Apple and Robin

[Apple-Cola]

Well honestly not sure whether to call him Robin or Puck yet. I'm gonna make Robin his *official name* but if he prefers Puck we can go with that.

 

Yeah, Midsummer Night's Dream. I can't regret Shakespeare, so it seems like a great idea. I wanted to name him something more serious sounding but during the first really successful visualization of his body I was doing, he turned out to be a bit of a trickster, which was frankly unexpected, so Robin Goodfellow came to mind.

 

Anyway, I'm a week and a day in, and it's hard to believe it's only been that long. Visualization is slow and collage-y, and vocalization seems far away, but his personality is already showing a bit, and while he can be snarky, I like him.

 

I think we're doing great for our first week, considering how hectic it's been, though I would be lying if I said I didn't want the process to pick up speed. I know it takes work, especially for someone with an attention span like mine, so I'm gonna have to learn to really FOCUS.

 

I should be forcing rn so bye.

[Apple-Cola]

It's been two days since my last post, and I really don't wanna count total days.

 

I can't seem to stay awake while I try to force. I've tried in all kinds of places at all times of the day, but I always suddenly am asleep about ten minutes in. It's frustrating, but I sorta expected it, because I've never really had a normal sleep pattern. Sometimes I can't sleep no matter how hard I try and sometimes I can't stay awake no matter how hard I try. Ugh.

 

Anyway, as far as progress goes, we're still moving slowly, but I've been receiving more emotional response, and visualizing my wonderland is basically effortless now. It's nice. Also, along with emotional responses I think he's building up some form of communication otherwise? It's not really vocality but it's more like instead of emotions from him I get a general idea from him? Is that a thing that usually happens?

 

Anyway, despite slowish progress, I'm really quite proud of our progress. Because, you know, there could be no progress at all.

[Apple-Cola]

Hello to no one, it's been one day since my last report, and not much is going on.

 

Tulpa-wise that is. Because life has a lot going on in its own. Testing season, family drama, the usual stuff. Not much time to narrate, especially when my body takers every.opportunity to nap lately. Boy do I hate sleep.

 

At least summer is near. It starts of Friday for me, and I figure that after a week of good rest, I'll be back on team nosleep in no time. That means more tulpa time. Or as I guess I like to call it to Robin, "us" time.

 

I have no energy to finish saying everything I wanted to say in this so I guess I'll take a nap, do my homework, and try to remember it all tomorrow. My hands feel like jelly muscles reinforced by iron bones.

 

Robin says hi, he guesses. I guess. So yeah see you soon, nobody ever.

[Guest Anonymous]

There's some irony in your tulpa being named Robin and you having Apple in your username... but you wouldn't get it.

[Apple-Cola]

There's some irony in your tulpa being named Robin and you having Apple in your username... but you wouldn't get it.

I really don't get it but I would love an explanation.

[Apple-Cola]

it's been one day since my last progress report, and, again, there's not much to report! Except that school ending has lowered my stress levels 0%.

 

I wonder if it's really okay to bring up a tulpa in such a tense mental environment? I was worrying about it earlier, and I pretty much resolved myself to quitting and trying again when it would work out better but I guess I got like this emotional wave of simultaneous "heck no" and "calm down" from le tulpa. I guess that was enough to shock me into keeping going. I don't know. Puck's not really all that developed yet, but there are these little tiny signs that he's there that make quitting not seem like an option.

 

other than that one emotional response, Robin's been unusually quiet today, so I guess I could talk about my wonderland or mindscape or w/e.

 

Sort of as a home base, there's my bedroom in my old house, which had this great vibe. It was a good escape, so I picked it right off the bat. From there we can usually go through my house and go to explore my old neighborhood outside, and, if we go far enough, we can reach the boundaries of my personal knowledge, so from there we can explore pretty much all of the dream places and real places I patched together to make an ideal sort of word or universe I guess. Well not ideal, but entertaining.

 

Yeah that's pretty much all there is to it. There's some non-tulpa people who live in the places who are like npcs I guess. They're always doing the same things all the time and they don't have much to contribute by way of conversation. Maybe they'll be sentient someday. Who really knows. It would bother me to discover sudden newfound sentience, but I could accept it.

 

Yeah and that's all for today's Progress Report. Over and out.

[Apple-Cola]

Ugh I hate halfhearted holidays. I like the ideas behind the holidays like memorial day and such, but it pretty much means spending "family time" with the same boring people I see every day. Maybe if I wasn't forced to destroy my peace and routine for an entire day, I would be happy to chat up my perfectly normal sister's perfectly normal boyfriend about perfectly pointless stuff for a while.

 

Anyway, long story short, i only got about an hour in for active forcing this whole weekend. Puck's still pretty quiet. It's frustrating but w/e.

 

I keep having trouble forcing Robin, so the little chunks of time I've had other than narration have been spent mostly on my wonderland. It's pretty quiet too. Not too many people unless i consciously place them there. I've been trying to do sounds, scents, and tempurature in wonderland, as well as working on a new area. Mostly to strengthen my creative capabilities.

 

I have always been good at visualizing things. I'm an artist, you know. And i like to work without a sketch and just skip to the final product, so i have to be able to see what i want in my mind without drawing the skeleton first. It's easier for me, in a way. So while i can't construct an entire moving rollercoaster in no time, i can do this prism thing without a thought, so I've been pushing it with the stuff i pile on Robin's head. I eventually got to the point where i was sure Puck was doing stuff on his own but i was so focused on keeping the random moving geometric headdress going that i couldn't pay attention tp what he was doing. I think he was just ducking or something. I'm workin on it.

 

Aaaand now I'm unbearably tired again so adieu.

[Apple-Cola]

It's been one day since my last progress report, where I neglected to mention that it had been four days since the one before that.

 

Today's been a pretty bad day in general, but Robin's made it a lot better by being less quiet. I can really feel him there more. I like it. It's a reminder that at least something in my life is going right.

 

I read a buttload about possession this morning, and, despite the fact that I'm not very trusting, I hope that eventually we can try it out someday. That would be so cool.

 

Even though it's been a good day tulpawise, I really don't have much else to say. Puck is makin some ruckus finally and I'm glad. That's it.

 

Later.