Sunset: A Tulpa Record

[Evening]

~8th September 2015~

 

I'm back, did you miss me? (lol of course you did who are we kidding?) I have recovered from the oh so terrible cold that was preventing me from making any connection to Dark beyond an occasional one word response and we're back to forcing. Well mostly just talking since it's been five days since we had a proper conversation. Although most our conversations still tend to be short and abrupt but hey, that's the way they always were!

 

Onto something interesting that actually happened today, I was playing a video game (Guild Wars 2) by myself just completing quests, nothing special and I guess at some point I started to ramble to myself inside my head. I don't really remember what was being said but it was something like 'Eve remember to heal, you always do this Eve, quickly hit the button, nope too late.' when suddenly I thought 'Since when have I called myself by my name whilst thinking?' Instantly the inner monologue stopped. I tried to remember exactly what had been said but failed to remember most of it. I think it could have been Dark, the evidence points in that direction. Furthermore sometime in July I told Dark that if he ever needed to get my attention to address me by my name since I don't have think to myself using my name and will be able to identify the thought as his. This makes me almost 100% sure that Dark was the one talking to me today not me. I did ask Dark if it was him but he was very quiet after I became aware of the monologue.

 

So... accomplishment? It's the first time Dark has ever actually talked to me without me passive or active forcing him first. It didn't sound like Dark but his mindvoice is fairly weak and without me helping him to speak maybe it just sounded different. Or he could have changed his voice because he felt like it, I don't know. We haven't done much else other than that but I'll be sure to get back on track with my forcing sessions now that I'm better.

 

Accomplishments

- Dark spoke to me without passive/active forcing him.

 

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[Evening]

~21st September 2015~

 

Sorry I haven't been updating lately, we haven't really made much progress it's just been the same kind of thing every day but today there was some more progress. If you can call it that. After a wonderland session Dark and I decided to try practicing possession again. I let Dark take control of my hand although he's never actually made it move while 'controlling' it it's more of just getting the general feel for giving the control of my body to someone else. Today was different though. Dark had been controlling my hand for about thirty seconds when it started to hurt, like really hurt. In my wonderland I practically shoved Dark away from the control panel which was my first reflex at the time, in retrospect it might not have been such a good idea, and quickly regained control of my hand. After I shook it a bit the pain stopped.

 

I don't believe that Dark was actively trying to hurt me as Tulpa's aren't naturally inclined to be malicious but I do believe it was Dark who caused the pain. I was unable to communicate with Dark after the incident although I could feel Dark's guilt so I knew he must be feeling pretty bad about it. I went back into my wonderland to go and find Dark to have a talk with him and after some discussion we decided that we'd try again from the beginning. So we start another possession session and I give Dark control of my hand again and then it starts to hurt again (this time it was more like fifteen seconds) I try to wait for a while to see if it'll pass but eventually it becomes too bad to keep going to regain control of my hand again. I wonder why we're encountering this problem now, what can we do to solve it? Practice is the only solution I can think of off the top of my head, so I'll give that a shot and maybe do some more research on possession.

 

Achievements

-Dark was able to affect my hand.

 

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[Evening]

~14th October~

 

I probably should have mentioned this before I went on holiday but I went on holiday to a nearby beach house for the last few weeks and they had no internet connection. This holiday did of course provide Dark and I with some more time to force together which we did but I feel like we're in some kind of a rut lately. Not much progress is really being made even though I'm forcing regularly. Hopefully it's just a temporary thing that we'll be able to overcome together. I really have no big news for this update other than that I'm back now. I have upcoming exams in a few weeks as well so I'm going to be busier than usual studying for them which could slow down my Tulpa progress even further.

 

Achievements

None :c

 

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