Understandable's Log

[Understandable]

Current Status

 

Tulpa name: Heather

Tulpa form: Rabbit (female)

Tulpa stage: No identifiable communication

Tulpa creation date: 05/17/15

 

Links to Log Entries

 

• Day 1 - 05/17/15 (this post)
  
• Day 2 - 05/18/15
  
• Day 3 - 05/19/15
  
• Day 4 - 05/20/15
  
• Day 5 - 05/21/15
  

 

Introduction

 

Hiya guys,

 

I'm an Engineering student who's quite interested in Jungian psychology. I recently discovered this whole "Tulpa" thing and have spent a long time researching it. Especially interesting are the connections between this community's view of a tulpa and Jung's views on the subconscious.

 

I decided to create a tulpa for companionship, to hone my imagination, and to better understand how the mind works in a practical sense.

 

Day 0 - Preamble

 

Like many people, I like to have things as quickly as possible. One thing I've discovered that slows tulpa creation down are conscious or subconscious beliefs that clash with a tulpa's autonomy. i.e. If you think tulpas can't interact with you, they never will. This is mostly the reason I'm creating this blog, so that people with more experience than me can tell me whether or not I'm on the right track.

 

I've always liked the concept of having an imaginary friend, especially a sentient, autonomous one. I've enjoy the idea of imagining a creature and make-believing to interact with it. I can faintly impose items on the real world with my mind's eye, but I'm no expert. I have a strong internal monologue and my thoughts are often directed inwards. I hope that these characteristics will make it easier for me to create a tulpa.

 

Day 1 - 05/17/15

 

I was reading about Daemons and I visualised a large mouse running around my desk, then climbing up my arm and onto my shoulder. I think you call that "visual puppeting"? Several times in the day I continued to visualise this creature in the corner of my eye or hopping along beside me as I walked. It was exhausting.

 

In the evening I visualised this creature on my shoulder while I studied, and explained some of the concepts outloud to it. Feeling slightly sentimental and eager to dive into the deep end as soon as possible, I talked to it about some of the music I liked and we listened to some of it while I worked. It started to feel, ever so slightly, like I was actually sharing my music with a friend.

 

(Please tell me what other internet forum is there where I can say that and not be called a lunatic? ;))

 

I thought further about the characteristics of my tulpa. I decided it was a "she" and that she was "dreamy, a good listener, insightful, personable, deep, guiding, and intellectual". I called on my knowledge of Myres-Briggs typology and decided she was an INFP.

 

My type in the Myers-Briggs system is INTP and so we will be somewhat similar in the order that we process information about the world, but have very different criteria that we use to judge it. I decided not to give her an Enneagram since I don't know the system well enough and I thought that perhaps she would choose her own personality.

 

As part of the "Greeting Stage" of Methos' creation guide, I went to bed but stayed awake for 30 minutes with my eyes closed. I tried to come up with a name for my tulpa, and settled on "Heather." In my sleepy-dreamlike state, I discovered my brain associates that name much more strongly with a rabbit than a mouse, so that's the form Heather has now. I repeatedly told her out loud about her personality traits and about the functional stack of an INFP.

 

In the morning, I lay in bed for half an hour right after I woke up in order to retain some of that dreamlike mentality. I tried coming up with a Wonderland, and visualised Heather in the Wonderland doing things with me. I talked to her in my head about some stuff I've now completely forgotten.

 

Day 1 accomplished.

 

My Mentality

 

I want to here describe my tulpa philosophy so that people can see anything that I believe about tulpas that could potentially hinder Heather's growth. Please do tell me if you think I'm doing something wrong here. None of this is original. It's a mish-mash of different views from different guides.

 

I see tulpas as "black boxes". They are mental entities controlled by the subconscious. A host cannot immediately see into his tulpa's mind for the same reason he cannot immediately see into his own subconscious. A tulpa's mind is a part of it's host's mind, but the workings are hidden in the subconscious.

 

Tulpa creation works because one consistently treats the world as if one's tulpa exists. Eventually the subconscious starts building a mental construct in order to bring reality to the thing one has been imagining. Just like a placebo, if you believe it's real, your subconscious is more than happy to make it real.

 

You know how sometimes you have an automatic sense of what someone expects of you? Or even sometimes know how someone will behave or what they'll say just by intuition? You often don't have to consciously think through this stuff, you just know. I reckon that this is your subconscious's mental model of a person, a hidden machine in your mind working to take data about a person and generate answers about their behaviour. We use such a mental machine to generate a tulpa.

 

tl;dr Made a tulpa. Tell me if I'm doing it wrong.

 

Day 2 - 05/18/15

 

I continued passive visual imposition throughout much of the day, also speaking in my head to Hether. I attempted to direct some of my emotions at her during some of my classes, which mostly just reminded me how bad I am at manipulating myself into feeling something.

 

I noticed that I was starting to imagine Heather as a different form: cartoonish, fluffy, and suspiciously Pokemon-esque. Google revealed it was an Evee (how original!), which surprised me since it's been two years since I've even come across a picture of an Evee, and that was quite briefly. I never really got into Pokemon (please don't hurt me!) but I always appreciated how in depth it was. It's weird what your brain decides to remember.

 

I also noticed that I started visualising my tulpa as a mouse during the evening of day 1 as a separate tulpa to the rabbit I am now visualising. I practiced in my mind's eye seeing them meld together into one tulpa in an attempt to tell my subconscious that they were supposed to be the same thing.

 

Half an hour went into active tulpaforcing today. I imagined Heather's rabbit form as closely as I could. I made movements with my hands as if I was stroking her. She was mostly quite vague in my mind's eye, until about 2/3 of the way through when she jumped in clarity. The stroking really helped. Unfortunately, her more vivid form did not stay for long. Practice makes perfect, I suppose.

[Understandable]

Day 3 - 05/19/15

 

I read several more guides today.

 

Continued to passive force for much of the day. Listened to a bunch of music with her. Personality forced for around thirty minutes.

 

I'm currently unsure how much to continue personality forcing, because I don't want to force Heather to have some characteristic that she doesn't want.

 

Continued to speak to Heather aloud in the evening.

 

I occasionally get a certain excited, uptight feeling when thinking about Heather. I'm hoping that she's in the very early stages of communicating, though the more likely explanation is that it's just me.

 

In an attempt to get better at visualisation, I searched through pictures of cute rabbits. I wanted a picture of a rabbit sitting on someone's shoulders, so I searched rabbit shoulder. ...Not what I had in mind. I hope Heather's not scarred for life or anything. xD

[Understandable]

Day 4 - 05/20/15

 

Lots more passive forcing with plenty of narration.

 

Listened to some music with Heather.

 

I decided to try giving Heather a smell to help with forcing. That of Arnott's Iced VoVos in particular. (I'm showing my Australian-ness now.) I sat at a bench sniffing the biscuits while forcing her with my eyes closed. Thankfully no one came up and asked me what I was doing, because I don't think I could've come up with a good excuse.

 

Tried visual wonderland forcing for 30 minutes in the evening and fell asleep before being awoken by my alarm.

 

Heather is slowly becoming more real to me as I progress, but it's a little discouraging putting so much effort into something with no immediate results. I have to keep reminding myself that it takes some people months before they see any results.

 

My Mentality

 

I was reading more about switching the other day, and I'm starting to wonder if the consciousness that I consider "me" is actually me, or one of several personality "windows" that offers a view of the real me. Perhaps every tulpa, with it's own personality, is just another window that reveals what you look like on the inside from a different angle. You are merely two different windows installed in the same house. That is, a tulpa is just as much "you" as your main consciousness. You and your tulpa provide two different views into the same being.

 

From an ethical standpoint, we could say that you (and your tulpa) must take the blame for everything your tulpa does (and vice versa), since, underneath, you are both the same being.

 

It kind of comes into the question, "If someone has multiple split personalities, is each personality to be held accountable for the actions of the others?" I would suggest yes.

[Understandable]

Day 5 - 05/21/15

 

A little less passive forcing than on previous days. Felt a bit discouraged.

 

Watched YouTube videos of rabbits doing stuff to try to get better at visualising.

 

I've changed Heather's form from having grey with white speckles on her chest and black fur at the tips of her ears to... all black. I think my imagination might be getting progressively worse over time. That, or I subconsciously think black animals are cool.

 

I'm starting to habitually imagine her next to me when I'm doing other things, without having to think too hard about it.

 

Actively forced for roughly 35 minutes with 10-15 minutes being really wishy-washy, sentimental conversation about how well our personalities work together. The cold, robotic part of my brain seems happier to switch off in the evenings.

 

I felt a tingling in one of my ears as I was talking to her, and then both of them at once. I attempted to see if she could trigger the tingling feeling when prompted, thinking that we could use it to communicate. It didn't work out.