The start of a new life

[Dysos]

Creation day: May 23th 2013

Name: Toba, inspired from the vulcano.

Form: Undecided. We're choosing between a hip sized bipedal tiger in a very realistic cartoon form, or a white, slender Suisse shepherd with small antlers growing to the back behind his ears. I originally started with the tiger, but keep getting images of the shepherd during visualization lately.

 

Method used: Several. I think my thoughts toward him all of the time and read to him (Dan Brown as of now). I try to actively force at least one hour a day by closing my eyes and visualizing him in front of me in the real world. Doing this I try to give his form more detail, and force the personality I imagined for him on him by putting the traits with explanation and several layers into a blue energy ball, and into him when I'm done with a certain trait. I'm absolutely exhausted after an hour of forcing like this.

 

About me: You can call me Dysos. I'm a 20 year old Dutch girl (excuse my English), and try to enjoy life as much as possible. I'm open minded but realistic. I always seek for explanations behind things and try to find out as much information as possible before starting on something. Love to surf, snowboard, do several other sports, visit festivals (Anyone else going to Sziget this year?), read and research. I'm currently in a leap year, but starting on communication sciences next school year. According to the the Myers-Briggs personality type I am ENTP. I have pretty much experience in meditation and visualization, which makes this easier. Unfortunately I have a quick and pretty strong subconscious, which doesn't make not parroting easier. I find it pretty easy to decide if it was Toba or me though.

 

Personality:

I actually stole someone else's personality list for this since it was well thought out and fitted to what I wanted to the extreme. Link. (The Big five and Cattell’s 16 personality factors part)

 

The progress so far:

Day 1: Couple of hours on form and personality creation

Day 2: 1 hour of personality forcing. Focused and talked to him almost all day.

Day 3: 1 hour of personality forcing. Couple hours of reading. Woke up with Toba as the first thing on my mind. During forcing I felt warmth where he stood whenever I put the personality ball into him. First responses, emotional as well as the feeling of him wanting to say something. I was unable to translate.

Day 4: Day off because of birthday boyfriends mom. We went bbq'ing (: Still tried to remember and feel him with me despite of the crowd and playing with the smaller kids.

Day 5: 1 hour of personality forcing. First time I heard his mind voice, though he didn't do a lot of talking. We actually started by making a wonderland together by me vizualising him sitting next to me, and imagining a blue energy connection between us. In the middle was the wonderland. He gave me the idea by creating an immense bridge in our wonderland. It feels like a good method.

 

So, as you see I do a lot of different visualizations at the same time and on different levels. It is very tiring but seems to work well. I am planning to be posting every 5 hours of active forcing. Constructive criticism and other type of comments always welcome.

[Dysos]

Although I only actively forced 2 hours since last time (bad girl), I felt like I needed to post an update anyway due to the following reasons;

- We worked a lot on our wonderland and I feel the need to describe it.

- I'm going to change things up a bit.

 

The Wonderland:

Although it started out as just a field with a forest on your left hand, a lake at the right and some mountains you could see if you looked straight ahead, it has evolved a lot since my last update. It grew to a magical forest with the smallest fairies giving out all sorts of colored lights. It has meadows, a big cave with a modern fireplace surrounded by a long bench with pillows we can read on, and a smaller hole we do our personality forcing in. The small hole has crystals in it giving out a purple glow.

When you walk further back in the forest you can find the biggest tree in it, smaller and open at the middle, decorated like a small tea house where you can sit and look out over the forest. The tree is held together by wooden pillars at the open spot in the middle.

If you walk away from that there is a chance you get to the abandoned fun fair. The first thing you recognize it from is the huge scary looking clowns head. The lake it still there too. It's amazing how quickly this was designed. It felt natural when Toba and I agreed to make it together. We just created one thing after the other ourselves without really cooperating.

 

How I'm going to change things up:

By actively forcing (by meditation) for 5 hours a day, at least for the coming seven days. I'm wondering if this will make the process more efficient than when you would spread it out over several weeks with forcing for only an hour. If you would have booked more results just by looking at just the hour count so to say. I would think so. Please comment if you know more about this, and if someone kept a progress report doing this before. I'd like to read it. Of course I will keep the narration going when I'm not meditating.

 

How are things going with Toba?:

I feel like we are getting a better connection. The last couple of days have been quite painful due to a bad headache which I think comes from creating Toba. This morning however, I asked him if he could take the pain away. At first nothing seemed to happen, but when I asked it another time I was drawn into the wonderland where Toba was holding his hands against my head. The pain subtly slipped away.

He has also changed his form to something we both agree on. Think of Stitch (Lilo and Stitch), but slightly different in posture, white with natural (pastel-y) blue markings and a cockatoo crest on the back of his head, featuring several colors. I feel when he wants to say something, but only have been able to hear it once the last 2 days. Other than that I try my best to translate the feelings he sends me to sentences, but never really know if I translated correct.

[Dysos]

Total forcing time; 8:30 hours

So I managed to actively force for 4 hours yesterday, of which I did 3 personality forcing, and 1 narrating about everything that came up to me. I couldn't stick to the original plan because of my mom preparing for her vacation. Nothing special has happened, although I did get some emotional responses. 1 of them stuck out to me, which was the lack of an emotional response to a horror movie. I myself was scared. Something you usually feel in your whole body. This time however, There was a part of me more alien that was sort of indifferent to it. I think it's pretty good we watched the movie so Toba can learn more about emotions. Other times I did feel emotional responses, though they were all positive ones. Maybe I'm not paying enough attention to the negative side some things have during our forcing sessions. I haven't felt him trying to talk anymore as much. We're only at the start still of course, so I'm not worried. At the end of the day it did get a lot more easy talking to him as his form seemed to be clearer, and his part of what used to be mine more distinct.

 

Today I'm going to try something new to us. I heard about Linkzelda's self hypnosis article, and when I looked over it it definitely seemed worth a try. Curious to see where it'll lead. I'll keep you updated (:

[Dysos]

Active forcing hours in: 12:30

 

The self hypnosis sessions we did yesterday went pretty good. We did the creation one just for the sake of seeing how it worked and maybe being able to visualize him better (after all it is quite difficult visualizing something only based on an animated creature that doesn't look anything like a real life creature), and the 'get your tulpa practically vocal' one. It did lead to some results, and although it wasn't more than a couple of random words we did have fun (At least I think he did too). I'm going to repeat this one every day from now on until we book some better results. I've written down an hour out of an hour and a half for this since I didn't want to count in the introduction and deepening hypnosis part. I'm doing this in the bathroom since it's the only place in my house that doesn't have windows and thus can get completely dark. It also gives a nice touch to my voice, making it better for the specific purpose.

 

Other than that I did 3 hours of the usual personality forcing. Nothing much has happened. There was a party I needed to go to that lasted until the sun came up, in which I felt him with me almost all the time, though there wasn't much time for narrating. I think I forgot to tell I'm using pink noise for my forcing sessions. It seems to work extremely well for me.

 

What's next?:

I decided to keep doing 4 hours a day instead of 5. 5 Is just too much counting in the breaks I need between the forcing sessions, and is just more than I can chew. I'll also cut down on the personality part, and start on form forcing, following FAQ_man's guide. Day planning; 2:30 hours on form forcing, 1 hour on personality, and half an hour self hypnosis for vocality.

 

What's with the hour count?:

I like to be able to read back in my progress and see at what time we accomplished several different mile stones. It's also so that I'll be forcing a lot. I've set a minimum a day for myself and know that if I wouldn't count I'd get lazy in no time. I also just get more motivated if I see how much time I've already put in to it. It makes me proud since I usually like to procrastinate things after which I just quit. I don't have expectations because of it at all. I know some people take 50 hours or even more to have their tulpa at a point some have them at 25 or 100. No need to worry. I feel like it makes it more boring to read for anyone else but me though xD

[Dysos]

Fear:

So I know you're not supposed to discuss your personal life in here, but it affects my ability to force in a bad manner. In 10 days something is going to happen that will affect my life in two possible ways; Either the best thing that's ever happened to me, or the worst. I'm not going to explain what it is, but my concentration on actively forcing is at it's lowest. It's the first time I'm actually more afraid of life than of death. Not that I'm unhappy. I have great friends, the best boyfriend, making a tulpa goes well as far as I can tell, and I'm able to do a lot of fun things. But gosh, even the small things make me scared because my body is afraid of feeling more fear, so it's aware of everything that might cause that. Isn't that weird? I think it is. Now Toba is not helping. He's doing great for the amount of hours we've put into him, but the extra emotions and the weird feeling that comes with it because the feelings are not mine are stacking up with the feelings I already have. I feel like I'm rambling here. Let's drop the sensitive subject.

 

The progress:

However, last morning he was amazing. When I wake up the first thing I always think of is Toba (Or at least ever since a day or 3 in). I read the new progress logs to him and narrate a bit, tell him good morning and everything. Today I was a bit bummed because I didn't remember my dream. This is something I always remember and like to think back to a bit before going on with my daily routines. I told Toba this, and while I was reading the new progress logs the dream came back to me fully in a sudden thought. This surprised me in the first place, and then I felt an emotion I couldn't quite place. I know for sure it was from Toba, and I felt much cared for and loved. This was the clearest sign I have gotten from him as of yet. Because of my situation I only actively forced for an hour today, and the rest of the day I just read to him, watched a movie with him, and actually just did everything with him, without any puppeting. I just focused on his form, made more details and everything while he was just standing there being pretty in my minds eye while doing my thing and narration. I don't really know how much hours in we are, especially since I did a lot of forcing scattered over the day, but I guess I'll just write down one, which sums it up to 13:30 hours.

[Dysos]

Day 12:

I wish I could say something different, but nothing eventful has happened since my last update. I'm on 16 hours of forcing now, and since I still am who I am I lower the bar from 4 to a 3 hour minimum a day, which I can get to without any problems (except for Sundays, in which I have no time at all). I've started with FigN01's forcing method (Combination of personality, form and imposition) in combination with Fede's tulpatone, and while time usually crawls by, it flew this time. Even though I had a headache and pain in my eyes after, what matters is that it was insanely productive for me. Wow, I always think of a million things to write about during the day and now I have nothing for you. I'll make sure to remember next time. No more updates until I'm 25 hours in though, so 3 days max. Hopefully with more news.

[Dysos]

Hours of active forcing in: 20, start of day 22

 

Yes, I am a horrible person that can't ever keep to what she promises if it's slightly hard to keep them. It's literally been a week since last update, and only 4 hours further in the process. It was amazing weather in which I had to do all these fun things with friends, and the other part was due to illness. All excuses aside, we have been making some progress. (Note I do a lot of passive forcing during the day)

 

First of all, and most importantly, I feel Toba with me all the time now. Even when I'm busy doing other things I feel a slight presence so I can't forget him. My narration has been getting better, and especially in the active forcing sessions he feels more and more real. He's not vocal yet, but it feels like it won't take too long anymore. Not important though, if he'd take another 50 hours I'd still be happy. It does feel like he wants to say something sometimes, but because my unconscious finds it more efficient finishes it itself. Like you want to help someone that isn't good or fast at speaking finish their sentences. You know it's not the right thing to do, but you can't stop feeling the urge even though you really want to.

 

He does seem to have found another way of communication. I do my active forcing sessions on bed. Last time I was very tired and couldn't come up with all the personality traits. I'm not sure what was him in this part and what just happened. In the session I fell asleep whenever I forgot a trait, got in this very vivid 'dream' state, and got a really short dream describing the trait I had forgotten. Then I would get a strong pressure with tingling near my spine so I would wake up.

Today another thing like this happened. I had this very short and vivid dream about a girl on a rock. She fell into the water while we stood on another rock and couldn't save her. Instead of this I summoned her back into the wonderland like she was my tulpa. When I woke up after this I felt/saw the girl laying next to me in my minds eye. Shortly after she changed/(or I made her change, I don't really know), back to Toba, because I felt it was him. I think it's okay for him to deviate this extreme, but I also want him to stick to his old form. I might make him a shifter when he becomes fully vocal. Just between these two forms.

I wouldn't mind the change of genders each time he would shift. The mind voice would have to change with the form. What is important is the personality staying the same. I want to wait until he is vocal to make sure I don't accidentally make two tulpa's.

 

Further thoughts on the subject:

These really are just notes to myself. The things in here are way better explained elsewhere, and most things I say here are probably common knowledge. I just have to find these things out for myself since I'm new and don't just take anything from anyone xD They also are so I won't forget it myself when I'm further in the process. It seems like most people forget some important things as the tulpa becomes more real to them.

 

1.I was thinking about how building a relationship with another person works to compare it with creating a tulpa. Would it be worth the trouble actively forcing a couple of hours a day instead of just spreading the hours over a couple of days? Is it actually more efficient? Spending time with someone alone a couple of hours a day plus spending some with other people and the new friend(active forcing for a couple of hours a day plus passive forcing) versus spreading it all out over more days with lots of time with other people and less with just the two of you. The answer is clear to me. Think about that vacation you had with someone you met there. It almost felt like you knew each other for ages right? While trust takes longer to build. So I think it is more efficient to spend more time actively forcing a day, though some things really just take more time.

 

2.A lot of people seem to forget this is a process of self development. It is basically the fooling and making stronger of your brain with which you create the tulpa. Imagine you would spend a hundred hours on changing your own personality. You would become quite the awesome person. Instead we decide to put this effort in something outside of us that comes with some extra benefits. Because all we need to do is to fool our brains there actually is no best way to do this, no matter how much you want there to be one. A servitor can easily become a tulpa by putting in as much energy in it as you would for creating a normal tulpa. Don't just kill it instead. It also starts with the same vocabulary you have from the start. You really don't need to teach it all this as long as you believe this from the start. As long as you believe from the start it is like you want it to be you don't hold back the progress from going as quick as possible. Look at it as if it were born out of all your knowledge. Start with the personality and your brain will understand this is a new and sentient being apart from you. 'treat it as sentient from the beginning' but don't assume it is what it will become one day. Like a baby it will grow. Not necessarily change. It is there, but vague, and slowly it will become bigger, and clearer. Wow I'm bad at explanations :P

 

3. Just the meditation is awesome for concentration, persistence, and calming your mind to get less angry. Even if you don't finish this it only made you a better person. Awesome to think about!

[Dysos]

How much forcing are we in: Still 20 hours, Day 25

 

I haven't done any active forcing because there simply wasn't any time. I went to Brussels for the weekend with my boyfriend to do some sightseeing. I did narrate and tried to 'impose' her with me all the more though, and it seems like it worked wonders. She now talks every now and then and I feel her emotions more and more often. She moves by herself now (although it isn't much yet), and when I look at her in my minds eye (which is almost all the time), she breaths and just looks alive. About the 'she' part; She just kept deviating back to the young woman from the dream, so I decided to just leave her. It started to feel weird changing her back, and after she specifically asked me not to do it anymore I listened. I think this helped in the process immensely. After the deviation I had no problems seeing her in my minds eye anymore and the process took off. She loves old music. As in old old music. The Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday and Frank Sinatra kind of old. What worked most is me just narrating to her about how I think about several interesting things, and asking her about it too, or at least I think so. Not that I got a vocal reply, it's too hard for now and she sticks to the more simple things (And even then I only get a reply sometimes), but I did get emotional ones a lot. Especially curiosity. One time she really surprised me by taking my other hand when I was walking hand in had with my boyfriend. I see her in my minds eye a lot of the time, but for her to actually take my hand felt like a big step.

 

She looks like the girl in the picture I attached, and although the girl in the picture is Keira Knightley (Pride & Prejudice), she doesn't really look like her other than in this picture. Her facial features are softer.

 

We also did the prism test, and after a couple of seconds she just took it off and asked why the prism and feather, and not just something like a pencil. She found I should not just listen to people without thinking about how weird it actually was and think of something myself instead. Not in so many words, but more of a mix of words and feelings.

 

We also changed the wonderland up a bit. It's now my room (as I always only use the wonderland in my room), with several 'magical' entries to parts of the wonderland. This because it feels more realistic as it's like astral projection, just then I'm not really out of my body and just imagine I am. I hope you understand. I like the smaller cave with pillow floor, hundreds of small lights and pretty paintings on the wall and a tv most I think. It's a nice hangout.

 

So I guess we're doing good! From tomorrow on I'll have time to active force again, and going back to at least two hours a day.