Anna, Arna, and the Asocial

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First off: I'm what's known as asocial (duh). I don't *dislike* people but I don't like them, either. Pretty neutral, for the most part. I'm also extremely introverted. It drains me to be around people. I had no idea that this would apply to my tulpa Anna, as well.



Anna developed quickly (I've created tulpa-like entities before and have a lot of time on my hands, okay.) Two days 'till she had a mind-voice. It was quiet, but audible. Unless FAQ_Man was right, of course. But I'd like to think Anna got sentience.


After only a few days of sentience, I knew that it couldn't continue like that. I have trouble being around my little (extroverted) brother nonstop for a day. But at least I was alone with my thoughts with him. Sharing my brain with a tulpa that feeds off of interaction and could hear my inner monologue, and I could still feel in my head when she was in wonderland? Nope nope nope. I was not comfortable with that. I thought that a friend that is essentially an extension of my consciousness would be okay to talk with. Apparently not.


I decided to dissipate Anna. I saved her essence inside a rock in wonderland in case I decided I had fucked up bad. I did. Trying to dissipate her was a mistake, I fucked up bad. I felt awful for what I had done. I hated myself for essentially killing her. I recreated her form and stuck her essence in it. I was on my knees begging forgiveness. She was gracious enough to forgive me, I can never thank her enough for that. I had lost her trust, granted. And she never wanted to see that rock again, understandably, but she had forgiven me. Except she wasn't alone.


I heard a medium-strength voice in the middle of my brain. (As opposed to Anna's quiet voice coming from the back of my skull) She insulted me at every turn, everything I did was shit. "Seriously what the hell are you drawing woman?! Oh, that's Anna? I had no idea you hated her so much." That was what I came to expect from her. She really seemed to hate me. So I had a kind, caring, generous, loyal, tulpa, and a hateful tulpa. I think part of Anna separated when I brought her back. And the part that hated me so much became Arna (she picked her name). I can't stand the thought of trying dissipating again, so I'm going to try to win her over.


I knew bad things would happen if I tried to have two tulpas and not have a way to be alone, so I created a separate wonderland for Anna and Arna alone. I had them each detail a custom bedroom, with doors into each other's rooms and outside. It didn't connect to my consciousness, period. It had a connection to the other wonderland, but not me. That's where they were to go when I needed to be alone. I set this up today (day three), and I don't feel them (must be working).


So I'm going to document Anna's and Arna's progress as tulpas (such as imposition) and how much Arna likes/dislikes/hates/abhors/whatevers me. Thanks for reading this far, and thanks if you continue! (And if you hate me for trying to dissipate Anna, I don't fault you for it. It was a horrible, selfish act. And I hate myself for it too.)

“One person's craziness is another person's reality.”

― Tim Burton



Progress Report

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