Ali and Alioni

[Ali]

Hey everyone, my name's Ali and welcome to my daily thought doodles and musings. This is where I'll be posting updates each day on the creation of Alioni.

 

Some background information on me-

I'm currently a college student pursuing an engineering degree. Things are going pretty good right now, aside from the occasional bombed test and the late nights, I'd say life is a solid 7/10 right now.

 

The thing is, I've find myself sometimes slowly slipping away into becoming a loner. I've started to lose interest in maintaining relationships with those I've met, and the people who I do put forth the effort to keeping in touch with, it feels like there's an invisible barrier that I just can't break.

 

In a sense, I feel like I can't ever be close to my friends- except for a few people that I still hold dear in my heart such as my family and the previous 4 or 5 friends I cherish and love, and still keep in contact with.

 

I've noticed my mannerisms have slowly changed as well. Last year I did everything I could for my friends and for the people around me, from charity work to help on homework, but now sometimes I catch myself saying slightly offensive things and not giving two cents to those around me.

 

Needless to say, I feel like I'm slowly deviating off the path of goodness that I tried so hard to follow, onto a path of apathy and insincerity.

 

Sorry for the wall of emotional text- I'm really analytic sometimes and I think self-diagnoses of one's self is the first step to improvement.

 

And that's why I am creating Alioni. Simply because a close friend is something I really need right now.

 

I will try to update this thread every day, or at least once every three days.

---

So today is technically:

 

November 14th, 2013 (1:30AM)

 

However, the creation of Alioni started on:

 

November 12th, 2013 (11/12/13!)

 

So I'll start this post and blog on November 13th, 2013:

 

Today is Wednesday, November 13th, 2013. Alioni and I have been trying to create her personality for the past three days, and I think we're getting somewhere.

 

I've detailed about 24 traits that we've been trying to force, but most of those traits are repeats, or a trait that emphasizes and builds upon another, like being kind and benevolent, as well as encouraging. I guess anything that I leave out, I'll let her decide how she wants to be. I'm sure everything will turn out well in the end.

 

I've also written a small paragraph of her personality, highlighting some keypoints. I'm no maestro in writing, but I feel like getting it all out in a paragraph will help us picture it.

 

Sadly, despite working on personality for three days, I've only had one true 15 minute forcing session :c before I had to go to my philosophy class. The forcing session went pretty well. I found parts of my body actually starting to stiffen and sore (damn university chairs!) from sitting so uptight. The only hard part for me was trying to stay focused on the traits and on the visualization of Alioni. I often found myself losing concentration or, not paying attention

 

As of right now, Alioni is a radiating blue orb of light. When we force, we try to visit my wonderland together. Right now, my wonderland is located in a remote forest because I really love being alone in the wilderness to peacefully contemplate things. It's a Thoreau/Waldenesque thing,

 

It's autumn so the leaves are turning a rich red color as they form piles and piles of leaves everywhere on the floor. There's a slight breeze that whimsically wafts throughout the air, and a bit of a chill, just so it's nippy, but not frigid. The sun is a out and about as well. The rays of light penetrate the tree leaves so that there's enough light to illuminate surroundings in a rich yellow glaze, but also enough warm the skin ever so slightly. Just enough to balance the nippiness (if that's even a word.)

 

As far as Philosophy class went, we started discussing Kant, and why contradictions are bad. It wasn't too interesting to me. I tried to do some narration with Alioni, but that only ended up with a slight headache from trying to break my habit of intently paying attention, to conducting talking to Alioni in my head.

 

I've also often found myself idoling when I'm walking to and from classes or not doing anything important. It feels bad because I know that I'm morally obligated to give her my attention as well. Hopefully I'll get better at this because I'm really trying to.

 

I think for the rest of tonight, I may call it a day and go to sleep. I have a few classes tomorrow, so I'll have plenty of time to talk to her and maybe do some active forcing.

 

Anyways, have a good day everyone!

[Guest Riy]

Hey, Ali! Welcome to the forums and to .info in general!

 

It sounds like you're off to a great start with Alioni. I know of a few people that find an orb or sphere shaped form to be the most easy to use when visualizing their tulpa. That will / may change in time, but for now it's manageable and easily recalled.

During your first few days and weeks I would stress simply keeping Alioni in mind as much as you can. You don't necessarily need to keep it projected next to you or on your shoulder, just in the back of your head is all. You also have a list of traits you're expecting which is good. I recommend reciting and narrating them to 'lioni a few times a day for consistencies sake.

When it comes to your tulpa so far you're doing awesome. Keep an open mind and be ready for a fairly big commitment as Alioni develops and evolves!

 

 

 

That being said, I would like to discuss the other portion of your post.

 

I'll go out on a massively huge assumption-limb here and say that your feelings of drifting away and being a loner started roughly after high school? (I'm assuming you're in college right now.)

If this is the case, I would say that this is normal and natural as you start to take a bit more responsibility on yourself and becoming self-reliant, as well as not being in such close proximity to your normal clientele of friends.

I'm not saying your reasons are 'bad' or 'good' for creating a tulpa, just be careful of feeling like you're being pigeon-holed into needing something like a tulpa to keep you occupied is all. It's a hobby but in an extreme sense of the word that you'll be focusing on it pretty much as often as possible.

Personally I've been a lone wolf since, well, forever. Zala has been one of the best things that has happened in my life so I can safely say that my commitment to her has been worth it thus far. And it could be for you too! Just keep a few grains of salt next to you, is all I'm saying.

 

For now I must stress persistence, consistency, and an open mind. I think with time and energy you'll find Alioni to be just the thing you'll need! Keep us updated and keep posting if you have any questions or comments!

 

All the best, cheers!

[Ali]

Hey, Ali! Welcome to the forums and to .info in general!

 

It sounds like you're off to a great start with Alioni. I know of a few people that find an orb or sphere shaped form to be the most easy to use when visualizing their tulpa. That will / may change in time, but for now it's manageable and easily recalled.

During your first few days and weeks I would stress simply keeping Alioni in mind as much as you can. You don't necessarily need to keep it projected next to you or on your shoulder, just in the back of your head is all. You also have a list of traits you're expecting which is good. I recommend reciting and narrating them to 'lioni a few times a day for consistencies sake.

When it comes to your tulpa so far you're doing awesome. Keep an open mind and be ready for a fairly big commitment as Alioni develops and evolves!

 

 

 

That being said, I would like to discuss the other portion of your post.

 

I'll go out on a massively huge assumption-limb here and say that your feelings of drifting away and being a loner started roughly after high school? (I'm assuming you're in college right now.)

If this is the case, I would say that this is normal and natural as you start to take a bit more responsibility on yourself and becoming self-reliant, as well as not being in such close proximity to your normal clientele of friends.

I'm not saying your reasons are 'bad' or 'good' for creating a tulpa, just be careful of feeling like you're being pigeon-holed into needing something like a tulpa to keep you occupied is all. It's a hobby but in an extreme sense of the word that you'll be focusing on it pretty much as often as possible.

Personally I've been a lone wolf since, well, forever. Zala has been one of the best things that has happened in my life so I can safely say that my commitment to her has been worth it thus far. And it could be for you too! Just keep a few grains of salt next to you, is all I'm saying.

 

For now I must stress persistence, consistency, and an open mind. I think with time and energy you'll find Alioni to be just the thing you'll need! Keep us updated and keep posting if you have any questions or comments!

 

All the best, cheers!

 

Thanks for the advice Riy! I've been trying to keep her in mind during the day, but as a college student it gets pretty tough. Most of my narration is done walking back and forth from classes, and sometimes during class (the non-important ones of course). But as you were saying, I really hoping Alioni to be a good friend. It really does take a lot of time and energy, but at this point I feel like neglecting her would be unfair and wrong, so here goes nothing :)

[Guest Riy]

If nothing else it's something to put your resources towards when you have free time but not necessarily enough to be incredibly social or spend money. Simply do what you can, when you can. Pieces will fall into place soon enough!

 

Cheers!

[Ali]

Today is Thursday, November 14th, 2013.

 

I had a pretty light load of classes today- two in fact, so I tried my hand at doing a more active personality force session rather than passively narrating to Alioni.

 

At first it went horrible. I just got of my early math class and couldn't focus. I remember myself sitting down and trying my hardest, but every time I tried to imagine my wonderland, it'd either all go to darkness or phase out into some obscurity.

 

It took about five minutes and a couple of deep breaths before I finally was able to enter my forest. There I saw Alioni in her orb form floating in front of me, except for this time, instead of letting her float in front of me while we force her personality, I grabbed her and held her in my hands.

 

I'd say at this point, instead of a blue orb, she became a large blue marble, maybe around 2 lbs in weight. She was cold to the touch to. I could physically feel the coldness on my hands while I held her.

 

I don't know what exactly compelled me to do this next part, but I tucked her under my shirt so that she would warm up against my body. It didn't exactly work- instead I felt chills go through my body.

 

Despite this, I continued forcing her personality starting from kind to benevolent, to encouraging, but then the word, "fiery" came to mind. Shortly after, she started to from a cool blue to a warm red, and she felt hotter as well. Maybe it was me making it up, or maybe it's Alioni trying to tell me something (I firmly believe it's Alioni). The next word that appeared in my head was "passionate." She then turned a deeper red.

 

As I continued with her traits, I noticed her color turn back to a blue, as well as her getting colder. Like I said, maybe it's me, or maybe it's Alioni. I guess time will tell.

 

I ended up getting bored with the forcing personality, so I decided to take Alioni with me to explore my wonderland. At the time, it was only a forest where I'd sit by a tree trunk and start forcing, but I decided to keep walking straight this time.

 

I walked for a bit, then darkness. I guess I didn't create any more of my wonderland before, so I decided to finish it there. The darkness eventually led out of the forest to a tall cliff that overlooks a dark blue ocean. It wasn't sunny in contrast to the forest. It seemed cloudy like it was about to rain. The slight breeze was still there though.

 

Again, I don't know what compelled me to do the next part, but you know that feeling of curiosity? Yeah, it compelled me to jump off the cliff into the water. I knew in my mind that nothing bad could happen. In reality I was sitting at my desk in my dorm.

 

Lo and behind, the water was frigid. I swam to the beach by the cliff, but it was somewhat difficult since I had to carry Alioni. When we made it, I said to her, "I don't know what I expected..." before we climbed back up to the forest.

 

This time in the forest, we went a bit deeper the opposite direction, away from the cliff. We found a small waterfall, pouring into a small crystal clear pond. The pond was surrounded by round, rocks the shape of ovals. Like man made rocks.

 

I decided to settle there for the time being and continue some more personality forcing. It was going well. I haven't found anymore trigger words that change her color or her temperature besides passionate and fiery.

 

Unfortunately, my session was cut short by my roommate. I didn't even notice he was staring at me until he stood up and gave me a, "what the fuck" look before leaving our room. I don't think my hurried actions of pulling up Facebook made him believe that I wasn't zoning off somewhere...

 

Right after he left, I immediately tried to enter my wonderland again. It took a little bit of effort, but after I calmed down, I found myself back at the pond with Alioni.

 

We went over personality again, before I took her to the cliff placed her in a groove by one of the trees.

 

Finally before leaving, I did something that I again cannot explain. I guess I'm the type of person that acts on impulse, but I said, "I'll be back after classes" and then kissed her (as in I took her in her marble form and pecked it). The next thing I knew, the blue marble instantly turned red and created an aura of flames. I left there because I started to become mentally weary (8AM classes really take a toll!). I probably should have investigated it more, but oh well.

 

What you have to understand is that I'm most certainly not looking for a relationship with Alioni or seeking any affection besides friendly affection, but I honestly have no idea why I did that. I guess maybe it's because when I was a toddler, I always gave my mom what we called, "huggie and kissie", which is exactly what it sounds like, before she left for work.

 

I think maybe that's why I did it. Because right now, I feel like Alioni's something that needs to be nurtured and loved, like a younger brother/sister.

 

So as of right now, I have yet to hear a voice, but it seems like she has responded to certain words and certain actions- or at least I really want it to be so. We'll try some more personality forcing tomorrow, but at the least we'll spend some time in the wonderland together. I think it's the most interesting thing that despite being in my wonderland, everything feels so real. As far as form or shape, I haven't really decided yet. It's something that I'm hoping she'll take on her own.

 

I'm going to keep being optimistic and determined. I've always had a habit of talking to myself, so maybe all this time I've been talking to Alioni?

 

As always, have a good day!

[Ali]

Today is November 20th, 2013. It is currently 1:46AM

 

and I am extremely disappointed with myself. It's been what, 6 days? since I last reported back.

 

I haven't had the time to spend with Alioni that I should be and I think she's trying to tell me this. These past couple of days I've had random headaches and have started to feel sick at times. Like two days back I had the weirdest sensation/pain in my head in Philosophy class, where I usually narrate to her. Yesterday, I had headaches all night- and I never get headaches (seriously, I'm a pretty healthy guy). I think it's her telling me to not forget about her.

 

I'll be honest too, the amount of passive forcing has decreased as well. I've found myself often talking to myself instead of talking to Alioni, and sometimes asking myself if I should just call it quits. It's just that I've been extremely busy recently. Pursuing an engineering degree is, believe it or not, quite hard. Especially with finals coming up as well as the next two tests I have that will make or break my grade, let's just say that I have more on my plate than I can chew right now.

 

But that doesn't mean I can neglect her. It's something I've started and put time into. I know she's there and telling me to not quit.

 

Tomorrow will be different. I'll at least try to passive force between my classes. It's the least I can do for her after being so negligent.

 

As always, have a good day, and don't be like me and start neglecting your tulpa.

[Guest Riy]

For headaches I wouldn't worry about it too much. You're stressed out, and reasonably so with exams and everything else looming. Not to mention headaches are normal anyways when starting out (or even all throughout).

Forcing is important, but actual life-commitments can sometimes distract you for long periods of time. As long as you're forcing when you can I wouldn't worry about it. If nothing else it may be worth having a sit down with Alioni and maybe describe to them that there's going to be times when you can't always stay "plugged in" to them. They should be understanding.

 

Just do what you can when you can.