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Yugure Creates a Tulpa


KamiYugure

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So this will be my first time creating a Tulpa and here's a little bit on my progress so far. I started forcing a few days ago but I've been awaiting activation, so this'll be about the first few days of work. I'll update with new posts after each day from here on out.

 

Also, when I can get my Tulpa to speak to me, I'll have him name himself, but until that happens, I'm just calling him Cygnus.

 

Day 1

 

So, after reading a few guides and some info on this site, I started to get to work. I decided that I wanted to work on personality at first. I know that two of the main ways of doing this is by either describing the tulpa's personality to them at length or through some symbolic action like pouring pots of different colored liquids that represent traits into them and feeding them orbs and stuff like that. I felt that as a writer and someone who occasionally enjoys sketching, I could combine the two.

 

What I did was make a list of major traits that I wanted. Specifically, I want to make him good at what I'm bad at; most of his major traits are serious shortcomings of my own. Of course, I have a lot of reasons for creating a tulpa, but something that is important to me is kind of discovering if he can help me with certain aspects of myself that are somewhat lacking. So, with the short list of his personality traits, I closed my eyes and began to visualize that I was laying the framework for drawing a person - specifically my Tulpa.

 

When I draw people, I begin by creating a kind of crude stick-skeleton of their form from which to flesh out the rest of their body. For Cygnus, I start by imagining drawing a circle for the start of his head and a crude jawline and explain that this represents his individuality and the fact that he is his own being that can become whatever he likes in the long run. This isn't really a personality trait so much as my assurance to him that he is a free thought form and regardless of how I construct him, my intention isn't to control him. I ultimately want him to be himself regardless of what I want.

 

Next I imagine drawing the line of the spine down from the head and explain that the core of who he is, is kindness and this kindness would regulate whatever other traits I give him. Next a line perpendicular to his spine for the shoulders which would represent courage or rather confidence, mostly to be honest. Another line further down on his spine for his hips and I describe this one as charisma or interpersonal skills in general. Finally, I drew the lines for his arms and legs and called that "motivating" or "encouraging."

 

All of this takes something like 30, 40+ minutes and afterwards I start to visualize him in more detail, try to pin down his build and what his hair looks like, how tall he is, his skin tone, facial features, etc., etc., Trying to be as specific and detailed as I can.

 

I didn't expect much of a response, but I tried to project the question to him "What do you want to be called?" I'm not sure that I could have possibly gotten an answer this early, but I felt like his name should be something that started with an "s" or an "s" sound. I like stars and constellations and stuff and decided I would call him Cygnus (The Swan) for now.

 

Day 2 and 3:

 

Now I may get some stuff mixed up on the next day or so, so I'm just rolling them into one thing. Having some issues getting enough quiet alone time to actively force. Kind of constructed my wonderland and try multiple times to repeat the same kind of personality exercise with him there, but I get interrupted several times and I don't know that I got around to finishing more than once during these two days. He knows very well that he's a free being and he's kind, haha. In the midst of this, however, I'm able to do the process one whole time and change one thing - I separate his limbs in the symbolic drawing so that his arms represent patience and his legs represent him being encouraging.

 

On day 2 I keep trying to force for a while before I got to bed, but realizing I won't be able to stay awake, I give up on forcing and instead just focus my last thoughts on being in wonderland and falling asleep in the grass beside him.

 

On day 3 I keep having problems finding time, quiet and privacy to actively force. I do some passive forcing throughout the day, kind of taking him along as I do a little shopping for my family. It's a frustrating trip in town, however, and I end up being very mad. When I get angry, I'm still halfway trying to visualize him as being with me and realize that in the midst, I'm showing him kind of negative things by forcing while I'm so angry, saying crude things to other drivers on the road and such. So I apologize to him frequently throughout the day for showing him such ugliness... is this bad...?

 

I think I fall asleep while trying to force. Haha - the only quiet alone time I get, only comes after I'm totally exhausted.

 

I also do some actual physical drawing and writing during some of the forcing on these days, but they are kind of ... "meh."

 

Day 4 (today/Sunday)

Alright, I tried a little something different with forcing personality. I created a bit of a cottage-type thing in my wonderland and I took him in there to do some cooking. (The cottage is mostly kitchen.) :) I go through step-by-step, creating one of my favorite deserts and I tell him that each ingredient represents an aspect of his personality. I mix it all up, prep it all, bake it and feed him the finished result. Well, we kind of eat it together. I got really upset during this because there's so much activity in my house that I can't completely concentrate at all, but afterwards I just sort of hang out with him in wonderland, mostly just sitting on the grass, and watching the stars (it's perpetually night time in my wonderland.)

 

----------------------------

 

The past few days I keep trying to do something; I don't think I've gotten it to work much at all. I keep realizing and taking notice when I eat or drink something that I really like, and because I enjoy it, I want to try and project the taste or the sensation to him, while I'm eating it in the hopes that he can enjoy it, too. I think once while I was drinking some dark chocolate almond milk, I lost the taste of it, myself, but I don't know if that really meant anything.

 

anyway, that's all I've gotten for now. I'm a little worried that my doubt may be hindering my progress. Well, even when I'm trying to be very open and filled with belief, I'm worried that I'm doubting and I don't know how to make myself stop. The next few days I'm going to try and hone concentration because I'm having a really hard time with it since there are 3 small children and 3 other adults living in this small house with me. Can hardly, if ever, get a quiet moment to myself.

 

I'll be back tomorrow with an update. Sorry if I seem a little long-winded in my descriptions.

 

<3 Y

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Sadly I haven't made a lot of progress on forcing the past few days.

 

On Wednesday, I took my younger siblings to an outing and tried to keep Cygnus in my mind, like as though he was with us in the truck, but as soon as I thought of him, I felt kinda sad and guilty. I guess it's because I hadn't given him much of any time the past couple of days.

 

It's difficult to remember and keep it up, but I try to force passively during the day. However, I lose concentration very easily, so I'm still not giving him probably as much attention as I should.

 

Tonight, I'm going to try and give him some more active forcing time. Hopefully I can make some progress.

 

- Dani

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