holye's Tulpa Journal

[hoyle]

Once again, I am going to have to change the format of my posts. Now that Sorrell's personality is much more concrete and his speech is getting better, he tends to just want to talk during active forcing sessions. So, there is no longer much difference before bed and in the morning. So, I will just combine the two sections into one post.

 

1/29/15:

Lately, I have been having some trouble with a friend of mine. During active forcing, my thoughts kept straying to her and Sorrell eventually said very clearly, "If you are going to worry so much about her, why don't you just talk to me about it?" It is one of the longest sentences Sorrell has said in his mindvoice yet. I was very happy. I told Sorrell that I was sorry and I talked about my problems with him. He actually gave me a few ideas on how I could work out my issues with her. Sorrell then said, "How about you always come to me with problems? That way, you won't be so anxious all the time." Sorrell is very caring and I love that about him.

 

1/30/15:

Today, I have not been able to active force. I have a massive headache and it is very distracting. I have been trying to passive force, but the headache is actually distracting me from that too. I apologized to Sorrell and told him I would try again tomorrow.

 

TL;DR: Sorrell personality is much more concrete. He is now able to speak in longer sentences, although these sentences are still few and far between. He has told me that he wants to be a friend I go to to talk out my issues.

[hoyle]

1/31/15:

Still had that headache...but I did manage to do some passive forcing. Just basically talked with Sorrell and complained about the headache.

 

2/1/15:

Luckily, I did not have the headache today and I was able to active force. Sorrell refused to explore the mindspace, but I felt like doing so. I created a few new places just for myself:

 

-a train car that goes nowhere, but is constantly moving

-a jungle gym sort of space, like the kind they have at Chuck-E-Cheese. (I kind of wish there was a thing like that for adults.)

-a grassy meadow, next to a babbling brook (All of the fun of laying the grass without the ticks!)

 

None of these spaces are really connected to our main mindspace, but they are nice places. I offered to show them to Sorrell, but he is still uncomfortable with exploring. I don't want to push him, but he has just been remaining in the Sun room all this time. He paints mostly. I'm kind of worried about him. He wants to be a friend that I can go to with issues, so I want to be the same for him. I think my best course of action at this point is to continue to support him and care for him.

 

TL;DR: Sorrell is still refusing to do any exploring. I am not pushing him to do so, but I am becoming worried about him.

[hoyle]

I apologize for not updating for awhile. School got really busy all of the sudden. I might not be able to post everyday anymore, but I will try my best to post more often.

 

2/2/15 - 2/8/15

Sorrell is very adamant about not exploring the mindspace. Really all we have been doing for the past week is talking. He and I have had some actual conversations which is very nice. He also sometimes just chimes in during my everyday life which is pretty cool. He says that he now thinks he will be able to accurately talk to you guys, so I will denote his speech by putting it between two tildes.

 

~Hey, how's going?~

 

So, yeah! It's still a little difficult for him to communicate large words vocally, but we are working on it. Sorrell also does not want to try possession anytime soon and I am very happy about that. I kind of have this fear of not being able to control my own actions and Sorrell is respecting that, which is nice.

 

TL;DR: Sorrell's really active now in terms of conversation and he is willing to talk to you guys here in the progress report, using tildes. ~Is it tildes or tildi?~