Delther's Progress Report

[Delther]

Day One

 

Indulging time in a tulpa seems silly to me at first glance. There's very little research done revolving the phenomenon, online communities appear mismatched or gangly, and general advice ranges from precision guides to broad strokes faith-based suggestions; no two of which ever align in tone or scope, save for an agreement on certain definitions and terms.

This was, and still is, the reality of the state concerning tulpas that I've been able to glean in the past few days before joining this site. Any new concept or idea must pass through filters before being legitimately considered or otherwise accepted by me as having merit. There's certainly no lack of people's personal experiences to keep in mind and the general opinion of people working with their tulpa seems to be predominately a positive one.

 

Hence, my interest has been piqued longer than I expected it to be. There is only so much of a personal opinion that someone can form before they need differing views. No matter how skeptical I, or anyone else, might be. If the typical result from working with a tulpa has a positive effect then there is some credit to the idea.

I've kept a formal tone to this point so that I may express myself in an objectively focused and logical way. It's possible to overthink an idea such as this which is why I'll suspend my rigorous skepticism from this point on. A tulpa, in any form and for whatever function, I think can be a valuable tool for me and my lifestyle and if I pursue the concept in a way that fits my needs then that would be enough for me to support the notion based on merit alone.

 

Anyways, I find myself struggling with what sort of person I really am. I won't mince words or hide behind rationale; I can be a gigantic prick when it comes to personal gain while other times I grow tired enough to retreat backwards and behave humbly. I morally bow to no religious creed, follow no sports, watch few T.V shows, cannot maintain relationships past their spark, and generally lead a fairly unfulfilled life. I'm numb when I type the words because I cannot deny the truth of them. There's a saying concerning feelings, fortresses, and loneliness which is what brought me to this community in the first place.

 

I write this not to gripe, but to give background and reasoning to why I decided to pursue this.

I'm Delther. This is the day I decide to create a thoughtform.

[Delther]

Day 5

 

After reviewing the guides available I've decided to not create any sort of wonderland. I won't deny the usefulness of them or try to detract anything from those that use them. The idea of one too closely flirts with the notion that a tulpa is a form of escape; as if they're useful only when the real world becomes too stressful or weary for the individual to deal with. My first thought about it anyways was that it would bee too tiring to not only keep up with a tulpa but also with maintaining a wonderland that's equally capable of deviation.

 

If you created and maintain a wonderland, have you found it to be beneficial or detrimental to your tulpas' development?

 

I've perused the other ever-updating reports and noted how drastically different people's individual experiences have been. I'll admit I'm a bit offset with the thought that I may think too much on the subject to ever fully give myself over to it. It's as if I'm watching a play and I can't help but feel the need to shout out that the antagonist is in clear view of the other actors without ever being able to just accept that there's some things I'll simply have to let go of.

 

With this all in mind I've had to chew on the idea that the best thing for me and my process would be a servitor. There's quite a lot of controversy and discussion on how a host-servitor relationship best works. Not to mention a lot of resistance to people with highly advanced tulpas thinking that a servitor is typically mistreated or not allowed to evolve to its full potential. These negative thoughts on the matter I think are exacerbated by western ideas of slaves. Even the name "servitor" seems synonymous with "ill treatment" or "injustice" done to the thoughtform. Others still might think it's a person's way of compensating for their own personal delusions of grandeur. A kind of way of commanding something or forcing something to beck at their call since they have little control of their own lives.

 

I'll be very clear. From all research and accounts I've read there's no reason other than others' feelings on the matter that have given me any reason to believe that a servitor would not be as useful to me as some sentient tulpa that someone else carries. I do not berate my hand when it incorrectly draws a stick figure, or scold my gums when a piece of chip gets stuck in them. Every tulpa shares the same neocortex as its host. Regardless of how sentient or free it may seem it still uses a hosts neural pathways to create the illusion of form and speech. Just as I would not ill treat my body so too would I not ill treat my thoughts. Even if from a servitor.

 

I felt the need to elaborate so that my reasoning can be known without the knee jerk reaction of someone judging me based solely on my goal of a servitor. With this in mind, and without any kind of malicious reservation, I plan on setting time away to work on traits and brainstorm ideas on personality.