy that so much time passed without me realizing it, it tells me that i'm starting to really enjoy forcing.

 

I imagined Calm's trait-item to be a condensed ball of water, large enough to fit in my hand. It wasn't fluid, it's spherical form was rigid and kept perfect shape. As the session advanced it filled with an increasingly bright blue light, which was the essence of 'Calm'. Calmness to Other is both a tool and a mannerism, Other sees it as a way to make his/her environment more sufficient, to diffuse situations hot with negative emotion, to change people's view points to gain what he/she wants. Other sees emotion as a volatile energy that should be managed carefully, but also vented on occasions, being overly-emotional is bad, but it's even worse to bottle it up for long periods of time. Other vents emotion through his/her hobbies, which tend to be ones that promote a stress-free mind, and by letting himself express his/her true emotions with trusted individuals. By being calm the majority of the time, Other can better gain things in the world, and keep safe in dangerous situations. Other knows that when one lets his/her emotions get the better of them, they risk doing irrational things that may worsen their current situation, which is even more dangerous in situations that could cause harm to them.

 

I think that's a sufficient summary of what I explained to Other, I probably have missed a handful of points, but this will do (don't want to talk your ears off, haha.) At the end of the session I focused on extracting the pure energy of calmness, it was cold, not in a bad sense, more like the pleasent coolness one would desire on a hot summers day, the feeling of pure tranquility. I think it worked, because after I finished the trait-item I had conjured up was beautiful. The very core of the ball of water was bright with a light blue light, and around the core swirled blueish strings of light, glittering in it's watery environment, they almost danced. As I watched some strings would re-enter the core, and new strings would leave the core and once again start to dance inside the water confines of the ball. When I let Other absorb the trait-item, a blinding blue light filled his/her form, the light soon darkened until it dispersed. I'm kind of tired, but I haven't given myself a headache nor have I made up for yesterdays fuck-up, so i'm gonna' go do another session, might even do two more tonight.

 

Serious was a rather boring trait to do, I kept going over old ground and explaining the same thing multiple times, just in a different light. Thankfully that only happened a few times, and i'm satisfied with the amount of defining I actually did. For a good chunk of the session I was completely still, I even felt detatched from the world, and at the time of writing this I feel extremely relaxed and calm, I even have a small headache, proof that I forced for a decent amount of time, about an hour if my memory serves. Anyways, as I previously said, 'Serious' was a very boring trait to cover, and I won't bore you with all the boring details, so i'll just give you a short paragraph to wrap it up.

 

The trait-item that I chose for 'Serious' was a pair of unframed glasses, the lenses rectangular in shape. Other finds that emotions can be destructive by nature, and while they may not inherently be negative, all emotions can potentially screw up ones life. While Other maintains his/her emotions, he/she doesn't lock them away eternally, for always being emotionless causes pent up feelings to become even more chaotic, and eventually spill forth. Instead of letting this happen, Other's emotions are slowly leaked out, in business or otherwise grave situations, Other shows no emotion in order to approach everything with a pure mind that is untouched by any bias. By doing this, Other assures that his/her decisions are all intentional, and have hard reasoning behind them, being purely serious in these situations also makes Other appear to be a good candidate to be a person of worth. In public/social situations Other shows a little emotion, but not enough to allow people to judge him/her, which brings us to another point: Other a somewhat insecure, he/she doesn't want to show emotions to avoid being judged. In situations with people whom Other trusts, emotions are more easily leaked, and often times at a more normal level. The energy that was imparted to the trait-item was white, and once Other absorbed the item the white energy whisped around him/her faintly, the effect was much smaller than the previous traits.

 

Alright, hopefully that sums it up, hmm, come to think of it this really IS brief. Ah well, this report has already proven to be quite large. Don't think i'll stop it yet, though, one more session I think, it's already quite late at night anyways so I might go for another one.

 

Another good session, 'inquisitive' was a little bit difficult to define, but it was funner to define than the previous ones, since they all lacked in emotion. I'm really tired right now, so i'll only briefly explain what I explained to Other.

 

Other is more inquisitive about people than subjects, he/she wants to know why certain people do what they do, what makes them tick. What defines a person as an interesting one? If they do or say something that interests Other, he/she won't investigate people who are famous or are already researched on a daily basis, rather Other finds worth in the less noticed people, who do and say things just as interesting as the famous ones. It takes a lot to make Other curious about someone, lesser so with particular subjects and events. Once Other learns about something, he/she sees it as a sort of game to learn as much as possible, thus being inquisitve helps Other learn more and more, and he/she particularly loves to test his/her knowledge of a subject in various ways. Despite all of this, Other knows when a subject is dangerous to learn about, and thus sometimes refrains from poking at certain subjects. If Other finds something that he/she is very interested in, and learns all he/she can about it, Other may strongly desire to come face-to-face with whatever was learned, obviously dangerous things like lions and poisonous spiders are things that Other wouldn't want to come face-to-face with, but if Other learns about an interesting light show, or an award-winning pie, then you can be sure that he/she will want to experience it for himself/herself. The trait-item for 'Inquisitive' was a pen, oddly enough, and after forcing I imparted the pure essence of the trait into the item, it was difficult to get a good feel for curiosity, as it's not a base emotion in any sense. In the end I managed to do it, but i'm not sure how effective it was, because when I let Other absorb the trait-item, there was no significant aftermath.

 

Anyways, that's it for today, made some good progress, already up to five traits done, thomorrow i'm going to start narrating, how exciting!

 

TL;DR

1. Determined to more than make up for yesterday.

2. Covered 'Calm'.

3. Covered 'Serious'.

4. Covered 'Inquisitive'

5. Most of forcing problems resolved themselves, think being slightly tired helps with forcing.

6. Going to start narrating thomorrow.