Let's have some fun.

[Entertaining]

I want to try to leave the boards for a bit, to think. I've been far too engrossed in this topic. My interest really misled me. Hopefully I'll stay off long enough to give me a chance to consider whatever should be.

I'll check back eventually though, I'm sure, no matter how hard I try. When I find an interest I tend to keep researching. Just my nature. ^_^

Anyhow, night. Stay gold.

---

This has been a very depressing night. Shui and now Entertaining.

 

I don't know what I can say. The only thing that keeps coming to mind is that if you keep telling yourself that you can't do something, then you most likely can't. You didn't list your reasons openly and what you did say in your last two posts doesn't justify this, so I don't believe I understand what went wrong or if I ever will understand it.

 

Good luck, Entertaining, on all of your future ventures.

 

I agree wholeheartedly. Continuing to tell myself I can't do it will never solve the issue. However, that's not my main problem.

 

My main issue is that, as much as I try to convince myself during the day, or sure I am in general, that I'm ready, every night I've fought with myself as to if I should do this at this stage in my life. It make sense; When I'm alone, when it's late, I'd think more clearly and carefully, but possibly more fearfully. I could feel that it really, really hurt her last night. It hurt me too. I felt sick with guilt that only added to it's own guilt. Like, sick to the stomach level.

 

I thought yesterday that I had conquered my fear/caution (I don't know what else to call this) but it turns out I haven't.

 

Simply put; I don't think it's good for me to create a Tulpa when I have no idea where I'm going in my future. This feeling caused intense conflict that I felt only hurt Navi and myself. It caused doubt and fear and nothing but guilt. I don't think I can risk putting her through that again in the future. Furthermore, I can't in good conscience continue creation when I'm this unsure, because if I face this again later down the road it will cause even more harm than I already have.

 

To show in a quick description why my life isn't stable enough:

Yes, I'm a senior in high school (though my profile age may say otherwise, I forget). This year is busy enough, but I still am not sure if I'll be in a stable situation in the future.

 

It was wrong of me to set a date to start creation in such a situation. It can't be planned to such an extent.

(I make too many edits on what I write on the internet.)

So, I hope that gave some light as to one of the reasons why I made my decision.

I'm sorry that this is what happened. I really wish I had handled this better.

And now I think I'm actually going to depart. Good luck to you all, and I give you as much love as I could possibly give. <3